Wife wants to kick me out of US and also asked me to leave the apartment

[Selim Khan 0]

Dear Forum Members,

I am having a very difficult situation with my wife. I am married since january, 2011 and lived back in my home country for three months with my USC wife. After 3 months she moved back US and filed for me. I got an CR1 visa and came to USA in end of february this year (2012). Its been 3 months since then we are living together. From the very start of our marriage we had this argument on several topics which we haven't able to resolve. She accused my family being poor (its true offcourse) and as my family members are not adequate enough to her standard, she doesn't want to have any relationship with them(there were some incidents as well). I always tried to stand up for my parents and wanted to support my parents, brother and sister but she wouldn't let me do it.

Before the marriage she had demands of good marriage ceremony as well as ornaments which I did to make her happy and also to make her look good socially which is very common in our society (I wanted to look good infront of future relatives as well as wife for the sake of happiness!). Everything went on as planned except the part of our happiness after getting married. I was in huge debt and struggling. she never tried to gave me support instead she demanded money for his expenses in US. I worked hard day and night, continuously had 2 full time jobs for nearly an year until I came here in US.

The hard work never paid as during that period of time she always made fun of my parents as well as myself. I involved her family to resolve the issues which seemed to work initially and based on her family's assurance I came to US. First few days were good but things turned out very nasty when I asked to put my money in a joined account. Note that I worked over internet and send over all the money to paypal and then those are transferred to her bank account. It seemed she got her own agenda and never wanted to keep the money in a joint account. I transferred over more than 20K USD (Which I understand isn't lot) and before coming to US I begged her to send over, so I can repay my debt but she didn't care. She bought expensive furniture and whatever she likes. I requested her to keep the expense as low as possible until I get a job but she didn't care that either. After a 2 months argument she transferred only 5500 USD to my personal account. I requested to create a joint account or include us in each other accounts but she is only interested to keep herself in my account. Later, I managed to create a entirely new joint account where she never contribute.

The situation went even more worst when I started job in last month. Even though she is doing a job and earning a handsome amount but she don't want to take part in our household expenses. Her opinion is quite straight forward, "As I am the husband, I should cover all the expenses". I would gladly cover all the expenses but she wouldn't let me help my parents or anyone else even with the money I will have after covering all the household expense. I had a long dream to establish a non-profit to help the aged people who cann't help themselves but i cann't even step toward that. I make a moderate amount which can cover our expenses with some savings for the future.

Except the financial factors, in our personal life, we used to spend 3 types of time. first one is when we are in the job outside, second one is we are arguing and the third one is we aren't talking at all.

We known each other for long before our parents arranged this marriage. I never hided anything from her and stayed entirely honest. I came here for love but found none so far. Though I understood before marriage that she could be possessive and may be have high hopes but always I tried to keep it in bay and she knew every single details about my parents and families.

I started to reply back the way she does about my families (every family has their pros and cons) which isn't very good thing to do but it seems those were bumerung. She has been accusing me to batter her even though I have only touched to keep her in the apartment as the fights or arguments looks bad in front of neighbors. Last month she wanted to hand me over to police! I stepped to involve her family again and then she threatened me to call my parents and misbehave with them again. My parents are old and emotional and always stay worried for me, they may not survive this. The only things we can agree these days is dividing our path via a divorce. few days back she shouted and threatened again to kick me out of USA. Today she shouted and asked me to leave the apartment and go wherever I like, none of her business even though I pay the rents and utilities, everything!

I am sorry but perhaps I am rambling and not able to understand you guys what I am going through with this marriage. I am depressed and my work have been suffering a lot which may stand me on the verge of lose my job anytime. I do not know a lots of people where I can seek help for my scenario. Please suggest me what will be best for me in this situation. What I understood in hard way is, this marriage will never gonna make me happy but all I wanted is to be happy with her, I still do. I contacted a marriage counselor but she had no interest and turned me down.

Please let me know what should I do. If you don't understand anything or got questions please shoot, I will try my level best to answer them. I apologize for such long description and thanks a lot for your patience

[mimicoco 5]

I don't have many experience to help you, but i feel very sorry for what you are going through with your mariage.

just one thing, don't lose hope and stop depressing, there is no problems without solution and i'm sure the VJ family will help you with some good advices.

good luck!

[SarahZeeshan 0]

you should not stop hoping and try to maintain your marriage because the girl does not know breaking up will effect her life, may be she will know after sometimes, you can politely handle this matter with her INCASE SHE WANT TO.

Dear Forum Members,

I am having a very difficult situation with my wife. I am married since january, 2011 and lived back in my home country for three months with my USC wife. After 3 months she moved back US and filed for me. I got an CR1 visa and came to USA in end of february this year (2012). Its been 3 months since then we are living together. From the very start of our marriage we had this argument on several topics which we haven't able to resolve. She accused my family being poor (its true offcourse) and as my family members are not adequate enough to her standard, she doesn't want to have any relationship with them(there were some incidents as well). I always tried to stand up for my parents and wanted to support my parents, brother and sister but she wouldn't let me do it.

Before the marriage she had demands of good marriage ceremony as well as ornaments which I did to make her happy and also to make her look good socially which is very common in our society (I wanted to look good infront of future relatives as well as wife for the sake of happiness!). Everything went on as planned except the part of our happiness after getting married. I was in huge debt and struggling. she never tried to gave me support instead she demanded money for his expenses in US. I worked hard day and night, continuously had 2 full time jobs for nearly an year until I came here in US.

The hard work never paid as during that period of time she always made fun of my parents as well as myself. I involved her family to resolve the issues which seemed to work initially and based on her family's assurance I came to US. First few days were good but things turned out very nasty when I asked to put my money in a joined account. Note that I worked over internet and send over all the money to paypal and then those are transferred to her bank account. It seemed she got her own agenda and never wanted to keep the money in a joint account. I transferred over more than 20K USD (Which I understand isn't lot) and before coming to US I begged her to send over, so I can repay my debt but she didn't care. She bought expensive furniture and whatever she likes. I requested her to keep the expense as low as possible until I get a job but she didn't care that either. After a 2 months argument she transferred only 5500 USD to my personal account. I requested to create a joint account or include us in each other accounts but she is only interested to keep herself in my account. Later, I managed to create a entirely new joint account where she never contribute.

The situation went even more worst when I started job in last month. Even though she is doing a job and earning a handsome amount but she don't want to take part in our household expenses. Her opinion is quite straight forward, "As I am the husband, I should cover all the expenses". I would gladly cover all the expenses but she wouldn't let me help my parents or anyone else even with the money I will have after covering all the household expense. I had a long dream to establish a non-profit to help the aged people who cann't help themselves but i cann't even step toward that. I make a moderate amount which can cover our expenses with some savings for the future.

Except the financial factors, in our personal life, we used to spend 3 types of time. first one is when we are in the job outside, second one is we are arguing and the third one is we aren't talking at all.

We known each other for long before our parents arranged this marriage. I never hided anything from her and stayed entirely honest. I came here for love but found none so far. Though I understood before marriage that she could be possessive and may be have high hopes but always I tried to keep it in bay and she knew every single details about my parents and families.

I started to reply back the way she does about my families (every family has their pros and cons) which isn't very good thing to do but it seems those were bumerung. She has been accusing me to batter her even though I have only touched to keep her in the apartment as the fights or arguments looks bad in front of neighbors. Last month she wanted to hand me over to police! I stepped to involve her family again and then she threatened me to call my parents and misbehave with them again. My parents are old and emotional and always stay worried for me, they may not survive this. The only things we can agree these days is dividing our path via a divorce. few days back she shouted and threatened again to kick me out of USA. Today she shouted and asked me to leave the apartment and go wherever I like, none of her business even though I pay the rents and utilities, everything!

I am sorry but perhaps I am rambling and not able to understand you guys what I am going through with this marriage. I am depressed and my work have been suffering a lot which may stand me on the verge of lose my job anytime. I do not know a lots of people where I can seek help for my scenario. Please suggest me what will be best for me in this situation. What I understood in hard way is, this marriage will never gonna make me happy but all I wanted is to be happy with her, I still do. I contacted a marriage counselor but she had no interest and turned me down.

Please let me know what should I do. If you don't understand anything or got questions please shoot, I will try my level best to answer them. I apologize for such long description and thanks a lot for your patience

[Therik 0]

Dear Selim,

we feel sorry about all things happen in your marriage life..

for us..married is like triangle, when we put GOD in the highest point as a leader of our family and both of us are placed equally below on each side. so when we are in problem, the first thing we much search is GOD because HE is a center of our life..and for us, pray will change all situation even we feel that very hard to solved.

you are good husband Selim, so u are the only one can makes your marriage life changing..how?

first is pray for your wife n ask GOD to change her heart n makes her heart melt,ask GOD to remind her the moment when first time you both met n fall in love..i am sure when she fall in love with you first time she never think about who are u ( i mean all things you have)..she probably think about how precious you are for her life and also pray for her family,so they all will accept you just the way you are.

second is do the best as usually you do to responsible for your marriage life as a husband, do not depressed because GOD never give us depression life, all HE give to us is spirit of optimism for our life. so keep say for your self that your marriage life is to precious, you will never break your marriage life because GOD will give you the correct answer in the correct time.

third is understand her n love her just the way she is.even she have very much desire in her life, she still need you to love her just the way she is.if you want to correction her, do not judge her..pray first before you correction her n ask GOD to give you wisdom to talk to her n after that you correction her because you love her n you also accept n hear what she complaint about your life,so u both can forgive each other.

third things above is easy when you search GOD n ask GOD about all things happen in your life, but please..do not use your strength as a man because you will failed. if GOD change me as a wife to love my husband with all my heart n accept him just the way he is, i am sure your wife will change too when you put her in your prayer life. we will support you in our prayer, do not give up!

[Selim Khan 0]

Thanks a lot guys for your reply. The thing is my prayer never answered and I think I lost any belief. I start my day early before 6:30. prepare myself for the office and start my office usually at 8:00. I came back after 17:30 and cook for both of us. After finishing our meal, I used to do household stuffs and then if i get time, I study online then go to bed at around 23:00. Just now I am at office, she dropped me off. we had argument as usual and she said, she is not going to drop me off from tomorrow, I will have to manage myself a ride! and all those shits she used to say about how I am and what my family is. I didn't able to resist myself and shouted and she threatened to call the police again! Also, she let me know that she is going to call my parents today. what can be worst than this. She is asking me to leave US immediately as if she owns this country! what options do I have in this circumstances?

[Peter_Pan 661]

You mean an arrange marriage failed?

[Sandra G. 5,016]

First of all you got married with a selfish person and this kind the woman won' t be never happy with you or anybody else cause she can't see anyone besides herself. LIFE is too short to spend it in poor relationship. You deserve better. Second she can't decide that you have to go back to your country. It's better if you call your parents explain whats going on and tell them not to answer her phone calls anymore.Gather all proof you got married in bonafide,leave your house and find a place to stay , man she will call the cops for you with false allegations such domestic violence.Leave the house before she screw up your life for real.Probably she will harass you or threat you then if this happen get a restraining order against her go to the bank and put some hold in your joint account before she take away all the money. Probably she will divorce you and after the divorce you can file the I-751 waiver.It's very clear she never loved you then accept it and move on.Peace

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Leave, take with you records to show that you payed bills and such to show a marriage in good faith. If you choose to stay there is nothing she can do to kick you out, she isn't in control there. What she does is abuse. A huge difference in income is not a reason to treat someone like this.

[Selim Khan 0]

First of all you got married with a selfish person and this kind the woman won' t be never happy with you or anybody else cause she can't see anyone besides herself. LIFE is too short to spend it in poor relationship. You deserve better. Second she can't decide that you have to go back to your country. It's better if you call your parents explain whats going on and tell them not to answer her phone calls anymore.Gather all proof you got married in bonafide,leave your house and find a place to stay , man she will call the cops for you with false allegations such domestic violence.Leave the house before she screw up your life for real.Probably she will harass you or threat you then if this happen get a restraining order against her go to the bank and put some hold in your joint account before she take away all the money. Probably she will divorce you and after the divorce you can file the I-751 waiver.It's very clear she never loved you then accept it and move on.Peace

Thanks for your reply. I already called my parents and explained the details. Unfortunately if I leave the house, she had nowhere else to go which is the reason I have to stay. Whatever she can do I cann't, it will make me the same and I really love her for real. I also called her parents and had a brief conversation. As always they requested me to understand and also said, their daughter had a black fever when she was young and they lost hope for her survival but eventually she did. That black fever made significant character change in her and her arrogance, pride and dark color (she is not that dark, I believed and do always, she is the pretiest girl I will ever have) are the side effects.

We only spent 3 months together here in US and I am not sure what kind of evidence will be enough to prove the relationship bona-fide. I have marriage ceremony's pictures, my life insurance through my employer where she is the primary beneficiary, Lease documents of apartment which shows me as a tenant(not joined lease), some shopping reciepts may be and the joint account and also few picture we took after I came to US. Would that be enough ? Please let me know. Thanks again.

[Selim Khan 0]

Leave, take with you records to show that you payed bills and such to show a marriage in good faith. If you choose to stay there is nothing she can do to kick you out, she isn't in control there. What she does is abuse. A huge difference in income is not a reason to treat someone like this.

Actually I make more than her, a lot more than her. The utilities, cables and cell phones all of these on her names, though I paid the bills, some using the joint account, some from my personal account as well as some of the bills are from her account from the money I transffered before I came to US. I am not sure those will be counted. Thanks

You mean an arrange marriage failed?

I am sorry but it hasn't failed yet. I still have some hope left thats why I haven't left the house yet. Based on the circumstances I explained, it seems it might fail and the posibility is substantial

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

Mr. Khan, you need to understand two things, immigration and what you considered acceptable for your culture are two different things.

1. You have a 2 years green card, your wife cannot make you leave the USA. The only thing that will cause you great harm would be if any phycial altercations weres involved in any of these disagreements.

2. The culture envivornment that you and your wife are embedded in has no bearings on immigration. As been mentioned, your wife is acting in an abusive manner, if you accept it now you will be accepting it forever. It's your choose.

[Selim Khan 0]

Mr. Khan, you need to understand two things, immigration and what you considered acceptable for your culture are two different things.

1. You have a 2 years green card, your wife cannot make you leave the USA. The only thing that will cause you great harm would be if any phycial altercations weres involved in any of these disagreements.

2. The culture envivornment that you and your wife are embedded in has no bearings on immigration. As been mentioned, your wife is acting in an abusive manner, if you accept it now you will be accepting it forever. It's your choose.

Appreciate your reply. here is the answer:

1. There is none unless she accuse me based on lies. As I mentioned sometimes I tried to keep her inside the apartment only because shouting or arguing infront of others looks bad. In that process I may sometimes hold her hands, may be a bit hardly than usual softness which she accuse me to batter her. On the contrary she threw me stuffs like shampoo bottles. Another time she hitted me with her knees which made my jaw almost collapes and I felt the pain for weeks after that

2. I understand that the cultural difference have nothing to do with immigration and I am enlightened enough to understand that I have been abused financialy as well as psychologically. Physically! yes but I don't have any evidence, neither for psycological. Certainly I do not want to accept it for rest of my life

[Sandra G. 5,016]

I believe love is a thing shared by two. You love her,but I am convinced she doesnt love you. Does she love you,what do you think?. Regarding the black fever forget about it, it's a bs excuse her parents gave you believe .Don't worry where she will live,don't be sorry for her,focus in protecting yourself otherwise in few weeks you will post a new thread here saying "my wife put me in jail for 03 days", I saw here in the visa journey at least three posts from guys that spent some days in jail due false alegations. Take care of yourself man. Dont try to find love let love find you. Good luck.

[Selim Khan 0]

I believe love is a thing shared by two. You love her,but I am convinced she doesnt love you. Does she love you,what do you think?. Regarding the black fever forget about it, it's a bs excuse her parents gave you believe .Don't worry where she will live,don't be sorry for her,focus in protecting yourself otherwise in few weeks you will post a new thread here saying "my wife put me in jail for 03 days", I saw here in the visa journey at least three posts from guys that spent some days in jail due false alegations. Take care of yourself man. Dont try to find love let love find you. Good luck.

Thanks for your reply man. i share the same view of love as you do. I am really confused if she loved me at all. However, she packs my food everyday so I can eat lunch at office, also she drops me at office as I do not have driving license or my own car yet and picks me after my office. I am sorry perhaps I am disrespecting love with reasoning myself.

[aaydrian 479]

If your situation is as bad as I'm thinking and you don't distance yourself from your wife (at least until she gets professional help & there is a meeting of the minds between you both as to how things will proceed hence forth) then you're going suffer badly emotionally, physically, financially, socially and have a number of run ins with the law.