Feeling of Solitude in a K-1 Engagement

[Scafidi454 22]

So, as many of us here probably are in, or have been in long distance engagements, sometimes I just feel like I'm completely alone. Is this feeling normal? How to cope or manage these feelings? I work full time, and I'm at school full time. I spend some time with my family, but every night I am usually alone. I don't have much of a social life right now, which would probably help, but I still have this feeling of solitary confinement when I come home...

[Austramerican 83]

I know how you feel...my only advice is to try and find something to work on with your partner, like a project you can get excited about and work on together, then you can look forward to talking about it <3 It is hard...to sleep alone and just not have them there, but hang in there

[Heather&Paul 7]

Believe me, you are not alone! I have gone through and am going through the same thing. There are days where I can't wait to get home and Skype him, it is literally the best part of my day. I am at university and even the constant classes and studying can't keep me from feeling lonely. And I know what you mean about a social life; I lived in Ireland for a year and came back this past May. It can be hard to renew all of the old social ties, especially when I was so happy with the ones that I had over there.

For me, visa journey really helped a lot. There are a couple of people that I met on here that are going through the same thing I am and it was nice to just talk to someone about what is going on. The average person really doesn't understand what we are going through. A lot of Americans think that you can just marry a foreigner and they become a citizen. NOT! lol. So when you start talking about all the hoops you need to go through and all the jargon a lot of them get a glazed look in there eyes like they have no idea what you just said.

Just know that you are not alone. The NOA2 wait is the hardest, because it honestly feels like it will never happen. Just know that your day will too come and after the NOA2 (for me) everything else is going along so much faster. I was approved November 14th and my file is already at the consulate. Keep looking on the bright side.

Keep your chin up.

[Scafidi454 22]

Besides that, this will be my first, and hopefully my last, marriage. However, many people I've talked to recently (at work) have suggested that "marriage is overrated", "people change as soon as you're married", "feelings and love don't last", etc. For the most part, I believe them, because I haven't had any real example of a stable relationship in my life. However, could these people just be bitter in their current or previous marriages? Who knows...

[Scafidi454 22]

It's been since 9/22 and my file hasn't even been touched...

[knocked up 1]

Yes. Sometimes horribly so, and worse when his internet is spotty and i've been dying to connect. I have a lot of friends and family too but it's completely different what i get/need from talking to him, especially when i've had a bad day and need support. Sunday nights seem to be the worst for me.

You are not the only one!

The idea about projects - other than mountains of paperwork and forms - is a good one. I have the whole baby thing going on so i think i might start making him new-dad packages and gifts to send, stuff like that.

Or i could just hang out on forums all night...

[princessmiaa 0]

:yes: Scafidi454,

I just recently came back from a two week visit with my fiance and each time we are together, it has gotten harder on both of us to be apart.What this community does for me is keep me excited about our future together and how we will be together forever, this is but a moment in time that will pass. The lonely nights are hard but as long as I hear his voice everyday before I go to bed, I feel his presence and sleep peacefully. I am going back to visit him for my Birthday and maybe I will stay a month. This process will not stop what you feel for each other and don't listen to other people because misery as you know loves company and you love who you love so trust in yourself and what you feel.

[Brit Abroad 166]

This is the period that you will look back on and think "I wish I'd made more of the opportunity I had while I was still at home" once you get to the States.

Seriously, spend as much time with family and friends as you possibly can. You are leaving your homeland to live in America, potentially for the rest of your life. Build your memories, take photos, laugh, love, hug and cry while you still have the chance. You will certainly miss your loved ones and many familiar places and sights from home. Trust me. The first year in America is likely to be filled with sadness at how much you've lost, as much as happiness at what you've gained.

Missing your fiance is normal. Looking forward to a future with him is normal. Please don't forget to live your current life while you're waiting for the new one to start.

Also, you might want to start thinking about what you'll need once you arrive here in America. Perhaps ask your bank to build a financial portfolio showing your credit history (that may help establish your credit history here), all your academic/professional qualification paperwork, all your birth records, immunisation records, school history records, references from employers .. anything that may aid you in building status here. Look into getting a joint credit card with your fiance to start establishing credit, if his bank is agreeable. Take copies of all your paperwork.

Sort out your possessions at home. If there are items that you associate with others that you aren't bringing with you, make gifts of them to loved ones.

There are many things you can do to fill that time, that may make you feel less lonely. Your fiance shouldn't be the only significant person in your life, so hold on to those precious family and friends you have now.

Best of luck in your process.

[Scafidi454 22]

Yet I have all of these women replying. I know we all have these feelings sometimes, even us men. I just talked with Nastya, she says that I should just go to sleep and I'll feel better in the morning - So true

This is the period that you will look back on and think "I wish I'd made more of the opportunity I had while I was still at home" once you get to the States.

Seriously, spend as much time with family and friends as you possibly can. You are leaving your homeland to live in America, potentially for the rest of your life. Build your memories, take photos, laugh, love, hug and cry while you still have the chance. You will certainly miss your loved ones and many familiar places and sights from home. Trust me. The first year in America is likely to be filled with sadness at how much you've lost, as much as happiness at what you've gained.

Missing your fiance is normal. Looking forward to a future with him is normal. Please don't forget to live your current life while you're waiting for the new one to start.

Also, you might want to start thinking about what you'll need once you arrive here in America. Perhaps ask your bank to build a financial portfolio showing your credit history (that may help establish your credit history here), all your academic/professional qualification paperwork, all your birth records, immunisation records, school history records, references from employers .. anything that may aid you in building status here. Look into getting a joint credit card with your fiance to start establishing credit, if his bank is agreeable. Take copies of all your paperwork.

Sort out your possessions at home. If there are items that you associate with others that you aren't bringing with you, make gifts of them to loved ones.

There are many things you can do to fill that time, that may make you feel less lonely. Your fiance shouldn't be the only significant person in your life, so hold on to those precious family and friends you have now.

Best of luck in your process.

I am the petitioner (male) waiting for my fiance, Anastasia, who will be leaving her friends and family.

[knocked up 1]

Yet I have all of these women replying. I know we all have these feelings sometimes, even us men. I just talked with Nastya, she says that I should just go to sleep and I'll feel better in the morning - So true

I am the petitioner (male) waiting for my fiance, Anastasia, who will be leaving her friends and family.

Hahahaha. Well, we're more empathetic perhaps

Glad you got to talk to her... that always does the trick for me!

And yeah, my man gets down too, upset that he's missing out on the pregnancy... He was traveling around Europe over the summer for work, and was getting even more emotional when he didn't have his support network OR me around.

Totally normal.

Edited December 5, 2011 by knocked up

[Girl from Celebes 588]

I know that kind feeling. I am the beneficiary here and my fiance sometimes tell me that he'd wished just fly me out there without any kind of these process, which is completely impossible - I know he just wanted to sounding his feeling he can't be better off without me-.

But we have small "ritual" to do since we are both busy with our schedule. We are Skype-ing after back to work, talk a bit about anything from news until private matters, sleep and I woke him up go to work since he has 3 hours earlier than mine. I called him back at lunch, talking anything, and doing my work again.

We are do believe that communication is key of strong and steady relationship. We are feel alone sometimes but we prefer focus what will do in the future and NOT HURRY to be together in short time but regret later on.

Edited December 5, 2011 by Girl from Celebes

[at long last 58]

Well I don't work and my days can be very long and very lonely. We are never further away than VJ. We actually sleep with SKYPE on so we can hear each other breathing (and even the snoring helps me to sleep) crazy but true. We have been waiting for our NOA2 for 7 1/2 months and I live in Canada. I have used up all my days allowed across the border and he works many hours at the hospital. Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months... but we are still planning for THAT moment when our "forever together) can begin.

Drop us a message any time... many of us are here feeling as you do.

Terri

[reymets10 5]

I am also the male and the petitioner. I feel as you do. I read VJ a lot to be prepared every step of the way. I would read through many parts just to read others experiences. Trying to be as prepared as I possibly good kept me insane. Now, since the interview is over, the thought of going back and getting her at the end of this month is keeping me sane. Everyone finds their own thing, but we can all relate.

[J&D NY 1]

I know how you feel...

I feel alone too, sometimes it's so difficult, particularly on sunday (I hate this day). I've a full time job so i'm busy during the week but when arrives the night and the week-end, to have free time without him is very sad.

Also, it's difficult to speak with others people because they don't understand what you mean by NOA and other steps of the process. They believe it's a simple and fast process but no, it's a big challenge for a couple.

Just be brave and strong, you're not alone. Try to keep busy as much as you can with family and personal projects.

If it can help you, I tick each passing day on my calendar, until i'll meet him again (I know i'm a crazy girl but i'm sure, i'm not the only one)

Have faith

[Jack&Ana 1]

...We actually sleep with SKYPE on so we can hear each other breathing (and even the snoring helps me to sleep) crazy but true.

hehe, we do this too!

We can all relate in a way or another. Jack and I spend every minute of our spare time videochatting with Gtalk (I find it has a better call quality than Skype), with that, your social life can dwindle faily quickly.

Try and make a point to spend time with your friends and family, it's hard but not impossible. In our case we end up sending "wish you were here" text messages and all I want is to go back home and hang out with him.

Still, it's very important to see your loved ones because once the AOS process starts, who knows when will you be able to be with them.

The impatience you build up by wanting to start your life with your partner is normal but don't let it get to you. The last thing you both need is stressing over being apart and put a strain on the relationship. The fact that we have LDR has made us extremely creative people when dealing with things. I feel that, as strange as this may seem, Jack and I have acquired a tool set to deal with anything life will throw at us in the future and it's an encouraging thought

I can't wait for my next visit though, nothing beats having morning coffee sitting by his side and I'm looking forward to do this for the rest of my life <3.

I wish you the very best and hang in there!