Did you meet any new friends in the US?

[hockeygal 0]

I think anyone who moves away from a place they've lived most their adult life is going to find it hard to make friends again. In my experience, most friendships are made once you move from school to the working world. Some school, some work. Then people grow up and have no room in their lives for new people! As Seinfeld said, he has no space for new friends, someone has to move away or die, for the space to be filled.

I moved at 30 to a new city, and though I've made lots of friends, 98% of them were also transplants looking for new friends. I think it goes in cycles... I've lost some friends to motherhood too - I still see them, but they are not my core group anymore. Not as much time to play when they have to balance work and family.

I expect it will take time to find new friends when I move again. Coworkers might be one avenue, but really, the key will be to find other people new to the city. JMO.

Oh, and my USC is useless too. He hasn't lived in one place for the past 12 years. His closest friend at home right now is his ex wife!

[Bel & Er 0]

arrived here two mos. ago still don't have friends yet except my hubby co-workers. felt so bored... looking forward filipino friends here....

[Englishsammy 17]

Ohhh we shud start a 'no friends club'!! I seriously have no proper friends....acquaintances but not some good girly friends I love all Roshon's friends but they're all dudes which is cool but I hardly think they'd appreciate me calling to rant and gossip!!! We are totally happy in each others company but as I'm not workin yet I have lots of empty hours which wud be nice to fill by 'doing lunch' or something. I think I need to make more of an effort when I meet someone I like...but I hate callin someone when I've only met them once, I feel like a weirdo! Oh well, hopefully i'll make some friends at work (when i finally get to start ).

we all need friends!!!!!

Sorrowful Sam

[Reba 2]

I can't imagine when a spouse/fiance comes over to the US to only their S.O. and never anyone else to support them. I'm not saying it's bad, but I personally can't imagine it, because our friends and close family have always been supportive for us and for Sujeet when he was first here. They have been an important part of our lives and an important part of making Sujeet feel at home here. I am truly blessed.

Well, I'm one of the ones who got here with no friends, and no family support. James' family never accepted me, and even pushed me away. Neither of us could figure it out, and every member of his small family (mother, father, brother) have all insulted me at one point or another.

And James was working 80 hour weeks for the first year and a half after I got here. REALLY doesn't make for a happy adjustment or stable marriage I'll tell ya that

Then I start this damn new job where I'm not "allowed" to talk to people. Just sit in my cubby and work work work. I've even received dirtly looks from some co-workers if I have to ask them something about WORK!

I truly hate this place. I really really do

I envy anyone with a support network of any kind. Because it really sucks when you've got no one.

[Chris-n-Veronica 0]

Well Veronica isn't here yet... But She is from a small Village in Moldova where the people are very noisey so she is very reserved and private by nature.. She only has 1 or 2 close childhood friends.. and they have married and moved away.. Her main contacts are family...and the good thing is she has family in Arizona and Canada..

I'm very reserved and private also.... So my friends list is neal... I mainly have my family also.. So I think we will be fine..

I figured we would need to make small trips each year to visit her family in the States and Canada..and maybe a Moldova trip once every 1-2 years...

I've told her we would find Others in our area...Romanian..Moldovian..etc.., but she says all she wants is me..thats all she needs... But I know she will miss her family...So we'll save for those trips..

Hi,

I'd just like to know if you can meet any new friends around your area in the US... i mean except those who're your husband's friends.

[chri'stina 190]

I can't imagine when a spouse/fiance comes over to the US to only their S.O. and never anyone else to support them. I'm not saying it's bad, but I personally can't imagine it, because our friends and close family have always been supportive for us and for Sujeet when he was first here. They have been an important part of our lives and an important part of making Sujeet feel at home here. I am truly blessed.

Well, I'm one of the ones who got here with no friends, and no family support. James' family never accepted me, and even pushed me away. Neither of us could figure it out, and every member of his small family (mother, father, brother) have all insulted me at one point or another.

And James was working 80 hour weeks for the first year and a half after I got here. REALLY doesn't make for a happy adjustment or stable marriage I'll tell ya that

Then I start this damn new job where I'm not "allowed" to talk to people. Just sit in my cubby and work work work. I've even received dirtly looks from some co-workers if I have to ask them something about WORK!

I truly hate this place. I really really do

I envy anyone with a support network of any kind. Because it really sucks when you've got no one.

I know it's not been so easy for ya.

[churipu 4]

This is a little extract from this book called "The Xenophobe's guide to Americans", they have it for almost every country in the world:

The Xenophobe's Guide to the Americans

by Stephanie Faul

A guide to understanding the Americans which dispels or confirms preconceived prejudices with humour and insight.

Extracts from the book

Friends without friendship

Americans are friendly because they just can't help it; they like to be neighbourly and want to be liked. However, a wise traveller realises that a few happy moments with an American do not translate into a permanent commitment of any kind. Indeed, permanent commitments are what Americans fear the most. This is a nation whose fundamental social relationship is the casual acquaintance.

http://www.ovalbooks.com/xeno/Americans.html

Edited September 22, 2006 by churipu

[Mrs.J06 4]

Thanks for the link, Churipu!

I'll definitely go get this book as soon as I have finally managed to figure out my husband and have finished Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus!

[CarolineM 0]

Stewart hasn't...he's had a hard time...and not for lack of ttrying. My friends love him and he loves them...we hang out with two other couples all the time...but he hasn't met his OWN friends.

He is in school part time at the communjity college...everyone is either too young or already married with their own life.

he joined my soccer team, but again, my friends.

I feel worried for him. I mean he's happy but I wonder when it will take its toll on him

[Dina 0]

One word to relieve the boredom.

"Everquest"

You will never be bored again.

For those of you that dont know what this is, its an online game that will keep you entertained for years. I played it for about 2 years, then moved on to some other online games like Star wars galaxies and World of warcraft (which i am playing now) but i always go back to everquest.

Hubby and I met playing EverCrack. We now play WoW...what server are you on? We are on Lightbringer, currently Horde.

He's met all my frineds and fits in excellently with all of them. He only has one real friend in Germany, who he rarely talks to as it is. I don't think he's going to have a difficult time finding his own friends here, if he wants to.

[Sleepybears 0]

Englishsammy,

Well I think it's nice to meet husband's friends in the US. But I agree with you Englishsammy, sometimes they're just different. Most of my husband's friends are males and I dont think I'd call his male friends to gossip. Besides I think when you come to a new place, you should have some kind of friends to support you (esp. when we can't even work or drive). So haha you're right, maybe we should set up a 'no friend's club'!

Reba,

I feel bad about your situation. And actually mine's not much better. I think I posted it here before. My husband and I go to visit his parents' place every weekend. It's not like they don't accept me totally. But I really do have a feeling that I'm the outsider of them. Or I should say they are not always so nice to me, esp. when my husband is not around. So I really don't want to go there every weekend. I can't meet friends there and I feel so helpless at their house.

Don't you think we new immigrants need more friends and support? Some people just don't understand...

[Reba 2]

I do think it would be nice if new immigrants had some sort of support network, and I wonder why the US doesn't offer this. Other countries do. I know in Canada there are parts of the provincial employment offices that have people help immigrants get settled and find jobs, and other community offices that help immigrants get settled, show them where to find things, where to shop, stuff like that. I've found nothing of the sort here in North Carolina, other than groups that have been organized by the immigrants themselves. Which I seem to be rather far away from

I'm not quite sure I like this American tradition of "assmimilate or else". How does one assimilate if you don't know how? Or how do you assimilate if you're not accepted? And how can you be accepted unless you can assimilate? Crikey, even the Borg are more helpful

I imagine its much easier in larger cities with more diverse populations. But here in small town Bible Belt, folks stick to themselves, and other people like them. Immigrants (and in some cases, even people from other states!) are not to be trusted. I've given up even trying.

[Fandango 1,439]

D has already made friends here from his visits, lol...the hubbies of some of my friends & now it's grown into this huge circle of people whom I've never even met before, lol.

When I was living over there with D, he knows practically everyone in town, so it was hard to make 'my own' friends...but I grew close to many of his & we have a lovely group of ppl that I consider good friends.

Oddly enough, my UK friends I know I'll be friends with until I die...the ones over here...eh, not so much, lol.

[anya-D 8]

It's not really easy for me to make friends.. I have some friends here from Aupair program but they would be gone soon (go home) and I have one Thai girl here who married to the USC but she's 45 mins away and work different hour... I know some one from my aupair year here too but they are just some one I know - not friends i hang out with.. I dont have someone to hang out with though.. some one i really enjoy hanging out with are not in the area (they are in NY)

So I'm kinda bored and lonely a bit... Bram's friends are not like my own friends eventhough i'm close to them too..

[Sleepybears 0]

I found that VJ members in North Carolina did meet up. Sounds like it's such a good idea. But maybe USA is too big, I found it difficult to meet people from where I live here. So far I only know one...

Anyways, just take a look at this link. That sounds nice.

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=32413