K1 Hesitation

[Flaco Bello 0]

Case sent from NVC to consulate 7/20... but there is a red flag... she is saying she is not sure... sad to see my effort go to waste and not have her full commitment at this stage, this is hard enough... i am just going to go with the flow.. drama queen again...

[Nik.R.Sanderson 1]

Case sent from NVC to consulate 7/20... but there is a red flag... she is saying she is not sure... sad to see my effort go to waste and not have her full commitment at this stage, this is hard enough... i am just going to go with the flow.. drama queen again...

I wish i was in your situation right now!

you have to really "sit down with her" and have a heart to heart talk.

it would really be a shame.... you've come so far already.

[Love Eth 14]

Discuss with her hopefully it will workout.

Good luck on the interview.

[Alcheringa 39]

There is an old saying that goes something like this: "If there is any doubt, there is no doubt."

Cold feet is one thing, cold feet when arranging the immigration of a foreign national is another. Far along or not, I can't say I'd proceed.

The cost of her coming to the States and then imploding is far greater than putting the brakes on it and, worst case, resubmitting later. In my opinion, at least.

The process (and in some cases acculturation once here) is difficult enough, and much more so when the individual is unsure as to whether he or she wants to come in the first place.

That's the wrong foot to start off on.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Case sent from NVC to consulate 7/20... but there is a red flag... she is saying she is not sure... sad to see my effort go to waste and not have her full commitment at this stage, this is hard enough... i am just going to go with the flow.. drama queen again...

The visa is valid for 6 months after issuance and she has 90 days to marry you after that. With ther consulate time it looks like she has nearly a year to make up her mind.

[TBoneTX 43,433]

The visa is valid for 6 months after issuance and she has 90 days to marry you after that. With ther consulate time it looks like she has nearly a year to make up her mind.

^^This^^ is true. If you love her and want to save the relationship, beat it on down there pronto and spend time with her, si man. As some respectful advice, her feelings are hers, and they're real, so perhaps reconsider labeling them as coming from a "drama queen."

[Flaco Bello 0]

I was called drama queen on VJ at times when we started struggling. I am the drama queen according to some VJs. I am already considering making plans to go to her and talk heart to heart and face to face but gotta think about work and bills. But honestly that's secondary to her. I will excuse myself at work and I am going within three weeks. That's the most genuine way to communicate.

[Aztec&Taino 144]

I was called drama queen on VJ at times when we started struggling. I am the drama queen according to some VJs. I am already considering making plans to go to her and talk heart to heart and face to face but gotta think about work and bills. But honestly that's secondary to her. I will excuse myself at work and I am going within three weeks. That's the most genuine way to communicate.

If you can afford to go and will not lose your job, do go. It is really a difficult process and some hesitation is expected due to the stress and the difficulty of being long distance. Of course, once you are together, then you have to face the reality of the challenges of a shared life! At any rate, you must be present for her interview, for sure, but if you can squeeze in another visit before the interview, the better.

Best wishes!

P.S. Was your last visit in February? Mmhhh... It has been too long already if it was, do go ASAP! The consul WILL ask you about how many times you have gone to visit.

Edited July 21, 2011 by Aztec&Taino

[lovepath 11]

Please do not do anything impulsive. Take your time. Yes you are right, talk to her heart to heart...even if it takes going there. This process (k1 cr1) is long and cannot easily be restarted once terminated. There is still time..even after taking the visa...if you guys want to reconsider.

Good Luck and best wishes

[bigdog 376]

Case sent from NVC to consulate 7/20... but there is a red flag... she is saying she is not sure... sad to see my effort go to waste and not have her full commitment at this stage, this is hard enough... i am just going to go with the flow.. drama queen again...

You have come so far, have a nice conversation and hopefully it will work out. Good luck on your interview.

[menina 50]

It is not uncommon at this stage to experience second thoughts. Our situation was similar the closer the interview got. Things ended up working out fine although there was a huge adjustment period after arrival in the US. If you are able to visit her and talk things through that is ideal. Try to find out what her concerns are and see if there is a solution. Coming to a new country to live is a huge deal, and she quite possibly is afraid of leaving what she knows. As others have stated, you have time to figure this out. Talk to her about at least continuing with the process, interview, etc. At least you wouldn't have to start the process all over again if she decides she does want to go through with it. Good luck to you both! I hope things work out for you.

[DBAFra 1]

I totally understand your situation and frustration. Me and my novia had issues when she returned back to Colombia from Australia. She underwent a bunch of confusion and she was tired of waiting for the process. Sometimes yes they can be drama, but most of the time they just want to be assured that you will always be there for them when they have their days.

I don't know how well you know your woman or women, but I would suggest just being supportive of her and reassure her of your intentions and that you will care for her and be there for her always.

[Soju 5]

In a way I can also relate to you similar. I am finding that in a long term relationship can be difficult because we are so far apart.

I think best way is to reassure her as best as you can. Even after K1 visa, it's not too late to change mind if both of you feel it's not right for the marriage.

I say try to think about what made her special when you first met.

[Flaco Bello 0]

Guys... I give up... enough is enough... i told her i was going to see her and she says she does not care about me nor my feelings... that i should stop calling, that seeing me is the last thing she wants in this world, thats she wants to have fun and go out and marrying me isnt happening... she is mommy and daddy's only girl and she is comfortable enough, thats she doesnt need to go anywhere and being 21 she wants to "enjoy life", i was paying her college and dropped out, she just changed 180 degrees at that point... she added that she will change the number if i dont stop calling, that she does not care about what was spent or done for the k1... i mean not even a thank you... I give up, i feel as if i ve been dragging her... i need this to be mutual support... i will just stop calling or seeing anything related to her... the consulate has the case and i am just going to ignore the situation, not stopping it but whatever... only God knows... i wont be after her to do it, because she has said that is my way to pressure her toward my possessive self... It has been all me since day one, this time if she was overwhelmed and confused and realizes her mistakes and does it amen... its going to be her decision, her burden, her loss, or whatever... i give up

[TBoneTX 43,433]

Sorry to hear it, hermano, but everything happens for a reason. Cut the ties now, send no more money, and repeat aloud to yourself "Oh, well... who's next?" until you believe in looking forward rather than back.

I would definitely notify the embassy that the case will not be pursued further -- it's common courtesy, and they'll appreciate it.

You'll be just fine, and perhaps even better even sooner than you think, si man.