need advice and help!!

[monab28 1]

Hello everyone.I am new here,but i've read some of the posts,and if any of you could help me with an advice,i will truly appreciate .I am going to see a lawyer on Monday,but i can't stop crying and maybe there is things that some of you know and will make me understand is i did the right thing.I am originaly from Romania,came in the US,about 3 years ago,in B2 visa.i was in and out,and then i met my husband and got married on September 10th,2010.We filled for I-130,I-765,I-465,in may ,somewhere at the beginning .I had my biometrics done and i have seen on the USCIS ,that they sent my EAD card,2days ago.On Monday ,the 10th i left the apartment ,i use to leave with my husband and i have no intention of returning to him. i will try to tell you in few words,that we met ,we started to go out,we use to talk and sip coffee for at least 2 hours.I was in legal status ,and when i told him that i will return for a while to Romania,he asked me to marry him.He was the sweetest ,polite ,calm person i've seen ,he would treat me like a special person. i had a first husband,that i was divorced for a year,back then. I don't know if i loved him so much or was the way he was acting around me ,that made me say"yes". i moved in with him ,like a week prior to the marriage. Everything went all right ,until around Christmas time. Since then ,i am leaving a night mare. He started to treat me like i was a maid,nothing of what i said or did,was right,i don't drive,so i had to go with him ,whenever he had time,to shop for everything that i needed.I had a cervical cancer in 2005,the doctor said i can still have children but he calls me a sterile ,although ,i don't think he wants any children. I asked him to take me to a medical appointment and he said he has to meet up with his accounting to do the taxes.He was home 7 hours latter,with a fresh tatoo,and he said is not my bussiness,he is the one working,and he can do whatever he wants with the moneyHe started to curse all the eastern European people,telling me that we think we are above everybody,but i have to please him ,in order to live in this country or go back to the greatest Europe.Then he will apologize ,days latter,telling me that he had co-workers from Hungary that made him upset. Since december 2010,until this day,he never give me a penny to spend ,without him being next to me ,to approve the grocery,shampoo,e.t.c. Many,many more other staff,i didn't need to drive ,i didn't a manicure ,pedicure,i was just staying in the house,and maybe we went to 3 dinners and 2 lunches. His father passed away a month and a half ago,i asked him if he is gonna attend the funeral,he said they had no relationship,ever. Now he started to cry,when i told him that is over and told me ,that he can loose 2 people,in a such short time.I asked who was the other person,he told me ,his father.People...he was working the day of the funeral!!! Prior to the day i left,i asked him why is he doing this to me ,what changed him and i asked him if he is seeing someone.I thought ,i will never make it out of the apartment,alive. He claimed he was 5 years in prison and i can call 911,but he'll survive and my hands were numb. i said that i was sorry for making such a presumption(that he had someone else),and i apologize and tried to calm him down,until he kind of did.The next day ,i called a friend,she came and pick me up,and i am staying by her.I called him and told him that i am not coming back and where do i go from here? I think,we'll have the interview in less then 2 months,but i can't stay in the same house with him,and i don't know if he means that or not,but he kept saying he'll show up ,if the appointment is not too early.I don't know what changed him so much,or how he hided his personality,but for sure there is something wrong with him. i forgot to mention that he had 3 wife ,prior to me,when he file for the I-130 ,he only wrote 2 marriages and i went on a site that you can pay ,like 19$ and they show if someone has a criminal record.He had a felony battery and theft/to deprive ,whatever that means. I don't know who he is anymore,don't want to be with him,and i need an advice,how can i do this by myself.I thank in advance,whoever is gonna take time to read my post ,i know is long and i still didn't put myself together and tell you everything.I called him and told him to bring my EAD,or i will go to the police for mail fraud.He said ,he'll bring it to my friend today.He knows i went to see a friend ,in New York. I am scared.

[gooberlove 0]

Has he been violent with you?

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Call the police if you are scared. Call 9-1-1. THey can help you and protect you and tell you about women's services in your area.

[monab28 1]

he told me ,if i call the police,he'll take care of me,when he gets out. I swear on my life ,on God ,that i didn't know he has a criminal record,one is for felony battery(i don't know how bad is it)and the other one is theft/to deprive(not very sure about the meaning). On every paper we filled for the USCIS,he stated ,he has no criminal record.I can stay by a friend for a while,hope i will start working. I want to divorce him and not see him again.I don't know if i am doing the right thing,but i have 2 reasons:1.i hate to harm people,even if they harm me,i would like to but i don't have the courage .2.if he goes to jail,am i gona leave in fear for the rest of my life?

[monab28 1]

And to be 100% ,accurate,he doesn't drink nor he use to come drunk and i don't think he is using any drugs.Is just ,his behavior is very scary,without any reasons from my side.I would talk as less possible ,so he won't snap at me. And the most thing i am scared off,is that i didn't really know ,who am i leaving with. Criminal record for me is something scary,i didn't even receive a fine ,in my whole life,and i am 41 years old. I don't think i have to leave in fear ,just to get a green card.Maybe,i won't be even able to use anything ,anymore,i am just in bed and have no power to do anything and i feel very lost.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Best advice would be to contact woman's shelters and Catholic Charities, tell them your situation. Honestly though I think any VAWA claim you may have would be very thin as you really can't prove any abuse.

[monab28 1]

Then,maybe i should go back to him,and wait to be hit. The fact that i am scared and he was hiding his criminal record,doesn't count.I just hope and pray,it was for abusing ,one of his former 3 wife,that he had. That my blood pressure was 210/130,the night i left him and they didn't want to release me from the hospital,until my pulse went to normal,which was 4 am? That they performed a CT and i have a lesion on the brain,which the doctor said is due to a tremendous stress ? I am not trying to make a case,but i don't think a bruise ,will make anyone feel that i am credible.

[monab28 1]

and btw,a green card is not worth my dignity and pain. I am not scared at all going to the USCIS,by myself and if they don't see ,what is very obvious and if they don't care about a woman ,that has to take heavy medication and leave in fear,then fine,maybe i will contact some international human rights organization,to let them know ,that a guy with 3 criminal records is a good citizen and i don't want to be a part of this population.

[monab28 1]

i keep writing,because i am in bed,i am on Valium and Xanax(by prescription) and is sad to see how many of us,had to go trough hell and hopefully made it back ,because of some human garbage . I keep checking ,to see if someone ,went trough the same thing,it can be only me !! I hope,that one day,will have a better and easier life and those losers ,that we are married or were with,will get what they deserve.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

I understand what you're saying and you said it best, "A Greencard isn't worth your dignity"...

Does it sound like he's an abusive person, sure it does but we only have your side of the situation here and that previous felony battery could have been from a altercation with anyone. Dimes to doughnuts if it was for physical abuse against a spouse/partner then it would be a domestic violence charge since he was convicted of a felony I doubt it was negotiated down a lot. There are DV charges that aren't felonies.

Don't get upset, I'm not defending him. I'm just commenting on my observations.

You don't deserve to be treated as you've described but concealing a criminal past, causing you stress etc isn't violence per say.

As for going to USCIS for the interview alone, that won't work as you're applying to adjust status based on the marriage they will require your spouse to be present at the interview.

Ask yourself this, are you better off escaping a situation that was heading towards abusive and not having a Greencard or would you be better off hanging around in an abusive relationship until you get the Greencard?

I agree that your situation sucks, you made a series of decisions that counted on him caring about you and respecting you as much as you do him and you got the short end of the situation.

[monab28 1]

I am not very,very concerned about the battery felony,or the theft/to deprive(i don't know what he did,and when). What i am concerned is that he told me ,he is not afraid to go to jail ,police coming over,because i will be laying on the floor if i would do that.And ,before you marry someone,you have to say every major thing about your past,i found out ,by mistake ,in one of his mad moments.If he is laying about this,and he forgot to tell me,that he had three wife ,not 2,before me,what other secrets will i find? is not even that,right now,i hate him,and i am scared to live in the same apartment with him. His behavior ,has changed 360 degrees,but i guess this is his real personality. And i started to record him,with some of the threats and if i go back home ,i will deffenetly ,won't make it out mental and physical .I am just lost,and i know one thing:not going back,but i'll try to go to the police,call him from there,with them as witnesses and i'll see if i can do something. he has no right to call me sterile ,useless woman,because i didn't get pregnant ,i had cervical cancer in 2005,and i am a survivor and i will survive to this one too,i will fight him and win everything.Thank God,that i couldn't get pregnant! God is good,and i am a good person and for what i suffer now,i think good things will come to me in the future.Thank you for your reply,i need to talk to people,that been trough this,i am talking with my friends,but they are at work. Tomorrow,i will stand up from bed and i will try to stop the medication and go on!

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I'm sorry but I agree with the others. Your only way is AOS through him, or VAWA through abuse and I don't think you qualify. He's a bad guy sure, but that doesn't mean you've been abused and you shouldn't be saying you should just hang around waiting to be hit just so you CAN try to claim abuse... that's fraud.

Can I ask why you don't just go back to your home country? You've only been here less than a year, you haven't been working (so how are you planning on supporting yourself?) and basically to me, if I was in the same position I would go home. Obviously we're different people but as you said, a GC isn't worth your dignity.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I am not very,very concerned about the battery felony,or the theft/to deprive(i don't know what he did,and when). What i am concerned is that he told me ,he is not afraid to go to jail ,police coming over,because i will be laying on the floor if i would do that.And ,before you marry someone,you have to say every major thing about your past,i found out ,by mistake ,in one of his mad moments.If he is laying about this,and he forgot to tell me,that he had three wife ,not 2,before me,what other secrets will i find? is not even that,right now,i hate him,and i am scared to live in the same apartment with him. His behavior ,has changed 360 degrees,but i guess this is his real personality. And i started to record him,with some of the threats and if i go back home ,i will deffenetly ,won't make it out mental and physical .I am just lost,and i know one thing:not going back,but i'll try to go to the police,call him from there,with them as witnesses and i'll see if i can do something. he has no right to call me sterile ,useless woman,because i didn't get pregnant ,i had cervical cancer in 2005,and i am a survivor and i will survive to this one too,i will fight him and win everything.Thank God,that i couldn't get pregnant! God is good,and i am a good person and for what i suffer now,i think good things will come to me in the future.Thank you for your reply,i need to talk to people,that been trough this,i am talking with my friends,but they are at work. Tomorrow,i will stand up from bed and i will try to stop the medication and go on!

He has every right to call you sterile... it's called freedom of speech (one of the American things). Doesn't mean he's a nice guy, but he has the "right" to. i'm not blaming you but you're acting quite upset and irrationally based on your posts. You need to calm down and think rationally. You'e talking about "fighting" him and "winning everything". I'm sorry but that doesn't garner sympathy for you. Just because you feel wronged doesn't mean you have a right to everything or anything. Stop focussing on the immigration. You got him out of your life and THAT is what is important. Don't keep looking for ways to screw him over to get your way, that makes you just as bad as him. Continue your life as if he wasn't in it. If that means no GC then it's no GC. Go home, get a working visa or something else to visit. Being in a relationship with him doesn't give you the "right" to a GC.

Edited July 15, 2011 by Vanessa&Tony

[monab28 1]

I'm sorry but I agree with the others. Your only way is AOS through him, or VAWA through abuse and I don't think you qualify. He's a bad guy sure, but that doesn't mean you've been abused and you shouldn't be saying you should just hang around waiting to be hit just so you CAN try to claim abuse... that's fraud.

Can I ask why you don't just go back to your home country? You've only been here less than a year, you haven't been working (so how are you planning on supporting yourself?) and basically to me, if I was in the same position I would go home. Obviously we're different people but as you said, a GC isn't worth your dignity.

Who said ,i've been here for a year?I married him last year,September 2010,i was on legal status and i can go home,of course,but i don't want him to escape unpunished.I asked ,if my case is thin,should i go back to him and wait to be hit???It was a question ,that doesn't require an answer,because ,i am not going back to him,but i want to go and ask the immigration officer ,how they take a decision ,if i entered the marriage in good faith and i have to be threatened every day,that if i don't do certain things,he'll call them and deport me?? And ,to your other question ,i can answer that,i left him on Monday,the 10th and he said that my work permit is waiting for me.I don't need advice to go to my country,or you to tell me that we are different people.Of course we are,but he can't use me ,abuse me and trow me away,and move on to the next wife. I don't care at this point if i can get a green card,but i am for sure going to a lawyer. I'll let you know ,if i'll feel better,because ,this is where you people are wrong.You think a punch in the face,let's say ,is more painful, than a mentally abuse??The medication that i am taking ,made me a vegetable .No,no,i have to show the immigration ,all the evidences and they have to take a look at myself,a good one,or i will fight until the day i'll dye to let the world know about the treatment i got in Americaaaaaaaaaaaa!

[monab28 1]

Oh,i didn't see your other post...he has every right to call me sterile???Are you a woman or a man??Either way,i think ,you should meet with my husband.Did you hear what i said???I had cervical cancer and i am fine now,and i am not sterile and when you know that someone,has been trough cancer ,you don't use words like this. Freedom of speech,and the speech has to be yelled at me,and i had to apologize that i am not getting pregnant???What kind of education you have,what kind of parents,come on people,don't play with the words.if you think is fine to call your wife or husband like this,then you must be on heavy drugs.