PRE-NUP GOOD OR BAD IDEA?

[Brad and Vika 129]

Thank you guys for the advice and opinion and i will sort this out but right now really confuse..Yes you are i should consult to a legal adviser. Cheers!!!

Legal advise will be necessary. I think in most states, you cannot be a party to a prenup without it. At least, if your future spouse expects it to be upheld at all, he would want you to have your own lawyer just to demonstrate your competence and understanding of the document.

Rely on your lawyer here. Americans definitely have a style of domestic relations that differs from many other cultures. Your lawyer must represent your interests. If your fiance' wants a prenup, he should pay for your lawyer - and a good one.

Pre-nups are not neccessarily about trust; but rather about the reality of life and a reflection of previous marital experiences. In your particular situation it appears that your finacial situation is such that a pre-nup would not really affect you as you seem to have a good head on your shoulders and are financial astute. Furthermore, most pre-nups are useless and a waste of money; because most judges will rule on what is 'fair' vs to the letter of the pre-nup. In other words, if one came into a marriage with nothing but love (as do most Filipinas) and after 5 or 10 years of marriage there is a divorce and the pre-up essential stated that each individual would leave with what they came into the marriage with but for those 10 years that woman cooked, cleaned, supported and cared for the family and never worked a day in her life. Then the judge would over turn any pre-nup to afford this woman compensation valued at what is 'fair' for her her to live consistent with how she lived while married to her than husband. This is true for the man as well. Consequently, pre-nups are generally useless because justice will be served. In my oppinion, pre-nups have nothing to do with the lack of love or trust and should not be viewed that way-they useless anyway with a good lawyer (which he/she would have to pay for anyway if the other party has no money). Thank God for America.

I really think that it depends totally on the situation. The parties to the agreement, the jurisdiction, length of time, and the prenup itself. In most states, the judge cares more about the length of time that has passed and how punitive the prenup is than fairness. So long as both parties were competent to sign, that is. A perfectly valid prenup will likely not hold up after ten years and two kids, nor will a prenup that leaves one party destitute - even after a short term marraige.

Does your fiance have children? If so he might be looking out for their sake. My father remarried and he had a pre-nup which is what my step mother wanted as well since she has kids of her own and looking out for their best as well.

Good point here. Explore the reasons why a prenup is necessary. You might be surprised what you find out.

[Daniel&Theary 30]

Sounds like he is trying to protect himself in the wrong way.

Pre nups are only a way of saying I think in time you will leave me or I will get bored with you one day. Under most state laws you would not have claim to anything he brings in to the marriage like equity in a house or savings stocks. Once you are married then you start earing equity in his earnings and house savings stocks from that point and you are required to be married a certain amount of time. When I went through my divorce after only 2 and half years she tried to take half of my retirement and alimony and keep the Mercedes that I bought for her but the judge basically laughed at her told her she was not getting anything. Because I cared about her I did volunteer to pay alimony for one year (half the time we were married) and I sold the Mercedes and helped here buy a used Jetta. When Theary and I marry later this year I will not ask for one because simply if I did not trust her or want to be with her forever I would not be marrying her.

You and your Fiancee need to have a serious talk before you go any futher and 5000 a year in the states and 200 a month is not much money to live on. That leads me to think maybe it is reassurance you will not leave him but its the wrong reassurance. Does he know you have money in the bank. If he insist after you talk and you still want to marry him make sure you put in the pre nup you are to be made whole for any of your money spent during the marriage from your savings every penny. That might make him change his mind.

Sorry for rambling I just hate it when people try to take advantage of other people. Him not you. It works both ways here some people get used for green cards and some people get used who are naive to the way America really works. Good Luck

[Casprd 167]

nickoftime, on 11 November 2008 - 07:25 AM, said:

I declared the terms of our pre-nup. I told my hubby that everything he owns is mine and everything I own is mine. In Tagalog, ang iyo ay akin at ang akin ay akin pa rin, hahaha!

Verrrrry Cute.

Im thinking about making a prenup. Im just starting to look into it today?

Why?? I have some kids and property.

And while im not planning on getting divorced........

Mrs. BB, on 09 November 2008 - 12:13 PM, said:

You prepare for the worst and hope for the best. In this day and age I think it's a smart thing to do. But that's just my opinion.

The Prenup would relay something to the effect

Upon Divorce

"All New Asssets (since our marriage date) will be split equally"

Upon Death

Prorated per year my assets

year 1 10% Wife - 90% kids

year 2 15/85

year 3 20/80

year 4 25/75

year 5 30/70

year 6 35/75

year 7 40/60

year 8 45/55

year 9 50/50

to

year 50 50/50

Ofcourse there is a whole lot more to put into this and it need to be all lawyered up, but Im just thinking out-loud.

Does this seem out of line???

Any advise or pointers will be appreciated......... mahalo................. happy

Sounds more like you should have a will set up that handles the distribution of your assets rather than a pre-nup.

[Daniel&Theary 30]

nickoftime, on 11 November 2008 - 07:25 AM, said:

I declared the terms of our pre-nup. I told my hubby that everything he owns is mine and everything I own is mine. In Tagalog, ang iyo ay akin at ang akin ay akin pa rin, hahaha!

Verrrrry Cute.

Im thinking about making a prenup. Im just starting to look into it today?

Why?? I have some kids and property.

And while im not planning on getting divorced........

Mrs. BB, on 09 November 2008 - 12:13 PM, said:

You prepare for the worst and hope for the best. In this day and age I think it's a smart thing to do. But that's just my opinion.

The Prenup would relay something to the effect

Upon Divorce

"All New Asssets (since our marriage date) will be split equally"

Upon Death

Prorated per year my assets

year 1 10% Wife - 90% kids

year 2 15/85

year 3 20/80

year 4 25/75

year 5 30/70

year 6 35/75

year 7 40/60

year 8 45/55

year 9 50/50

to

year 50 50/50

Ofcourse there is a whole lot more to put into this and it need to be all lawyered up, but Im just thinking out-loud.

Does this seem out of line???

Any advise or pointers will be appreciated......... mahalo................. happy

That sounds more like a will or living trust then a pre nup. pre nup do not usually deal with death only divorce.......... Casprd did not see your post but totally agree

Edited May 4, 2011 by Daniel&Theary

[felo391971 4]

It sound as you are well set .The Pre Nup will protect him and You for what i got on your treat. You do have a littel nest also .

Good Luck is a really touchy subject

[thelastpetitioner 218]

maybe im not as romantic or as in love as previous posters think you need to be to not talk about or think about prenups,but im the beneficiary and i suggest a prenup,despite the fact that my fiance is a normal lance corporal,with no extra money or anything at all,and while my mom is wealthy all her assets are in iran,which in case of her death ( god forbid ) would be inaccessable to my fiance.i think you need to be open minded,there is the possiblity of divorce and he has the right the protect what he has fought and worked very hard for.

im personally doing it and im happy with my decision.my fiance is a very hard working man and he deserves to keep what he has in case of a divorce or anyhting of that sort.

in the end of the day,to each their own?

[katiemanny 64]

maybe im not as romantic or as in love as previous posters think you need to be to not talk about or think about prenups,but im the beneficiary and i suggest a prenup,despite the fact that my fiance is a normal lance corporal,with no extra money or anything at all,and while my mom is wealthy all her assets are in iran,which in case of her death ( god forbid ) would be inaccessable to my fiance.i think you need to be open minded,there is the possiblity of divorce and he has the right the protect what he has fought and worked very hard for.

im personally doing it and im happy with my decision.my fiance is a very hard working man and he deserves to keep what he has in case of a divorce or anyhting of that sort.

in the end of the day,to each their own?

This is one of the view post I agree with, many members here insist that he wants a pre-nup because he doesn't trust her, the thing is no matter how in love you are with your spouse there always will be odd stack against each other, my best man from our wedding wish he had signed for a pre-nuptial, he's so called love of his life took everything away from him, I think the Judge had mercy on him and allow him to get shared custody of his daughter, now he's living with his dad, so sad but many men specially in the US are being more careful with their hard earned assets when it comes to marriage. Because it only takes a greedy evil woman to take everything in a matter of months.

Edited May 4, 2011 by katiemanny

[thelastpetitioner 218]

This is one of the view post I agree with, many members here insist that he wants a pre-nup because he doesn't trust her, the thing is no matter how in love you are with your spouse there always will be odd stack against each other, my best man from our wedding wish he has sign for a pre-nup, he so called love of his life took everything away from him I think the Judge had mercy on him and allow him to get shared custody, now he's living with his dad, so sad but many men specially in the US are being more careful with their hard earned assets when it comes to marriage. Because it only takes a greedy evil woman to take everything in a matter of months.

sometimes in extreme situations,women lose their cool and go against their better judgement,i just want to prevent that,in the end of the day we need to remember if relationships dont work,it doesnt mean our partner was a bad person and doesnt deserve anything they have.it just means the relationship didnt work,nothing more

[Codeblue009 3]

Open and frank discussion of such matters is critical. I usually don't comment on Pre-nuptual agreement threads.

If the situation is that the person wanting the agreement is thinking, "I really love my future spouse and have confidence in our relationship but I also understand that even in the best of situations, many couples divorce after a short time. If this happens, I want to treat this person fairly but do not want to lose half of everything I've worked for, in the event the marriage lasts only a short time." then the other party will want to carefully evaluate the actual agreement to see if they think it's fair, under the circumstances. If not, perhaps you suggest changes.

It's all highly unromantic and depending on a person's own frame of reference, they can be quite discouraged by such a development. At the same time, there are practical matters to consider in any plan to marry.

Ditto!!!!

[Codeblue009 3]

maybe im not as romantic or as in love as previous posters think you need to be to not talk about or think about prenups,but im the beneficiary and i suggest a prenup,despite the fact that my fiance is a normal lance corporal,with no extra money or anything at all,and while my mom is wealthy all her assets are in iran,which in case of her death ( god forbid ) would be inaccessable to my fiance.i think you need to be open minded,there is the possiblity of divorce and he has the right the protect what he has fought and worked very hard for.

im personally doing it and im happy with my decision.my fiance is a very hard working man and he deserves to keep what he has in case of a divorce or anyhting of that sort.

in the end of the day,to each their own?

There are many valid reasons for a prenuptual agreement. Some may have a lack of trust involved and some may not. Who knows all the reasons. But what difference does it make if you stay married. A prenup only applies if you divorce. So if the couples are still in love and stay married, then this prenup means nothing. The point is that people do things out of hurt and anger. I don't believe you go into a marriage thinking eventually I will divorce someone, at least I hope no one does! But not knowing what will happen in the future, if one choses to protect their assets, I am not sure I would say they are not trusting or in love with that person. Again, if they both remain married, then this is a pointless discussion. Just my 2 cents.

[tonylovesam 8]

To me pre-nups mean 1 of 2 things: Either A)He/She is really rich and wants to protect their assets or B) Person marrying the other doesn't trust them and thinks they are just after their money.

IMO (In my opinion) pre-nups are doen by the insecure. Either way, whatever the reason, it shows a lack of trust in you and the relationship because regardless of the reason, he has it in the back of his mind that a divorce could happen and he'd lose his $$$.

Just my 2 cents on it.

I'm just curious if we can have a prenuptial picturials and vids without going through a prenuptial agreement???

[cardigans5 43]

I look at it this way. I understand people think its protecting themselves but what are you protecting yourself from...the woman you love? The woman you supposedly trust? The woman you want to grow old with? Yes things happen and maybe I'm old fashioned but I believe in true love and the ol' adage love conquers all. I'm American and my fiance is Russian...finally sending out my I-129f this week...and I'm going into this that we're going to be together forever. God forbid if something happens down the road I'll deal with it then but I think its sad that I should get a legal document to protect myself from my true love. Just my opinion

[Wanda and Amel 17]

I asked my fiance to sign one and he agreed. I am not well off, by any stretch of the imagination. I am just a hard working girl... I make a living, I pay my bills on time, I own a home, I have a car, 401K, life insurance, nothing over the top. However, I have worked hard for the little I have and I want to leave it to my children. I have been taken by my ex-husband and I had to refinance a home I already owned when I married him in order to "pay him off." Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

My intention, to build up a separate "wealth" for a lack of a better word with Amel, where he will have to also work as hard as I do to build. I love him with all my heart. But contrary to popular belief, love is not (or should not) be blind.

[JeroenAndMichelle 28]

To me pre-nups mean 1 of 2 things: Either A)He/She is really rich and wants to protect their assets or B) Person marrying the other doesn't trust them and thinks they are just after their money.

IMO (In my opinion) pre-nups are doen by the insecure. Either way, whatever the reason, it shows a lack of trust in you and the relationship because regardless of the reason, he has it in the back of his mind that a divorce could happen and he'd lose his $.

Just my 2 cents on it.

hmmmm..love is unconditional, no buts not if... please pray about it. you are not even married and he is thinking of divorce... pre nuptial agreements only shows that he doesnt trust you... A love without trust is not love at all.

Love is a great thing when you're in love, but when you break up due to a fight, you will hate each other and try to get everything from the other... that's another reason for a prenup. My bro in law is about to lose his house, kids, and 50% of his salary for 23 years long (the duration of their marriage) because his (soon to be) ex-wife does not want to work and rather sue him for all of that (not to mention some other things I could tell you, which could really make you wonder what happened there)... and you know what, he is going to lose it too because he has no prenup...

A prenup has nothing to do with being insecure, it is a 'just in case' document. Same with insurances: you don't anticipate anything will happen but if it does, you're happy you're insured.

It certainly has nothing to do with a lack of trust in either person or in a relationship. NOW everything can be great, but who knows how things are 10 years from now? Would you be happy if your loved one would suddenly took everything you worked for so hard, and even took so much that you would have a hard time to get around yourself? I doubt it.

Thinking you will be forever with your loved one is a great thought, and I hope for everyone it will be like that but reality is that it doesn't. Especially nowadays marriages end sooner rather than later, it is sad but it is the truth..if you believe otherwise, you best not marry at all because chances are you will be hurt badly.

Also, don't get me wrong. I am happily married with my wife and I hope to be with her for the remainder of my life. There are no signs it is going downhill or whatever, so don't believe at any point that what I am saying is out of remorse or anything like that because it is not. I love my wife dearly, and for that very same reason I actually signed a prenup with her. For example: one of the things mentioned in our prenup are her houses. My wife owns 3 houses in Hawaii, I didn't own any. Would it be fair for me to take one of them after a few years of marriage? No, of course it would not be, but without prenup I would be legally entitled to half of her belongings. That would be wrong to begin with since I never owned it. I love her so I don't have any problems to take that into consideration... as a matter of fact, she didn't even want it in the prenup as she is like 'whats mine is yours' and while that is very noble of her, and it is like that for as long as we're married but if we ever break up in a fight or whatever, it would be totally wrong if I ended up with 1.5 houses that I never owned in the first place...

Our prenuptial states that whatever we had before our marriage, will remain ours after our marriage. So my wife can keep her 3 houses and I can keep my possessions. It also states we will not have to pay support to either one of us in the unlikely event that we would break up (if one of us doesn't work, then the other better get a job, so to say). Another thing it states is that whatever we possess, buy (or whatever we owe, have debts and such made) during our marriage, are both ours and that will be shared. IMHO these things are only fair. Like said, now you love each other, but is this still the same 10 years from now? Sure, there could be mistrust but in my own personal experience there was none.

Edited May 4, 2011 by JeroenAndMichelle

[jrmejia 31]

I do not see anything wrong with it. I am sure he loves you very much but he also a thinker and a very careful guy. I am sure he is doing this because he has read many horrible stories. Do not feel offended by that.

Now go and have fun on your wedding!