Desperate cry for HELP!

[Fandango 1,439]

OP, what happened?

[rika60607 215]

I highly doubt that the woman was calling during AOS time like crazy because she found out that she was pregnant... nobody finds out that they are pregnant 9 months before they give birth.

As well, if the baby was his, would he allow himself to complicate the situation by getting his wife pregnant, too?

If he did, he's mighty stupid or he wanted a solid excuse to not get back together with his ex-wife

....Last month I found out I'm pregnant and everything changed in my life!....

....I only have my conditional GC for 9 months now - 9 months since the interview when she was calling him like crazy, maybe that's when she found out about it.....

1. Reason for the ex calling so badly could be to tell him she's pregnant. She could have stopped calling because he answered and they talked about it and he told her to chill out and he's been secretly keeping in contact with her and planning on leaving till the OP got preggers and now he doesn't know what to do

2. the child is a US citizen no matter where it's born as it's parent is a USC

3. She doesn't need to prove that he's a cheater for her to stay here. She's already AOS'd so she would simply need to divorce and file ROC with a divorce waiver. It's not that hard so worrying about her status is needless

I agree the OP needs to relax a bit, especially for her own health and that of her unborn child but I also completely understand how she would fly into a panic when she found all that out and started putting two and two together (whether getting four or not we'll soon see).

I hope for your sake OP, that its not true and you're just freaking out for no reason. If this IS the case (that it's not his kid) your husband needs to work on his behaviour so you feel like you can actually trust him.

[ramones 0]

It's his baby. I am devastated, I kicked him out of the house last night, I don't know where he slept, I don't care. His excuse? Her mother died of cancer last summer, she needed a crying shoulder, he went to her house to calm her and it happened. Only once (yeah right!) I never expected for him to forget about his feelings about her, they've been together for so long, but I never expected him to do this to me.

I don't want to talk about it anymore, please understand me and THANK you for caring about me!

Now..what can I do? It's only been 9 months since my conditional GC. We've been married longer but I applied for AOS late. If I apply for removal of conditions, I am afraid that it's going to be considered a short time and I might be rejected and deported. Do I divorce him now or stay with him until the normal timeline? And if I stay with him, would USCIS know that he is the father of another baby? Does it show in a background check or something? I can't prove that he cheated on me..unless he declared himself as the father for that boy. Which I don't know, I didn't ask him.. thank you for your advice.

[Mama mia 9]

Well, if you are sure you want a divorce, depending on how long it takes for your state, you may need to file it right away. If you dont know his whereabouts, the county will try to serve him with the divorce paperwork.

Once the divorce is granted, you will have to imeediately file form I-751 to remove conditions and get the 10 yr green card. When you file, you will need to provide evidences throughout your marriage such as joint bank statements, joint credit card statements, joint utility bills. Anything and everything you have in both names to prove this marriage was entered in good faith.

Once immigration reviews your file, they will determine to approve you, call you for an interview, deny or even request more paperwork.

But immigration will not know that you husband any other children unless you state so. You may include a cover letter in your paperwork with a summary of what happened.

[KittyPollitt 284]

It's his baby. I am devastated, I kicked him out of the house last night, I don't know where he slept, I don't care. His excuse? Her mother died of cancer last summer, she needed a crying shoulder, he went to her house to calm her and it happened. Only once (yeah right!) I never expected for him to forget about his feelings about her, they've been together for so long, but I never expected him to do this to me.

I don't want to talk about it anymore, please understand me and THANK you for caring about me!

Now..what can I do? It's only been 9 months since my conditional GC. We've been married longer but I applied for AOS late. If I apply for removal of conditions, I am afraid that it's going to be considered a short time and I might be rejected and deported. Do I divorce him now or stay with him until the normal timeline? And if I stay with him, would USCIS know that he is the father of another baby? Does it show in a background check or something? I can't prove that he cheated on me..unless he declared himself as the father for that boy. Which I don't know, I didn't ask him.. thank you for your advice.

I'm so sorry. I've been watching this thread and wanted this to turn out differently. ((HUGS)) I will say a prayer for your strength.

PS- Tear a piece out of his @SS with child support.

Edited May 5, 2011 by squeaky580

[Canadian in GA 34]

Sweet heart, i'm sorry! hang in there! we are all here for you and everything will get better in time! of course you don't believe that now, but you are better off. how can you be with someone so sneaky? he kept a secret from you for 9 months. and got you pregnant. what a scum bag! congrats on kicking him out!

are you able to go to the local USCIS and request a info pass? maybe (please anyone correct me if this is a bad idea) to make an appointment with the USCIS local office, and straight out tell them your story, and get advise on what you should do. gather all info that shows you entered in good faith, and they can lead you the right way.

I don't believe you should stay with him at all, let him lie in his own mess and take care of yourself and the little one!!

[Myopia 93]

It is just so easy to say the man is a cheater and how could he do this to the OP but life can get really complicated at times. I think most of us can agree with that.

I look at it from the other woman's angle. They had a child together and the baby died. That is a traumatic thing to go through, to carry a child for nine months and then at the end of all that nurturing, you end up with nothing but tears? I am not surprised that she went "crazy".Now there is a child and to be honest, I can not help but believe that his heart lays with his ex who is also the mother of his child. History is a hard thing to compete with in those circumstances. When men say stuff like they are being harassed by a woman. I tend to believe that it is a cover story. Its really easy to block numbers etc and so I really think you need to start realising that 99% of what he may have told you about her is probably untrue.

To the OP, you said you were making plans and everything once you knew you were pregnant. Were you having problems before this happened? There has to have been signs that you just missed. In any event kicking him out probably made you feel better in the short term but I doubt you will feel the same in a few days. The truth is you feel betrayed and betrayal is a terrible thing to overcome especially when trust is paramount. You have a lot to think about in the coming weeks and months and I hope you make the best choice for you and your child.

Child support is not going to help you at this time because you do not have a physical baby and so you really need to think this whole thing through. He is your only means of support. How are you going to maintain yourself and a child alone in the US? You said you can not go back to your homeland with a child and so you will have to make a way for yourself here in the US. If you arent working, I hope you get a job soon before you start to show as even though jobs are not allowed to discriminate against you, there is no way to know if they are doing so.

I just want you to have a clear head. All the best

Edited May 5, 2011 by Myopia

[A + M 29]

It's his baby. I am devastated, I kicked him out of the house last night, I don't know where he slept, I don't care. His excuse? Her mother died of cancer last summer, she needed a crying shoulder, he went to her house to calm her and it happened. Only once (yeah right!) I never expected for him to forget about his feelings about her, they've been together for so long, but I never expected him to do this to me.

I don't want to talk about it anymore, please understand me and THANK you for caring about me!

Now..what can I do? It's only been 9 months since my conditional GC. We've been married longer but I applied for AOS late. If I apply for removal of conditions, I am afraid that it's going to be considered a short time and I might be rejected and deported. Do I divorce him now or stay with him until the normal timeline? And if I stay with him, would USCIS know that he is the father of another baby? Does it show in a background check or something? I can't prove that he cheated on me..unless he declared himself as the father for that boy. Which I don't know, I didn't ask him.. thank you for your advice.

Holy! I'm truly sorry!

I'm so sorry. I've been watching this thread and wanted this to turn out differently. ((HUGS)) I will say a prayer for your strength.

PS- Tear a piece out of his @SS with child support.

And so did I!

Edited May 6, 2011 by A + M

[DeeDee&Sam 68]

even if its hard i reccomend you dont divorce for the sake of your baby. if you say you have no home or job in your home country you have to give your baby a better life in US. honestly..if my husband (actual fiance) cheated on me Once, i would suffer like hell, but i would forgive him...

[leahandlucas 15]

..if my husband (actual fiance) cheated on me Once, i would suffer like hell, but i would forgive him...

Suffer like hell but forgive him?...when someone's cheated to that extent, the trust is basically all but truly gone forever, because there will always be that suspicion in the back of your mind (for some people)

And him having a kid by his ex will be a constant reminder of what happened. No that its the childs fault, but just the whole situation is sad.

OP...divorce him...move on....God bless you and your baby

[Aztec&Taino 144]

It's his baby. I am devastated, I kicked him out of the house last night, I don't know where he slept, I don't care. His excuse? Her mother died of cancer last summer, she needed a crying shoulder, he went to her house to calm her and it happened. Only once (yeah right!) I never expected for him to forget about his feelings about her, they've been together for so long, but I never expected him to do this to me.

I don't want to talk about it anymore, please understand me and THANK you for caring about me!

Now..what can I do? It's only been 9 months since my conditional GC. We've been married longer but I applied for AOS late. If I apply for removal of conditions, I am afraid that it's going to be considered a short time and I might be rejected and deported. Do I divorce him now or stay with him until the normal timeline? And if I stay with him, would USCIS know that he is the father of another baby? Does it show in a background check or something? I can't prove that he cheated on me..unless he declared himself as the father for that boy. Which I don't know, I didn't ask him.. thank you for your advice.

I am very sorry to know that your suspicions were well founded. The fact that you are pregnant certainly complicates things. Do you want to divorce him? Does he want to divorce you? Does he want to have a relationship with his ex-wife again or was it really "just a fling"? I would advise you to have a very honest and open discussion with your husband about the possibilities that exist for your relationship.

If you do decide to divorce your husband, then you already have your conditional permanent resident card and you could file for removal of conditions on your own. You would need to provide proof that the marriage was entered in good faith, but that his infidelity was the reason for your divorce. Your child would be born in the US and, therefore, would be a US citizen.

Best wishes

[dan_ling 6]

even if its hard i reccomend you dont divorce for the sake of your baby. if you say you have no home or job in your home country you have to give your baby a better life in US. honestly..if my husband (actual fiance) cheated on me Once, i would suffer like hell, but i would forgive him...

I hope your future husband does not read this, it is like a one time free pass.

[DeeDee&Sam 68]

we're not married we're on k1. but he's not the type. i am and was the only woman in his life since forever. he told me if i ever cheat on him he'll forgive me, and i didnt take it as a free pass and never did it. but every person thinks different and has different personality. im not a weak person at all, but im loyal. and the only way i would ever leave him, is if he ever hits me or my children

[Canadiandggal 49]

we're not married we're on k1. but he's not the type. i am and was the only woman in his life since forever. he told me if i ever cheat on him he'll forgive me, and i didnt take it as a free pass and never did it. but every person thinks different and has different personality. im not a weak person at all, but im loyal. and the only way i would ever leave him, is if he ever hits me or my children

Hmmmmmm...... I have pretty strong vows in my marriage and the only reason we would divorce is if one of cheated, abuse well that would be once too... But cheating is a huge thing.

I would also like to mention that the Op's husband did not just cheat, he cheated,lied,hid it, made up a story and NOOONE told her about it... This isn't a guy who randomly got drunk and a chick fell on his ####### (My ex told me this happened once , stupid man)

Do I feel sorry for the other lady, yes she lost a child i have been through it but that still does not make her innocent in the situation.

Op stand your ground and divorce the nit wit, you dont deserve this.

[Fandango 1,439]

we're not married we're on k1. but he's not the type. i am and was the only woman in his life since forever. he told me if i ever cheat on him he'll forgive me, and i didnt take it as a free pass and never did it. but every person thinks different and has different personality. im not a weak person at all, but im loyal. and the only way i would ever leave him, is if he ever hits me or my children

Your post is almost a month old, and I appreciate what you're saying, but do you feel the ones who have been cheated on felt that their partners were 'the type'?

My guess is prolly not.