Cooking and difference in tastes

[Aztec&Taino 144]

Hello VJ community!

Here I am, back again, with a post that speaks of the challenge of adjusting to living a life together.

My Dominican fiance entered the US a little over a month ago. We are planning to marry next month (May 16, 2011!). Yet, there is a problem. Our tastes in food are SO VERY DIFFERENT!

I am a native of Mexico and, as such, some SPICE is natural, indeed, expected in cooking. Having said this, I have often said that "I am a shame of a Mexican" because compared to most other Mexicans I eat VERY little spice. So, I add a little spice to my food as I am cooking. I like to make a fish soup with some ground chili pepper garlic oil (actually a Thai product) and my fiance can hardly stand it. He likes the flavor of my soup, but really dislikes its hotness. One time, trying to be nicer, I used a really small amount of this ground chili pepper. To me, the soup was quite tasteless because I missed the hotness. For him, it was still too spicy...

Another problem with our cooking is the very different ways in which we make rice. As a Dominican, my fiance LOVES his rice and expects to eat it daily. In his own words, "Si no como arroz, siento que no he comido!" (If I don't eat rice, I feel as though I have not eaten!). However, I like to make my rice by using chopped garlic and onion, sauteeing it a bit first with olive oil before adding the rice... At a minimum. Sometimes, I also like to use a tomato base broth to cook my rice so that I have the tomato flavor in the rice. My fiance, on the other hand, makes a rice that is very pretty; fluffy and whole, yet tasteless! He does not add anything but oil and salt! No garlic! Onion! Tomato paste! Nothing!

I wonder if other couples have had problems adjusting to each other's cooking and tastes. I am looking for advice on this issue. Yes, I have cooked two different fish soup pots (one for him, one for me), but cooking two different things for just two people is also more difficult and time consuming...

Thank you for your advice and I look forward to a delicious discussion!

[Visavirginia 1]

Here is our advise for you: If you see food as a big problem, don't get married. I thought this site was to help with visa and immigration related issues, not rice fluffiness and wholeness. I wonder if you're post is even serious by what we read. Your detailed comments about cooking and the tomato flavor in the rice should be posted on a cooking site. Don't take our advise the wrong way, we just feel like garlic and onions do not belong on visajourney...

[Carol & Lenin 16]

Hi Aztec,

I myself have been getting cooking lessons via skype! i have been trying to perfect con con! Im sure what im thinking is tasting good my fiance will think is not so much. lol and I disagree with the person above this post. This is a site for support, so If this discussion helps in any small way this whole process including aclimating to each others taste, it is a welcome topic!

best wishes!

[Jenn! 918]

Here is our advise for you: If you see food as a big problem, don't get married. I thought this site was to help with visa and immigration related issues, not rice fluffiness and wholeness. I wonder if you're post is even serious by what we read. Your detailed comments about cooking and the tomato flavor in the rice should be posted on a cooking site. Don't take our advise the wrong way, we just feel like garlic and onions do not belong on visajourney...

You should make note of the description of the forum in which you are posting:

Post your experiences after arriving in America. How has your life changed? Share things like if you got work authorization; is it what you thought it would be; are you happy, etc.

This is a general discussion forum, her question is entirely appropriate. If you don't like it, perhaps you should just not respond and move on to topics that interest you more.

[PAGE 11 14]

Your post made me smile, as my fiance and I have had to make similar adjustments.

Apart from the cultural difference ( I am Filipino, he is Mexican-American) I am also a vegetarian and he loves meat!

I think the key is for both parties to try and be open to new food experiences. We both love to cook and we take turns cooking for each other. We have also found common favorites which we make the staple of our meals together. Then we each add new things little by little for each other to try. I think having different food backgrounds has expanded our common repertoire of food, rather than limited it. Now he eats more vegetables and appreciates Asian food, and I have new favorites from Mexican/American cooking. We also allow each other to eat what they like...so he'll let me have my rice fix while he eats something else, and he eats meat whenever he feels the need for it (though much less than before, and he is healthier for it!).

[StephanieM 60]

There is actually a pretty good Dominican cookbook on amazon. Here is the link ( http://www.amazon.com/Claras-Dominican-Cookbook-Clara-Gonzalez/dp/9945045008/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1303520647&sr=8-1 )

It has traditional Dominican dishes that I'm sure your husband will appreciate. It's pretty easy to follow and in english. I'm Dominican, but born and raised here, so it's easier to follow since it's an english. I figured it'll come in hand when my fiancee comes here since my mom won't always be around to explain it on the phone. And yes I TOTALLY understand what he means when he says if he doesn't eat rice he doesn't feel like he ate. White rice, beans and meat is what we call the "bandera dominicana" and that's what we eat everyday religiously!!

Good luck!

[MrTee12 64]

Hello VJ community!

Here I am, back again, with a post that speaks of the challenge of adjusting to living a life together.

My Dominican fiance entered the US a little over a month ago. We are planning to marry next month (May 16, 2011!). Yet, there is a problem. Our tastes in food are SO VERY DIFFERENT!

I am a native of Mexico and, as such, some SPICE is natural, indeed, expected in cooking. Having said this, I have often said that "I am a shame of a Mexican" because compared to most other Mexicans I eat VERY little spice. So, I add a little spice to my food as I am cooking. I like to make a fish soup with some ground chili pepper garlic oil (actually a Thai product) and my fiance can hardly stand it. He likes the flavor of my soup, but really dislikes its hotness. One time, trying to be nicer, I used a really small amount of this ground chili pepper. To me, the soup was quite tasteless because I missed the hotness. For him, it was still too spicy...

Another problem with our cooking is the very different ways in which we make rice. As a Dominican, my fiance LOVES his rice and expects to eat it daily. In his own words, "Si no como arroz, siento que no he comido!" (If I don't eat rice, I feel as though I have not eaten!). However, I like to make my rice by using chopped garlic and onion, sauteeing it a bit first with olive oil before adding the rice... At a minimum. Sometimes, I also like to use a tomato base broth to cook my rice so that I have the tomato flavor in the rice. My fiance, on the other hand, makes a rice that is very pretty; fluffy and whole, yet tasteless! He does not add anything but oil and salt! No garlic! Onion! Tomato paste! Nothing!

I wonder if other couples have had problems adjusting to each other's cooking and tastes. I am looking for advice on this issue. Yes, I have cooked two different fish soup pots (one for him, one for me), but cooking two different things for just two people is also more difficult and time consuming...

Thank you for your advice and I look forward to a delicious discussion!

Try this site...its great. Aunt Clara's Kitchen Dominican Cooking

http://www.dominicancooking.com/

[TBoneTX 43,061]

Every time I go to Ecuador, I consciously and fervently wish that I'd brought a pocket-sized container of pepper with me, sigh man. Also, both there and (post-marriage) here, I've had rice coming out of my, uh, nalga and most other bodily orifices, gag man.

Mexican food IS heavily spiced, si man. South American stuff (and, by your account and the grapevine) Central American stuff ain't, no man.

Fortunately, Mrs. T-B. experiments with spices and usually gets stuff to my taste (and she'll eat some, too). However, if she EVER uses cilantro in anything, her shapely hindquarters are being kicked back to Ecuador, si man, and I'll call one of the half-dozen blondes that I constantly tell her I'm keeping in the wings (imaginarily, sigh man ).

It's hard to adjust from being single, si man. I was ready for a relationship (so much so that I'd fallen out of the "I want a relationship" tree and hit every branch on the way down), but I still found myself rattled, irked, or gritting my teeth because things (not just meals) were different because now there was a second person around -- a real, living, breathing human being with thoughts, wishes, needs, and preferences of her own, si man. Her presence marked a new chapter of life, si man.

Even today, after 250 years of matrimony (give or take a couple of decimal places), we have distinct tastes. Mrs. T-B. will eat any flavor of ice cream, but she prefers either Neapolitan or "Cookies & Cream." I, conversely, prefer only chocolate, and at best I'll tolerate other flavors if I'll even eat them at all. Accordingly, I buy two containers of ice cream -- one for her, one for me. This keeps us both happy, with the added boon that Mrs. T-B. doesn't get into mine first or when I'm not around. (I can always tell, because the entire outside of the container, including the lid, is completely sticky, and melted drips adorn the freezer shelves and kitchen counter.)

Because marriage = accommodation + flexibility + understanding, avoid thinking of accommodating two people's preferences as "double work." Rather, it's pleasantly "separate" or "parallel" at the same time that you're an unshakeable marital unit. (This is one time when 2 equals 1 -- two people, one unit.)

Try to make things separately. Cook the plain arroz first, serve him his, add your spices to yours afterwards, and you both chow down. If (for example) you're cooking chicken in the oven, use two smaller Pyrex dishes -- one for unadulterated pollo, for him; and one for, uh, adulterated pollo for you. (Did that come out right, huh man?)

As an alternative, you could eat out more often or all the time, slurrrrrrp man.

Funny semi-tangent in regard to different menus: Nearly two years ago, I took Mrs. T-B. on a whirlwind tour of several Mexican border cities. In Nuevo Laredo (one of my favorites), we found a pretty good little restaurant. It was before the lunch crowd arrived, so approximately 6 waiters were pretty much all ours. Mrs. T-B. had them gaggled around the table as she went down the menu, asking about each item: "What is this -- is it spicy? What is this -- is it spicy? What is this?" The waiters were growing visibly confused, presumably because a fluent Spanish-speaker seemed clueless about what should have been common knowledge. After we ate and were walking out the door, I mustered my entire Spanish vocabulary and said to one waiter, "Mi esposa es una Ecuatoriana" ("my wife is Ecuadorian"). His eyebrows shot up as the mental light went on, and he said, "Ah! Si!" and rushed back inside, I assume to tell his colleagues the answer to the mystery. That was very funny, si man.

The above was also a personal victory, because normally whenever I say anything in Spanish, people look extremely alarmed and point me toward the nearest bathroom, uff man.

[Aztec&Taino 144]

Here is our advise for you: If you see food as a big problem, don't get married. I thought this site was to help with visa and immigration related issues, not rice fluffiness and wholeness. I wonder if you're post is even serious by what we read. Your detailed comments about cooking and the tomato flavor in the rice should be posted on a cooking site. Don't take our advise the wrong way, we just feel like garlic and onions do not belong on visajourney...

my thoughts for you is not to read posts in a forum of experiences in the US. If you want to stick to your forum readings and comment exclusively about the immigration process, then read and reply in those forums. Perhaps you do not know because you are a newbie, but the VJ community is one of support; not only about the immigration process, but also of topics related to the challenges entailed in establishing relationships long distance and with people of different countries and cultures.

Edited April 23, 2011 by Aztec&Taino

[sachinky 464]

Even today, after 250 years of matrimony (give or take a couple of decimal places), we have distinct tastes. Mrs. T-B. will eat any flavor of ice cream, but she prefers either Neapolitan or "Cookies & Cream."

TB! Mr. Sachinky will only eat 'cookies and cream.' I prefer chocolate. Only. We too, buy two cartons of ice-cream at the grocery store. It's just easier that way.

I'm much more picky about food than Mr. Sachinky who is a human trash compactor. He will eat anything that is fed to him, uncomplainingly. He has not complained about a single meal in the three years that we've been together apart from the time I overboiled egg noodles and he remarked that they seemed a little mushy. I prefer Chinese, Thai, Vietnamese, Indian cuisine whereas he's more of a burgers, pizza, burritos kind of guy. We make it work, we just get take-out most of the time. Yeah, it's from Krung Thai and Garcia's Kitchen (no more than 5 minutes apart) but hey, life's too short to not eat what you really want to eat, anyway.

[Carlos' Wife 9]

Oh my god! Thank you so much for this post I am starting to practice cooking Dominican dishes before my hubby gets here. Love the links people have provided. Thankfully my hubby is just like my dad...he will eat anything but he does love his Dominican soup!

And yep...visa journey is much more than advice on the "paperwork" of obtaining a visa...it's an excellent forum to explore and relate to people who are adjusting to life in the united states!!!

[Casprd 167]

Yeah my wife isn't here yet but we have talked quite a bit about food and tastes. She doesn't cook very much so it will be up to me to do the meals and I am getting recipes from her mom and sister. She does like the typical chinese style of boiled vegetables which I can't stand, but we both know this so we will accomodate each others tastes. She does also like shell fish which I can't stand, but I can learn how to cook these and just make something else for me

[OneLove <3 6]

lol girl i know about the cooking. I learned little by little how to make beans, rice, morros. But lucky for me my fiance eats anything I cook he also likes american foods, italian, and mexican. Pero I suggest you guys open up to different dishes of each others cultures. For instance my fiance knows that here in USA not even my dad eats rice 24/7. My older brother (dominican born and raised) married a Mexican American and she cooks her mexican dishes which are GREAT!! as well as dominican dishes. I think when it comes to cooking there has to be compromise. Suerte amiga!!

[Ribs & Beans 19]

I'm lucky with my husband--he eats anything and everything, and adapts easily! We didn't eat rice for like a month after he got here, and he even likes veggie burgers (although I didn't tell him they were veggie burgers until after he told me he liked them, ha ha). I'm glad he's not set on eating Dominican cooking 24/7, bc the only thing I make Dominican-style is white rice!

He just finished making lunch for us--white rice, breaded fried chicken, and broccoli! He is also now addicted to soy sauce.

Anyway, I hope your fiance is able to start opening up to more foods--it'll make things a lot easier. It doesn't hurt to have a pot of bland white rice around to make him feel at home. And maybe you could add some of your spices to your plate after everything is cooked?

Is he homesick at all?

Edited April 23, 2011 by Kikapoo

[Helen Louise Pile 80]

Hello VJ community!

Here I am, back again, with a post that speaks of the challenge of adjusting to living a life together.

My Dominican fiance entered the US a little over a month ago. We are planning to marry next month (May 16, 2011!). Yet, there is a problem. Our tastes in food are SO VERY DIFFERENT!

I am a native of Mexico and, as such, some SPICE is natural, indeed, expected in cooking. Having said this, I have often said that "I am a shame of a Mexican" because compared to most other Mexicans I eat VERY little spice. So, I add a little spice to my food as I am cooking. I like to make a fish soup with some ground chili pepper garlic oil (actually a Thai product) and my fiance can hardly stand it. He likes the flavor of my soup, but really dislikes its hotness. One time, trying to be nicer, I used a really small amount of this ground chili pepper. To me, the soup was quite tasteless because I missed the hotness. For him, it was still too spicy...

Another problem with our cooking is the very different ways in which we make rice. As a Dominican, my fiance LOVES his rice and expects to eat it daily. In his own words, "Si no como arroz, siento que no he comido!" (If I don't eat rice, I feel as though I have not eaten!). However, I like to make my rice by using chopped garlic and onion, sauteeing it a bit first with olive oil before adding the rice... At a minimum. Sometimes, I also like to use a tomato base broth to cook my rice so that I have the tomato flavor in the rice. My fiance, on the other hand, makes a rice that is very pretty; fluffy and whole, yet tasteless! He does not add anything but oil and salt! No garlic! Onion! Tomato paste! Nothing!

I wonder if other couples have had problems adjusting to each other's cooking and tastes. I am looking for advice on this issue. Yes, I have cooked two different fish soup pots (one for him, one for me), but cooking two different things for just two people is also more difficult and time consuming...

Thank you for your advice and I look forward to a delicious discussion!

I find this interesting since the UK and US are similar in types of foods....(well, there are some foods which are very specific to Scotland, but my husband lived there for 3 years and loves them so it was never an issue).

Did you have much experience of each others cultures before he moved to the US?

I think if you learn to make some of his favourite Dominican dishes and encourage him to find Mexican foods he loves then you can find compromise! Perhaps you can ask his Mother or a family member for some recipes? It will make him feel more at home too.

(My husband stocked the house with some of my favourite Scottish foods when I came over and that made me smile a lot!)

Congratulations on your up coming wedding!!

Edited April 23, 2011 by Helen Louise Pile