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Posted

Hello VJ community! :)

Here I am, back again, with a post that speaks of the challenge of adjusting to living a life together.

My Dominican fiance entered the US a little over a month ago. We are planning to marry next month (May 16, 2011!). Yet, there is a problem. Our tastes in food are SO VERY DIFFERENT!

I am a native of Mexico and, as such, some SPICE is natural, indeed, expected in cooking. Having said this, I have often said that "I am a shame of a Mexican" because compared to most other Mexicans I eat VERY little spice. So, I add a little spice to my food as I am cooking. I like to make a fish soup with some ground chili pepper garlic oil (actually a Thai product) and my fiance can hardly stand it. He likes the flavor of my soup, but really dislikes its hotness. One time, trying to be nicer, I used a really small amount of this ground chili pepper. To me, the soup was quite tasteless because I missed the hotness. For him, it was still too spicy...

Another problem with our cooking is the very different ways in which we make rice. As a Dominican, my fiance LOVES his rice and expects to eat it daily. In his own words, "Si no como arroz, siento que no he comido!" (If I don't eat rice, I feel as though I have not eaten!). However, I like to make my rice by using chopped garlic and onion, sauteeing it a bit first with olive oil before adding the rice... At a minimum. Sometimes, I also like to use a tomato base broth to cook my rice so that I have the tomato flavor in the rice. My fiance, on the other hand, makes a rice that is very pretty; fluffy and whole, yet tasteless! He does not add anything but oil and salt! No garlic! Onion! Tomato paste! Nothing!

I wonder if other couples have had problems adjusting to each other's cooking and tastes. I am looking for advice on this issue. Yes, I have cooked two different fish soup pots (one for him, one for me), but cooking two different things for just two people is also more difficult and time consuming...

Thank you for your advice and I look forward to a delicious discussion! :D

August 23, 2010 - I-129 F package sent via USPS priority mail with delivery confirmation.

August 30, 2010 - Per Department of Homeland Security (DHS) e-mail, petition received and routed to California Service Center for processing. Check cashed. I-797C Notice of Action by mail (NOA 1) - Received date 08/25/2010. Notice date 08/27/2010.

After 150 days of imposed anxious patience...

January 24, 2011 - Per USCIS website, petition approved and notice mailed.

January 31, 2011 - Approval receipt notice (NOA 2) received by mail. Called NVC, given Santo Domingo case number, and informed that petition was sent same day to consulate.

Called Visa Specialist at the Department of State every day for a case update. Informed of interview date on February, 16 2011. Informed that packet was mailed to fiance on February, 15 2011.

February 21, 2011 - Fiance has not yet received packet. Called 1-877-804-5402 (Visa Information Center of the United States Embassy) to request a duplicate packet in person pick-up at the US consulate in Santo Domingo. Packet can be picked-up by fiance on 02/28.

March 1, 2011 - Medical exam completed at Consultorios de Visa in Santo Domingo.

March 9, 2011 at 6 AM - Interview, approved!

March 18, 2011 - POE together. JFK and O'Hare airports. Legal wedding: May 16, 2011.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.

-Henry David Thoreau

Filed: AOS (pnd) Country: Germany
Timeline
Posted
:ot: Here is our advise for you: If you see food as a big problem, don't get married. I thought this site was to help with visa and immigration related issues, not rice fluffiness and wholeness. I wonder if you're post is even serious by what we read. Your detailed comments about cooking and the tomato flavor in the rice should be posted on a cooking site. Don't take our advise the wrong way, we just feel like garlic and onions do not belong on visajourney...
Posted

Hi Aztec,

I myself have been getting cooking lessons via skype! i have been trying to perfect con con! Im sure what im thinking is tasting good my fiance will think is not so much. lol and I disagree with the person above this post. This is a site for support, so If this discussion helps in any small way this whole process including aclimating to each others taste, it is a welcome topic!

best wishes!

<3 Carol

Posted

Your post made me smile, as my fiance and I have had to make similar adjustments.

Apart from the cultural difference ( I am Filipino, he is Mexican-American) I am also a vegetarian and he loves meat!

I think the key is for both parties to try and be open to new food experiences. We both love to cook and we take turns cooking for each other. We have also found common favorites which we make the staple of our meals together. Then we each add new things little by little for each other to try. I think having different food backgrounds has expanded our common repertoire of food, rather than limited it. Now he eats more vegetables and appreciates Asian food, and I have new favorites from Mexican/American cooking. We also allow each other to eat what they like...so he'll let me have my rice fix while he eats something else, and he eats meat whenever he feels the need for it (though much less than before, and he is healthier for it!).

Dec 05, 2011: Received U.S. permanent resident status (AOS based on K-1 visa)

Dec 16, 2013: Removal of conditions on green card

Apr 28, 2015: Became a U.S. Citizen

Posted

There is actually a pretty good Dominican cookbook on amazon. Here is the link ( http://www.amazon.com/Claras-Dominican-Cookbook-Clara-Gonzalez/dp/9945045008/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1303520647&sr=8-1 )

It has traditional Dominican dishes that I'm sure your husband will appreciate. It's pretty easy to follow and in english. I'm Dominican, but born and raised here, so it's easier to follow since it's an english. I figured it'll come in hand when my fiancee comes here since my mom won't always be around to explain it on the phone. And yes I TOTALLY understand what he means when he says if he doesn't eat rice he doesn't feel like he ate. White rice, beans and meat is what we call the "bandera dominicana" and that's what we eat everyday religiously!!

:yes:

Good luck!

01/01/2008 - Met
04/27/2010 - Engaged
08/23/2011 - Married
USCIS
10/03/2011 - I-130 Sent (USPS priority w/ delivery confirmation)
10/05/2011 - Package arrived at chicago lockbox
10/06/2011 - NOA1
11/09/2011 - NOA2 (no RFE's)
NVC
11/14/2011 - Petition received by NVC/ Received NOA2 by mail
11/21/2011 - NVC case # received by email/ Got AOS fee by email/ Called NVC to provide beneficiary email
11/27/2011 - Choice of agent (DS-3023) sent to NVC by email
.....took a break from process to delay interview....
01/26/2012 - Payed IV fee
01/27/2012 - IV fee status shown as PAID
02/07/2012 - Payed AOS fee
02/08/2012 - AOS fee status shown as PAID
02/09/ 2012 - DS-230 package sent to NVC (priority mail)
03/06/2012 - AOS package sent to NVC (priority mail)
03/12/2012 - Called NVC and found out about checklist. Sent revision to NVC that same day.
03/16/2012 - CASE COMPLETE!
04/11/2012 - Informed of interview via phone by DOS/ Got P4 email from NVC a few hours later that same day (May 4th)
SANTO DOMINGO CONSULATE
04/19/2012 - Medical
05/04/2012 - Interview (APPROVED)
05/10/2012 - Visa ready and picked up at domex
05/15/2012 - POE in Boston (together)
U. S. A
05/29/2012 - Went to SS office to apply for SS card
06/01/2012 - Welcome letter arrived (Received about 3 of these)
06/05/2012 - Green card arrived
06/15/2012- Back to SS office with green card to reapply and inquire about delay
06/18/2012 - Picked up SSN at SSA office
06/22/2012 - SS card arrived by mail

04/24/14 - Sent I-751 to remove conditions

06/09/14 - Biometrics

11/2014 - RFE from USCIS requesting more evidence before approval

Late Jan - Sent further evidence of marriage

03/05/2015 - Got letter of approval for removal of conditions

03/15/2015 - Permanent 10 yr green card received via mail

Posted

Hello VJ community! :)

Here I am, back again, with a post that speaks of the challenge of adjusting to living a life together.

My Dominican fiance entered the US a little over a month ago. We are planning to marry next month (May 16, 2011!). Yet, there is a problem. Our tastes in food are SO VERY DIFFERENT!

I am a native of Mexico and, as such, some SPICE is natural, indeed, expected in cooking. Having said this, I have often said that "I am a shame of a Mexican" because compared to most other Mexicans I eat VERY little spice. So, I add a little spice to my food as I am cooking. I like to make a fish soup with some ground chili pepper garlic oil (actually a Thai product) and my fiance can hardly stand it. He likes the flavor of my soup, but really dislikes its hotness. One time, trying to be nicer, I used a really small amount of this ground chili pepper. To me, the soup was quite tasteless because I missed the hotness. For him, it was still too spicy...

Another problem with our cooking is the very different ways in which we make rice. As a Dominican, my fiance LOVES his rice and expects to eat it daily. In his own words, "Si no como arroz, siento que no he comido!" (If I don't eat rice, I feel as though I have not eaten!). However, I like to make my rice by using chopped garlic and onion, sauteeing it a bit first with olive oil before adding the rice... At a minimum. Sometimes, I also like to use a tomato base broth to cook my rice so that I have the tomato flavor in the rice. My fiance, on the other hand, makes a rice that is very pretty; fluffy and whole, yet tasteless! He does not add anything but oil and salt! No garlic! Onion! Tomato paste! Nothing!

I wonder if other couples have had problems adjusting to each other's cooking and tastes. I am looking for advice on this issue. Yes, I have cooked two different fish soup pots (one for him, one for me), but cooking two different things for just two people is also more difficult and time consuming...

Thank you for your advice and I look forward to a delicious discussion! :D

Try this site...its great. Aunt Clara's Kitchen Dominican Cooking

http://www.dominicancooking.com/

K1 Visa Process -> 12/09-06/10 Married -> 09/10/10 AOS Process -> 09/10-12/10 Removal of Conditions-> 09/12-07/13

U.S. Naturalization -> 7/8/20

***What To Do After NOA2 (The Dominican Way) Wiki Page:

https://www.visajourney.com/wiki/dominican_republic_after_receiving_the_noa2/***

 

 

Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Ecuador
Timeline
Posted

Every time I go to Ecuador, I consciously and fervently wish that I'd brought a pocket-sized container of pepper with me, sigh man. Also, both there and (post-marriage) here, I've had rice coming out of my, uh, nalga and most other bodily orifices, gag man.

Mexican food IS heavily spiced, si man. South American stuff (and, by your account and the grapevine) Central American stuff ain't, no man.

Fortunately, Mrs. T-B. experiments with spices and usually gets stuff to my taste (and she'll eat some, too). However, if she EVER uses cilantro in anything, her shapely hindquarters are being kicked back to Ecuador, si man, and I'll call one of the half-dozen blondes that I constantly tell her I'm keeping in the wings (imaginarily, sigh man :) ).

It's hard to adjust from being single, si man. I was ready for a relationship (so much so that I'd fallen out of the "I want a relationship" tree and hit every branch on the way down), but I still found myself rattled, irked, or gritting my teeth because things (not just meals) were different because now there was a second person around -- a real, living, breathing human being with thoughts, wishes, needs, and preferences of her own, si man. Her presence marked a new chapter of life, si man.

Even today, after 250 years of matrimony (give or take a couple of decimal places), we have distinct tastes. Mrs. T-B. will eat any flavor of ice cream, but she prefers either Neapolitan or "Cookies & Cream." I, conversely, prefer only chocolate, and at best I'll tolerate other flavors if I'll even eat them at all. Accordingly, I buy two containers of ice cream -- one for her, one for me. This keeps us both happy, with the added boon that Mrs. T-B. doesn't get into mine first or when I'm not around. (I can always tell, because the entire outside of the container, including the lid, is completely sticky, and melted drips adorn the freezer shelves and kitchen counter.)

Because marriage = accommodation + flexibility + understanding, avoid thinking of accommodating two people's preferences as "double work." Rather, it's pleasantly "separate" or "parallel" at the same time that you're an unshakeable marital unit. (This is one time when 2 equals 1 -- two people, one unit.)

Try to make things separately. Cook the plain arroz first, serve him his, add your spices to yours afterwards, and you both chow down. If (for example) you're cooking chicken in the oven, use two smaller Pyrex dishes -- one for unadulterated pollo, for him; and one for, uh, adulterated pollo for you. (Did that come out right, huh man?)

As an alternative, you could eat out more often or all the time, slurrrrrrp man.

Funny semi-tangent in regard to different menus: Nearly two years ago, I took Mrs. T-B. on a whirlwind tour of several Mexican border cities. In Nuevo Laredo (one of my favorites), we found a pretty good little restaurant. It was before the lunch crowd arrived, so approximately 6 waiters were pretty much all ours. Mrs. T-B. had them gaggled around the table as she went down the menu, asking about each item: "What is this -- is it spicy? What is this -- is it spicy? What is this?" The waiters were growing visibly confused, presumably because a fluent Spanish-speaker seemed clueless about what should have been common knowledge. After we ate and were walking out the door, I mustered my entire Spanish vocabulary and said to one waiter, "Mi esposa es una Ecuatoriana" ("my wife is Ecuadorian"). His eyebrows shot up as the mental light went on, and he said, "Ah! Si!" and rushed back inside, I assume to tell his colleagues the answer to the mystery. That was very funny, si man.

The above was also a personal victory, because normally whenever I say anything in Spanish, people look extremely alarmed and point me toward the nearest bathroom, uff man.

06-04-2007 = TSC stamps postal return-receipt for I-129f.

06-11-2007 = NOA1 date (unknown to me).

07-20-2007 = Phoned Immigration Officer; got WAC#; where's NOA1?

09-25-2007 = Touch (first-ever).

09-28-2007 = NOA1, 23 days after their 45-day promise to send it (grrrr).

10-20 & 11-14-2007 = Phoned ImmOffs; "still pending."

12-11-2007 = 180 days; file is "between workstations, may be early Jan."; touches 12/11 & 12/12.

12-18-2007 = Call; file is with Division 9 ofcr. (bckgrnd check); e-prompt to shake it; touch.

12-19-2007 = NOA2 by e-mail & web, dated 12-18-07 (187 days; 201 per VJ); in mail 12/24/07.

01-09-2008 = File from USCIS to NVC, 1-4-08; NVC creates file, 1/15/08; to consulate 1/16/08.

01-23-2008 = Consulate gets file; outdated Packet 4 mailed to fiancee 1/27/08; rec'd 3/3/08.

04-29-2008 = Fiancee's 4-min. consular interview, 8:30 a.m.; much evidence brought but not allowed to be presented (consul: "More proof! Second interview! Bring your fiance!").

05-05-2008 = Infuriating $12 call to non-English-speaking consulate appointment-setter.

05-06-2008 = Better $12 call to English-speaker; "joint" interview date 6/30/08 (my selection).

06-30-2008 = Stokes Interrogations w/Ecuadorian (not USC); "wait 2 weeks; we'll mail her."

07-2008 = Daily calls to DOS: "currently processing"; 8/05 = Phoned consulate, got Section Chief; wrote him.

08-07-08 = E-mail from consulate, promising to issue visa "as soon as we get her passport" (on 8/12, per DHL).

08-27-08 = Phoned consulate (they "couldn't find" our file); visa DHL'd 8/28; in hand 9/1; through POE on 10/9 with NO hassles(!).

Filed: Lift. Cond. (apr) Country: India
Timeline
Posted
Even today, after 250 years of matrimony (give or take a couple of decimal places), we have distinct tastes. Mrs. T-B. will eat any flavor of ice cream, but she prefers either Neapolitan or "Cookies & Cream."

TB! Mr. Sachinky will only eat 'cookies and cream.' I prefer chocolate. Only. We too, buy two cartons of ice-cream at the grocery store. It's just easier that way.

I'm much more picky about food than Mr. Sachinky who is a human trash compactor. He will eat anything that is fed to him, uncomplainingly. He has not complained about a single meal in the three years that we've been together apart from the time I overboiled egg noodles and he remarked that they seemed a little mushy. I prefer Chinese, Thai, Vietnamese, Indian cuisine whereas he's more of a burgers, pizza, burritos kind of guy. We make it work, we just get take-out most of the time. Yeah, it's from Krung Thai and Garcia's Kitchen (no more than 5 minutes apart) but hey, life's too short to not eat what you really want to eat, anyway.

03/27/2009: Engaged in Ithaca, New York.
08/17/2009: Wedding in Calcutta, India.
09/29/2009: I-130 NOA1
01/25/2010: I-130 NOA2
03/23/2010: Case completed.
05/12/2010: CR-1 interview at Mumbai, India.
05/20/2010: US Entry, Chicago.
03/01/2012: ROC NOA1.
03/26/2012: Biometrics completed.
12/07/2012: 10 year card production ordered.

09/25/2013: N-400 NOA1

10/16/2013: Biometrics completed

12/03/2013: Interview

12/20/2013: Oath ceremony

event.png

Posted

Oh my god! Thank you so much for this post :) I am starting to practice cooking Dominican dishes before my hubby gets here. Love the links people have provided. Thankfully my hubby is just like my dad...he will eat anything but he does love his Dominican soup!

And yep...visa journey is much more than advice on the "paperwork" of obtaining a visa...it's an excellent forum to explore and relate to people who are adjusting to life in the united states!!!

Filed: Country: China
Timeline
Posted

Yeah my wife isn't here yet but we have talked quite a bit about food and tastes. She doesn't cook very much so it will be up to me to do the meals and I am getting recipes from her mom and sister. She does like the typical chinese style of boiled vegetables :wacko: which I can't stand, but we both know this so we will accomodate each others tastes. She does also like shell fish which I can't stand, but I can learn how to cook these and just make something else for me :thumbs:

Service Center : California Service Center
Consulate : Guangzhou, China
Marriage (if applicable): 2010-04-26
I-130 Sent : 2010-06-01
I-130 NOA1 : 2010-06-08
I-130 RFE : 2010-11-05
I-130 RFE Sent : 2010-11-06
I-130 Approved : 2010-11-10
NVC Received CaseFile: 2010-11-16
NVC Casefile Number Issued: 2010-11-22
Received DS-3032 / I-864 Bill : 2010-11-23
OPTIN EMAIL SENT TO NVC: 2010-11-23
OPTIN ACCEPTED by NVC: 2010-12-14
Pay I-864 Bill 2010-11-23
Receive I-864 Package : 2010-11-23
Return Completed I-864 : 2011-03-30
Return Completed DS-3032 : 2010-11-23
Receive IV Bill : 2010-12-17
Pay IV Bill : 2011-03-16
AOS CoverSheets Generated: 2010-11-27
IV Fee Bill marked as PAID: 2011-03-18
IV CoverSheets Generated: 2011-03-18
IV email packet sent: 2011-04-4
NVC reports 'Case Completed': 2011-5-2
'Sign in Fail' at the Online Payment Portal: 2011-5-2
Final Review Started at NVC: 2011-5-2
Final Review Completed at NVC: ????
Interview Date Set: 2011-5-5
Appointment Letter Received via Email: 2011-5-6
Interview Date: 2011-6-1
Approved!!!!!

I-751 Sent : 2013-07-02

I-751 Bio Appointment Date 2013-08-02

10 Year Green Card Approved!!!!!

Posted

lol girl i know about the cooking. I learned little by little how to make beans, rice, morros. But lucky for me my fiance eats anything I cook he also likes american foods, italian, and mexican. Pero I suggest you guys open up to different dishes of each others cultures. For instance my fiance knows that here in USA not even my dad eats rice 24/7. My older brother (dominican born and raised) married a Mexican American and she cooks her mexican dishes which are GREAT!! as well as dominican dishes. I think when it comes to cooking there has to be compromise. Suerte amiga!!

Check out my "About Me" tab on my profile to learn about my detailed timeline with the K-1 Visa and AOS process....

Live life, Laugh lots, Love forever.....

Posted (edited)

I'm lucky with my husband--he eats anything and everything, and adapts easily! We didn't eat rice for like a month after he got here, and he even likes veggie burgers (although I didn't tell him they were veggie burgers until after he told me he liked them, ha ha). I'm glad he's not set on eating Dominican cooking 24/7, bc the only thing I make Dominican-style is white rice!

He just finished making lunch for us--white rice, breaded fried chicken, and broccoli! He is also now addicted to soy sauce.

Anyway, I hope your fiance is able to start opening up to more foods--it'll make things a lot easier. It doesn't hurt to have a pot of bland white rice around to make him feel at home. And maybe you could add some of your spices to your plate after everything is cooked?

Is he homesick at all?

Edited by Kikapoo

IR-5

  • USCIS scan date - 11/07/2014
  • NVC scan date - 03/06/2015
  • NVC case complete - 08/01/2015
  • Interview scheduled - 09/14/2015
  • Interview - 10/08/2015
Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Scotland
Timeline
Posted (edited)

Hello VJ community! :)

Here I am, back again, with a post that speaks of the challenge of adjusting to living a life together.

My Dominican fiance entered the US a little over a month ago. We are planning to marry next month (May 16, 2011!). Yet, there is a problem. Our tastes in food are SO VERY DIFFERENT!

I am a native of Mexico and, as such, some SPICE is natural, indeed, expected in cooking. Having said this, I have often said that "I am a shame of a Mexican" because compared to most other Mexicans I eat VERY little spice. So, I add a little spice to my food as I am cooking. I like to make a fish soup with some ground chili pepper garlic oil (actually a Thai product) and my fiance can hardly stand it. He likes the flavor of my soup, but really dislikes its hotness. One time, trying to be nicer, I used a really small amount of this ground chili pepper. To me, the soup was quite tasteless because I missed the hotness. For him, it was still too spicy...

Another problem with our cooking is the very different ways in which we make rice. As a Dominican, my fiance LOVES his rice and expects to eat it daily. In his own words, "Si no como arroz, siento que no he comido!" (If I don't eat rice, I feel as though I have not eaten!). However, I like to make my rice by using chopped garlic and onion, sauteeing it a bit first with olive oil before adding the rice... At a minimum. Sometimes, I also like to use a tomato base broth to cook my rice so that I have the tomato flavor in the rice. My fiance, on the other hand, makes a rice that is very pretty; fluffy and whole, yet tasteless! He does not add anything but oil and salt! No garlic! Onion! Tomato paste! Nothing!

I wonder if other couples have had problems adjusting to each other's cooking and tastes. I am looking for advice on this issue. Yes, I have cooked two different fish soup pots (one for him, one for me), but cooking two different things for just two people is also more difficult and time consuming...

Thank you for your advice and I look forward to a delicious discussion! :D

I find this interesting since the UK and US are similar in types of foods....(well, there are some foods which are very specific to Scotland, but my husband lived there for 3 years and loves them so it was never an issue).

Did you have much experience of each others cultures before he moved to the US?

I think if you learn to make some of his favourite Dominican dishes and encourage him to find Mexican foods he loves then you can find compromise! :) Perhaps you can ask his Mother or a family member for some recipes? It will make him feel more at home too.

(My husband stocked the house with some of my favourite Scottish foods when I came over and that made me smile a lot!)

Congratulations on your up coming wedding!!

Edited by Helen Louise Pile

05-2010 I-129F application received by USCIS.

05-2010 NOA1 received.

07-2010 NOA2 received.

07-2010 Packet 3 received.

08-2010 Packet 3 returned.

09-2010 Medical in London.

10-2010 Interview at US Embassy in London: Approved.

10-2010 POE Newark, NJ.

11-2010 Married in Vermont.

03-2011 Notice of acceptance of AOS packet.

03-2011 Biometrics appointment in St Albans.

03-2010 Case transfered to California Service Centre.

04-2011 I-485 Approved.

event.png

 
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