Room Full of Hearts

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

You use her as your 'counselor'

She says counseling is utterly useless.

Ergo, no help to you.

What she does or doesn't believe is not the issue here. You have to know yourself that your situation is unhealthy. I am neither friend nor foe, and am looking at what you've said through entirely objective eyes.

I believe you should find a qualified counselor/therapist to listen to you, and help you. I'm not saying I'm qualified to do so. In fact, the only one here to my knowledge who's qualified is Deano, but I haven't seen him in a while.

Shele made an interesting point...when there's DV, it escalates. Before it escalates into something truly horrible, get the help you need...at least for you and your son.

It seems to me that you're ready to accept the situation - 'it is what it is'...Benny won't budge, so you both are in this back and forth power struggle and one-upmanship of exerting control. Even if there were no children involved, I'd tell you the same thing, but it's even more important with your son in the picture. You say you want to do whatever it takes to protect your son? Get counseling.

I'm not saying this to be awful, I'm saying this to help. I am a total stranger and have no dog in this fight, so realize that there's no self serving angle for me here.

Lisa, you must take care in using such vitriolic language. You minimize Nagi's concerns and experiences and that serves to minimize her value as a person. That is the the last thin any abused person needs. It would have been far better to say what didn't work for Nagi, might work for you. Can we at least try, whatever your decision, we will be here for you. I do believe that you are trying to help and not hurt but language can have unintended consequences especially when dealing with such a delicate situation.

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

Good morning and happy Moanday, guize.

I have a doctor's appt this morning and hopefully will be discussing the horrible complications from surgery. From there I will go to the pasture, which is covered with zillions of baby frogs. The mosquitoes and flies have been just terrible. We may be getting a new boarder. I met an older woman there yesterday who is interested in natural pasture board for her mare. Currently, we only have one mare in the 'retired gelding's club'. The lady said she does a lot of riding, so it would be nice to have someone to ride with.

GOOD MORNING!!!

Sounds like things are looking up for you. I truly hope that your prognosis is looking up and that the complications aren't long-term. I pray that the nice lady becomes a new boarder, it will be a great help to have someone to ride with on a regular basis. It will be good for you and good for Koda.

[The Dude 206]

Lisa, you must take care in using such vitriolic language. You minimize Nagi's concerns and experiences and that serves to minimize her value as a person. That is the the last thin any abused person needs. It would have been far better to say what didn't work for Nagi, might work for you. Can we at least try, whatever your decision, we will be here for you. I do believe that you are trying to help and not hurt but language can have unintended consequences especially when dealing with such a delicate situation.

You should heed your own warning. Every other word out of your mouth is more acerbic than the previous. It is difficult to take yours or nagi's outrage serious in situations like this because you two so frequently feign indignation. As I have stated numerous times, I didn't make the comment to be snide, I made it because I don't think this is the appropriate forum to discus somethign like that. Even more inappropriate was the complicit responses supporting the violence. You are the one who went immediately to attacking people when they posted in your precious thread IR5, keep that in mind.

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

The worst of it is over. The incision site is hard and puffy and looks like I had my throat slashed.

Oh dear. If you don't form keloids very easily then it might reduce on its own, I've got my fingers crossed for you.

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

You should heed your own warning. Every other word out of your mouth is more acerbic than the previous. It is difficult to take yours or nagi's outrage serious in situations like this because you two so frequently feign indignation. As I have stated numerous times, I didn't make the comment to be snide, I made it because I don't think this is the appropriate forum to discus somethign like that. Even more inappropriate was the complicit responses supporting the violence. You are the one who went immediately to attacking people when they posted in your precious thread IR5, keep that in mind.

Rob, give it a rest. This is not a game of one-upmanship. I have never condoned violence against anyone. As you stated this is not the appropriate forum to discuss it. People do not like to be hectored to in such situations, hence my response which you misinterpreted as tacit approval. Nothing could be further from the truth. If you are truly earnest in your concern and well and truly have the courage of your convictions, then start a DV abuse thread. I WILL support you in this undertaking.

[Fandango 1,439]

Lisa, you must take care in using such vitriolic language. You minimize Nagi's concerns and experiences and that serves to minimize her value as a person. That is the the last thin any abused person needs. It would have been far better to say what didn't work for Nagi, might work for you. Can we at least try, whatever your decision, we will be here for you. I do believe that you are trying to help and not hurt but language can have unintended consequences especially when dealing with such a delicate situation.

I'm not minimizing anything about Nagishaw's value as a person...has nothing to do with that. It has to do with her value as a counselor, which by her own admission, she doesn't believe in its value. The words I typed were are her own; counseling doesn't work. So in this regard, since Cassi sees Nagishaw as a 'counselor', (which she said) and Nagishaw said it doesn't work, (which SHE said)...then there's a serious disconnect there. It wasn't meant as a dig at Nagishaw, it's very matter of fact based on several statements that I did not twist.

Also, that last line in my post that you quoted had nothing to do with Nagishaw, that was my own personal take on things. That I was offering my advice based on an outsider's POV, and sometimes, those are the freshest eyes to rely on.

Unless I'm mistaken, none of us is a qualified therapist, and a few supportive posts on a MB are not going to really bring about any change, which this family desperately needs. I understand your POV, but please understand mine, too. Her family needs more help than anyone here can give.

I'm not going to get into a back and forth over this, that is not the issue at hand so now that I've cleared that up, let's move on.

I think those of us who know Cassi's location can help her best by trying to find some free resources in her area.

[The Dude 206]

Rob, give it a rest. This is not a game of one-upmanship. I have never condoned violence against anyone. As you stated this is not the appropriate forum to discuss it. People do not like to be hectored to in such situations, hence my response which you misinterpreted as tacit approval. Nothing could be further from the truth. If you are truly earnest in your concern and well and truly have the courage of your convictions, then start a DV abuse thread. I WILL support you in this undertaking.

Again, I suggest you take your own advice. Your sanctimonious act is a bit thin. Read my initial post again, then read your subsequent attacks. I'm not going to start a domestic violence thread because I have no business doing such. If you were actually concerned about it, you could do as Lisa did and actually refer her some useful information, like Lisa did, rather tell than anecdotes.

[Fandango 1,439]

Oh dear. If you don't form keloids very easily then it might reduce on its own, I've got my fingers crossed for you.

As far as keloids, there's this really cool product out on the mkt which works wonders for them. I had a very severe scar from almost 10 hour surgery, then the incision became infected with MRSA, so they had to reopen the wound, and let it heal naturally. It didn't close for a few months! I had a horrific keloid from the whole thing. I tried many products on the mkt, every gel out there...and none of them worked. Then my mom bought me this silicone patch...I don't know how or why it works, something to do with pressure....but i put this silicone packet against it, and it completely removed the keloid.

Back in the day, it was one company, and the patch cost over $100. I can't remember the company, but a google search shows that there have been many strides with the product, and there are now choices, as well as lower prices.

[Nagishkaw 510]

Oh dear. If you don't form keloids very easily then it might reduce on its own, I've got my fingers crossed for you.

He said it should go down in a few weeks. I had a blood test to check the calcium levels.

[cassi9879 20]

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

He said it should go down in a few weeks. I had a blood test to check the calcium levels.

Hoping for some great news. Sounds like things are looking up.

[cassi9879 20]

Anyone participated in something like this? https://www.joinmda.org/indytelu2011

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

I'm not minimizing anything about Nagishaw's value as a person...has nothing to do with that. It has to do with her value as a counselor, which by her own admission, she doesn't believe in its value. The words I typed were are her own; counseling doesn't work. So in this regard, since Cassi sees Nagishaw as a 'counselor', (which she said) and Nagishaw said it doesn't work, (which SHE said)...then there's a serious disconnect there. It wasn't meant as a dig at Nagishaw, it's very matter of fact based on several statements that I did not twist.

Also, that last line in my post that you quoted had nothing to do with Nagishaw, that was my own personal take on things. That I was offering my advice based on an outsider's POV, and sometimes, those are the freshest eyes to rely on.

Unless I'm mistaken, none of us is a qualified therapist, and a few supportive posts on a MB are not going to really bring about any change, which this family desperately needs. I understand your POV, but please understand mine, too. Her family needs more help than anyone here can give.

I'm not going to get into a back and forth over this, that is not the issue at hand so now that I've cleared that up, let's move on.

I think those of us who know Cassi's location can help her best by trying to find some free resources in her area.

Lisa, I'm not going to get into it with you but when you dismiss, denegrate or ignore a victims' experiences, you further victimize them. The courts, the police and even the social workers, by and large, do not support the victim. In Nagi's case, and in too many other cases, the victim is minimized or ignored. No one pays attention until the victim ends up in the morgue. I have read far too many case studies and Nagi's own experience further convinces me that the barriers to seeking justice are still extant. He (or she) is a nice person, he (or she) couldn't hurt a fly, goes the refrain. I can move on, you can move on but the victim can't. If Cassi needs help she will make the first step and we can only provide support, whatever her decision.

http://www.mincava.umn.edu/documents/hart/justice/justice.pdf

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

Lisa, I'm not going to get into it with you but when you dismiss, denegrate or ignore a victims' experiences, you further victimize them. The courts, the police and even the social workers, by and large, do not support the victim. In Nagi's case, and in too many other cases, the victim is minimized or ignored. No one pays attention until the victim ends up in the morgue. I have read far too many case studies and Nagi's own experience further convinces me that the barriers to seeking justice are still extant. He (or she) is a nice person, he (or she) couldn't hurt a fly, goes the refrain. I can move on, you can move on but the victim can't. If Cassi needs help she will make the first step and we can only provide support, whatever her decision.

http://www.mincava.umn.edu/documents/hart/justice/justice.pdf

By that rationale, one could denigrate the experiences of another by fixating on their own experiences to the exclusion of all else...

[Fandango 1,439]

Lisa, I'm not going to get into it with you but when you dismiss, denegrate or ignore a victims' experiences, you further victimize them. The courts, the police and even the social workers, by and large, do not support the victim. In Nagi's case, and in too many other cases, the victim is minimized or ignored. No one pays attention until the victim ends up in the morgue. I have read far too many case studies and Nagi's own experience further convinces me that the barriers to seeking justice are still extant. He (or she) is a nice person, he (or she) couldn't hurt a fly, goes the refrain. I can move on, you can move on but the victim can't. If Cassi needs help she will make the first step and we can only provide support, whatever her decision.

http://www.mincava.u...ice/justice.pdf

I think we're having separate conversations. .

(hint: my stance has nothing to do with Nagishaw's experience, nothing to do with her value as a person. It has nothing to do with me not supporting her as a victim, nor overcoming barriers to seeking justice)

You're going off on a tangent here...please try to reign it in