Do Mail-Order Brides Make "Good Wives?"

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By now most of us have seen the 1950’s "The Good Wife's Guide"—the one that tells women that a "Good Wife" is one who acknowledges her husband as master of the house and never questions his authority. The guide is probably a fake that was intended to mock the household dynamics of the post-war generation by imagining a (fictional) era of submissive wives. Did you know, though, that in recent years "The Good Wife's Guide" has taken on a whole new purpose? It is being used as a manifesto for international marriage brokers aiming to convince American men that they deserve obedient wives and that the (again, fictional) 1950s wife can be found in a foreign country.

It must be working. Each year international marriage brokers assist with the importation of tens of thousands of foreign spouses and fiancées into the U.S. It’s big business too; the more than 500 brokers generate an estimated 34 million dollars in revenue from hopeful grooms.

The market size is not why it is an interesting economic problem—to me at least.

Economists are interested in intra-household bargaining—the way that couples decide how resources are allocated within the household. For example, how much time each individual dedicates to paid labor is usually determined through intra-household bargaining. The decision about how many children will be born, and the share of household resources allocated to children, is also determined though intra-household bargaining. Intra-household bargaining determines the division of household chores and time each parent spends on child-rearing. Finally, but importantly, bargaining determines whether or not a couple is having sex and what sex acts are performed.

In other words, most of the decisions that will ultimately determine the welfare of everyone within the household are made through household bargaining.

On the surface, at least, international marriage brokers promote the idea that the advantage of a foreign wife, as opposed to a domestic wife, is that the husband will hold the balance of household decision making power. They sell the idea that foreign brides come from societies in which the social norm is one of male dominance and, as a result, are more willing to accept that arrangement. Don’t take my word for it, consider the following quote from the marriage broker web site www.goodwife.com:

We, as men, are more and more wanting to step back from the types of women we meet now. With many women taking on the "me first" feminist agenda and the man continuing to take a back seat to her desire for power and control many men are turned off by this and look back to having a more traditional woman as our partner.

They also, perhaps less explicitly, promote the notion that women from economically disadvantaged countries will be more grateful for the privileges their western husband can provide and, as a result, be less likely to make demands on his resources.

Do foreign-born wives arrive with any of these expectations? Probably not. In fact, many are sold on the idea that a western husband means more opportunities for decision making within the household—not less. If this is true, then both parties enter the marriage with very different ideas as to how the power within the household will be allocated. I don’t doubt that when two people marry who having very different ideas of how decisions will be made, that conflict is created. It is perhaps that conflict that is contributing to the high level of abuse documented in these relationships.*

Despite a vast economic literature on household bargaining and well-being, there has been nothing done, to my knowledge, on bargaining within households in which the wife is a mail-order bride. If that changes—which I hope it does—you can be certain that I will let you know.

http://bigthink.com/ideas/26403

[misterbigtoe 45]

The big problem that I see with mail order brides is that the restocking fees are exorbitant!

[Jenn! 918]

Do foreign-born wives arrive with any of these expectations? Probably not. In fact, many are sold on the idea that a western husband means more opportunities for decision making within the householdnot less.

This is a good point. If it makes you happy to have your world be centered around serving your husband, chances are you would rather not leave your family and comforts of your birthplace to go do the same thing across the ocean.

But even foreign women who were looking for a little more independence are probably, generally speaking, more of a "good wife" than, oh, let's say, me, for example.

Edited January 3, 2011 by Jenn!

[The_Dude 1,142]

Do foreign-born wives arrive with any of these expectations? Probably not. In fact, many are sold on the idea that a western husband means more opportunities for decision making within the household—not less. If this is true, then both parties enter the marriage with very different ideas as to how the power within the household will be allocated. I don’t doubt that when two people marry who having very different ideas of how decisions will be made, that conflict is created. It is perhaps that conflict that is contributing to the high level of abuse documented in these relationships.*

Why does this bit not surprise me at all?

[Ban Hammer 14,355]

that's why i married nessa - so i can make the decisions around here. and now, i've decided i'll go wash the dishes!

[tmma 467]

Do mail order wives make good wives? IMO, yes. A MOB is a good option for some men

Edited January 3, 2011 by tmma

[Captain Oates 911]

They all end up an expensive purchase eventually and buyer's remorse and cellulite forever stalks the domestic scene.

I used to be to be the town boss of 14,000 people when I was 19 years old and a Police Officer. Then I became European Finance Director for a big company. In both roles I was respected and nobody would dare say shush to me.

I am shushed every day now

On CNN this morning, they reported from Spain on the smoking ban and said 'MANY HISPANICS' there were against it.

I just mumbled "They are Spanish, not Hispanics" and I was told to shush. I hate being shushed.

I bet MOB's shush as well.

I think they should swear an oath before the USCIS not to shush their husbands, otherwise their immigration status can be revoked at the first instance with the only evidence required being an affidavit from the husband that they were shushed at least once. 'Thou shalt not shush' should be a constitutional amendment too.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

It's not just marriage brokers, but international dating sites that make sales pitches both to the American men and to the foreign women.

I think level of education plays a big role on the dynamics of the marriage, where some American men are perfectly content with finding a mate that will be heavily dependent on him for income and transportation.

As for the household bargaining - I don't buy into that term. ####### for tat is not really a loving relationship, IMO. Spouses pitch in and do things for one another as well as the family as a whole out of love, and not because they are hoping for some favor in return.

[Captain Oates 911]

It's not just marriage brokers, but international dating sites that make sales pitches both to the American men and to the foreign women.

I think level of education plays a big role on the dynamics of the marriage, where some American men are perfectly content with finding a mate that will be heavily dependent on him for income and transportation.

As for the household bargaining - I don't buy into that term. ####### for tat is not really a loving relationship, IMO. Spouses pitch in and do things for one another as well as the family as a whole out of love, and not because they are hoping for some favor in return.

Yeah I spent 16 years looking for a permanent mate after I got divorced. Then I found one and I thought she was perfect because she is just like me and I am perfect. Educated, clean, intelligent, responsible, non smoking, non alky, not a credit card fiend, outdoorsy, likes foreign travel etc etc etc. The only trouble is that I am a total git sometimes and so is she.

I had two girlfriends who were much nicer than she but they were thick. They were more than pretty, totally nice, smiling, serene and happy. It drove me nuts !

One said - " So do baby ducks come from eggs ?"

The other said " Look at that plane taking off " - (it's nose was lower than the tail!!!!)

So sometimes I think a sweet, pretty, quiet compliant MOB would be wonderful - but then I realise I would lose patience and get frustrated with the lack of understanding and I would lose respect.

I dare not lose respect with mine or I would be clobbered big style and then some and I would be wearing my computer screen when I arrived at the emergency room

[Jenn! 918]

True, compliant and intelligent don't often go together. The worst is dumb AND independent!

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So sometimes I think a sweet, pretty, quiet compliant MOB would be wonderful ...

Yeah, sometimes it would be. But it would have to be temporary. Maybe a Shia MOB

True, compliant and intelligent don't often go together.

But a man can dream, can't he?

[Jenn! 918]

But a man can dream, can't he?

We noncompliant females also dream of the same.

[JeanneVictoria 55]

that's why i married nessa - so i can make the decisions around here. and now, i've decided i'll go wash the dishes!

:rofl:

[Captain Oates 911]

True, compliant and intelligent don't often go together. The worst is dumb AND independent!

With an annoying and noisy throat clearing habit !

[The_Dude 1,142]

I would like to thank you for this thread. Now all the google ads and banners are for Russian and Pinay wives, brokers, and agencies.