Immidiate advice needed! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP!!!!!!

[KolinaB 0]

You mentioned in one of your post's that you will use your IDP to drive around.

Please check with your local DMV, even though US is a signatory of the IDP which has a validity of 2 years it can only be used for 6 months in the US.

This is what a cop told me when I first came to the US and was using an IDP, This was 20 years ago.

Better to be safe then sorry.

Thank you for your advice. But I really don't want to do that. If the police catches me, let it be so. I can't worry about that beside all of the other problems I have.

I can't have American Driving License because I still don't have Green Card. Once I obtain it getting American Driving License will be my top priority. For now, I'm stuck with this one. I don't care. They can put me in prison if they want to. I feel like I'm in prison anyway.

[KolinaB 0]

You could volunteer to teach ESL to other immigrants - through adult ed in the school system. You could also volunteer at the hospital, or possibly act as a translator for patients from Bosnia. These are good ways to become familiar with

what is happening in your city and then when you have an EAD, it will be easier for you to find a job. I couldn't believe there wasn't public transportation in a city the size of St. Louis, so I looked it up: http://www.metrostlouis.org/

You could find out about volunteering at a library, or go to the Chamber of Commerce and ask about volunteer opportunities in St. Louis. Or you could just take a fun class through the community college. It is usually pretty inexpensive and

a fun way to occupy your mind. Good Luck! I know it is hard to be somewhere far from your friends and family. Even I felt this when I moved to a new state. It took me a while to adapt and

I got depressed. But, I just tried to find things that I liked to do and eventually I found myself occupied.

I actually found one volunteering opportunity really close to my house- teaching ESL to Christian immigrants in Church. But They only want a Christian to do that because he would be teaching prayers, and I'm not a Christian. You can imagine how disappointed I was when I read that. I'm sure I'll find something interesting soon. As for translating in hospital that would be an option as well only when I get my EAD, because they don't want volunteers, they hire people for money.

And, yes, there is a public transportation in STL, but that is not an option for me because the closest bus station is like 3 miles from my house and I can't really walk 3 miles when it's 10 degrees outside. My immune system couldn't tolerate it and I would probably end up with pneumonia or something.

But, I'll do something, I'll find something. I spent a huge amount of time feeling sorry for myself and now it's time for me to put a stop to that.

Thank you for everything.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

I live in Saint Louis, Missouri. Originally I am from Bosnia. There are approximately 60,000 of Bosnian people in this city. I just hesitate to go out there and get to know someone. I don't know what has happened to me since I've gotten here. I have never been like this. I just kind of want my old friends back. I don't know..

Kolina,

St. Louis apparently has one of the largest Bosnian communities in the US, which will be a wonderful resource for you when you are more comfortable about reaching out to them. You may find that there are volunteer opportunities within that community. Last year apparently the community opened it's own Community Center/Cultural Center : http://www.stltoday....ac6b0fdb68.html . They may actually know of others from Bosnia who are neighbours near by and who can even give you rides to the center until you have your own transportation. There may be classes you can teach there teaching English as a Second Language to other new arrivals. You actually have a unique skill as a trained teacher that I am sure would be much appreciated. Many Cultural Centers rely on the volunteer expertise of their members and not only would you be doing yourself good, you would be doing others good as well.

I do know how it feels to find yourself, a previously independent, competent and self-sufficient woman, suddenly deprived of that sense of self that comes from uprooting your life and becoming totally dependent upon another person. It is a very difficult thing to do and something that it is hard for those who have not experienced it for themselves to understand. It is something many of the women in this forum who have given up their productive lives back home to move here and marry the man that they love have gone through - and are going through still. The first year is definitely going to be the hardest and this is when you will find yourself having to draw upon resources within yourself you never knew you had. As much as it would be easy to go back home, try to give your new life here another chance. As difficult and as uncomfortable and as intimidating as it is, reach out to the Bosnian community that is within St. Louis. St. Louis will never provide you with the same richness or society that you had back home - no where can - but it can provide you with a totally new one that, in time, will become rich and satisfying in and of itself.

Good luck to you, and please remember, even when it feels like you are alone - you're not. You're just 'on your own' in a brand new way that is stretching the boundaries of your comfort zone. This is one of the hardest things you will ever have to do in your life but there is a light at the end of this tunnel.

Edited December 18, 2010 by Kathryn41

[trillium13 84]

Thank you for your advice. But I really don't want to do that. If the police catches me, let it be so. I can't worry about that beside all of the other problems I have.

I can't have American Driving License because I still don't have Green Card. Once I obtain it getting American Driving License will be my top priority. For now, I'm stuck with this one. I don't care. They can put me in prison if they want to. I feel like I'm in prison anyway.

I probably shouldn't even tell this story but I will. Before I met him my husband got pulled over for speeding on the interstate (over 100!). He had his German DL. It's like a folded up wadded piece of paper. He had already overstayed his VWP by quite some time.

He got a warning. I don't know how he did it but he did. Of course this is Texas, where they either couldn't give a shiat or they shoot you, depending on their mood.

[Yellowhead 12]

I have moved around, on my own, my whole life. Thus far it has not been a new country, with a new culture, but we are facing that hurdle in the next 6 months, so I have been mentally preparing myself for this. There are a couple of things you should most definitely do, and some you should not do! Here is my 2 cents.

First of all, AOS shouldn't take much longer. Just like any unpleasant situation in our lives, time drags on and seems a lot worse than it is. As soon as you get that approval, life will become fun again, even if you don't like the city you are in. I don't think it is fair to make a real decision about the city until you have been there for at least 1-2 years. In my experience, it takes at least that long to feel at home, and it is a lot of work - but totallllly worth it. Being away from friends and family back home is difficult, but being with your husband should help. I assure you right now, things WILL change for the better. You have to have a positive outlook though, and you are off to a good start by reaching out and seeking advice.

Second, cleaning is the worst thing you could do. I clean when I am angry and it lets the anger fester. When my fiance and I fight, I clean, and I end up more mad in the end. :/ I would suggest movies as a nice escape. Netflix is a definite perk if you want to cheaply watch 10 movies a day. Why not spend time doing something you have always wanted to do? We all have dreams as kids, teens, and adults, that we tend to lose sight of because our lives get in the way. I would strongly suggest making a list of things you have always wanted to do, but have never had the time to do. Then, decide which ones are possible given your resources, and make them happen! Don't focus on the end result, but on the journey and the experience of trying something new.

Depression is a mighty beast, but your depression right now might not require medication. It seems to me (and I am no psychologist or psychiatrist) that this is all situational, and to fix that, you need to make some positive changes in your life. This is where actions speak louder than words, and where you sometimes have to force yourself to do things you would rather not do (and sometimes would rather be buried alive to avoid, as you previously mentioned). However, you are in charge of your destiny, and you have to put effort in to get results.

Here is what I would do, and what my therapist has suggested in the past to help me get out of the funk of situational depression....

• start walking, running, getting active. Even the mildest activity and boost your spirits big time.
  
• get outside for at least 15 mins per day. Even in the rain and snow!
  
• if you are stuck at home, get a bike! This gives you a little more range, and knocks off point 1 and 2 above!
  
• realize that your thoughts, feelings and actions are interrelated. If you change one of those, it will affect the others. Actions are the easiest to change, and feelings are the hardest, but changing one should help enact positive change overall.
  
• take every day one step at a time. Stop thinking about the end result, and break things down into steps. For ex: today, I need to write a paper. It seems like a daunting task and I would rather claw out my own eyes than sit here writing it. Instead, I decided to make some notes, break, more notes, break, reading, break, research, big break! paragraph, more breaks, repeat, and eventually, Voila! Paper in hand, not too much stress.
  
• take a few minutes every day to count your blessings and to reflect on what you do have in your life, and how lucky you are. NO bad thoughts within this period. NONE! Write them down, and within a week you will have an undeniable pile of things to be grateful for. This will seem less like a monster and more like a hiccup.
  
• and finally, connect. Life is about experiencing it and enjoying the company of others. Volunteering, as you mentioned, is a great idea. Try craigslist personals for meeting friends. I have done that and have found some lovely ladies who are in a similar situation to me. The power of ranting with someone you share an experience with is amazing! Hence the success of VJ and you might form some lasting friendships in the meantime.
  You will survive this. We all will. You made it this far, so don't give up now. Give it some time, and within a year or two, if you still hate it there, you might want to rethink your priorities, but not before you give missouri a fighting chance. Do it for you and do it for you hubby. All the best!
  (now back to that dreadful paper I go...see, baby steps...)
  

Edited December 20, 2010 by hithalynn

[luckytxn 2,263]

Kolina. God bless and good luck to you. You are undergoing an extremely anxious times in your life right now. My heart goes out to you and wish I could help but all I can do is say that you are never ever alone. As you said you have been uprooted and placed in a foreign environment with little resources at your disposal at the moment. The one thing you have said that actually very few people have in this world is someone that loves them very much. That someone it seems is working very hard for both of your happiness. This time before you get that EAD and Greencard and the license is just a temporary moment that will not last. After that moment of freedom comes and the EAD and Greencard and Social Security card and License come is when you will have to make many decisions. A world will open up to you that may seem frightful and possible exciting but it is an opportunity nonetheless that will free your soul and mind. Once you have this freedom you will then start to mingle in the world you are in and options will come. A job will come eventually. After a friend here and a friend there will come. You will see that the sacrifices that this man that loves you did was the thing that will bring you both happiness. Your love for him will grow forever as his for you. Very few people actually have the choices that will be coming their way like so many will be for you. You must grasp and try to excell at these chances because if not the possible regret in the future can possibly destroy them. By going back without trying is to quit and deny yourself a possible all encompassing happiness.

My wife when she first came was so sad and lonely and scared that it broke my heart. I tried to help her but face it I could only do so much. It was her that had to want that happiness. I was even ready to buy her a ticket back if she asked but my broken heart at seeing her so lost looking would have been irreparable and I would have given up on any happiness in my life forever. I was ready to do it because I loved her though and wanted her happy. Somehow she found a friend at school and very fast she found more than there were so many friends at our home sometimes they drove me nuts. ( A good kind of nuts though) She started to work sometimes and loved that she could help out. (I made plenty for us but she started to pay for her car I finally got and the insurance and even sometimes the gas) She seemed happy and happier as times went and the joy she expressed made my joy even more so. ( No man should be as joyful as I am now) A tragedy came when her father died and her crying again broke my heart. I wanted to send her back again but she refused because that damn EAD and greencard hadn't arrived yet and after many weeks of sadness she again started to show a strength that I have seen very few people in this wide world have and started to lift herself up and get over her heartbreak. (She loved her father so much)

Now she is a happy go lucky girl and always happy. She has found the stores and knows every discount rack of clothes there is within 40 miles. She drives like a nut and somehow never gets a dent in that car. She has friends that always are welcome and when they need a shoulder only she can handle that for them. She works too much now of course and I try to tell her to take a break and she says she will. She is an awesome cook and a great wife and I am the luckiest guy in the world. Life is good for me because of her and I know it. I want to try to make her even happier then she has made me. She seems happy anyway and acts it. She now says she won't return back home until everything she has set her mind to when she came is done and at her rate it will not be long.

So somehow this crying homesick poor thing has blossomed into a real woman that can take the world on and win. She was depressed at times also back then. Please Kolina for your own sake try to come out of it and think of your future happiness.

Edited December 21, 2010 by luckytxn

[james&olya 1,121]

Kolina. God bless and good luck to you. You are undergoing an extremely anxious times in your life right now. My heart goes out to you and wish I could help but all I can do is say that you are never ever alone. As you said you have been uprooted and placed in a foreign environment with little resources at your disposal at the moment. The one thing you have said that actually very few people have in this world is someone that loves them very much. That someone it seems is working very hard for both of your happiness. This time before you get that EAD and Greencard and the license is just a temporary moment that will not last. After that moment of freedom comes and the EAD and Greencard and Social Security card and License come is when you will have to make many decisions. A world will open up to you that may seem frightful and possible exciting but it is an opportunity nonetheless that will free your soul and mind. Once you have this freedom you will then start to mingle in the world you are in and options will come. A job will come eventually. After a friend here and a friend there will come. You will see that the sacrifices that this man that loves you did was the thing that will bring you both happiness. Your love for him will grow forever as his for you. Very few people actually have the choices that will be coming their way like so many will be for you. You must grasp and try to excell at these chances because if not the possible regret in the future can possibly destroy them. By going back without trying is to quit and deny yourself a possible all encompassing happiness.

My wife when she first came was so sad and lonely and scared that it broke my heart. I tried to help her but face it I could only do so much. It was her that had to want that happiness. I was even ready to buy her a ticket back if she asked but my broken heart at seeing her so lost looking would have been irreparable and I would have given up on any happiness in my life forever. I was ready to do it because I loved her though and wanted her happy. Somehow she found a friend at school and very fast she found more than there were so many friends at our home sometimes they drove me nuts. ( A good kind of nuts though) She started to work sometimes and loved that she could help out. (I made plenty for us but she started to pay for her car I finally got and the insurance and even sometimes the gas) She seemed happy and happier as times went and the joy she expressed made my joy even more so. ( No man should be as joyful as I am now) A tragedy came when her father died and her crying again broke my heart. I wanted to send her back again but she refused because that damn EAD and greencard hadn't arrived yet and after many weeks of sadness she again started to show a strength that I have seen very few people in this wide world have and started to lift herself up and get over her heartbreak. (She loved her father so much)

Now she is a happy go lucky girl and always happy. She has found the stores and knows every discount rack of clothes there is within 40 miles. She drives like a nut and somehow never gets a dent in that car. She has friends that always are welcome and when they need a shoulder only she can handle that for them. She works too much now of course and I try to tell her to take a break and she says she will. She is an awesome cook and a great wife and I am the luckiest guy in the world. Life is good for me because of her and I know it. I want to try to make her even happier then she has made me. She seems happy anyway and acts it. She now says she won't return back home until everything she has set her mind to when she came is done and at her rate it will not be long.

So somehow this crying homesick poor thing has blossomed into a real woman that can take the world on and win. She was depressed at times also back then. Please Kolina for your own sake try to come out of it and think of your future happiness.

:thumbs:

[adiiann 163]

Hi! I recently moved here in St. Louis, MO. We've got apartment at downtown. Yep! Lots of bosnian as we've noticed here. Lots of Filipinos too, already met some and they are wonderful. Where are you at? We could probably meet during my off days and have some coffee. I can pick you up.