Dreaded MIL visit..

[VanessaTony 3,567]

God I wish I had advice for you. We haven't spoken to Tony's mother since 31st May. She is a horrid woman. Her latest thing was to call SIL to brag about how she won an argument with an employee over who's child was dating the worst person. I naturally assumed she was talking about me given the horrid treatment of us.. no it was worse. She actually called SIL to brag about how she won an argument about SIL's boyfriend being the worst.

We're pretty sure she's a narcissist.. and FIL agrees with us.

[Krikit 1,163]

Wow, Cora. I really feel for you. I couldn't imagine one month with a person like that in my home. You can bet there'd be fireworks. I can tolerate my MIL, but the more exposure I have to her, the more grating she becomes. It's a really difficult battle to be nice. My MIL is not like yours..... she has other challenges. I've already told my husband and his sister that there is absolutely no way on God's green earth that she is coming to live with us when her husband passes. They understood. lol

My MIL has changed quite a bit since I moved here. People here will remember what happened last Christmas with her and my mom... disaster!

Has she changed for the better? How about your SIL? What are your Christmas plans for this year? lol

[coraliesolms 47]

Well, Im glad to know I am not alone. I thought maybe it was something I was doing that made her impossible. My hubby is so lucky, his inlaws (my parents) live a gajillion miles away, so he never has to deal with them!

Thank you for all the stories and good advice, I dont feel so singled out any more.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

All I can say is that if someone...anyone...MIL or otherwise told me to 'shut-up' I would take a strip off them. Don't ever be afraid to put someone in their place who is rude. The issue is usually that no one ever has.

Mind you - I'm always up for a good fight if needed I actually don;t like to fight or have conflict, but sometimes people are stupid.

[coraliesolms 47]

OOOHHH.. wanna come to my house this christmas..

[Canadiandggal 49]

All I can say is that if someone...anyone...MIL or otherwise told me to 'shut-up' I would take a strip off them. Don't ever be afraid to put someone in their place who is rude. The issue is usually that no one ever has.

Mind you - I'm always up for a good fight if needed I actually don;t like to fight or have conflict, but sometimes people are stupid.

Cat fight ....Oh ya, I want this video taped ha ha

[Udella&Wiz 325]

OOOHHH.. wanna come to my house this christmas..

Wonder B*tch to the rescue! Protecting daughters-in-law everywhere from the ravages of witchy mothers-in-law.

[coraliesolms 47]

Lol.. I just got off the phone with her.. shes already driving me nuts! "I want you to book a doctors appointment for me first thing in the morning, and appointment for my Jag to be winterized, make sure my nail and hair appointments are to my liking, oh, and please dont put those god-aweful sheets on my bed again, the colour made me dizzy last time... bla bla bla bla".

The freakin woman has a phone, I dont know why I have to do all her phoning around for her!

[Flames9_RN 358]

Because you allow her to do it! lol

[Canadiandggal 49]

Lol.. I just got off the phone with her.. shes already driving me nuts! "I want you to book a doctors appointment for me first thing in the morning, and appointment for my Jag to be winterized, make sure my nail and hair appointments are to my liking, oh, and please dont put those god-aweful sheets on my bed again, the colour made me dizzy last time... bla bla bla bla".

The freakin woman has a phone, I dont know why I have to do all her phoning around for her!

I say find the most god awful shirts and put them on the bed, if she doesnt like them she can go buy her own . I am so sorry for you

[Danu 19]

Lol.. I just got off the phone with her.. shes already driving me nuts! "I want you to book a doctors appointment for me first thing in the morning, and appointment for my Jag to be winterized, make sure my nail and hair appointments are to my liking, oh, and please dont put those god-aweful sheets on my bed again, the colour made me dizzy last time... bla bla bla bla".

The freakin woman has a phone, I dont know why I have to do all her phoning around for her!

Yeah...that would be the point where I tell her a) I'm not her secretary and b) if she doesnt like the sheets we provide she is welcome to bring her own or stay in a hotel. Want me to talk to her? lol.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

This website has saved my sanity: http://www.motherinlawstories.com/ I don't know if someone posted it in this thread but I did get it from VJ so if I've reposted I apologise.

My in-laws are bad but I really truly feel for some of these people. My saving grace is Tony is on my side. He said he's pretty sure I can handle most of the bull myself but if he felt I couldn't that he would step in. No-one has ever confronted ME head-on. Could be they realise I've got a whole bunch of bottled-up crazy inside.. but really they ALWAYS go to Tony. Tell him stuff. It's always very passive aggressive.

I tell Tony everything. Even if I think I made the mistake of talking out of turn to someone about something or to one of his family members I make sure that I tell him first so that he doesn't have to say "oh I didn't know that" but instead they realise I tell him everything and he doesn't care that I said/did it.

Perfect example. My MIL is the ###### from hell. She's a passive aggressive undiagnosed narcissist with possible borderline personality. Tony's paternal grandmother was throwing a Thanksgiving thing. She knew Tony couldn't come because of work and I thought it was polite if I told her I wasn't going to be attending either. We were at her house so Tony could mow the law and install some new vertical blinds for her. I said to her "I know you know Tony's not coming to thanksgiving but thought I should tell you that I won't be coming either. I just don't want to try and deal with the whole "MIL" situation without Tony there". (thought I said MIL's name). She said she understood completely, and I knew Tony had told her the latest "mama-drama". In the car on the way back to our place I told tony what I had told her... good thing too because the next day he got a call/text from his dad about it. And also his sister. Apparently GMIL had decided to approach MIL about our strained relationship and that pissed off MIL who then yelled at FIL who told Tony that I was permitted to feel how I feel and that he understands but could I please not discuss the situation with family members because they gossip. WTH?? I know they gossip. I didn't expect this GMIL to gossip but you're actually telling me that it's okay for her to treat us bad but I'm supposed to shut up about it? Ugh.

Anyway. Without a supportive spouse you're screwed. If tony didn't support me after everything his mothers done I would not be here. Love is supposed to conquer all but I have no ability to love when I feel so downtrodden and emotionally drained/abused.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

I should say that my own MIL can be a bit of a pain. She is passive-agressive and would never come right out and say stuff but she has done things that are under handed in my opinion so I avoid certain situations entirely. She continues to socialize with my husband's ex (which is ok, she has grandchildren) but it came to a head when we told her about our engagement and she promptly, possibly inadvertantly, let it slip to his ex who then took it upon herself to tell my husband's kids. Entirely unfair and sad because they didn't find out about it from us and it created some strain.

Over the years we've discovered gthat she cannot keep her mouth shut so I don;t chat with her about personal things too much and my husband has had to talk with her more then once about not discussing our life with his ex.

I think I just find her so different from my parents, she loves to talk about everyone at church and what they've done wrong or bring up all the bad things my husband did as a teenager (he was a pretty good kid too) - she just can't get past some things. It's actually a depressing convo everytime we go and I understand why my husband doesn;t go much. He loves her, but she does not focus on the positive.

Arm's length

PS - don't make her appointments, you're not the secretary (I mean seriously, she'll get over it despite the initial bitching)....give her the number and say I wanted you to get the times you wanted so I'll leave you the number...ta ta

[Krikit 1,163]

Lol.. I just got off the phone with her.. shes already driving me nuts! "I want you to book a doctors appointment for me first thing in the morning, and appointment for my Jag to be winterized, make sure my nail and hair appointments are to my liking, oh, and please dont put those god-aweful sheets on my bed again, the colour made me dizzy last time... bla bla bla bla".

The freakin woman has a phone, I dont know why I have to do all her phoning around for her!

Are you kidding me? This sounds like a Melissa/Julian story.

[Canadiandggal 49]

This website has saved my sanity: http://www.motherinlawstories.com/ I don't know if someone posted it in this thread but I did get it from VJ so if I've reposted I apologise.

My in-laws are bad but I really truly feel for some of these people. My saving grace is Tony is on my side. He said he's pretty sure I can handle most of the bull myself but if he felt I couldn't that he would step in. No-one has ever confronted ME head-on. Could be they realise I've got a whole bunch of bottled-up crazy inside.. but really they ALWAYS go to Tony. Tell him stuff. It's always very passive aggressive.

I tell Tony everything. Even if I think I made the mistake of talking out of turn to someone about something or to one of his family members I make sure that I tell him first so that he doesn't have to say "oh I didn't know that" but instead they realise I tell him everything and he doesn't care that I said/did it.

Perfect example. My MIL is the ###### from hell. She's a passive aggressive undiagnosed narcissist with possible borderline personality. Tony's paternal grandmother was throwing a Thanksgiving thing. She knew Tony couldn't come because of work and I thought it was polite if I told her I wasn't going to be attending either. We were at her house so Tony could mow the law and install some new vertical blinds for her. I said to her "I know you know Tony's not coming to thanksgiving but thought I should tell you that I won't be coming either. I just don't want to try and deal with the whole "MIL" situation without Tony there". (thought I said MIL's name). She said she understood completely, and I knew Tony had told her the latest "mama-drama". In the car on the way back to our place I told tony what I had told her... good thing too because the next day he got a call/text from his dad about it. And also his sister. Apparently GMIL had decided to approach MIL about our strained relationship and that pissed off MIL who then yelled at FIL who told Tony that I was permitted to feel how I feel and that he understands but could I please not discuss the situation with family members because they gossip. WTH?? I know they gossip. I didn't expect this GMIL to gossip but you're actually telling me that it's okay for her to treat us bad but I'm supposed to shut up about it? Ugh.

Anyway. Without a supportive spouse you're screwed. If tony didn't support me after everything his mothers done I would not be here. Love is supposed to conquer all but I have no ability to love when I feel so downtrodden and emotionally drained/abused.

Thats sounds more like my FIL,step MIL and SIL, they always have things to say but Never say it to my face always to my husband , who then eventually passes it down to me. Crazy people now a days, I am just glad My xmas this year is just us.