Dreaded MIL visit..

[coraliesolms 47]

Ok... I just received AWEFUL news. My mother in law is flying in on Saturday.. and staying UNTIL NEW YEARS!!!

This is my first christmas with my family in the US, and this woman is VERY hard to deal with. She is very domineering and opinionated (she told me how to decorate our house when we moved in. When politics come up she tells me to shut up as I am an immigrant and do not know enough to talk about the USA.I dont want to lose my cool in the month that she is going to be here.. thankfully I work in a jewelry store and I will be worked to a frazzle by christmas eve, so hopefully we wont have too many run-ins.

Anybody have any tips on dealing with an over-bearing monster-in-law?

[Flames9_RN 358]

I'd be having a talk with ur husband to ensure he sticks up for ya!!! And I'd be firm with her YET always be polite, never loose your cool, doing that will probably drive her nutz,lol Hopefully time flies by fast for you

[Ontarkie 13,916]

Oh I will pray for you to keep your sanity. I hope time will fly by for you. I have no real tips but you may want to warn your husband to referee his mother.

[coraliesolms 47]

I must say, he is usually good at intervening when she gets out of line.. but then she starts with the "you used to be my favourite son, and now all you think about is your wife and her feelings!"

She is just a hard one to deal with. She came into my work once to inform my employers that she needed her hair straitened, so I should be let off early to go home and straiten her hair for her. Nothing I ever wear is good enough for her, if there is just one throw pillow on the floor then she goes on for an hour about how we should tie a cowbell to our 3 year old so "you can find her in this mess".

Its just going to be a tongue biting experience I think. I liked her much more when I was stuck in Canada!!

[Sprailenes 47]

That's a freaking long time! I'd be like: "Uhh no she can stay for a week TOPS"

I think I'd end up stabbing myself with a spork.

[coraliesolms 47]

That's a freaking long time! I'd be like: "Uhh no she can stay for a week TOPS"

I think I'd end up stabbing myself with a spork.

I feel like stabbing myself with a spork now.. and shes not even here yet!!

[CanuckChick 7]

I want to second what's been said before. Forgive me if I overstep my boundaries. Ask your husband to do all that he can to make sure to protect you from being hurt - to minimize any negative interaction between his mother and you. Should any negative situations arise (and it's highly likely that they will), it is he, not you, that should establish the boundaries in your relationship as a couple. His mother is a guest in your home and needs to abide by the rules of your home. The bottom line is that you, as the woman of the home, get respect at all times. I know, as a SAn woman myself that that can be difficult because you want to be a good hostess and have harmony between his mother and you. But, that should not happen at all costs. You should never have to endure disrespect or abuse just because you prefer to be gracious - especially not in your own home.

[CanuckChick 7]

I must say, he is usually good at intervening when she gets out of line.. but then she starts with the "you used to be my favourite son, and now all you think about is your wife and her feelings!"

She is just a hard one to deal with. She came into my work once to inform my employers that she needed her hair straitened, so I should be let off early to go home and straiten her hair for her. Nothing I ever wear is good enough for her, if there is just one throw pillow on the floor then she goes on for an hour about how we should tie a cowbell to our 3 year old so "you can find her in this mess".

Its just going to be a tongue biting experience I think. I liked her much more when I was stuck in Canada!!

Wow! That's pretty wild. It sounds like she doesn't understand boundaries very well. Have you thought of a conversation between the 3 of you and a counselor or mediator? They can sometimes help with making a message clear when other family members cannot.

[Y&E 12]

I would make sure that you have a place / room that you can go to when she starts to get really awful. Either that or tell your husband that he and your child are welcome to spend as much time as they like with her at her home but if she can't treat you well in yours then she's not welcome (trust me, this is a recurring trend in my family, me, my Mum and her Mum have all had awful MIL's). You deserve to be treated respectfully in your home and the way that she treats you will just alienate her son from her.

[coraliesolms 47]

I want to second what's been said before. Forgive me if I overstep my boundaries. Ask your husband to do all that he can to make sure to protect you from being hurt - to minimize any negative interaction between his mother and you. Should any negative situations arise (and it's highly likely that they will), it is he, not you, that should establish the boundaries in your relationship as a couple. His mother is a guest in your home and needs to abide by the rules of your home. The bottom line is that you, as the woman of the home, get respect at all times. I know, as a SAn woman myself that that can be difficult because you want to be a good hostess and have harmony between his mother and you. But, that should not happen at all costs. You should never have to endure disrespect or abuse just because you prefer to be gracious - especially not in your own home.

UR from SA too? Then you KNOW how hard it is!!

I dont know about family mediation.. this woman doesnt really listen well. She got a speeding ticket in NYC once, and mailed it BACK! My husband reminds me constantly about how she co-signed for me to get here and without her help I wouldnt be here with him. And I suppose I should be more grateful, but its really difficult. I will be having a chat with hubby tonight, just so we can set up a game plan for this.

Thank you for all the tips though. I suspect I will be in my office doing lots of catching up on my gemology course this holiday!

Edited December 8, 2010 by coraliesolms

[Canadiandggal 49]

My Husband family is like that, They always go out of there way to tell you there opinion and they are ALWAYS RIGHT.However we are not talking to his family since labor day weekend so We do not have anything to worry about this year. I do suggest that you try to think of her in a clown outfit while she is talking and bit your tongue as much as possible but If she is seriously upsetting you then something should be said.I third the suggestion to maybe tell her how you feel when she speaks unkind about your life or house. She is visiting in YOUR home I would definitely stab myself with a spork or two If I had to deal with a In law, a month is a long time ha ha . I wish you luck.

[OBX 51]

I want to second what's been said before. Forgive me if I overstep my boundaries. Ask your husband to do all that he can to make sure to protect you from being hurt - to minimize any negative interaction between his mother and you. Should any negative situations arise (and it's highly likely that they will), it is he, not you, that should establish the boundaries in your relationship as a couple. His mother is a guest in your home and needs to abide by the rules of your home. The bottom line is that you, as the woman of the home, get respect at all times. I know, as a SAn woman myself that that can be difficult because you want to be a good hostess and have harmony between his mother and you. But, that should not happen at all costs. You should never have to endure disrespect or abuse just because you prefer to be gracious - especially not in your own home.

^^Excellent advice.

I offer you my sympathies, that is one heck of a long visit. Good luck!

[Peachey 10]

Sorry to hear about your MIL

My MIL has changed quite a bit since I moved here. People here will remember what happened last Christmas with her and my mom... disaster!

[Penguin_ie 5,986]

I feel for you! My MIL is ok but my SIL is exactly how you describe your MIL... I know nothing about politics, child rearing or anything because I am not American!

Deep breaths, and a reminder that there is always others who have it worse: http://www.motherinlawstories.com/

[Sprailenes 47]

I feel like stabbing myself with a spork now.. and shes not even here yet!!

I have a MIL who can sometimes be hard to deal with. Extremely passive aggressive, sends my husband PA emails whenever he doesn't do what she wants.

I barely go over to visit with her or anything because of the way she acts and she just lives 20 minutes away.

Before I moved here I really thought we'd get along. I guess we did when I wasn't married to her son.

Edited December 9, 2010 by Sprailenes