Just Beginning...Need my UK fiance' here yesterday.....

[NVC FAN :( 18]

Shirorisu........ I WANT IT AND I WANT IT NOW!

[brightskte 18]

So I guess that the fact that 7 years after I "fell in love" with Mathew online, I still get those exact same butterflies and the exact same feeling means that I'm not a rational person? Oh please. Keep your opinions to yourself and don't generalize everyone that feels differently as you as being "irrational". I don't need you, or anyone else to tell me that my love is real or that it's going to last. I didn't meet Mathew at all until November of 2008, roughly 5 years after I fell in love with him online. My feelings haven't changed whatsoever, except for intensifying.

Would I want to be Cinderella and live in her fairytale? Heck yes, that chick had some awesome shoes!!! But other than that I'll take my real life over a fantasy any day. Prince Charming has got nothing over my husband.

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OP, I know that this has been answered but just so that my post can be somewhat on topic, yes you need to meet in person. And just a word of advice--if you've got feelings half as strong as what Mathew and I had for each other the first time we met you may want to prepare yourself the most electrifying feeling you've ever had once you meet him. I still get those tingles when I think about that first visit.

Good luck!

[kennym 275]

So I guess that the fact that 7 years after I "fell in love" with Mathew online, I still get those exact same butterflies and the exact same feeling means that I'm not a rational person? Oh please. Keep your opinions to yourself and don't generalize everyone that feels differently as you as being "irrational". I don't need you, or anyone else to tell me that my love is real or that it's going to last. I didn't meet Mathew at all until November of 2008, roughly 5 years after I fell in love with him online. My feelings haven't changed whatsoever, except for intensifying.

Would I want to be Cinderella and live in her fairytale? Heck yes, that chick had some awesome shoes!!! But other than that I'll take my real life over a fantasy any day. Prince Charming has got nothing over my husband.

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OP, I know that this has been answered but just so that my post can be somewhat on topic, yes you need to meet in person. And just a word of advice--if you've got feelings half as strong as what Mathew and I had for each other the first time we met you may want to prepare yourself the most electrifying feeling you've ever had once you meet him. I still get those tingles when I think about that first visit.

Good luck!

'Kayla*Mathew' You also imagining things I didn't say.. I also met my fiancee in much the same way everyone else. I ONLY SAID, to meet before deciding... Nothing else,

And no I won't keep my Opinions to myself, Opinions are part of the forum.. They may not be helpful to everyone, but to some they might be.. Unless you're irrational... You can evaluate my posts and if its not helpful ignore it..

Kenny

[brightskte 18]

Dawn you have got to think this thru...

You are in love with someone you've never met.. How is that even possible? Thats the question everyone is going to ask you.. The USCIS, the Embassy, the POE...

This process is lengthy, involved and very specific rules, designed to prevent fraud... You wont be able to get around the basic requirements? But ask yourself how you would consider marrying a person you've never met in-person... Nevermind the Visa Process Rules, there is a fundamental relationship issue that is being overlooked..

Kenny

See your very first post on this topic. First you judged her for her choices of how she fell in love and you questioned how her feelings could be real. This isn't constructive or helpful and seems as if it was only to put her relationship down. Call it however you want it, but you did. Then you suggested that she had a "fundamental" relationship issue because she would consider marrying someone she had never met.

Nowhere in that post did you mention to "meet before deciding". You did, however continue to bring up the fact that she's in love with someone she's never met like it was a bad thing and like it's never happened before. Seems as if YOU are imagining the things that you didn't say.

If you're going to be helpful and give advice, do it. But don't put someone's relationship down just because their choices are different than yours. Who are YOU to tell her that she can't be in love or want to marry this man before she's met him? Who are you to judge anyone for anything?

[Damian&Kelly 16]

I think this has gone too far. As I understand what Kenny is saying, because going from an online relationship to a married couple was a hard change and took a lot of work from my husband and I. So I won't jump all over Kenny, and honestly I think men think more rationally than women when it comes to this subject. I think if you put my husband on the spot and asked him, he'd tell you we married too fast though we met 3 years before getting married. I don't look at it as a fairy tale because international relationships have a lot to conquer, so it may sound sweet and unreal, there are a lot of things we had to over come to be where we are today. A lot of change as a couple and a lot of heartbreak from goodbyes to my husband leaving his family behind. When we applied for the K-1 I thought it was going to be like a fairy tale, I thought life was going to be great because there would be no more tearful goodbyes, but boy was I wrong, it's been a roller coaster. From financial stress to homesickness, it's great having him here but it's hard at the same time. Right now it's better than it's ever been as he's been here over 2 years and has his own life and friends along with our life together. No one really warned me what real life was with my husband, as all I knew was visits where one of us always was off work and sometimes both of us, we had no responsibilities and just were happy to have each other.

I'm a strong believer in online dating and relationships working out, but there is so much you just don't know until you're in that position.

Dawn, you can friend me, and message me anytime. I wish you both the best of luck and a happy first meeting! It's something you'll never forget!

[pdmacca 3]

Hey Dawn!

When we were trying to figure out the ins and outs of international travel, and Nik was planning his first visit here for us to meet for the first time was the first time we'd heard about the K-1 fiance visa and the first time we found visa journey. It was all...tee hee, a fiance visa? We had barely decided to be exclusive. haha. We found out what others have already told you, which is that what you really want is the visa waiver program. Sometime before his trip, he'll register online with ESTA and then hop on a plane to see your smiling face in person!

Since you're considering permanent immigration, make sure you read (& listen to when in person) all questions posed by representatives of the US government (even on the VWP visits) very carefully and answer them completely truthfully. Although that sounds sort of obvious, there are a number of people who find that what they felt were innocent misunderstandings are actually misrepresentation (this results in a ban from the US). Particularly the questions about ever being arrested or convicted etc. When they say "ever been" Yes, they mean that one time 15 years ago too.

Hi Heather,

Thank you for the time you put in your response. Your information was helpful and a friendly voice is always encouraging.

Thanks

Dawn

Meanwhile, I'd like to draw your attention to the many resources on this site. You'll find links to them at the top of the page (blue bar, white text - stretch your screen sideways, because the text wraps funny). Someone's already mentioned the guides they are so so so so so great!!! More on those later. Also, you had asked about how long things might take. Then you should look further to the right at Immigration Timelines and you can see all sorts of statistics as you look through the different links there. Although there is data for the K-3, due to some policy changes, you should really restrict yourselves to comparing the K-1 and CR-1. As you're reading the guides, look through the list of evidence you'll need to produce for your future petition - things like passport stamps and boarding passes. Get copies of these when he arrives and put them into your newly created immigration folder. Trust me, it's easier doing it now than having to dig them out months/years later! Finally, I want to show you where the Visa FAQs are. One in particular might be useful to you now: Visiting FAQ I know it says it's for people already in the process, but it has useful tips for successfully entering the country for anyone who is in a relationship with a US citizen. You don't need the whole list of items, but a good selection of them would be good, especially a print out of his itinerary showing the dates of his RETURN TICKET!

Good luck and happy visiting.

[pdmacca 3]

Not only are they in love BUT THEY ARE ENGAGED!...you have never met in person??...you can't possibly know that you want to spend the rest of your life with this person without having smelled his breath in the morning????

And you, kind sir, just made me love Paul more than I did before I read your comment.

[pdmacca 3]

I think this has gone too far. As I understand what Kenny is saying, because going from an online relationship to a married couple was a hard change and took a lot of work from my husband and I. So I won't jump all over Kenny, and honestly I think men think more rationally than women when it comes to this subject. I think if you put my husband on the spot and asked him, he'd tell you we married too fast though we met 3 years before getting married. I don't look at it as a fairy tale because international relationships have a lot to conquer, so it may sound sweet and unreal, there are a lot of things we had to over come to be where we are today. A lot of change as a couple and a lot of heartbreak from goodbyes to my husband leaving his family behind. When we applied for the K-1 I thought it was going to be like a fairy tale, I thought life was going to be great because there would be no more tearful goodbyes, but boy was I wrong, it's been a roller coaster. From financial stress to homesickness, it's great having him here but it's hard at the same time. Right now it's better than it's ever been as he's been here over 2 years and has his own life and friends along with our life together. No one really warned me what real life was with my husband, as all I knew was visits where one of us always was off work and sometimes both of us, we had no responsibilities and just were happy to have each other.

I'm a strong believer in online dating and relationships working out, but there is so much you just don't know until you're in that position.

Dawn, you can friend me, and message me anytime. I wish you both the best of luck and a happy first meeting! It's something you'll never forget!

Thank you Kelly! What a great response. And it looks like you had such great success and all done yourself! Good for you! I will certainly keep you close.

Congratulations

Dawn

[John+Lourdelie 28]

We met online.

We knew we wanted to get married and spend the rest of our lives together.

We met in person and knew that we would be married and spend the rest of our lives together.

Now it's up to the government to allow that to happen in the US.

God speed to all that venture into a journey of this type.

John+Lourdelie

[thelastpetitioner 218]

ok allow me to throw in my two bitchy cents.

knowing youre in love and meant to be is one thing,applying for a visa is another.

youre going to be legally responsible for your fiance,and trust me,the amount of questioning youre going to go through in every stage of this process is much more harsh and out there than these people have already done.

i can assure you THAT.

being in love,having butterflies,knowing you want to spend the rest of your life with someone,all that is really really nice,but you have to be realistic.

how much do you know about your fiance?do you trust him enough to be his sponsor,meaning responsible for him financially during this visa process until he adjust his status?are you sure he has no skeletons in his closet that could cause problems for the visa process?

thats just the logical part.

the emotional part is even worse,you have to pretty much prove your relationship,to USCIS,to NVC and in the end to the consulate,wait what,6 to 8 odd months for a five mins interview where someone is either going to get convinced that your relationship is real or accuse you of fraud.

i was one of those people who found the whole idea of two people from different nationalities and cultures really romantic and fairy tale like,but this process MADE me grow up and look at things differently.it gave me a completely different perspective.

so,bottom line,it will be hard,it will be long,and it will be unfair,so make sure the one youre applying for is worth it.

[villaspurs 65]

While I certainly think it is possible to find true love with someone you meet online, it's NEVER a bad idea to meet the person you plan to marry before you actually commit to marrying him (or her). Online can be a wonderful way to establish intimacy, and my husband and I have joked that we wouldn't have lasted if we had tried to develop our relationship while living in the same place! Even if you are 100% positive, it doesn't hurt to actually be with the person, just to make sure.

I also would like to echo something Kenny said in his post. My interpretation of his post was that every step along the way, you will be asked to defend the legitimacy of your relationship. You can't do that if you haven't met. Even if it WASN'T a visa requirement (which it is, so the point is moot), I can't imagine circumstances under which USCIS or the consulate would approve a visa for a couple that had never met. While you are completely certain of your love, spending time together will help the powers that be who are evaluating and judging your relationship find in your favor. As Kenny said, take lots of pictures, keep ticket stubs from things you did together, and be able to give evidence that your love is real. Good luck!

[Damian&Kelly 16]

I have to step in here, just because I honestly think the visa process for the UK differs from those of other countries. Everyone keeps stressing the point you have to prove your relationship, which is the truth, I mean with the initial packet you have to send proof you met in person, but honestly in my whole visa process, I sent 2 boarding passes, 6 pictures, and copies of our passport stamps, and my husband was asked 2 questions. We really didn't need to love each other for this process to work, though we have a real and loving relationship, the visa was a walk in the park. I seen that movie, The Proposal, and going into the process I thought that was how it was going to be, but at the interview they didn't question my husband at all and looked at none of our relationship proof.

My only point is everyone keeps saying how the government is going to test every part of the relationship, I didn't feel that way at all. And I do believe they can feel this way about each other, but I also believe they have to spend time together before getting married and taking that huge step towards a visa. As I said in my other post, we wouldn't have ever survived if I didn't visit England and know how he lived and the things he likes and misses from home.

[thelastpetitioner 218]

I have to step in here, just because I honestly think the visa process for the UK differs from those of other countries. Everyone keeps stressing the point you have to prove your relationship, which is the truth, I mean with the initial packet you have to send proof you met in person, but honestly in my whole visa process, I sent 2 boarding passes, 6 pictures, and copies of our passport stamps, and my husband was asked 2 questions. We really didn't need to love each other for this process to work, though we have a real and loving relationship, the visa was a walk in the park. I seen that movie, The Proposal, and going into the process I thought that was how it was going to be, but at the interview they didn't question my husband at all and looked at none of our relationship proof.

My only point is everyone keeps saying how the government is going to test every part of the relationship, I didn't feel that way at all. And I do believe they can feel this way about each other, but I also believe they have to spend time together before getting married and taking that huge step towards a visa. As I said in my other post, we wouldn't have ever survived if I didn't visit England and know how he lived and the things he likes and misses from home.

honestly,personally i wouldnt risk it just because one lucked out.

countries with close ties to the states do have easier interviews,but its ultimately up to the consulate officer to decide.

[CoffeeMuse 5]

No one is questioning how the original poster feels. Time is one of the primary true test of love of course so we to wish you all the best and its wonderful to read peoples message who say they still get goosebumps 7 years, even 20 years etc after they first met. It gives those of us who have been through abusive relationships or difficult divorces much hope that we can have lasting love!

It's great to read how some people didn't get the sense that they were being tested when going through the process, but because there is so much fraud and so many sham marraiges, the government is obligated to check each application thorougly along the way. Those who sponser fiancee's from countries with the highest incidence of sham marriages will be scrutinized the most closely. My general impression is that the UK probably is among the coutries with the fewest of problems and is therefore tends to be less difficult to pass though the process.

In the end, we all need the basics, and that includes prove of actually having met. This is "basic" because it is fundemental and common sense based on lots of experience. ie, to anyone (including marriage counselors) who have watched hundreds or thousands of relationships, spending time together is part of what we need to do to have a greater sense of compatability. It's no guarantee, but its a basic step we all need to go through. So make your plans, and get together and spend some time!

[kennym 275]

What does Cinderella and fairy tales have to do with this?

These relationships ARE real life. We DO live in the real world. I wanted to talk to my then-boyfriend so much that when everything was going to cr@p at home, and I had no internet or phone, I would stand outside a library at night in the freezing cold just for the chance that I could get a computer and talk to him. I quit a job that said I couldn't see him at Christmas. I travelled 6 hours to replace a missing passport the day before my flight so I could still see him. I packed all of my things and moved across the world because I wanted to be with him.

All of that is real life, and not to mention that in the 'real world' divorce and marital breakdown is running rampant anyway, so perhaps conventional relationships are missing that special something. So just because you can't understand how two people can feel that way about each other when they've never met before, don't judge others.

Hello Gemmie..

Your story is a wonderful story about sacrifice and doing whatever it took to be with your Significant other.. I am not sure how you compared my statements to your situation.. What you did is what most people in-love would do.. I've always felt my relationship was the most important thing in my life...

What I am going to say next will knock most of you off your chair and everyone will send me nasty responses, but here it is.. "Butterflies and Strong Desires" doesn't result in a lasting relationhsip... It's a good start, but other stuff also needs to be there to fortify the relationship. Compatiblty has a lot to do with how two people think and act in the less than perfect situations. Those situations cant be evaluated without spending time together..

So, that said, don't you see the diference between your sitation and the Original Posters Situation? You felt like you just had to be with your fiancees, and she didn't want to because she couldn't handle the separation afterwards. That is not a good reason and can't possibly know how someone really is until you meet. I've known many wonderful (Absolutely Wonderful) people all over the world, but we weren't necessarily marriage marraige material, doesn't make her a bad person or me a bad person, just not compatible...

I think it's wonderful and most of the stories you hear in this thread are heart warming about how people meet and feel something special. But the jury is still out on how that "feeling" relates to a Successful Relationship.. Sure all the butterflies are there and the desires, but when it comes down to the tough times and enduring long periods of hardship, are the butterflies still there and does BOTH members of the relationship contribute equally to getting through tough times? these are things you can't know until you've been together.. Anyone can say the right things and show the right emotions from 3000 miles away, but it's a diferent story when you live with someone day after day enduring all of lifes chalenges and realities. Then you realize what people are made of..

Those of you with the wonderful srories of how you met and felt immediately in-love, thats great, but really doesn't have a thing to do with what my point that the OP suggested she was in-love and never met.. The most dangerous relationship advise someone can give is to do it because it worked for me.. That's not rational, it's cool to say it, but it simply isn't sound advise.. Sound Advise is to take time to get to know someone before jumping into any serious commitments including the K-1..

How many times do we VJ'rs hear about K1 Applicants withdrawing thier petitions or cancelling the VISA because the Relationship failed.. If you would have advised them early on, they would have all said the same thing, "we are in love and we know we're in love".. K-1's Petitions are supposed to be for relationships that are already certain to get married.. We've seen here on VJ that isn't alway the case.. Some feel it's a try before you buy then if it doesn't work out, ship'm back.. It's true some relationships fail after a K-1 POE becuase of Homesickness, and that is a valid reason, but otherwise, K1 is not a "try before you buy" visa..

So that being said, the Relationship needs to be established before considering the K1 Petition.. If you review my Timeline, I Met Maritza 2 years before I proposed, then waited another year to start the K1 Paperwork.. I don't suggest that's for everyone, it was something we did that worked for us...

Butterflies and "Knowing Your in-love" alone, simply does not result in life long relationships. Those are "time tested" and "Trial and Tribulation" tested to see how both partners work together to manage life.. The rest of it is absolutely cinderella and Fairy Tale stuff... It's irresposible and irrational, and if it's something any of you want to risk, more power to you...

And I do remember reading that Cinderella was divorced months later..