Divorce after 1 month in US....Long-sad-story

[RICARDO4EVA2 194]

this was handled ohh tooo goood.... put you in my shoes.. the Aunt would have beeen knocked out.. dont play dat! Laptop...? might have been broken... R&R Rules and Regulation

[Advanced Aardvark 82]

It's been almost 4 months since my last post on VJ.

...

So, there's my story. Also...

Sorry to hear about the unfortunate outcome. It is good to learn that you are focused on the future.

[~Johnny~ 27]

Is the Peruana your "rekindled flame"? She sounds like a true "keeper," si man. I too wondered what Charles asked about, until you explained it, and I now have an inkling that the continuing presence of the Peruvian flag portends something special, si man, whether you realize it fully now or not.

Yeah you're probably right. This Peruana is a very sweet and honest lady. I never had doubts about her in the trust department. I just never thought she would ever want to come live with me in the US. She most definitely loves Peru and wants to stay there but in the past few weeks she said she would have come to be with me if she were 100% sure of true love and in her mind 1 year of dating was not long enough for her to be 100% sure. She would have to give up all she knows and leave her country/friends/family and that's a big leap of faith for anyone. After she heard what happened to me she called me in tears because she couldn't believe that someone would do this to such a sweet man. And yes I'm planning a trip back to Peru next month hence the flag. We live and we learn...right now I'm just thinking of being with a good friend, not Visas or AOS or another engagement. That's not to say sometime next year I may be back in the Visa saddle seeking a IMBRA waiver or whatever. Anythings possible.

Edited October 15, 2010 by ~Johnny~

[~Johnny~ 27]

Thanks everyone for your comments! After so many months it's still a bit painful but I know I'm going in the right direction. I read about so many people on VJ that coninue to go backwards out of blind faith for someone that doesn't love them and I always told myself I would do what needs to be done if this ever happened to me. It's way easier said than done. I knew about VAWA from reading VJ and during the marriage I did everything I could to not have any instance of perceived abuse upon her. I bit my tounge a lot. Like when she was chatting with another guy from a dating site on my laptop right there next to me. Inside of me, I wanted to slam the laptop into the wall, but I knew she would be dialing 911 and I would likely have handed her just what she wanted. I also had my daughter there to consider. Contacting ICE was one the most difficult things I've ever done in my life. Still chokes me up 4 months later to think of a grown man crying to a federal agent.

And to all the VJ filipinas. I apologize, I hope I didn't offend anyone. I really don't hate any race. I just happened to marry a bad apple who happens to be a filipina. I have lots of friends that have wonderful marriages with filipinas and everyone says my case is not normal.

God Bless everyone!

[TyandAllie 17]

Johnny, you are clearly a kind, smart, honorable guy and I wish you the best in your future.

[Angelheart1962 6]

Johnny, I think you're really brave for putting your story on here, and I am so sorry that woman didnt turn out to be what you hoped. The good thing is that at the end of the day SHE is the loser and not you. I hope things turn out well for you with your new lady!

[Gemmie 142]

Well done for posting your story, if it helps one person take a look at their suspected fraudulent marriage and take action, that's excellent. I think it's a really good sign that you have your head screwed on and are looking to the future. We live and we learn.

[SimplyMacy 4]

Thanks everyone for your comments! After so many months it's still a bit painful but I know I'm going in the right direction. I read about so many people on VJ that coninue to go backwards out of blind faith for someone that doesn't love them and I always told myself I would do what needs to be done if this ever happened to me. It's way easier said than done. I knew about VAWA from reading VJ and during the marriage I did everything I could to not have any instance of perceived abuse upon her. I bit my tounge a lot. Like when she was chatting with another guy from a dating site on my laptop right there next to me. Inside of me, I wanted to slam the laptop into the wall, but I knew she would be dialing 911 and I would likely have handed her just what she wanted. I also had my daughter there to consider. Contacting ICE was one the most difficult things I've ever done in my life. Still chokes me up 4 months later to think of a grown man crying to a federal agent.

And to all the VJ filipinas. I apologize, I hope I didn't offend anyone. I really don't hate any race. I just happened to marry a bad apple who happens to be a filipina. I have lots of friends that have wonderful marriages with filipinas and everyone says my case is not normal.

God Bless everyone!

I know you're a great person and you deserve nothing but the BEST! Goodluck and Godbless!

[TBoneTX 43,523]

After she heard what happened to me she called me in tears because she couldn't believe that someone would do this to such a sweet man.

Take things as slowly as you need to heal, but your Peruana sounds like a once-in-a-lifetime catch for anyone. How I hope that this ends up working out for the both of you, si man...

[And_Sam 44]

Johnny,

Thank you for getting past your embarrassment and posting your experience. Not many people will do that. We all take a chance on finding love and keeping it the best we can.

You did exactly what any other person would want to do, believe in the person you loved.

The best thing you did was realizing before it was too late and got hold of the appropriate people. Also, I am happy to hear that this relationship has not ruined you in finding happiness with a rekindled old flame!

I wish you peace and happiness and most of all, love!

[bimik 4]

I am sorry for what happened with you. Status on fb does matter nowdays ! My husband asked me to chnage my status even before we met in real life. It is also a way to show your commitment.

[SocalAV8R 0]

bueno, Eres un agran hombre, y sabes, algunas de las mejores mujeres estan en latinoamerica (colombia y peru) aun puedes encontrar tu amor, tambien creo que debes conocer muy bien los sentimientos de una persona antes de tener un compromiso con esta, te deseo la mejor de las suerte para tu futuro amor,

[AlexJane 2]

It's been almost 4 months since my last post on VJ. Mainly I've just been too embarrassed by recent events with my marriage and upcoming divorce. I'm mainly posting this story so others in this situation can learn and use this to help protect themselves from these horrible things that DO happen to good people. Some folks here know that I've been through the K1 process earlier this year and brought my fiancé over from the Philipines. I won't go into the Visa process as it was very quick and effortless thanks to experts here on VJ, but here's what happened after she arrived in the US:

We were originally planning to be married a month after her arrival but her family began freaking out about her living with me (in Sin) for a month and they said we need to be married immediately or my fiancé needs to live with relatives Las Vegas until the wedding. After much arguing and disagreeing, we decided to get married on May 15…about 12 hours after her arrival in the US. She had a very controlling aunty that lived in Las Vegas and we lived in San Diego. Her aunt was ultimately a big player in our separation. Exactly 6 days after our marriage, my wife found some old photos of me and some old girlfriends on my laptop. She immediately began yelling at me and then locked herself in the bedroom and called her aunt. Two hours later her aunt sent a cousin to come pick her up and take her to Vegas. I tried talking to her and telling her this was in my past, I'm sorry I forgot to delete old photos…nothing could change her attitude. Her aunt was even worse as I tried talking to her and telling her that we are having our first argument and she needs to just let us handle this on our own. Her aunt began yelling at me a cursing me out and telling me that I have no place in telling her what to do with her niece.

So, my wife is whisked away in the middle of a Friday night and taken to Las Vegas to stay with her aunt. For nearly a week she refused to talk to me and called me lots of bad names and such. Then a friend of mine emailed me about a profile on this dating website that looks like my wife. I had suggested that he try looking at the website Filipinaheart for his match (because that's where I met my wife). Sure enough, it was her and she had a profile posted using the photos of her taken during our wedding (of course minus me)! I made copies of the profile and saved them in PDF format. I was at work and immediately became emotional and just made it to my car before I broke out in tears. I got home and called my parents as they were coming to San Diego in two days to meet my wife and my daughter was coming to San Diego the following day. I told my parents the whole story because I wasn't sure my wife would be there to meet them and I figured they should know the scoop. Then I sent a few text messages to my wife and she knew that I was pretty upset and that I knew about her profile on the dating site. I told her I was filing for a divorce the following week and that I hope she finds her "Knight in Shining Armor" which was her profile's statement. She tried talking to me but I just hung up the phone. Her aunt called me later and tried talking and I said it's over. Her aunt apologized and said she didn't know her niece was doing this, she said her niece told her that we were talking and getting along and she was coming back home to me soon. A side note: while I'm talking to her aunt, I can hear singing in the background….happened to be my wife singing Karaoke. Pretty distraught huh? I even told her aunt, wow sounds like my wife is really taking this badly. Her aunt said, she's just having fun! And said "don't start thinking bad." I told her aunt I can't deal with this any longer and that it just isn't going to work and I told her goodbye and God Bless. Five hours later at 1 am, there's a knock on my door and it's my wife and her aunt. Her aunt dropped her off and said you guys need to work this out.

So we talked and decided to try to make it work again. I went to get my daughter the following day in Denver. I have a beautiful 8 year daughter. We both arrived back in San Diego that evening and we all went out for dinner. My wife and my daughter really got along well. My mom and dad showed up the following day. My mom agreed to be nice to my wife. My mom was not happy about my wife leaving me 6 days after the wedding for something as trivial as old pics on a laptop and then posting her profile on a dating site. BTW my wife said she only posted on that site because she was bored and wanted someone to talk to…..I said…well you could have talked to your husband instead of ignoring my calls.

She remained with me for three more weeks asking me on a daily basis to do her AOS. I told that we'll do it when we have more money and when we know it's right. Of course my mom/dad and daughter were all there on vacation as well. My wife seemed to change from the person I met in the Philippines. She spent ALL her time on the computer chatting with friends and doing her Facebook thing. Of course her Facebook had her listed as single and there was no mention or anything of me on there. She would lock herself in the bathroom for hours with the laptop and would be chatting with friends. About the second week, I was sitting on the sofa with her and I looked over on the laptop and noticed her chatting with a guy on that dating site. I said….whoa whoa whoa…not in my house you don't and I closed the laptop and said..No you don't not in front of me. I told her if that's her game then she needs to go back to her aunt's house because I don't want a wife talking with other guys on a dating site. We began arguing after that episode and at one point she called me a "stinky old man" in front of my daughter. My daughter said "daddy you don't stink, why did she say that?" I had to explain to my daughter that she was just being mean to her dad. She left on Jun 28. A week after she left, I notified ICE and sent them copies of that dating profile I saved, and copies of the original wedding photos she used for her profile. I gave them a complete write-up of events to date and gave them a copy of the divorce papers I filed in court. A very nice ICE agent from Las Vegas contacted me and told me that this appeared to be fraud and it appeared that it was a marriage of convenience. She said this is very common. She advised me to forget about the girl and please send them the final divorce decree when I get it so they can put her into removal proceedings.

That was in July, I have since moved to New Orleans and have taken a great job here and I'm trying to start a new life and forget this past summer. Three weeks ago I received a call from,,,guess who? Apparently she called me and wanted to know if I would "help" her adjust her status. I said no, I can't do that because we are not living together and I filed for divorce and ohhh BTW I haven't heard from her in 3 months!! She then asked me what's my plan? I said huh?? She said well…for her? I said I have no plans for you other than not seeing you again. She said that her and her aunty applied for AOS without my sponsorship and she said all they need from me is to sign the sponsor papers. Wow! I said uhhh NO! Well apparently, since they filed for adjustment, the USCIS now gave her 87 days to secure my signature or else her AOS will be denied which will be on November 20, 2010. And her last words to me 3 months earlier were "we got what we needed from you, we don't need you anymore." Well, after our conversation, I contacted the ICE agent in Vegas and she didn't know about them filing AOS because sometimes the inter agencies don't communicate well between each other and then she said it just makes their case look more and more fraudulent by knowingly applying for status without the petitioner's involvement.

So, two days go by and I get a phone call from this guy. He apparently is her boyfriend in San Diego she is living with him and he is asking me to do her sponsorship. He said if I care for her I'll do this for her! I said what??? Some %$# nerve for a boyfriend to call the husband.. and then I refused and he said…well then divorce her so he can marry her and she can stay in the US. I said…it doesn't work like that dude but I am divorcing her. And told him good luck. Again, I contacted the ICE agent and she was shocked at the events and told me that everything to date that I have provided her is part of my wife's "A" file. She said, she wishes more people would look beyond their hearts and notify ICE sooner when these problems first start. Her reasoning to me was; typically what will happen is the beneficiary will become desperate and begin an abuse claim (VAWA) as it's usually the last ditch effort to stay in the US. And this is ususally the first time Immigration is even aware of a problem with the marriage. The unsuspecting USC is not even notified during a VAWA action and is never even given a chance to enter the other "side." She said, most times the USC doesn't even know a VAWA case was filed against them and said it was something to do with protecting the abuse victim. She said that in my case, there's more than ample evidence and data entered into her "A" file and that will all be reviewed during any possible VAWA action. She said if there's ever a VAWA case started; the first thing the adjudicator asks for is the "A" file. Again, she commended me on keeping them informed and recommended I try to forget this experience and move on with my life. The ICE agent told me that it will be extremely difficult now for my wife to fabricate a convincing VAWA story that will stick without any very convincing evidence.

So, there's my story. Also...I was kind of disappointed that it looks like ICE doesn't really go after Visa-dodgers but rather they wait for them to eventually show up and then catch them and deport them. The agent told me in some cases they do go after these folks depending on the circumstance. I really appreciated everyone's helping me try and realize the dream and it was really just my fault for not paying attention to early red flags in this relationship. I have moved-on and have re-kindled an old flame, who until recently, I didn't know even cared for me so much.

Wow man!!! Did you have "any" clue at all about her,,,not even a little?

[GC2010 7]

don't beat your self up man you did the right thing.. when the boyfriend call an said if you care about her you well sign the papers you should of tell him how you can't care about somebody you don't care about me.. me like you i would a be calling the ICE agent every single day to make sure they go to her home an find her and send her back home because she is a very evil girl..

[AlexJane 2]

John you brought her over here knowing she was on facebook posing as single,,,with only pics of her and not you...why man...