Domestiv Violance issue from immigrant

[kofilovesama 4]

People shouldnt give such advice without hearing both sides.

someone touches my sister i dont need to hear his side. i take a baseball bat to his car and then tell him ima use his head like a pumpkin after holloween. that is not something i take lightly is a man being a coward hurting woman, this is just another sad story that unfortunately makes my stomach turn into knots. SHE needs prayer, HE needs his #### wooped.

[SimAsh 0]

i agree! forget about immigration, get him out of the home!

when she doesnt press charges she ties the hands of the people who can help her

if she does get him out of home:

restraining orders are worthless (it's just a piece of paper, not a gun or other form of "protection"), but still, get one. if he violates it and doenst kill her, that's another charge that can be brought against him. she needs to have a plan in mind for if/when he shows up on her doorstep... cops are not there to "protect", they are there to take picture of your dead body at crime scene.

she needs to understand, many people are killed by their significant other... and she is no exception. many people think "s/he wouldnt do that to me"... but she probably also thought he'd never beat the heck out of her, right?

if they have children she needs to protect them. soemtimes that's not enough to wake up an abused person to reality. so, make her realize if he is also abusing the children, and she knows, and allows it to happen, she can also be charged. both the parents will be in jail while children go to CPS.

do some research about domestic violence and be there for her but know that she will not leave (or throw him out) till SHE is ready... maybe that will be when she sees soemthing on tv that clicks with her, or he beats her to near death, or he begins to abuse the children... something will trigger it and eventually she will leave. dont isolate her, no matter what she or her husband) does or says ALWAYS let her know you are there for her so when she is ready she knows she has a place to go and soemone to turn to. dont be judgemental or she wont want to reach out to you, just be there for her. call her daily, and drop by whenever you can.

wishing you the best outcome.

I don't want to interfere in the personal matter but I can not see someone hitting her. She does not want to divorce because of they have son together but that does not give him coward excuse to lay hand on women. I think it's best that I take some of my old family member and sort it out for good. I could go and break his hand that he used to beat my sister but I don't want to do anything because I feel like he is still part of our family and want to give him one last chance. I really appreciate all your guys advice.

[RightClicK 17]

i agree! forget about immigration, get him out of the home!

when she doesnt press charges she ties the hands of the people who can help her

if she does get him out of home:

restraining orders are worthless (it's just a piece of paper, not a gun or other form of "protection"), but still, get one. if he violates it and doenst kill her, that's another charge that can be brought against him. she needs to have a plan in mind for if/when he shows up on her doorstep... cops are not there to "protect", they are there to take picture of your dead body at crime scene.

she needs to understand, many people are killed by their significant other... and she is no exception. many people think "s/he wouldnt do that to me"... but she probably also thought he'd never beat the heck out of her, right?

if they have children she needs to protect them. soemtimes that's not enough to wake up an abused person to reality. so, make her realize if he is also abusing the children, and she knows, and allows it to happen, she can also be charged. both the parents will be in jail while children go to CPS.

do some research about domestic violence and be there for her but know that she will not leave (or throw him out) till SHE is ready... maybe that will be when she sees soemthing on tv that clicks with her, or he beats her to near death, or he begins to abuse the children... something will trigger it and eventually she will leave. dont isolate her, no matter what she or her husband) does or says ALWAYS let her know you are there for her so when she is ready she knows she has a place to go and soemone to turn to. dont be judgemental or she wont want to reach out to you, just be there for her. call her daily, and drop by whenever you can.

wishing you the best outcome.

Very wise !!

Sam

[RightClicK 17]

You, as a brother, have a moral DUTY to help your sister. There are two ways to help her:

1) Grab your brother in law, then take him to a remote place and beat the living daylight out of him. When you're done, tell him if he ever lays hand on your sister, he will have a REAL problem.

2) Document and report abuse to the police.

Solution 1 is against the law, so that leaves you with solution number 2.

If you don't do anything and ignore the problem, and anything bad happens to your sister AGAIN, you are in part responsible for that. Sometimes it takes a man to be a man. Are you a man?

I agree with you , but to be honest if the police wouldn't do anything for the report i would make...then i would just prove to him that he isn't a man , because who raise hand on a WOMAN isn't a man .

Sam

[RightClicK 17]

this is such BS

#1 - perfect way for him to promote sympathy for the abuser form the sister. she has her mind twisted up with this guy (i.e. she did not press charges, that shows he has mental hold on her).

#2 - yes he can do that, and should. document document document - write down things because surprisingly you WILL forget things you swear you would never because much worse thigs will happen; take pictures, even if you have to pretend "let me take picture of you in that outfit, it is so lovely" or "hold the baby, i really want to get a pic of the two of you together" ... get any bruises or proof of abuse if you can.

but until SHE is going to press charges, or even just walk away form him, the cops can do nothing.

this "he-man" mentality of "are you a man?" is GARBAGE. what's he gonna do? be a caveman and go in and drag her out? that just makes her pull closer to her abuser. for someone who has never had any XP with this type of thing i understand it doesnt make sense but you have to let it be HER choice to leave, and she may hit a pretty bad place before she does.

First of all you shouldn't have said BS about what he has said, everyone has his own opinion and his way of saying advice but here is the thing , you accept it or NOT , its up to you, and if it was my sister , i swear to god i wouldn't even be able to control my self and i would break him , when he said that,it proved that he has feels for her and he got upset for her , so you coulda explained without any offense.also i really respect and understand your point of view too, but we are humans , we are different .

Sam

[lucky Jimmy 7]

someone touches my sister i dont need to hear his side. i take a baseball bat to his car and then tell him ima use his head like a pumpkin after holloween. that is not something i take lightly is a man being a coward hurting woman, this is just another sad story that unfortunately makes my stomach turn into knots. SHE needs prayer, HE needs his #### wooped.

Sounds like your the violent person. Maybe you should be locked up.

[kofilovesama 4]

Sounds like your the violent person. Maybe you should be locked up.

i havnt been in a fight in my life, i havnt hit no one, i havnt been ever arrested for nothing, im not violent. b/c my sister married a good guy, now on the other hand the way u act in this forum it sounds like your the guy who beats his wife. ''listen to the abusive guy's side'' sounds like obamas right hand guy, then ''you should be locked up for wanting to protect your sister'' ya point taken, your a coward that beats woman.

[lucky Jimmy 7]

It sounds like everyone wants to be the policeman and hero in this situation. Based on what? someones allegations? Why is everyone ready to ruin another persons life without evidence or at the minimum hearing the other side? Maybe the woman is provoking the situation or worse yet maybe she is the abuser. Maybe she abuses him emotionally or physically. Some women are very good at manipulating the system and the system along with public sentiment goes right a long with. It is pathetic that a society will forgo finding a just conclusion only to satisfy their desire to be a policeman and a hero. The "heros" themselves have become the abusers.

I have seen it happen to other men. The laws should be changed to give the accused a fair opportunity and the accuser should bear the burden of proof. The current system is extreme feminism at its best.

[Neal851 3]

People shouldnt give such advice without hearing both sides.

U r right ,but i dis agreewith u. There is law in usa for USC ,nobody can't touch him/her. While here the husband is beating her,so that husband is in fault.

[bestofboston 36]

In most states now, if there is any signs of abuse, he will be arrested and will have to go in front of a judge regardless of whether the wife presses charges are not. It is considered domestic abuse and is treated very seriously. I am surprised he did not have to appear in front of a judge already because as you described it, he beat her up so there must have been some signs of him abusing her.

Get that jerk out of the house before he seriously hurts her. Their are a lot of women that are killed in this country by their spouse already. Get him away from her before he does the same to you sister. You are right! He does not respect if he is physically abusing her.

[Neal851 3]

In most states now, if there is any signs of abuse, he will be arrested and will have to go in front of a judge regardless of whether the wife presses charges are not. It is considered domestic abuse and is treated very seriously. I am surprised he did not have to appear in front of a judge already because as you described it, he beat her up so there must have been some signs of him abusing her.

Get that jerk out of the house before he seriously hurts her. Their are a lot of women that are killed in this country by their spouse already. Get him away from her before he does the same to you sister. You are right! He does not respect if he is physically abusing her.

[lucky Jimmy 7]

U r right ,but i dis agreewith u. There is law in usa for USC ,nobody can't touch him/her. While here the husband is beating her,so that husband is in fault.

Well folks, we have another wannabe hero!

[lucky Jimmy 7]

In most states now, if there is any signs of abuse, he will be arrested and will have to go in front of a judge regardless of whether the wife presses charges are not. It is considered domestic abuse and is treated very seriously. I am surprised he did not have to appear in front of a judge already because as you described it, he beat her up so there must have been some signs of him abusing her.

Get that jerk out of the house before he seriously hurts her. Their are a lot of women that are killed in this country by their spouse already. Get him away from her before he does the same to you sister. You are right! He does not respect if he is physically abusing her.

There doesn't have to be any signs of abuse. Only allegations made by the woman and then man is immediately guilty. He is jailed and removed from the home. With nothing but the allegations from the woman. She does not have to present any evidence. His life is wrecked. If the man makes allegations of even produces evidence, then it is ignored. So much for a just legal system. There are no penalties for false claims of abuse, only support.

[Krikit 1,163]

Please stop the antagonistic behaviour or you will be banned from this thread. Thank you.

Moving from Bringing Family Members of PR's to General Immigration Discussion.

[nab 74]

this is a very heated topic becasue there are no across the boards way of handling it... different areas treat this differently so many times it is mishandled. the best thing to remember is to stay calm, do not aggravate the situation and make it escalate. this is why many times police will take 30min to respond to a domestic call rather than 5min for a regular one... many times their very presence can escalate a situation that in 1/2hr would have calmed down.

in a situation where two people cannot live in peace together definitely either a split or resolution to change and consequences if that change does not happen need to be in place. but until the wo/man comes to terms with what is happening, decides this should not happen again, and stands up for themselves it will only get worse.

many times when a person stands up for themselves and says you wont do this again or decides to leave, that is when they are killed so care should be taken to protect themsleves and to not cause confrontation

as far as people getting falsely accused... that happens all time and our "justice" system blows (in both domestic and criminal).

because this is a hot button topic so many are quick to jump to assumptions because the instinct IS to protect those who appear to not be able to protect themselves (very honorable).

those who posted that some women (and men) know how to push the buttons of someone to get them to react are right, to an extent. yes that happens, i have seen women get into the face of a man, poke him, even slap and punch, use verbal assaults (which women are VERY good at) but still that is NEVER reason to lay hands on someone! they should remove themselves from the situation. in that case they are both at fault, provoking and abusing.

people teach their boys not to lay hands on girls, but then dont teach their girls not to lay hands on boys. my father did! i was off limits to my brotehrs, but i learned before kindergarten that if i laid hands on them there was no protection for me from my father

this whole subject makes me nauseous becasue most times there are children involved so this doenst just affect the 2 fighting but those children as well... whether physically abused or not, these children grow up believing what they are seeing is "normal" and they continue the cycle.

Edited October 10, 2010 by nab