Really difficult...Need advice

[w8inglongtime 29]

[quote name='ndgaikowski'

She hasnt adjusted status yet. I try to explain to her if we divorce then she will have to leave. She then says that we should just seperate and adjust her status and then when its approved get divorced.

Good thing you're not falling for her BS. You filed the K-3 for her so you guys can be a family TOGETHER but if she obviously don't want to be with you, then you have to cut ties with her. She is clearly using you for immigration benefit which is a crime and you should not contribute to it. As for the money you spent on her immigration process, you will have to put that in the loss column and move on. Good luck.

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

Let me explain one more time...This person is a fraud. Screwed me out of thousands of dollars! Told me she loved me and would spend the rest of her life with me. Spent hours gathering information for interviews, doctors appointments, travels etc.... All for her to come to the United States. Now she is here,( 4 months now ) and wants a divorce? So I basicly funded her trip to the US. And Im not entitled to ask for any of that money back?

Okay Ndg, I am going to tell you what you want to hear, go down to your local court house and file a small claims case against your wife for these charges. It should cost you about $45 to $100.00 dollars to file this claim. Gather all of your evidences, and when it is time to appear in court, attend and present your case. We would like to hear of your outcome, so please come back to VJ and tell us what the final outcome of your case is.

Note: you cannot sue yourself, suing your wife for money spent in a marriage is like suing yourself. Remember this phrase, because you will hear it alot.

Good luck.

Edited April 19, 2010 by LIFE'SJOURNEY

[besaangel 17]

Okay Ndg, I am going to tell you what you want to hear, go down to your local court house and file a small claims case against your wife for these charges. It should cost you about $45 to $100.00 dollars to file this claim. Gather all of your evidences, and when it is time to appear in court, attend and present your case. We would like to hear of your outcome, so please come back to VJ and tell us what the final outcome of your case is.

Note: you cannot sue yourself, suing your wife for money spent in a marriage is like suing yourself. Remember this phrase, because you will hear it alot.

Good luck.

[Jimmy n Regine 0]

this is heartbreaking

will you take mother away from your little daughter? have you considered how it would affect her life and how much she would hate you when she grows up and how she would leave you as soon as she turns 16?

What rika60607 says about taking your child from mother is "not true!" I divorced 2 different moms, and got total custody, in both cases of my 2 girls.

My first daughter was 7 when I divorced her mother. Today, she is the CFO of an international company with a multi-million dollar annual salary. She knows she would not be this, if she had lived with her mother!

My youngest daughter was 18 months when I divorced her mom. She just graduated college with a BS in Computer Science. Again, she knows that this is because her loving father raised her.

To those that think a mother must always get custody of her children, even though the father may be the better parent, think of the Susan Smiths out there. Every day we here of some horrible case where a mother killed her children, because she did not want the loving father to have "her property!"

If you are the better parent, then you should fight for the right to do right by your child.

And, your wife can adjust her status, immediately after the divorce, with a waiver, if she can prove the marriage was not a scam! She doesn't even have to wait the 2 years!

[Bobby+Umit 161]

What rika60607 says about taking your child from mother is "not true!" I divorced 2 different moms, and got total custody, in both cases of my 2 girls.

My first daughter was 7 when I divorced her mother. Today, she is the CFO of an international company with a multi-million dollar annual salary. She knows she would not be this, if she had lived with her mother!

My youngest daughter was 18 months when I divorced her mom. She just graduated college with a BS in Computer Science. Again, she knows that this is because her loving father raised her.

To those that think a mother must always get custody of her children, even though the father may be the better parent, think of the Susan Smiths out there. Every day we here of some horrible case where a mother killed her children, because she did not want the loving father to have "her property!"

If you are the better parent, then you should fight for the right to do right by your child.

And, your wife can adjust her status, immediately after the divorce, with a waiver, if she can prove the marriage was not a scam! She doesn't even have to wait the 2 years!

On what basis would she adjust her status? She would no longer be married to an USC if she divorces, so that AOS choice is gone.

Are you thinking of removal of conditions? That would fit in your statement. They haven't filed for AOS yet.

After the K-3 expires, she would have no status and would have to return home, unless she plays the VAWA card.

[Jimmy n Regine 0]

On what basis would she adjust her status? She would no longer be married to an USC if she divorces, so that AOS choice is gone.

Are you thinking of removal of conditions? That would fit in your statement. They haven't filed for AOS yet.

After the K-3 expires, she would have no status and would have to return home, unless she plays the VAWA card.

You are correct! I was thinking of 'lifting conditions.'

So, you are good! File the divorce, and ask for custody! Your wife's status will expire, but she will not be removed until the divorce is final!

[Boiler 43,730]

She is unlikely to be removed at all, unless she is stupid or unlucky.

But she will be out of status.

[DanielParul 50]

What rika60607 says about taking your child from mother is "not true!" I divorced 2 different moms, and got total custody, in both cases of my 2 girls.

My first daughter was 7 when I divorced her mother. Today, she is the CFO of an international company with a multi-million dollar annual salary. She knows she would not be this, if she had lived with her mother!

My youngest daughter was 18 months when I divorced her mom. She just graduated college with a BS in Computer Science. Again, she knows that this is because her loving father raised her.

To those that think a mother must always get custody of her children, even though the father may be the better parent, think of the Susan Smiths out there. Every day we here of some horrible case where a mother killed her children, because she did not want the loving father to have "her property!"

If you are the better parent, then you should fight for the right to do right by your child.

And, your wife can adjust her status, immediately after the divorce, with a waiver, if she can prove the marriage was not a scam! She doesn't even have to wait the 2 years!

I agree with everything except AOS for your wife. She can't adjust status without playing the VAWA card so be careful in your dealings with her. Her parents being here already and her wanting a divorce now is a classic case of visa fraud. Maybe she is not updated on the fact that a USC child does not guarantee her any status in the US. Get a divorce lawyer involved, get your divorce, get your child and let her deal with her problems.

[TracyTN 237]

Moving this thread to the AOS forum from removing conditions forum. As the OPs spouse has not yet adjusted status, it is not a removing conditions issue.

[minatours 0]

Ive brought this topic to discussion a couple of times, but need to reopen it due to alot of changes. My wife and I have been married for almost 2 years now. We have a beautiful baby girl who is almost 2 years old. We just came back from Peru after waiting there for her K3 visa to be approved. We arrived in the states in December. Her parents and sister also live in the US. She thought because this is a new country that it would be better for her to move closer to her parents, and get adjusted that way. Well that hasnt helped us at all.( Spends all her time with her parents ) Now she wants a divorce. She hasnt adjusted status yet. I try to explain to her if we divorce then she will have to leave. She then says that we should just seperate and adjust her status and then when its approved get divorced. First of all Im not going to do that. Im done throwing money away. My main concern is the kid. I want to get divorced now, but what will happen to the kid. I dont want her to leave! She is my life! If my wife takes her I back to Peru then I know I will never see her. The child has dual nationality. So what are my rights? Can she stay with me? Also when I file for divorce, can I sue her for all the money spent on the petition? Plane tickets etc....

first of all your baby girl is an american citizen now she can't leave the country without your permission and as caution precedure you have to call the state department and inform them by your girl name this way no body can take your little girl out side america .second of all if you divorced her now you will have full custdoy cause you the american one and according to the american laws the custdy goes to the american parent so it is all good and there is nothing to worry about it if you need any further advise let me know good luck

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

A slight complication here is that the Daughter has a Peruvian Passport also and the Mom might be able to leave the country with her using that.

If it were me, the first thing I'd do is make sure the child's Passports (yep both of them) are stored safely with a Lawyer (the one who would be handling my divorce). I would even go so far as contacting a Peruvian Consulate in the US and seeing if they can cancel or suspend the child's passport.

The second thing I'd do is separate residences with the wife and make sure the child was living with me. If she thinks that Mom always gets the child then she might not argue this as it will make her life easier during the proceedings. Thing is, this will work in your favor as Family Court Judges don't like to disturb the status quo if it's working so the Mom would have to bring compelling evidence to support the child being better off in her physical custody after she let the child stay with Daddy during the proceedings.

Everything else is in the past and you can't change it. Look forward and start securing your & your daughter's lives right now.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

second of all if you divorced her now you will have full custdoy cause you the american one and according to the american laws the custdy goes to the american parent so it is all good and there is nothing to worry about it if you need any further advise let me know good luck

This bit of information is so wrong on many levels.

First Divorce, just like marriage, is handled at the State level not Federal so...

Second, there are no "American Laws" giving full custody to USC Parents in Divorce.

Third, there is plenty to worry about as the Mom can take the child to Peru tomorrow and return without her thus using her as leverage to get him to file her AOS.

Fourth, the child has dual citizenship so she can travel on her Peruvian Passport even with a hold put on her US Passport.

[Nik+Heather 121]

A slight complication here is that the Daughter has a Peruvian Passport also and the Mom might be able to leave the country with her using that.

If it were me, the first thing I'd do is make sure the child's Passports (yep both of them) are stored safely with a Lawyer (the one who would be handling my divorce). I would even go so far as contacting a Peruvian Consulate in the US and seeing if they can cancel or suspend the child's passport.

The second thing I'd do is separate residences with the wife and make sure the child was living with me. If she thinks that Mom always gets the child then she might not argue this as it will make her life easier during the proceedings. Thing is, this will work in your favor as Family Court Judges don't like to disturb the status quo if it's working so the Mom would have to bring compelling evidence to support the child being better off in her physical custody after she let the child stay with Daddy during the proceedings.

Everything else is in the past and you can't change it. Look forward and start securing your & your daughter's lives right now.

The chances of a consulate taking action against one of their citizens at the request of someone who is not also a citizen is probably pretty slim...

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

The chances of a consulate taking action against one of their citizens at the request of someone who is not also a citizen is probably pretty slim...

I know, just figured it might be worth notifying them of the situation and the potential for an international child abduction.

If the Peruvian Passport is locked away in safekeeping then at least that possibility can be delayed.

[rika60607 215]

Even if Peruvian passport is taken away and locked, the mother can get a new passport from the embassy.

The mere fact of taking the passport away could be viewed as abuse. VAWA here we go!

(may not be a bad outcome in this situation, BTW)

I can not judge if the peruvian mother is a good mother or not. I know nothing about her. But I can see that the father (being mad at the mother) is considering to remove the mother from their child's life. That, to me, indicates a father who does not have the best interest of the child in his mind, but cares about his own agenda. Every child needs both parents, but children of young age need their mother more than their father (biologically and statistically).

If father wants custody, is he planning on being a stay at home dad for a couple of years? And who will take care of the bills then? Just wondering...

If someone wants to tell me that it is perfectly OK for a child to grow up without a mother, they can shut up. It is highly traumatic, ask any psychologist. Of course, there are mothers so horrible, that it is still better to grow up without them. That will be up to court to decide if she is a horrible mother and if she should have custody, but I would not assume that the court will give custody to the father just because he is USC. If mother gets the full custody, she will be able to leave the US with the child, eventually.

I do not know if this peruvian lady is a scam or not. I do not know, may be she does not care for her daughter at all.

Let me ask you then - where is the baby now and who takes care of her?

Anyway, in the interest of the child, you (the adults), need to figure out a way to go your separate ways and remain civil with each other and to find a way for you both to remain in the child's life.

I know, just figured it might be worth notifying them of the situation and the potential for an international child abduction.

If the Peruvian Passport is locked away in safekeeping then at least that possibility can be delayed.