Homesick!

[Jody82 0]

Hi all, I am not trying to look for an answer here but I just want to express my feeling of the past months away from my home country.

After 2 years apart, my husband and I finally get married 3 months ago. I am very happy to move here to be with him but after 3 months living here in the states, I start feeling depress. Back home, I had a very decent job to support my living and I feel very satisfy with that job. In the same time, I also have a lot of friends and family who love me alot. I very much enjoy all the times I hang out with my friends. But since I moved to America, everything changed.

In here, I feel like except my husband, I have nothing here. I cannot get a job here because of the visa issue so all I can do is stay in the house all day. I do not know how to drive (because I used to live in a city and I do not need to drive at all) so I cannot go anywhere. I have no friends to hang out with because I do not know anyone. I used to be a very outgoing person with all my friends surrounded but in here, I can't even think of 1 person I wanna call and talk to. I feel incredibly bad.

I didnt share all these feeling with any of my friends/ family even I call home all the time. I do not want any of them worry about me and seriously, they always feel I am the lucky person in the world because I find a man who love me alot and willing to deal with all the visa issue, then buy a house to live with me together. They also think I have an amazing life because I do not have to worry about living or deal with any job-related issues. But what they do not understand is....I feel so bored all day and I hate to be alone all the time.

I didnt share with my husband as well about my homesick because I do not want to complain in front of him. I understand he works so hard to make everything happen and I understand he loves me alot and try to make me not worry about anything. I apprecitae all he does and I'll feel extreme bad if I still complaint all these in front of him.

I do not feel like to talk to anyone about this and that's why just wanna write this down here to relief a little bit.

[alienlovechild 75]

After 2 years apart, my husband and I finally get married 3 months ago. I am very happy to move here to be with him but after 3 months living here in the states, I start feeling depress. Back home, I had a very decent job to support my living and I feel very satisfy with that job. In the same time, I also have a lot of friends and family who love me alot. I very much enjoy all the times I hang out with my friends. But since I moved to America, everything changed.

In here, I feel like except my husband, I have nothing here. I cannot get a job here because of the visa issue so all I can do is stay in the house all day. I do not know how to drive (because I used to live in a city and I do not need to drive at all) so I cannot go anywhere. I have no friends to hang out with because I do not know anyone. I used to be a very outgoing person with all my friends surrounded but in here, I can't even think of 1 person I wanna call and talk to. I feel incredibly bad.

I didnt share all these feeling with any of my friends/ family even I call home all the time. I do not want any of them worry about me and seriously, they always feel I am the lucky person in the world because I find a man who love me alot and willing to deal with all the visa issue, then buy a house to live with me together. They also think I have an amazing life because I do not have to worry about living or deal with any job-related issues. But what they do not understand is....I feel so bored all day and I hate to be alone all the time.

I didnt share with my husband as well about my homesick because I do not want to complain in front of him. I understand he works so hard to make everything happen and I understand he loves me alot and try to make me not worry about anything. I apprecitae all he does and I'll feel extreme bad if I still complaint all these in front of him.

You're suffering from a common problem- culture shock. A new country can get boring when you don't have new things to do and remember what you left behind. Is this the life you expected? Did your husband tell you over two years how you would live here?

Learn to drive for one thing. If my wife could do it without driving before, you can learn as well.

Talk to friends and family in China and tell your husband how you feel. I lived in Taiwan and know that many Chinese don't like to talk openly about some problems because being too honest is to be ungrateful and rude. Your husband should be about to handle some criticism and help you find things to do with your time.

[connyk 0]

Hi all, I am not trying to look for an answer here but I just want to express my feeling of the past months away from my home country.

After 2 years apart, my husband and I finally get married 3 months ago. I am very happy to move here to be with him but after 3 months living here in the states, I start feeling depress. Back home, I had a very decent job to support my living and I feel very satisfy with that job. In the same time, I also have a lot of friends and family who love me alot. I very much enjoy all the times I hang out with my friends. But since I moved to America, everything changed.

In here, I feel like except my husband, I have nothing here. I cannot get a job here because of the visa issue so all I can do is stay in the house all day. I do not know how to drive (because I used to live in a city and I do not need to drive at all) so I cannot go anywhere. I have no friends to hang out with because I do not know anyone. I used to be a very outgoing person with all my friends surrounded but in here, I can't even think of 1 person I wanna call and talk to. I feel incredibly bad.

I didnt share all these feeling with any of my friends/ family even I call home all the time. I do not want any of them worry about me and seriously, they always feel I am the lucky person in the world because I find a man who love me alot and willing to deal with all the visa issue, then buy a house to live with me together. They also think I have an amazing life because I do not have to worry about living or deal with any job-related issues. But what they do not understand is....I feel so bored all day and I hate to be alone all the time.

I didnt share with my husband as well about my homesick because I do not want to complain in front of him. I understand he works so hard to make everything happen and I understand he loves me alot and try to make me not worry about anything. I apprecitae all he does and I'll feel extreme bad if I still complaint all these in front of him.

I do not feel like to talk to anyone about this and that's why just wanna write this down here to relief a little bit.

Hi,

after reading your post I kinda know what you're going through right now, I think.. 3 years ago I moved to the States on a J-1 and lived there for more than one year. The first 2-3 months were really really hard for me too, just like you, I've had a busy life before in Austria, I worked in the music scene so I used to go out ALOT and see shows and then all of a sudden in the States.. nothing. I felt literally trapped. I did not know where to go and how to get around at all, I did not know one single person before I moved there. It took me a long time to get used to the climate (Florida, the humidity was killing me!!) But the worst part of all was that I missed my family and friends like crazy.. I felt so sad all the time.. Most of my friends in Austria I already went to kindergarten with.. I grew up with them, they are a part of me and all of a sudden there was nobody here for me anymore.

Buuut.. it got better! At some point I was really depressed and pissed and just couldn't take it anymore.. so I looked up the address of a random music store online, grabbed a pen and a piece of paper and drove there (the drive was terrible, it was raining heavily and of course I got lost like 10 times before I made it there ) but once there I asked a guy who worked there if he could write down some addresses of bars or clubs in town for me because I was new here.. So after that I had a list of like 10-15 places to go to at least! =) Then a couple days later I met a girl from the neighborhood at Subway and I could tell from her accent when she was ordering her sub that she was not from the States either and actually she happened to be from Switzerland, which is my neighbor country, and she had just arrived in town 6 weeks or so before me, too.. so of course we started hanging and going out together.. and in doing so little by little we got to know our environment and whereabouts better and also got to know more and more people. I started to adjust more and more and 6 months after my arrival in the United States I actually finally started to enjoy living in Florida. I made some great friends and had some unforgettable experiences.. When my 13 months abroad were over it was the exact opposite then - I was so sad that I had to leave the States, I even lost a lot of weight over that.. I wish I was that skinny now lol

If you don't drive I highly recommend you to learn it. Being able to get around makes a HUGE difference. You would be able to do at least some shopping during the day while you're home alone and bored. Do you have a car at your disposal? Maybe your husband can give you some driving lessons? Honestly, if I didn't have a car back then in FL, I would have gone back to Europe after 2 months. I can feel your frustration, it's not fun to be stuck in the house all day long for weeks!! But I can promise you, it will get better! You will have a job someday and you will have a "real" life here. Just give it some time and hang in there.

I wish you all the best.

[Jody82 0]

Thank you guys~ I am not really sure whether I have a culture shock or just feel depress of being alone at home all the time. Honestly, I lived in Florida for my 1 year internship before I actually moved to here (now in Maryland) and I always think I am ready for moving to the states (since I enjoy the time alot when I lived in Florida). Perhaps because when I was in Florida, I had a job and some colleages around me so I feel better? You guys are right, maybe I should start to drive ASAP so that I could get around in step of trapped at the house all day. I will try hard to work on it. Thank you for the advice.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Thank you guys~ I am not really sure whether I have a culture shock or just feel depress of being alone at home all the time. Honestly, I lived in Florida for my 1 year internship before I actually moved to here (now in Maryland) and I always think I am ready for moving to the states (since I enjoy the time alot when I lived in Florida). Perhaps because when I was in Florida, I had a job and some colleages around me so I feel better? You guys are right, maybe I should start to drive ASAP so that I could get around in step of trapped at the house all day. I will try hard to work on it. Thank you for the advice.

Being stuck at home can be part of the depression. While you are waiting for your Green Card so you can work, you can in the meantime volunteer at many places - local libraries, hospitals, animal shelters, food banks, soup kitchen. That will get you out of the house, give you something to work at and you will meet new people and perhaps make some new friends.

[Heracles 417]

Thank you guys~ I am not really sure whether I have a culture shock or just feel depress of being alone at home all the time. Honestly, I lived in Florida for my 1 year internship before I actually moved to here (now in Maryland) and I always think I am ready for moving to the states (since I enjoy the time alot when I lived in Florida). Perhaps because when I was in Florida, I had a job and some colleages around me so I feel better? You guys are right, maybe I should start to drive ASAP so that I could get around in step of trapped at the house all day. I will try hard to work on it. Thank you for the advice.

I know the feeling. It does make it really tough when your family is not around you. In particular, if you move like we did and have neither my family or my spouse's family nearby.

Are you living near the DC area? If so, it's probably even worse as people are self centered azzholes around here. AKA Hold your own hand down lovers lane types.

Edited November 21, 2009 by Booyah!

[natty bumppo 297]

Thank you guys~ I am not really sure whether I have a culture shock or just feel depress of being alone at home all the time. Honestly, I lived in Florida for my 1 year internship before I actually moved to here (now in Maryland) and I always think I am ready for moving to the states (since I enjoy the time alot when I lived in Florida). Perhaps because when I was in Florida, I had a job and some colleages around me so I feel better? You guys are right, maybe I should start to drive ASAP so that I could get around in step of trapped at the house all day. I will try hard to work on it. Thank you for the advice.

I know the feeling. It does make it really tough when your family is not around you. In particular, if you move like we did and have neither my family or my spouse's family nearby.

Are you living near the DC area? If so, it's probably even worse as people are self centered azzholes around here. AKA Hold your own hand down lovers lane types.

like BY ...

happens even within a country when people leave home .....

[SunDrop 59]

I understand that expressing your feelings to your loved ones is difficult. I wouldn't actually talk to family and friends back home about it because there is very little if anything they can do. But I would talk to your husband.

I moved around a lot as a kid and so know what to expect. I have always said to my SO that it's going to take a couple of years for us to adjust and for me to find my own friends, hobbies, job. He spent nearly 6 months here last year and was extremely homesick, and I think after that experience understands what it will feel like being dependent on someone else for company.

Have a look for the local community college for some casual courses, they don't even need to be credit hour courses, just something that interests you. They are really full of absolutely everything from local history to photography, cookery, politics - you name it.

And yes to the driving! Find a driving instructor and gain some physical freedom. And once you've got your license, invest in a GPS system. I'm lucky in that I have been able to visit my SO several times this year and every time, I drove his truck. I would have really struggled without the reassurance of the GPS and now don't need it for trips that I've made several times (from his place to his folks, the grocery store, etc.) It allows me to run errands too, which makes me feel useful. I also went (during a longer trip in the summer) and got my nails done, drove past a store that I hadn't noticed before that caters to a hobby of mine (scrapbooking) and so stopped in, saw they offer classes and meet-ups and so know I can go back there once we've moved and start meeting people. Of course, my SO was having a heart attack because he wasn't expecting me to be gone for so long! lol But was pleased to see that I was so excited about having found something to get my teeth into, as the saying goes.

From experience as a child, even with the other kids around me in school, I can say that it did take a couple of years to adjust to all the new things around me. But I can also promise you that it does get better, you do end up being settled and every time we moved, I genuinely missed my old home. I've lived in London for 12 years now, and realised driving through it a couple of days ago, how much I'm going to miss the hustle and bustle of being in such a cosmopolitan city. Until then, that hustle and bustle was just stressful! lol...

((hugs)) give yourself time and talk to your hubby about it - it's the foundation of good, successful marriages

[trillium13 84]

happens even within a country when people leave home .....

Very true. It's been a culture shock moving from the Northeast to Texas. I can't imagine moving halfway across the world.

I think it will just take you some time to adjust and find your niche. I hope you can talk to your husband about it. That's part of being a married couple-supporting each other through up and down times.

[Darnell 8,479]

It's a common thing for a chinese spouse, if there's no 'support group' around you in the USA.

Here's a few things to do:

1. volunteer at a local hospital or the chamber of commerce.

2. join toastmasters - see www.toastmasters.org

3. contact the universities around you, inquire about the chinese students association, and GO to the next meeting (you don't have to be a student to attend the meeting ).

Doing these 3 things, you'll be able to branch out and find yourself. You'll make all kinds of connections, and lots of new friends.

IMO, it's all about the guanxi, and you've lost yours during the move.

[ms_jinga_lala 0]

Only you can make yourself get out of that house. I suffered from depression for years from looking at the inside of my house too much. I finally kicked my own butt into gear when I realized no one was going to do it for me. (I have no intention of that sounding mean...or any of this for that matter, just letting you know how I had to do it.) Get out, take a walk, join a club, wave at your neighbors for no reason at all. All these little things will help more than you know. Also, get dressed up every day no matter what. Get a pet, learn a new hobby. Do something for you just because you always wanted to do it and never had the time. You have time now. When you do go out with your hubby, encourage him to introduce you to people, then you will have new faces to talk to.

Your husband is also your best friend. Talk to him, I'm sure he would be more understanding than you think. Don't fuss, just calmly tell him that you need to get out of the house and that you are going a little stir crazy and you feel bored and sad about not having enough to do. Let him know you want to start making friends and find something to fill your time. There is nothing wrong with feeling like that, it's only bad when you let it get to you for too long. He loves you enough to go through this madness for you, I bet he loves you enough to not want you to be depressed.

[Der Bücherwurm 1]

Sign up for English language classes. You will meet other foreigners that way that are also experiencing homesickness and loneliness that will completely understand how you feel. When I lived in Germany and Norway I always looked forward to my language classes. I got to meet other people, practice my language skills and sometimes the students and teacher would meet at a cafe right after class to chitchat and have coffee. Sometimes we would agree on a day to make a field-trip to a museum or meet at a bar at night and we'd all go barhopping. You'll be meeting tons of people and arranging outings that way. Trust me. It is the best way to start meeting people and will help you adjust to your new home quicker and easier.

[ssalburo 0]

I understand how you feel right now since I've been in that situation 4 years ago when I came here in the US. I depend on my hubby for everything, I was totally depressed looking at the 4 walls of our house, which made me feel so useless, I gained a lot of weight, I was not driving then because I was still waiting on my papers and my green card is still on process, I did the same thing about not telling my family about any problems coz I don't want them to worry about me and I pretend to be happy all the time we've been talking on the phone. I never liked the cold so I did not want to get out of the house all the time since I came from a tropical country, just when I needed something at the grocery...after I've adjusted, I became independent, got a nice job, go wherever I want to shop, go to the gym 3x a week and my hubby was happy for me.

I think it is just normal and you will adjust in maybe a year or less..

Talk to you husband about it, I'm sure he will help you cope up with what you feel..

Hope you feel better.

[Nizzy 1]

Thank you guys~ I am not really sure whether I have a culture shock or just feel depress of being alone at home all the time. Honestly, I lived in Florida for my 1 year internship before I actually moved to here (now in Maryland) and I always think I am ready for moving to the states (since I enjoy the time alot when I lived in Florida). Perhaps because when I was in Florida, I had a job and some colleages around me so I feel better? You guys are right, maybe I should start to drive ASAP so that I could get around in step of trapped at the house all day. I will try hard to work on it. Thank you for the advice.

I know the feeling. It does make it really tough when your family is not around you. In particular, if you move like we did and have neither my family or my spouse's family nearby.

Are you living near the DC area? If so, it's probably even worse as people are self centered azzholes around here. AKA Hold your own hand down lovers lane types.

I agree. After moving here from Chicago I absolutely hate how people are so unfriendly here. I don't know how I would feel if I moved here from a diff county all together...

[scandal 951]

I agree. After moving here from Chicago I absolutely hate how people are so unfriendly here. I don't know how I would feel if I moved here from a diff county all together...

Chicago is indeed much friendlier than metro DC. I keep telling that to my good friend Bishop Mark