Prenuptial

[GabiandVi 34]

I think if I had to have a signed contract about who was going to bring out the garbage and how many times, I probably wouldn't marry the guy.

I don't think I would want a man having sex with me just because it is part of his contractual obligations. I don't think I could enjoy it if he wasn't into it. There are lifeless devices for lifeless sex.

As for protecting assets, I think you have to go into marriage with the idea that there is no option for divorce. The minute you open that door, divorce becomes a LOT easier than working things out. If you don't have that option, you have no choice but to make it work, and I'm not talking about living in misery. If you have the mindset that you are not getting a divorce because you are committed to making it work, you make it work so that you are happy. After all, the same problems that you couldn't overcome in marriage one will be there in marriage two. Studies show that people who get married the second time and stay married do so because they don't want to get divorced again and so they make it work. They show that these people face the same problems they faced in their first marriages, only now they aren't as open to divorce because they don't want to fail twice. They show that these people describe themselves as being happily married.

However, if there is a family fortune involved, it's no longer just about the happy couple, I suppose. I can see someone with a legacy feeling an oblgation to protect it from his or her own potentially bad decisions.

And I believe if there are children involved, it is the obligation of the parent to put them first and protect their futures, regardless of how absolutely sure we are that we will never have to rely on any contract with our spouse to ensure that.

[jundp 191]

I would not sign a prenup, personally. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, and I would not expect any of my spouse's assets from before the marriage if it were to end. And I would require that my spouse trust that in me before getting married.

[KarenCee 3]

No need for a prenup here...neither of us owned much. I'm not so sure I'd want one either. I dunno....just seems to smack of something so clinical, cold perhaps. JMHO of course. Besides, like Jenn said...I too am perfectly capable of taking care of myself and daughter - I did it long before he married me.

[maritoni 3]

Prenups are a good idea if one of the people is wealthy, because that does prevent gold diggers and at the same time would prevent them from getting married then divorced and getting money that wasnt theirs. prenups can be worded in many ways to make it so that gold diggers dont get the money but devoted spouses will, and such.

i dont see a problem with them and i would sign one as long as it was worded in a way i agree with, so that if our relationship ends for a legitamate reason after a certain amount of time, no i wouldnt get alot but something for the time i put into the relationship

[DanielParul 50]

I would not sign a prenup, personally. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, and I would not expect any of my spouse's assets from before the marriage if it were to end. And I would require that my spouse trust that in me before getting married.

Agree with Jenn. No prenups for us. I wouldn't sign one neither would I expect my husband to sign one.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I'd sign one if he wanted me to. I'm only 25 but i've lived too long ,experienced too much and seen too much to assume people stay EXACTLY THE SAME when the ###### hits the fan.

I'm willing to best, most of the people who divorce didn't think their partner would end up the way they did. People change, life changes and things happen.

That said, I wouldn't sign a pre-nup about "you do this, or I won't do this" or whatever, that's just stupid. I would sign a pre-nup for monetary matters though.

Also, whoever said without a pre-nup it's 50/50.. sorry, that's not right. It's a standard, but it rarely happens like that unless both parties agree. This is why people go to Court over this stuff... whether it be "I contributed more", or "I stopped going to school 'cause he promised to support me so now I can't earn as much and he should subsidise my income", "I'm looking after the children", "I deserve the house, he can buy another"... I've seen some really bad divorce results, it's ridiculous that love can result in so much hate.

I'm a realist. I don't WANT to leave my FH but, as i said, I'm not stupid enough to think stuff doesn't change. I would like to think we'll survive the changes but I would prefer to be covered in the event. All that said though, I'm not signing one because we both have about the same amount of stuff. If that was different though, no problem

[EasternDE 35]

Wow, I'm a bit surprised here. Except for the muslim mariage contract, it seems no one is taking the S/O mariage culture in consideration...

For example, in France, we can pick between two kinds of mariage contracts, the "regular" one 50/50 and the "separation of properties" (basically what you buy is yours, what your spouse buys is his and what you buy in commun is the couple's property).

Most couples I know married under the second kind, the "separation" one. That includes my parents.

This has NOTHING to do with divorce... I personnally would say it has got something to do with personnal freedom.

Marriage is something, now it's not because you're getting married that you're not an individual anymore...

Sometimes one may feel like thinking "This is mine". From my french point of view, mariage is sharing love and life, it's not about sharing EVERYTHING.

But that's my opinion, which is a mix of french culture, the education I had and my own personnal beliefs.

You don't know what tomorrow will bring, my father suffers from a mental sickness (which he didn't suffer of when they got married) and he's not been able to manage his money properly for many years now.

If my parents weren't married under this contract, my father would have been able to spend all the familly assets. Well he actually did, but at least the contract protected my mother's assets...

This is the kind of thing you can't predict... and again it's got nothing to do with divorce.

Ask your S/O how things are done in his country, talk and try to understand his point of view. If you can't understand it, try to accept it.

I don't know but I feel this is something that you MUST be able to do when you marry someone who's got a different culture than yours.

[EasternDE 35]

I'm adding the wikipedia link for better understanding.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prenuptial_agreement

[SuperDuper! 230]

How would you feel if your fiance would ask you to sign a pre-nuptial agreement prior to your marriage. Would you feel bad about it?

I just want to know the opinion of the majority on this issue:)

Get married in Wisconsin, State of Wisconsin does not recognize pre-nuptial agreements. Of course, the only time they come up, is in a divorce court. I feel a pre-nuptial agreement is a prelude to a divorce. Not even sure how the USCIS feels about these agreements, certainly contrary to the I-864.

I had an immigration atty even ask if I was going to get a pre-nup. The hidden suggestion from her was that the pre-nup is a good idea. Atty even said to include language that would void the affidavit of support in the event of divorce. 50% chance of divorce, so it's a good idea for the man to protect himself. It's funny how feelings of love can change over 10 year period of marriage. THEN the woman can be hungry for the man's assets to which he worked hard his whole life for.

Cheers.

[SuperDuper! 230]

So, we see that you are getting married on Monday. Any comment about Pre-Nup?

[chizkeyk 0]

Prenuptial agreement is not an issue to me. I drafted the agreement and presented it to my then fiance (husband now) for review and revision. I told him that I just wanted to protect his assets as I don't have enough compared to what he has. Anyway, he works hard for it. But the answer was NO. He doesn't like the idea, and he trust me 100% that he is in good hands The main concern of the draft I made is that all his assets, real and personal will be his and what is mine is mine. However, once we get married, all the fruits of our respective assets/investments will form part as one.

Read and try to understand whatever is written on the Contract before you sign it. If your fiance pressure you to sign it, or threatens you that marriage wont take place without a signed prenup, then forget about him. He's not worthy to be with. As one of the essential requisites of a Contract is there must be a "meeting of the minds" of the contracting parties.

Goodluck.

[GabiandVi 34]

Wow, I'm a bit surprised here. Except for the muslim mariage contract, it seems no one is taking the S/O mariage culture in consideration...

For example, in France, we can pick between two kinds of mariage contracts, the "regular" one 50/50 and the "separation of properties" (basically what you buy is yours, what your spouse buys is his and what you buy in commun is the couple's property).

Most couples I know married under the second kind, the "separation" one. That includes my parents.

This has NOTHING to do with divorce... I personnally would say it has got something to do with personnal freedom.

Marriage is something, now it's not because you're getting married that you're not an individual anymore...

Sometimes one may feel like thinking "This is mine". From my french point of view, mariage is sharing love and life, it's not about sharing EVERYTHING.

But that's my opinion, which is a mix of french culture, the education I had and my own personnal beliefs.

You don't know what tomorrow will bring, my father suffers from a mental sickness (which he didn't suffer of when they got married) and he's not been able to manage his money properly for many years now.

If my parents weren't married under this contract, my father would have been able to spend all the familly assets. Well he actually did, but at least the contract protected my mother's assets...

This is the kind of thing you can't predict... and again it's got nothing to do with divorce.

Ask your S/O how things are done in his country, talk and try to understand his point of view. If you can't understand it, try to accept it.

I don't know but I feel this is something that you MUST be able to do when you marry someone who's got a different culture than yours.

You are right, I did not take any other culture into account in my assessment of pre-nups. My bad. That being said, here we don't need the kind of pre-nup you have described in order to live the way you have descibed. Couples without pre-nups make their own decisions about whether to keep joint or separate accounts, etc. This only becomes an issue when one or the other one changes his mind during the marriage, and that could happen with or without a pre-nup. If you have a pre-nup, then I suppose the partner who has changed his or her mind can be held to the pre-nup, but what kind of marriage would it be if one partner had to hold another partner to a legally bound agreement rather than one that they have discussed and decided together without any contract? In other words, what do you need a contract for if you trust your partner enough to marry them? Why can't you just make those kinds of decisions without a legal document?

As for one partner becoming senile or otherwise impaired, mentally or physically, again, we have recourse. It happens all the time. A friend of mine, sadly, has faced this with both her parents, one after the other. The father first had to handle all the finances when his wife had a sort of stroke. Now my friend is responsible because her father has completely lost his faculties. These are generally family decisions where I come from and our laws, interestingly based on Napoleanic law, allows us to keep them in the family for the most part.

I don't know. I feel like this is the sort of thing you make decisions about on a daily basis. I mean there are more important things than finances that couples have to decide on everyday, such as how to discipline their children, etc. IMO, if you don't trust your partner to work with you on those decisions, but feel you need to arbitrate it externally, then maybe you shouldn't marry that person.

I suppose if I were marrying someone from a culture in which this was just par for the course, I might reconsider. But it would be stupid of me to just sign a contract without reading through it, and I can't imagine actually basing my decision about whether or not to marry my partner based on the wording of a contract or coming back with a counter offer, so to speak.

[EasternDE 35]

Well the OP didn't give any details on the contract's content. But I thought it was very important to remind people that it can be very common to make a prenuptial concract in another country, and that it shouldn't be taken as an offense.

I only know how it's like in France, but here, the regime you'll pick is part of the mariage!

Here, it actually would be supicious if your future spouse would refuse it. ^^

Things can "look" so different depending on your culture. For me, a prenup contract is the "regular path".

Having recourses is one thing, it's very different than preventing. Once the damages are done, sometimes there's not much you can do to fix it.

Oh, just for the "little story", in french, mariage is spelled with only one R, because you only marry once.

[GabiandVi 34]

Having recourses is one thing, it's very different than preventing. Once the damages are done, sometimes there's not much you can do to fix it.

Oh, just for the "little story", in french, mariage is spelled with only one R, because you only marry once.

That's very true, but then that brings us back to the idea that the reason for signing a pre-nup is because you think there is a chance that this might not be the only marriage, that it might end in divorce and you need to protect yourself. I'm not naive. I know that a lot ofr marriages end in divorce but that is usually because people have very unrealistic expectations about what marriage will be, and when the lust wears off and she has put on a few pounds and he has lost his hair and his job, and her back hurts and she doesn't clean the house so much, etc., and you are fighting about the kids and money, etc., you think, I never signed up for this. Let's get a divorce. Which is why I say, you have to go into the marriage thinking that divorce is not an option. You have to understand that things are going to get ugly at one point or another and the only way to be happy is to work through it. If you sign that pre-nup because you want to prevent yourself from getting screwed in a divorce, you've left that door pretty wide open. But that's just the way I see things. Even as a teenager I said love was a decision, not something you couldn't control. A lot of people would disagree with me on this and consider me very unromantic. I see things exactly oppositely. I think it is the most romantic way of looking at love.

I'm not judging anyone who signs a pre-nup. I've advised friends of mine to do so, even though I really liked their SOs. Like I stated in an earlier post, if I had a child and there were even two pennies to rub together in my child's future, I would insist on a pre-nup. If I had a family legacy that I had not earned and it wasn't mine to throw away, I would probably ask for a pre-nup.

Fortunately or unfortunately for me, depending on how you see things, I didn't have any money to speak of. As for how the finances are handled in my marriage as well as other things , it's a daily negotiation. Things are constantly in flux. I don't see how a pre-nup would have made that any easier.

[trinket 30]

Having recourses is one thing, it's very different than preventing. Once the damages are done, sometimes there's not much you can do to fix it.

Oh, just for the "little story", in french, mariage is spelled with only one R, because you only marry once.

That's very true, but then that brings us back to the idea that the reason for signing a pre-nup is because you think there is a chance that this might not be the only marriage, that it might end in divorce and you need to protect yourself. I'm not naive. I know that a lot ofr marriages end in divorce but that is usually because people have very unrealistic expectations about what marriage will be, and when the lust wears off and she has put on a few pounds and he has lost his hair and his job, and her back hurts and she doesn't clean the house so much, etc., and you are fighting about the kids and money, etc., you think, I never signed up for this. Let's get a divorce. Which is why I say, you have to go into the marriage thinking that divorce is not an option. You have to understand that things are going to get ugly at one point or another and the only way to be happy is to work through it. If you sign that pre-nup because you want to prevent yourself from getting screwed in a divorce, you've left that door pretty wide open. But that's just the way I see things. Even as a teenager I said love was a decision, not something you couldn't control. A lot of people would disagree with me on this and consider me very unromantic. I see things exactly oppositely. I think it is the most romantic way of looking at love.

I'm not judging anyone who signs a pre-nup. I've advised friends of mine to do so, even though I really liked their SOs. Like I stated in an earlier post, if I had a child and there were even two pennies to rub together in my child's future, I would insist on a pre-nup. If I had a family legacy that I had not earned and it wasn't mine to throw away, I would probably ask for a pre-nup.

Fortunately or unfortunately for me, depending on how you see things, I didn't have any money to speak of. As for how the finances are handled in my marriage as well as other things , it's a daily negotiation. Things are constantly in flux. I don't see how a pre-nup would have made that any easier.

See that's the thing, every couple, every marriage is different. I don't see prenup as all about negativity. Like yours our financial situation is kind of the same, its daily negotiation and whatever we will make in the future it will be a together effort, so if a day ever comes when we decide to part away it will be 50/50.

But I do see how a lot of people have different circumstances, they have kids involved. Or like you earlier posted they have family heritage involved. I don't see a prenup in these situations to be bad or thinking what if the couple divorces.