Non-legal wedding ceremony before getting a visa???

[sjr09 155]

The Christian wedding means much more to us as we are Christians and for us that is the most important step we can take in Committing to one another. We see marriage in the eyes of God as more important than in the eyes of the government.

We have considered getting married with the visa in the courthouse and then having a wedding next spring, but like my above response, the whole Christian wedding thing is more important to us and we aren't to excited about living together for a year before getting married before family and friends.

This is just a frustrating situation because there is nothing we can do to have the wedding we want and please everyone (my parents aren't too excited about me having my wedding after legally being married for a year).

Does anyone ever get sick of being treated like a Criminal just because you want to immigrate into the US. I don't even care if we live in the US, it is just where Grey is and that is all I care about!!

At this point when it come to a "visa" the eyes of the government is whats important, just jump thru the goverment hoops and get it done the right way, crying about it will not help!

[deutsixfive 0]

I do really empathize for your situation, because that is exactly the same situation that we are in.

We want to have a wedding ceremony in Singapore in January 2010, with our family and friends, but we did not find out about the visa issues until February 2009, by which time it was too late to proceed as planned. We had to make the choice between marrying in Singapore in June 2010, or marrying in the US in January 2010 by applying for the K-1. We decided on the latter, because as much as we loved our family, we felt it was more important for us not to wait longer. We're also Christians, and we tried our best to find if there could be a way to have some kind of religious but non-legal ceremony. I'm sure it is possible, in that if you search hard enough you could probably find someone "crazy" enough to do it for you, but it will probably not be very pleasant for everyone and may have severe negative legal consequences for people.

What I took away from this experience is that it's important to plan ahead, and that life doesn't always go according to plan. But perhaps the good Lord helps us to become better people through it. Personally, I think it helps us to trust in Him more, and also helps us to be mature in making a conscious choice about what is more important to us in our marriage.

What's nice about VisaJourney is that it's a community of people who have similar struggles with the US immigration system. I know a few couples who will get married and then be separated for a year or two (at least). I also know couples which are married but separated because of work or kids. So our situation is not really that bad! :-)

I do hope the immigration department improves though, 9 months or more for a visa is terribly inefficient for one of the richest countries in the world! (They should outsource this to India, where they'd get it done in less than a week!)

[Gary and Alla 3,696]

My fiance who lives in Washington and I were planning on having a wedding ceremony and reception in the US before obtaining our visa. This would NOT be a legal wedding, just a Christian Ceremony because we are expecting to get our Visa in the fall (crosses fingers) and we didn't want to have a winter wedding. Is this a really bad idea. We have already started planning the event, though we haven't really spent any money, I am down visiting this week and have plans to meet with the caterer and Florist and give deposits.

I was not concerned as long as it was not legal, however, I tried to bring a mattress across the boarder from Canada for my Fiance since he needed one and I wasn't using it and they were really on my case saying I was jumping to gun and that I was a potential immigrant and it looks bad if I start to look like I am EXPECTING to get into the country (even though I AM!!) and start bringing my things over. I mean, we have an open and close case in my opinion. We have no kids or past issues with traveling to and from the states, we have no records or anything. I am just concerned that someone coming over from Canada might mention that they are coming to our wedding and then they will assume we are legally married or something and it will void our Visa.

Can anyone recommend a way of doing this that won't risk the visa (has anyone attempted something like this??) Also, we would like to talk to a lawyer just to make sure that we are not doing this outside of the law, can anyone recommend a GOOD lawyer just for legal advice??

Please help, we really wanted to make this wedding thing work rather than just a last minute ceremony which no one from home will be able to make it to!!

Thanks so much!

I do not know any good lawyers. Oxymoron.

You can have a pretend wedding with a pretend clergy member, not sure which church you will get to let you play "pretend wedding" at, but try. If there is no marriage license and no official there is no wedding, just a pretend wedding. This is how Luke & Laura can get married on TV and not in real life! I am not sure what purpose a pretend wedding serves, to satisfy pretend religious beliefs? To satisfy pretend moral values of parents? Yes, you had a pretend wedding so now you can pretend to sleep together? You will still be having a "winter wedding".

A ceremony held after the real wedding, would at least be between two people already married and could meet religious obligations as YOU can choose to consider it the REAL wedding since you are REALLY married. But pretend weddings, which must be purposely rigged so as not to be official are really nothing. But I may have just saved you enough in lawyer fees to pay for one!

I am not sure how you want us to advise you to "make it work". You CANNOT "make it work". If you do, your visa will be cancelled and you must switch to a CR-1 or K-3

Yes, you risk getting turned away at the border if you look like you are immigrating. Best not to do that.

Good luck

[Ladylethal 12]

A non-legally binding ceremony does not jeopardize the K1. Some countries have the religious ceremony function as a legally binding contract (eyes of government, not of God), so you gotta look into that. Usually at the end of a "church" wedding you sign a contract that makes it a legal marriage, so it's a case by case issue.

[Gary and Alla 3,696]

The Christian wedding means much more to us as we are Christians and for us that is the most important step we can take in Committing to one another. We see marriage in the eyes of God as more important than in the eyes of the government.

We have considered getting married with the visa in the courthouse and then having a wedding next spring, but like my above response, the whole Christian wedding thing is more important to us and we aren't to excited about living together for a year before getting married before family and friends.

This is just a frustrating situation because there is nothing we can do to have the wedding we want and please everyone (my parents aren't too excited about me having my wedding after legally being married for a year).

Does anyone ever get sick of being treated like a Criminal just because you want to immigrate into the US. I don't even care if we live in the US, it is just where Grey is and that is all I care about!!

This is ridiculous. You are Christians? And you want a PRETEND Christian wedding???????? How phoney is that????

This is the usual. "We want a K-1 because it is fastest and we want a Christian wedding because we are Christians, basically we want it all but can't have it. Since the values of the USCIS are stronger than our Christian values and we only follow Christian beliefs if it is easy and convenient for us, we will settle for a pretend Christian wedding" Good for you. Real Christians do not always appreciate being used as props in pretend weddings, which real Christians tend to take pretty seriously, even as a sacrament, and a pretty big one at that.

Sheeeeesh

There is a way....get married in a real Christian wedding then apply for a K-3/CR-1 but you have to wait longer. Decide if you are Christians, or just in a hurry. Whichever is more imporatant to you should decide, then stop whining.

You are not in any way being treated like a criminal. The US is one of very few countries that allows this sort of immigration. (Canada is another, maybe....) There are rules and various options, sorry that none of them meet exactly every little wish YOU want. That means you need to review the options and make a choice and deal with it...kinda like being a grown up. It happens a lot.

[rebeccajo 14]

Gary,

Really, that's a bit much picking at someone's religion, don't you think?

You might find it odd that I sort of agree with you about 'two ceremonies'. To me, married is married. I don't understand many posts I read about people having one 'legal' ceremony and then a 'wedding' later - or before for that matter. It seems like placing too much importance on the 'party' aspect of weddings. But as I said - that is my opinion.

Insulting someone over their values is another matter, IMO.

Many persons are able to find an officiant who is willing to 'hold' the recordation of the marriage until a later time. Some are not. I suspect some of this 'luck' has to do with state or local law. In Canada, there is some wrinkle in the law (which a Canadian member might better explain) wherein officiants are forbidden to perform a ceremony without legally recording the marriage.

Edited June 2, 2009 by rebeccajo

[PB&JAM 1]

hello, as a fellow Christian, I would like to encourage you in love that God wants us to obey the laws. A legally binding wedding is valid not only in the government's eyes but in God's eyes. a ceremony by itself (without being legal) is not valid in God's eyes. As long as you are legally married by the government, you are married in God' eyes. the ceremony is important to you, i understand, but it is important you do things legally. Living together after you are legally married is perfectly fine...I'm sure your family will realize you arent living in fornication, as you will be married. We who are applying for the K1, are in a different situation then other couples marrying citizens, and hopefully your family will understand this. God knows our situation and He wants us to honor the laws! God bless you!

[nowhereman 1]

Gary,

Really, that's a bit much picking at someone's religion, don't you think?

You might find it odd that I sort of agree with you about 'two ceremonies'. To me, married is married. I don't understand many posts I read about people having one 'legal' ceremony and then a 'wedding' later - or before for that matter. It seems like placing too much importance on the 'party' aspect of weddings. But as I said - that is my opinion.

Insulting someone over their values is another matter, IMO.

Many persons are able to find an officiant who is willing to 'hold' the recordation of the marriage until a later time. Some are not. I suspect some of this 'luck' has to do with state or local law. In Canada, there is some wrinkle in the law (which a Canadian member might better explain) wherein officiants are forbidden to perform a ceremony without legally recording the marriage.

Actually I tend to agree with Gary... the OP wants to have his cake & eat it too. The OP is looking for some secret option that would allow him to have a christian marriage & still be eligible for a K-1 visa. I'd like to not pay taxes & find a zero calorie beer too. Problem is none of these things are going to happen.

[Gary and Alla 3,696]

Gary,

Really, that's a bit much picking at someone's religion, don't you think?

You might find it odd that I sort of agree with you about 'two ceremonies'. To me, married is married. I don't understand many posts I read about people having one 'legal' ceremony and then a 'wedding' later - or before for that matter. It seems like placing too much importance on the 'party' aspect of weddings. But as I said - that is my opinion.

Insulting someone over their values is another matter, IMO.

Many persons are able to find an officiant who is willing to 'hold' the recordation of the marriage until a later time. Some are not. I suspect some of this 'luck' has to do with state or local law. In Canada, there is some wrinkle in the law (which a Canadian member might better explain) wherein officiants are forbidden to perform a ceremony without legally recording the marriage.

You might find it odd I chose to read this post of yours as they are typically on ignore. I shant make it a habit. But it is an important issue to me as it seems increasingly people simply cannot wait for anything. Everything must be what they want exactly and must be immediate. The system of visas does not work that way, and it perturbs me when these impatient self centered people expect the rest of us, Christians, CBP, USCIS, and anyone else they encounter to drop our values, the rules, the laws and get out of their way because THEY ARE IN LOVE!!!!!! And if we just can't do that then at least be satisfied they are "faking it" Thank you for being so considerate of others' Religion to FAKE a wedding for our sake.

I am NOT nit picking on the persons religion. I am defending her religion IF she has one. How arrogant, self centered would one have to be to ask a REAL clergy member from a REAL church to perform a FAKE wedding? The very entire idea is an eggregious insult and I am not suprised most clergy would not go along with it. As I read this, the OPs values are whatever serves her personal interest best and fastest. If I was a member of a church and discovered my church or clergy had participated in such a sham I would, at the minimum, quit the church. Maybe become Wiccan.

I respect Christians and their values, and real Christians do what they believe is right and do not try to find ways to weedle around it for their own personal benefit. There are options in the immigration law that allow for Christian values. She can get a K-1, delay the entry for up to 6 months, delay the wedding for up to 3 more months, sleep somewhere else in the meantime, and then have all she wants, Right? Oh, no, did someone say "delay"???? She could have a real wedding and file CR-1, what? The "delay word" again? But SHE'S IN LOVE!!!!!!!!! Didn't you READ????

She feels she is treated like a criminal for coming to visit her fiancee AND bringing a mattress? Imagine that. "Excuse me, but I am driving, chewing gum AND talking on my cell phone...please don't disturb me with questions about the mattress. I am on my way to a fake wedding...I'M IN LOVE, get out of my way!!!!"

To those who delayed to follow their Christian, or other religious beliefs, you have my utmost respect. I understand the difficulties of waiting for someone, (someone that can't easily visit like a Canadian) To further adhere to stricter and in your mind, more important, laws is certainly admirable.

[rebeccajo 14]

Gary,

Really, that's a bit much picking at someone's religion, don't you think?

You might find it odd that I sort of agree with you about 'two ceremonies'. To me, married is married. I don't understand many posts I read about people having one 'legal' ceremony and then a 'wedding' later - or before for that matter. It seems like placing too much importance on the 'party' aspect of weddings. But as I said - that is my opinion.

Insulting someone over their values is another matter, IMO.

Many persons are able to find an officiant who is willing to 'hold' the recordation of the marriage until a later time. Some are not. I suspect some of this 'luck' has to do with state or local law. In Canada, there is some wrinkle in the law (which a Canadian member might better explain) wherein officiants are forbidden to perform a ceremony without legally recording the marriage.

You might find it odd I chose to read this post of yours as they are typically on ignore. I shant make it a habit. But it is an important issue to me as it seems increasingly people simply cannot wait for anything. Everything must be what they want exactly and must be immediate. The system of visas does not work that way, and it perturbs me when these impatient self centered people expect the rest of us, Christians, CBP, USCIS, and anyone else they encounter to drop our values, the rules, the laws and get out of their way because THEY ARE IN LOVE!!!!!! And if we just can't do that then at least be satisfied they are "faking it" Thank you for being so considerate of others' Religion to FAKE a wedding for our sake.

I am NOT nit picking on the persons religion. I am defending her religion IF she has one. How arrogant, self centered would one have to be to ask a REAL clergy member from a REAL church to perform a FAKE wedding? The very entire idea is an eggregious insult and I am not suprised most clergy would not go along with it. As I read this, the OPs values are whatever serves her personal interest best and fastest. If I was a member of a church and discovered my church or clergy had participated in such a sham I would, at the minimum, quit the church. Maybe become Wiccan.

I respect Christians and their values, and real Christians do what they believe is right and do not try to find ways to weedle around it for their own personal benefit. There are options in the immigration law that allow for Christian values. She can get a K-1, delay the entry for up to 6 months, delay the wedding for up to 3 more months, sleep somewhere else in the meantime, and then have all she wants, Right? Oh, no, did someone say "delay"???? She could have a real wedding and file CR-1, what? The "delay word" again? But SHE'S IN LOVE!!!!!!!!! Didn't you READ????

She feels she is treated like a criminal for coming to visit her fiancee AND bringing a mattress? Imagine that. "Excuse me, but I am driving, chewing gum AND talking on my cell phone...please don't disturb me with questions about the mattress. I am on my way to a fake wedding...I'M IN LOVE, get out of my way!!!!"

To those who delayed to follow their Christian, or other religious beliefs, you have my utmost respect. I understand the difficulties of waiting for someone, (someone that can't easily visit like a Canadian) To further adhere to stricter and in your mind, more important, laws is certainly admirable.

I understand there's a microwave mentality about everything these days. Doesn't negate the fact that you got a llittle too personal, IMO.

You didn't need to post to me. Explain it to the OP. They are the ones whose 'religion' you questioned.

PS - Insofar as putting people on 'ignore' - I don't ignore you. I've never put anyone on ignore around here. Hurts the learning curve, you know.

Edited June 2, 2009 by rebeccajo

[VivaMexico 0]

We had a christian wedding in Mexico before the legal wedding in the U.S. because it was the only way for my wife's family to take part in our wedding. WE didn't publicize this to the USCIS, and frankly I don't think it's much of a risk to do it!

[Otto 83]

We had a christian wedding in Mexico before the legal wedding in the U.S. because it was the only way for my wife's family to take part in our wedding. WE didn't publicize this to the USCIS, and frankly I don't think it's much of a risk to do it!

Risk is Risk (small % or large %) - as long as a person/couple is aware of the risk(s) then they can proceed with open eyes and own it.

The problem with risking potential life-changing decisions (such as what is being discussed here) is that now the person/couple has (or might have) something to hide from the interviewer. When you have something to hide there is a chance of revealing this 'dirty little secret.' Once the Genie is out - there's no putting him back. But as I said - if you are aware then own the consequences if any.

[BermyCat 1]

Why don't you have a simple wedding in the winter with your chosen US priest. You could bring a couple of friends for witnesses. Then you could do a vow renewal ceremony later on with your friends and family. If you plan to do that outside of the US, it'll have to be the first spring after you've completed adjusting status (or gotten an advanced parole document).

My husband really wanted to be married in Bermuda since visiting me there was a source of comfort during a turbulent time of his life. I really wanted to be able to stay with him after marriage rather than go back to Bermuda for a year. We compromised by getting the K-1, having a courthouse wedding in the US then having a vow renewal in Bermuda once I was able to travel. Regardless of what anyone else thinks about our choices, it made us happy. That's really all that's important here.

Ignore all this talk of "real" verses "fake" weddings. Do what makes you happiest within the confines of US immigration law.

~ Catherine

[Greylove 0]

Gary,

Really, that's a bit much picking at someone's religion, don't you think?

You might find it odd that I sort of agree with you about 'two ceremonies'. To me, married is married. I don't understand many posts I read about people having one 'legal' ceremony and then a 'wedding' later - or before for that matter. It seems like placing too much importance on the 'party' aspect of weddings. But as I said - that is my opinion.

Insulting someone over their values is another matter, IMO.

Many persons are able to find an officiant who is willing to 'hold' the recordation of the marriage until a later time. Some are not. I suspect some of this 'luck' has to do with state or local law. In Canada, there is some wrinkle in the law (which a Canadian member might better explain) wherein officiants are forbidden to perform a ceremony without legally recording the marriage.

You might find it odd I chose to read this post of yours as they are typically on ignore. I shant make it a habit. But it is an important issue to me as it seems increasingly people simply cannot wait for anything. Everything must be what they want exactly and must be immediate. The system of visas does not work that way, and it perturbs me when these impatient self centered people expect the rest of us, Christians, CBP, USCIS, and anyone else they encounter to drop our values, the rules, the laws and get out of their way because THEY ARE IN LOVE!!!!!! And if we just can't do that then at least be satisfied they are "faking it" Thank you for being so considerate of others' Religion to FAKE a wedding for our sake.

I am NOT nit picking on the persons religion. I am defending her religion IF she has one. How arrogant, self centered would one have to be to ask a REAL clergy member from a REAL church to perform a FAKE wedding? The very entire idea is an eggregious insult and I am not suprised most clergy would not go along with it. As I read this, the OPs values are whatever serves her personal interest best and fastest. If I was a member of a church and discovered my church or clergy had participated in such a sham I would, at the minimum, quit the church. Maybe become Wiccan.

I respect Christians and their values, and real Christians do what they believe is right and do not try to find ways to weedle around it for their own personal benefit. There are options in the immigration law that allow for Christian values. She can get a K-1, delay the entry for up to 6 months, delay the wedding for up to 3 more months, sleep somewhere else in the meantime, and then have all she wants, Right? Oh, no, did someone say "delay"???? She could have a real wedding and file CR-1, what? The "delay word" again? But SHE'S IN LOVE!!!!!!!!! Didn't you READ????

She feels she is treated like a criminal for coming to visit her fiancee AND bringing a mattress? Imagine that. "Excuse me, but I am driving, chewing gum AND talking on my cell phone...please don't disturb me with questions about the mattress. I am on my way to a fake wedding...I'M IN LOVE, get out of my way!!!!"

To those who delayed to follow their Christian, or other religious beliefs, you have my utmost respect. I understand the difficulties of waiting for someone, (someone that can't easily visit like a Canadian) To further adhere to stricter and in your mind, more important, laws is certainly admirable.

Why are you even bothering to comment on this thread if all you have to say is that I am a self centered, impatient, so called Christian who wants to ignore US law just to get what I want. That isn't at all what I was talking about in this thread. So you have a problem with impatience, so what, honestly, no one cares!! We never asked anyone to drop their VALUES!! Where did that come up, seriously, your arrogance astounds me!!

As for my situation, my fiance and I consider a wedding with our Pastor a true Christian wedding in the eyes of God, and every person in my family and all my friends have agreed and said that was what was important (not one person including the 2 pastors in my family nor our pastor who would perform the ceremony has questioned the validity of this so called fake wedding). And what ever you may think, this has nothing to do with Sex. It has to do with arranging a wedding that makes it possible for everyone we love to be there, fulfilling our dreams for our wedding (whether you think that is important or not) and being together as soon as possible (call me impatient if you want, mock my dislike of the word delay if you like, but more important than anything to me is getting to be with the person I love - yes I am in LOVE!!). I don't particularly care if you think this is a "real" or a "fake" wedding. Whatever your issues are with religion and weddings that's fine, but don't presume that you know me or even have any idea what is important to me. I was asking for advice as to whether or not this was possible because I didn't know!!! I am not trying to weedle my way around the law or have a fake wedding because I am in a hurry.

As for your very witty and intelligent comments on my entry into the US with a mattress, thank you. You have successfully presented yourself as a one of the biggest jerks I can recall. For your information, I would have had no problem getting across the border with the mattress or anything I wanted, but I offered that information because I am not interested in lying to get what I want. You don't know me, you know nothing about my life, who I am, what I believe or what that means to me. I would never presume to know anything about you based on a few comments or actions.

This probably isn't well written, like you would no doubt have made it. But I think it makes the point I am aiming at. You aren't helping anyone on here with your little assumptions about who people are, their religions or anything. Please be so kind as to ignore me in the future, yes, please do not make exceptions for poor little self centered me.

[Mrs. Disney 0]

We are on the same situation. Except we decided to have the religious wedding here in Brazil first, next month, and we don't even have NOA2 yet.

Like other people mentioned, the church won't marry you unless you are legally married but we explained our K-1 situation to the priest and the church made an exception for us. The religious ceremony here in Brazil won't be valid as a legal ceremony, so we will not be married in the eyes of the government. My family and I are planning such a big wedding, my whole family from many different parts of Brazil are coming to see me marry my fiance, and I wouldn't trade that for the world.

Since my wedding won't be legal, I don't think it will jeopardize our K-1 Visa. I can always not mention the wedding in the interview. Of course, if they asked about it I wouldn't lie, and would explain to them it wasn't legal.

If I waited to get married in America, and then have my wedding, it wouldn't be the same to me. I wouldn't be in Brazil to plan the wedding with my family, and my family wouldn't be able to go to America to attend a ceremony over there (his - my fiance, the USC - family will be able to come here next month). I know the "smart" thing would be wait and have the wedding in America, but no thanks.