Is my husband being unreasonable?

[Tsup2 0]

I suggest you read this article by Dennis Prager. He tells it from a man's point of view.

http://townhall.com/columnists/DennisPrage...the_mood_part_i

[100% Al Ahly Fan 53]

Is your husband being unreasonable? Short answer is yes.

It's a hard one to give good advice on, but from what you say he really needs some relationship counselling. He seems to be carrying a lot of baggage from previous relationships that does not have a place in your marriage. I know that the suggestion of that to him would probably make him freak, but it is important for him to have someone tell him that a wife is not his personal property - it's not the 19th Century.

I'm so sorry that you have found yourself in this position, and hope that somehow you can get it all worked out.

I was think the same thing. He's probably still dealing with issues from the previous relationship (the one he was cheated on). Sounds like he is very insecure. Even still it's not okay for him to act this way. Also, NOT okay to keep pestering for sex. Only okay to have sex, when you both want it.

I think perhaps speaking to a Christian based marital counselor could help. Good luck.

[Kar98 0]

He's being a douchewaffle on all accounts. Whether by nature or by being confused and not yet adjusted to married life, remains to be seen.

That is the best non-word you could come up with?

It is not.

That's disgusting.

Well, my other options would have been really disgusting then.

[bhajishah 4]

Wow he is too freaked out to know what real love and respect are

[justcheckin 0]

What does it all have to do with immigration?

You should get on Dr. Phil or the Maury show instead.

[lost&lonely 0]

What does it all have to do with immigration?

You should get on Dr. Phil or the Maury show instead.

i'll be sure to try and get on the shows...thanks.

[Old Dominion 26]

Just to clarify, i am not a troll. I just really need some help/advice.

I am in a difficult situation and would appreciate some help, i have decided to post here as i don't want to involve family in case this is all sorted and they hold a grudge against my husband.

I met my husband 2.5years ago online. I travelled back and forth 4 times a year to visit, normally for 3weeks at a time.

We decided we wanted to be together and the only way was to do the K1 visa and marry.

I entered the US early Feb 2009, and we married within a month of me being here. We found out shortly after the wedding that i was pregnant and had convceived when i came over to visit Christmas. Although shocked we were both happy.

Since the wedding though my husband (USC) has changed.

He feels that it is a wifes duty to have sex with her husband whenever he wants, regardless of if she is in the mood or not. If i say no he always comes back with 'do you not love me anymore?', 'Do you not fancy me anymore?' or 'are you cheating on me?' (he has been cheated on in the past)

He then proceeds to try and get me to have sex by constantly pestering me...this is a major turn-off and does not have the desired effect.

He then sulks and refuses to speak to me.

On his days off from work he wants to be with me constantly, and stifles me as he follows me around wanting to be kissed and cuddled all the time.

Don't get me wrong i love my husband, but i don't feel the need to live in his pocket all the time and i do need my own space...found it easier to breathe when he's not trying to hug me to death.

After another row last night over not wanting sex and my inability to perform when he wanted it, he said that he wants a DNA test done on the baby as he refuses to put his name to the birth certificate as he thinks i must have cheated on him and thats why i don't want to be with him in bed.

The baby was conceived in December, when i was over here for the entire month, and i definately haven't cheated....so having the test causes me no concerns.

Before we married none of the above was EVER mentioned and he was happy or appeared to be in our relationship.

I just wanted to have some un-biased opinions from people who don't know either of us.

Is this normal, and a cultural difference (hadn't realised there would be such a difference between American/European Christians), is is something i have to put up with?

Are we casualties of this visa system and having to marry before we had lived together and really got to know one another?

I don't want to just give up, but my husband refuses to compromise on his views. The house we live in I own outright, but he likes to keep reminding me that he is the one that has to go out to work to feed us so i should put up with whatever.

Taking all factors into consideration, his behavior amounts to spousal abuse and there is good reason to think it will get worse. Unless he is willing to sit down and talk out his emotions with a professional, you need to think about your options up to and including returning to your home country.

[It's me 1]

im sorry that you're going through this ordeal

[angie007 0]

I think he needs a professional help...You don't have to have sex with him if you don't want to...and the thing that he's telling you that he's the one bringing the bread in the house is not right...!!

[kalika 0]

I would reccomend councelling for both of you. Some men will outright refuse councelling, if he is this type then go without him. Keep in mind that YOU yourself may have changed (due to pregnancy hormones and changes in your situation happening so fast) and he may see these changes as something negative, remind him that you are pregnant and a lot of pregnant women refuse outright to have sex (it's different with every pregnancy, when I was pregnant with my girl I wanted sex all the time, I think it was the extra estrogen in my system, with my boys I couldn't care less whether I had sex or not). Things have changed drastically for both of you in the last year and the stress may be playing a big role with both of you. I've found with my fiance and I that whenever we have a row it's because there is some underlying reason that is causing stress to one or both of us. He may have something bothering him that he hasn't shared with you but may share with a councellor. Early marriage can be stressful as you are both adjusting to a new situation, the unexpected pregnancy also is a big stressor. He may be worried about supporting both of you adequitly. I hope you and your husband get the help you need to level out your marriage before your child is brought into the picture.

[rmncm 0]

One word for you, it will solve all the problems BUT it will create more problems then it solves....Mistress!!!!

[anitacastillo 0]

I know the adjustment to the US can be stressful and influence changes in behavior. But this is more than we can attribute to adjustment.

The only thing he has had to adjust to is being married and his wife expecting a baby...he is the USC.

Please open your mind - us USCs have a lot of adjusting to do also --- sharing our space, sharing responsibilities, explaining "the US way" - to name a few.

Why are couples so lax on birth control??

[sj5 4]

Just to clarify, i am not a troll. I just really need some help/advice.

I am in a difficult situation and would appreciate some help, i have decided to post here as i don't want to involve family in case this is all sorted and they hold a grudge against my husband.

I met my husband 2.5years ago online. I travelled back and forth 4 times a year to visit, normally for 3weeks at a time.

We decided we wanted to be together and the only way was to do the K1 visa and marry.

I entered the US early Feb 2009, and we married within a month of me being here. We found out shortly after the wedding that i was pregnant and had convceived when i came over to visit Christmas. Although shocked we were both happy.

Since the wedding though my husband (USC) has changed.

He feels that it is a wifes duty to have sex with her husband whenever he wants, regardless of if she is in the mood or not. If i say no he always comes back with 'do you not love me anymore?', 'Do you not fancy me anymore?' or 'are you cheating on me?' (he has been cheated on in the past)

He then proceeds to try and get me to have sex by constantly pestering me...this is a major turn-off and does not have the desired effect.

He then sulks and refuses to speak to me.

On his days off from work he wants to be with me constantly, and stifles me as he follows me around wanting to be kissed and cuddled all the time.

Don't get me wrong i love my husband, but i don't feel the need to live in his pocket all the time and i do need my own space...found it easier to breathe when he's not trying to hug me to death.

After another row last night over not wanting sex and my inability to perform when he wanted it, he said that he wants a DNA test done on the baby as he refuses to put his name to the birth certificate as he thinks i must have cheated on him and thats why i don't want to be with him in bed.

The baby was conceived in December, when i was over here for the entire month, and i definately haven't cheated....so having the test causes me no concerns.

Before we married none of the above was EVER mentioned and he was happy or appeared to be in our relationship.

I just wanted to have some un-biased opinions from people who don't know either of us.

Is this normal, and a cultural difference (hadn't realised there would be such a difference between American/European Christians), is is something i have to put up with?

Are we casualties of this visa system and having to marry before we had lived together and really got to know one another?

I don't want to just give up, but my husband refuses to compromise on his views. The house we live in I own outright, but he likes to keep reminding me that he is the one that has to go out to work to feed us so i should put up with whatever.

You're husband needs help. He is not treating you right. He have to fix his emotions.

[trillium13 84]

I suggest you read this article by Dennis Prager. He tells it from a man's point of view.

http://townhall.com/columnists/DennisPrage...the_mood_part_i

I call bullcrap on that "article".

[WhidbeyGirl 1]

My advice, find, buy and read, "The Power of the Praying Wife" and also "The Love Dare" these two books are MARRIAGE SAVERS!!

Every marriage has it's bumps and bruises these are no reasons for divorce. Honestly I believe NOT living together is a benefit.