Husband's email to other woman....what do you think? Should I be upset?

[ziia 9]

All I would say right now is how good you were/are at understanding other peoples problems and what a source of frustration it was to the likes of ___ and I that we only wanted you to see what was happening with your own life. I guess I have known you for around 15 years and always saw you as a bright young thing, full of life and energy, wanting to love and be loved. You would smile now, I hope, but I used to agree on one thing and that was if I was 15 or so years younger I would want you as my partner. Seeing you in later years slowly changing to someone with the weight of the world on your beautiful shoulders saddened me. So like you would do for others, I would try to give some insight into how your relationship with ____ was actually suffocating that joyous person that you truly are. On a personal note I still find you a very attractive person and you just have to believe that of yourself and the world will come to you. Believe me its never to late to go on to something/someone new. I briefly said in an email to you that I was finding certain things very difficult over here and I feel even more inclined to share that with you now, but it would be far easier if we could chat. Both Skype and YIM are free to download and use. Of course you would need a microphone to talk. So I hope you are having the day off to make for an enjoyable long weekend in which case have fun and take care. You are always in my thoughts love ___ XX

Oh give me a break! This guy is a total "smooth talker" to that girl. I know you see this but when you love someone you're like a feather in the wind, making excuses not seeing the whole thing as it truly is. That is why you rely on us, the outside viewers to get an non-biast oppinion to something you already know. I am shocked of your "Should i be upset?" part. Should you? No, you shouldn't be upset, you should be angry, mad, pissed and strong that's what you should be. He's your husband for god's sake!!! Writing "smootly" to another woman, 15 years younger. An old "bear" like your husband better have a lot of honey to smother over someone who lacks gaps in age to him. You know...kind of like a "molestor" would do: Hey kiddy do you want some kandy?I just wanna be your friend. Kandy he's got, but your friend he's not. Don't buy into "she's my friend in need" if he tryes that on you. it's just BS men like him say when they get busted. So, be careful.

Talk to him? Talk if you want but i would first have a talk to myself before i talk to him. What can you put up with? Can you trust this was innocent? Can you trust him? After you have a talk to yourself and then with him, i'd suggest you put your feelings down into a notebook...how you feel AFTER you had the talk to him...(good, bad, angry, sad, untrusting or totaly believing that that girl is "just a friend", happy, confident, loved?). put your feeings down and then, only then you know...THE TRUTH and what you have to do will become very clear.

You don't deserve this, trust me. You're stronger and you need someone to love you!!! Truly love you!

As for the email stuff...so what she got into his email? He's her husband. I don't get this...if you share bank accounts, cars, houses, incomes, savings accounts, a bed at night, what makes his email HIS property? Same with the cell phone. If my cell phone is MY property and the email is MY email, then WHY at divorce the bills of cellphones and internet are considered JOINT debt(bills)? BECAUSE THEY ARE JOINT. Who makes these crazy rules? She's not alloud into his email? She IS his wife!

No wonder you're all taken by surprise when wife/husband suddenly ups and leaves and cry..."How can this happen to me?" Some of ya' GET REAL and stop btchng at this poor woman!!!!

[native2music 0]

Jeanne - I would first of all confront him about the email - tell him that you came across this email and ask him whats it all about. see what he says, and take it from there. i would express all of your feelings to him aswell. dont keep it in.

I have a somewhat similar issue with my new husband (who is still "talking to/emailing" his previous gf's and he knows I do not want this - he tells me he isnt in contact with them). I know he lies when i ask him questions, because i already know the answers to those questions. I ask him to see what he says. Although, I have told him that if I find out he's had any intimate relationship with another woman while we have been married, I will leave him in a heartbeat even if it hurts. He says he has done nothing. And as he's my husband, I can only trust him and his word until i see something physical going on with my own eyes.

If you love him, you will work through it. But would recommend that you speak to him about it. Otherwise you'll start dreaming up worse ideas in your head. And I am speaking from experience! Talk to him....the worst thing to happen is you'll have an argument, be angry for a short while, make up, and life goes on....

Hope my advice helps....

Ciao D x

I agree with her on this in that you should definitely bring it out in the open. As far as having friendships with exboy/girlfriends, I really don't think there is anything wrong with it. My fiance's bestfriend is his exgirlfriend and my bestfriend is my exboyfriend. Funny how things are. My fiance and I are so open with each other and have nothing to hide. I have actually become good friends with his ex and vise versa. She is by far not a threat to our relationship. I look at it this way.... there is a reason why those ex relationships did not work out. Neither of us would change or go back and make the same mistakes; we moved on. My ex was never meant to be in a relationship with me; he is more like family.

Not that my advice is the greatest, but just don't keep anything from each other. If you do not trust each other and cannot give each other room to breathe then maybe it isn't meant to be. Oh yeah and one last thing.... love yourself first... I had to learn that the hard way. Be confident and know that if things do not work out, you can go on... happily.

[minimule 3]

All I would say right now is how good you were/are at understanding other peoples problems and what a source of frustration it was to the likes of ___ and I that we only wanted you to see what was happening with your own life. I guess I have known you for around 15 years and always saw you as a bright young thing, full of life and energy, wanting to love and be loved. You would smile now, I hope, but I used to agree on one thing and that was if I was 15 or so years younger I would want you as my partner. Seeing you in later years slowly changing to someone with the weight of the world on your beautiful shoulders saddened me. So like you would do for others, I would try to give some insight into how your relationship with ____ was actually suffocating that joyous person that you truly are. On a personal note I still find you a very attractive person and you just have to believe that of yourself and the world will come to you. Believe me its never to late to go on to something/someone new. I briefly said in an email to you that I was finding certain things very difficult over here and I feel even more inclined to share that with you now, but it would be far easier if we could chat. Both Skype and YIM are free to download and use. Of course you would need a microphone to talk. So I hope you are having the day off to make for an enjoyable long weekend in which case have fun and take care. You are always in my thoughts love ___ XX

u have every reason to be mad, but at the end it is ur decision, i think you should talk to him about it .but mostly listen to ur heart and u will know what to do..

but do not stay with someone who doesn t treat u the way you should be treated, that s my advice...good luck hun

[srogue 0]

People on here are way too quick to advise divorce. What happend to "til death do us part"? Marriage doesn't just happen, it takes work, and if you guys really love each other, seek counceling. Talk to your pastor/priest if your religious. Find out why he is having thoughts like these, because at minimum its emotional adultery he is flirting with here.

[John and Camie 39]

Yeah, well the vows also say "what God has joined together let no man put asunder," so as far as I'm concerned, the spouse breaking this part of the vow makes the marital contract null and void. Getting tested for STDs because your partner can't keep it together on his/her end is NO fun, and I for one am not gonna just turn the other cheek while my partner continues to break my heart, humiliate me and put my health in danger just because we took vows. It's a poor example to set for children. Plus, many people who cheat have no interest in counseling, or they'll go and then get RIGHT back into what they were doing before. It's a horrible way to live.

[srogue 0]

Yeah, well the vows also say "what God has joined together let no man put asunder," so as far as I'm concerned, the spouse breaking this part of the vow makes the marital contract null and void. Getting tested for STDs because your partner can't keep it together on his/her end is NO fun, and I for one am not gonna just turn the other cheek while my partner continues to break my heart, humiliate me and put my health in danger just because we took vows. It's a poor example to set for children. Plus, many people who cheat have no interest in counseling, or they'll go and then get RIGHT back into what they were doing before. It's a horrible way to live.

Yeah, but that is if he has already had a fling with someone. I didn't read the other thread, but from what that letter said, it doesn't sound like he has done it yet, but is entertaining the thought. So at this point, I would try and salvage the marriage, but if he has already strayed, yeah, he has broken the contract and its time to think real hard on what she wants to do, but if he still hasn't been unfaithful, try and make it work if you can.

[John and Camie 39]

True. I feel what you're saying

[Krikit 1,163]

Inappropriate comments, and posts quoting those comments, have been removed. Please refrain from making judgemental comments in this forum.

[ElsieChicoFocus 0]

Sorry to hear this. I agree that you should definitely confront him and let him explain this to you. You have every right to be upset. I am hoping that he, not you, is the alien waiting on the green card. Something similar just happened to my twin sister, so I know how devastating it must have been to have read this.

[a-jeanne 2]

I certainly didn't post this to get negative responses. I posted this at an angry moment and yes, I am also confused. I want to make the right decision for me, my daughters and my husband and I am quite surprised at how many of you just think that getting a divorce is just THAT easy. THAT is actually the easy way out. What happened to working hard? We worked hard to get our loved ones here - we should all stick together - good times and bad. I thought that the Visa forum would be more supportive than this. Thank you to all the people who see that sometimes we can come out of these types of situations with stronger marriages - do I want to just throw it all away? NO - I don't want to throw it all away. I am hoping that there is a thread of a chance that he will see how much he hurt me and our marriage and how wrong it is to send these kinds of messages. He has been sending them since he's been here and we have talked about it and were in the process of counseling for the last 6 months. But until he sees that it is wrong, we will not get through this. And by asking you people what you thought, only made me feel a less insane. I hope that none of you have to go through this and if it does happen to you, just remember, your marriage might just survive it. Just don't be so quick to throw in the towel.

And in response to reading his emails, talk to any counselor - his emails are my emails.

[It's me 1]

All I would say right now is how good you were/are at understanding other peoples problems and what a source of frustration it was to the likes of ___ and I that we only wanted you to see what was happening with your own life. I guess I have known you for around 15 years and always saw you as a bright young thing, full of life and energy, wanting to love and be loved. You would smile now, I hope, but I used to agree on one thing and that was if I was 15 or so years younger I would want you as my partner. Seeing you in later years slowly changing to someone with the weight of the world on your beautiful shoulders saddened me. So like you would do for others, I would try to give some insight into how your relationship with ____ was actually suffocating that joyous person that you truly are. On a personal note I still find you a very attractive person and you just have to believe that of yourself and the world will come to you. Believe me its never to late to go on to something/someone new. I briefly said in an email to you that I was finding certain things very difficult over here and I feel even more inclined to share that with you now, but it would be far easier if we could chat. Both Skype and YIM are free to download and use. Of course you would need a microphone to talk. So I hope you are having the day off to make for an enjoyable long weekend in which case have fun and take care. You are always in my thoughts love ___ XX

Oh give me a break! This guy is a total "smooth talker" to that girl. I know you see this but when you love someone you're like a feather in the wind, making excuses not seeing the whole thing as it truly is. That is why you rely on us, the outside viewers to get an non-biast oppinion to something you already know. I am shocked of your "Should i be upset?" part. Should you? No, you shouldn't be upset, you should be angry, mad, pissed and strong that's what you should be. He's your husband for god's sake!!! Writing "smootly" to another woman, 15 years younger. An old "bear" like your husband better have a lot of honey to smother over someone who lacks gaps in age to him. You know...kind of like a "molestor" would do: Hey kiddy do you want some kandy?I just wanna be your friend. Kandy he's got, but your friend he's not. Don't buy into "she's my friend in need" if he tryes that on you. it's just BS men like him say when they get busted. So, be careful.

Talk to him? Talk if you want but i would first have a talk to myself before i talk to him. What can you put up with? Can you trust this was innocent? Can you trust him? After you have a talk to yourself and then with him, i'd suggest you put your feelings down into a notebook...how you feel AFTER you had the talk to him...(good, bad, angry, sad, untrusting or totaly believing that that girl is "just a friend", happy, confident, loved?). put your feeings down and then, only then you know...THE TRUTH and what you have to do will become very clear.

You don't deserve this, trust me. You're stronger and you need someone to love you!!! Truly love you!

As for the email stuff...so what she got into his email? He's her husband. I don't get this...if you share bank accounts, cars, houses, incomes, savings accounts, a bed at night, what makes his email HIS property? Same with the cell phone. If my cell phone is MY property and the email is MY email, then WHY at divorce the bills of cellphones and internet are considered JOINT debt(bills)? BECAUSE THEY ARE JOINT. Who makes these crazy rules? She's not alloud into his email? She IS his wife!

No wonder you're all taken by surprise when wife/husband suddenly ups and leaves and cry..."How can this happen to me?" Some of ya' GET REAL and stop btchng at this poor woman!!!!

Amen Sweetheart! Thanks for keeping it real

[^KK^ 3]

Inappropriate comments, and posts quoting those comments, have been removed. Please refrain from making judgemental comments in this forum.

Wow...what is going on VJ?

[corinne from oz 0]

All I would say right now is how good you were/are at understanding other peoples problems and what a source of frustration it was to the likes of ___ and I that we only wanted you to see what was happening with your own life. I guess I have known you for around 15 years and always saw you as a bright young thing, full of life and energy, wanting to love and be loved. You would smile now, I hope, but I used to agree on one thing and that was if I was 15 or so years younger I would want you as my partner. Seeing you in later years slowly changing to someone with the weight of the world on your beautiful shoulders saddened me. So like you would do for others, I would try to give some insight into how your relationship with ____ was actually suffocating that joyous person that you truly are. On a personal note I still find you a very attractive person and you just have to believe that of yourself and the world will come to you. Believe me its never to late to go on to something/someone new. I briefly said in an email to you that I was finding certain things very difficult over here and I feel even more inclined to share that with you now, but it would be far easier if we could chat. Both Skype and YIM are free to download and use. Of course you would need a microphone to talk. So I hope you are having the day off to make for an enjoyable long weekend in which case have fun and take care. You are always in my thoughts love ___ XX

Hi,

Most importantly, keep in mind that the feedback you receive from VJs will be different based on the culture of the person giving feedback. I know from my travels that different people in different countries have different views and beliefs. But it must be respected.

1st - Talk to him

2nd - Consider his statement "if I was 15 or so years younger" - Love does not have any age barriers - If my partner wrote this, then I would feel like he 'settled' for me, that is, I am second best.

3rd - You mention in a later post that you have been having counselling for about 6 months - If after 6 months counselling he is writing this type of stuff to another women then I would ask for a refund from the Counsellor.

I am neither for or against Divorce BUT I am all for living life with someone who loves me and wants to be with me and being happy. This is more important than a legal label.

This must be such a difficult time for you and my heart goes out to you. I will include you in my prayers.

Best of luck.

Cheers,

[a-jeanne 2]

All I would say right now is how good you were/are at understanding other peoples problems and what a source of frustration it was to the likes of ___ and I that we only wanted you to see what was happening with your own life. I guess I have known you for around 15 years and always saw you as a bright young thing, full of life and energy, wanting to love and be loved. You would smile now, I hope, but I used to agree on one thing and that was if I was 15 or so years younger I would want you as my partner. Seeing you in later years slowly changing to someone with the weight of the world on your beautiful shoulders saddened me. So like you would do for others, I would try to give some insight into how your relationship with ____ was actually suffocating that joyous person that you truly are. On a personal note I still find you a very attractive person and you just have to believe that of yourself and the world will come to you. Believe me its never to late to go on to something/someone new. I briefly said in an email to you that I was finding certain things very difficult over here and I feel even more inclined to share that with you now, but it would be far easier if we could chat. Both Skype and YIM are free to download and use. Of course you would need a microphone to talk. So I hope you are having the day off to make for an enjoyable long weekend in which case have fun and take care. You are always in my thoughts love ___ XX

Hi,

Most importantly, keep in mind that the feedback you receive from VJs will be different based on the culture of the person giving feedback. I know from my travels that different people in different countries have different views and beliefs. But it must be respected.

1st - Talk to him

2nd - Consider his statement "if I was 15 or so years younger" - Love does not have any age barriers - If my partner wrote this, then I would feel like he 'settled' for me, that is, I am second best.

3rd - You mention in a later post that you have been having counselling for about 6 months - If after 6 months counselling he is writing this type of stuff to another women then I would ask for a refund from the Counsellor.

I am neither for or against Divorce BUT I am all for living life with someone who loves me and wants to be with me and being happy. This is more important than a legal label.

This must be such a difficult time for you and my heart goes out to you. I will include you in my prayers.

Best of luck.

Cheers,

THANK YOU

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Inappropriate comments, and posts quoting those comments, have been removed. Please refrain from making judgemental comments in this forum.

Wow...what is going on VJ?

Good question sister.... good question.