What's wrong with me?

[ChristinaM 0]

Since I've been here, I've felt a distinct lack of friends. I've obviously acquired my husbands, but I don't have any of my own.

Today, I was over painting our new apartment, and one of the other tenants is having a surprise birthday party for his girlfriend with about 25 of their friends. He invited me to pop in, drink their beer and be generally sociable. And somehow, I can't bring myself to drag myself over there. Chris is playing a gig in NY state, so I'm just sitting here at home on my own.

Whatever happened to my "get-up-and-go"? I talk to strangers all day at work, but somehow I just feel uncomfortable talking to people in a social setting.

I feel stupid.

[Nessa 23]

Since I've been here, I've felt a distinct lack of friends. I've obviously acquired my husbands, but I don't have any of my own.

Today, I was over painting our new apartment, and one of the other tenants is having a surprise birthday party for his girlfriend with about 25 of their friends. He invited me to pop in, drink their beer and be generally sociable. And somehow, I can't bring myself to drag myself over there. Chris is playing a gig in NY state, so I'm just sitting here at home on my own.

Whatever happened to my "get-up-and-go"? I talk to strangers all day at work, but somehow I just feel uncomfortable talking to people in a social setting.

I feel stupid.

don't feel stupid. You're like the new girl in school. You'll adjust with time, start making friends. Don't worry

[LiszyandKenny 5]

I think that you need to be brave and do it once

once you do it once (sorry for the redundance) you won't want to stop

It won't do you any good to be mopping around the house and feeling alone

Wishing you the best

[Widge 0]

Unfortunately I have found this to be part of the self confidence sapping process that is moving here ....... it like all your anchor points are gone. if it's not too late grab your best smile and wander over what is the worst that can happen - no-one says speaks to you (they aren't at this moment while your alone at home) you make a fool of yourself highly unlikely but so what youdont know them, believe me if you can be brave enough to open your mouth they will love your English accent and the rest would follow. I would love the opportunity to get the invite and only hope I would follow my own advice and go !!!! (I have always reminded myself in stressful situations even the Queen has to pee and poop the same as me which kinda humbles you when you like at someone your stressed by/in awe of)

[govols 1]

just simply go, make eye contact, and smile. a smile says a lot and someone will probably be more likely to approach you to talk. i know it must be hard but i think you'd be glad you went.

karen

[*Robert* 2]

If you're not ready, you're not ready, but don't go out of your way to be a "shut-in". At least you speak English, at least a form of it! You don't have to worry about the language barrier like some other people do, so take advantage of it!

Good luck!

[aussiewench 9]

Since I've been here, I've felt a distinct lack of friends. I've obviously acquired my husbands, but I don't have any of my own.

Today, I was over painting our new apartment, and one of the other tenants is having a surprise birthday party for his girlfriend with about 25 of their friends. He invited me to pop in, drink their beer and be generally sociable. And somehow, I can't bring myself to drag myself over there. Chris is playing a gig in NY state, so I'm just sitting here at home on my own.

Whatever happened to my "get-up-and-go"? I talk to strangers all day at work, but somehow I just feel uncomfortable talking to people in a social setting.

I feel stupid.

Don't feel stupid. I can see myself in the same positition once I get there. I am lucky though at least that I have Dans neice that lives with her hubby and kids in the next appartment. I dont know if thats a good or bad thing lol Anyway sweetie, give it time....if you dont feel comfy being social yet especially without hubby then dont do it....I know Id much rather be having hubby around for those types of things. Id be like a lily on a dirt tin otherwise

*hugs*

[Jaylen Brit 1]

Girl you are just out of practice..and you will need to FORCE yourself - cos its just like riding a bike..once you take the first few steps you will wonder ####### you were getting so stressed out for.

I have been there done that - I used to travel a LOT and end up in places where I knew NO-ONE..and the easy option is to hide away, cos at least you know that YOU enjoy your own company, but you can't do that - you have to PUSH yourself and get back out there.

Remember the golden rule for social settings where you don't know anyone - ask others about themselves. Keep throwing out questions with a smile, and an 'I am listening' expression. It takes the pressure off you to talk, and it makes you appear super-interested in others (everyone likes to talk about themselves) until you find some common ground.

You won't need to 'fake it' for long cos you will be up n running in no time.

Good luck!!

[ajames79 0]

You are going to be fine!!!

I can imagine that this is a problem for most people!

But at least you can communicate with people!

I wish you all the luck!!

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

I just feel uncomfortable talking to people in a social setting.

I'm the same way.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

There's nothing 'wrong' with you - this is very natural. Not only are you in a new country, it sounds like you are also in a new apartment - everything is 'new' and you haven't had a chance yet to settle down and find out where you are. It is like that for a lot of us - we need to draw upon our own inner resources for a while - even as along as a year or two - until we feel more settled within ourselves and able to put out our own 'feelers' and find our own set of friends and acquaintances. Practise smiling a lot to people in your building; go for walks in your new neighbourhood and stop in at whatever commercial businesses or stores there are and eventually you will start to recognize the same people and they will start to recognize you. You build up your new life one day and one piece at a time, and it is normal that it will take some time before you have found your comfort level. The friends will come in time; you can help that by reaching out yourself to others and accepting others when they reach out to you. Good luck.

Edited June 18, 2006 by Kathryn41

[keltic 1]

if you can bring yourself to go... keep in mind that if you ask others about themselves, they will gladly spill... but, also, when they pick up that you are from another country, they will most likely be intrigued and want to know ALL about your journey... you will be a hit!

[Fandango 1,440]

The whole new country thing can be daunting...there were many times after I moved over to D when I was terrified if he had to leave me, lol. And I have to say I'm a very outgoing person...I have no problems whatsoever talking to strangers, starting up convos, etc.....but I was in a different place! Everything was too new! But in time I settled in & it was all good. I started going out with my friends without him...even went on a few shopping trips for the weekend down to London without him.

I think the whole going to a party where you don't know anyone and you're alone would be a daunting thing for someone who was in their hometown. Don't beat yourself up too much!

In time it will come, but the best advice I can give you is to power thru your discomfort. It's serving no other purpose than holding you back from a bunch of fun!

Edited June 18, 2006 by LisaD

[Ban Hammer 14,026]

Since I've been here, I've felt a distinct lack of friends. I've obviously acquired my husbands, but I don't have any of my own.

Today, I was over painting our new apartment, and one of the other tenants is having a surprise birthday party for his girlfriend with about 25 of their friends. He invited me to pop in, drink their beer and be generally sociable. And somehow, I can't bring myself to drag myself over there. Chris is playing a gig in NY state, so I'm just sitting here at home on my own.

Whatever happened to my "get-up-and-go"? I talk to strangers all day at work, but somehow I just feel uncomfortable talking to people in a social setting.

I feel stupid.

you're in an unfamiliar environment, with a language that sounds familiar but is not (dang american english) and that has a lot to do with it. i'm sure you'll make lots of new friends soon. i have faith in you

Edited June 18, 2006 by charlesandnessa

[maria_b84 0]

Well it happens when u at first come to America or to any new place. Its normal. So dont worry about it too much. Just realax and be yourself and everything is gonna be alright. U will have tons of friends waiting for u otside the door (ops....maybe somewhere else lol).

I have friends in the States but they r all #######, even to my husband and he has known them forever. If u need a favor u always have to twist their arms. Real bad ppl. So, it better waiting and make REAL friends, who ca help u out when u need it and the other way around. Believe me, I have been through a lot because of those ppl in Ohio. Thats why now I feel perfect with my husband only

Good Luck

Maria