faithful advice needed

[newlife usa 0]

it is me again. my other topics got deleted and i dont know why? when some american women write about somthing or man cheated on her all of you support her. but cause i am middle eastern man , they delete my topics

now i talked to the white trash (my soon to be ex wife) about this vedeo who her ex dog sent her and she said she nenver saw it before and she dont know it was there and then she said that her ex was drunk when he sent her the vedeo of his ####### mustbrating. she was talking to him on the phone 10 times a day and i asked her not to but she didnot and said that she need to talk to him .

i dont believe her and dont trust her too after i saw this vedeo and also her phone bills which she was calling him 10 times ( calling not miss call or try to call each time from 10-90 mins every day)

i have fire in my heart not cause i love her but cause i am hurt and want to revange from her and her dog . i think i wont desereve to call myself man if i didnot

but in same time i wonder she might be innocent and he was the one who wants to mess our marraige up?

but there were alot of signs like the phone calls and also he was coming to the house while i am at work

i really dont know and about to loose my mind . i didnot tell my familly back in my country any thing .i dont eat or sleep and cant work and really dont know what to do. just forget about it? or forgive her? but i ddont tink i can trust her again

[johndecka 0]

it is me again. my other topics got deleted and i dont know why? when some american women write about somthing or man cheated on her all of you support her. but cause i am middle eastern man , they delete my topics

now i talked to the white trash (my soon to be ex wife) about this vedeo who her ex dog sent her and she said she nenver saw it before and she dont know it was there and then she said that her ex was drunk when he sent her the vedeo of his ####### mustbrating. she was talking to him on the phone 10 times a day and i asked her not to but she didnot and said that she need to talk to him .

i dont believe her and dont trust her too after i saw this vedeo and also her phone bills which she was calling him 10 times ( calling not miss call or try to call each time from 10-90 mins every day)

i have fire in my heart not cause i love her but cause i am hurt and want to revange from her and her dog . i think i wont desereve to call myself man if i didnot

but in same time i wonder she might be innocent and he was the one who wants to mess our marraige up?

but there were alot of signs like the phone calls and also he was coming to the house while i am at work

i really dont know and about to loose my mind . i didnot tell my familly back in my country any thing .i dont eat or sleep and cant work and really dont know what to do. just forget about it? or forgive her? but i ddont tink i can trust her again

The time u realized that u cant trust ur wife , It's tome for u to move on.

for that matter goes both ways.

Without the trust, There cant never be love.

Sorry abt ur situation.

Did u get ur green card yet?

[sereia 0]

No one here can tell you whether to divorce your wife or not. Only you know if that is the right decision for you. But I happen to think coming here and trying to embarass her because she is a member here is uncalled for. Especially if you aren't 100% sure that it was your wife doing this or if the ex was trying to mess your marriage up.....

Oh well don't know why I even posted...this one will probably be deleted too.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

First, if you are who I think you are, then I hope you'll appreciate advice from our Lord and our Prophet (saws).

The first is about calling your wife names. In the collections of Ahmed and Tirhmidi, we find that the Prophet (saws) said:

"A muslim is not a person who slanders, curses, speaks obscene words or is abusive."

The second is to think of the story of the slander of our mother Aisha (ra). People saw her in a compromising situation, coming back with Safwan ibn Al-Muattal after she was accidentally left behind while looking for her necklace. Aisha (ra) was innocent, but that didn't stop people from slandering her and accusing her of unspeakable things. Allah (swt) addressed this situation in surah 24, verses 11 through 20. Particularly look at these:

Allah admonishes you that you should not return to the like of it ever again if you are believers. (24:17)

Surely (as for) those who love that scandal should circulate respecting those who believe, they shall have a grievous chastisement in this world and the hereafter; and Allah knows, while you do not know. (24:19)

The third is how one should conduct themselves in the case of divorce. Again, straight from Allah (swt):

A divorce is only permissible twice: after that, the parties should either hold Together on equitable terms, or separate with kindness. (2:229)

So there it is:

1. Avoid slandering and cursing.

2. Avoid suspicion and accusations.

3. And if you must divorce, do so with kindness.

Edited February 6, 2009 by UmmSqueakster

[childress_london 3]

newlife, if you think there is a possibility she is innocent, then you need to be sure she is guilty before you jump to conclusions. Yes, all of the evidence does look suspicious. How does she treat you and act towards you? Is she loving and affectionate? Does she want to make the marriage work? Or does she act like it's over? If she wants to make the marriage work, seems to love you and want to be with you, then maybe it's time you lay down the law on what is appropriate behavior and boundaries with the ex-husband. It's not unreasonable to ask her to be considerate of your feelings. Most people would not be having that much contact with their ex, much less receiving porn videos from them, whether or not it was invited. It's possible that he is obsessed with her and maybe stalking her to some small degree. If this is unwanted attention for her (hopefully), then she needs to talk with you about what is really going on with her ex and how the two of you can change the situation. Have you spoken to him? Maybe it's time you contact him and see what he has to say. If he knows you know about it and are involved, that alone might cut out the behavior.

[Donna A 4]

"i have fire in my heart not cause i love her but cause i am hurt and want to revange from her and her dog . i think i wont desereve to call myself man if i didnot"

revenge doesnt make u a man. its childish behavior.

Edited February 6, 2009 by Donna A

[Ban Hammer 12,897]

it is me again. my other topics got deleted and i dont know why? when some american women write about somthing or man cheated on her all of you support her. but cause i am middle eastern man , they delete my topics

you don't know why it was deleted and you think it's because you're from mena?

lemme refresh your memory: "anyway soon i will post the vedeo with pics of her and her ex and full name of both of them . i am sure some poeple her wants to see it"

the above statement by you is a violation of the terms of service as it infringes upon her privacy. don't try to play it off like you are innocent nor try the race card just because you are from the middle east

[Ban Hammer 12,897]

No one here can tell you whether to divorce your wife or not. Only you know if that is the right decision for you. But I happen to think coming here and trying to embarass her because she is a member here is uncalled for. Especially if you aren't 100% sure that it was your wife doing this or if the ex was trying to mess your marriage up.....

Oh well don't know why I even posted...this one will probably be deleted too.

yeah pretty much.

[Y's_habibitk 2]

quit calling your wife names (especially in public),get offline and talk to her about how she wants to proceed. Then figure out what you want to do. Find a man you look up to and has a marriage that you respect, talk to him.

thats my advise.

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

In all seriousness, exes and sometimes guy friends get a little nuts or overly protective when they find out US women are with a MENA man. If an ex was involved, maybe hes really the physco and wants to try to butt into things and make it seem as though it may not be. Dont just think about this one sided. You have no idea how exes can really be.

If you were the right kind of husband to your wife, then you would never hurt her in any way. Verbally, physically or emotionally. 2nd you would want to be her protector if she did have a physco ex, dont be the kind of jealous man as in OH MY GOSH they might get back together, but the loving protector as in Im here for my wife no matter how nuts the ex may be. Some exes really do hate to know the US wife is with a MENA man. Thats just how it is. Some exes no matter who the US wife is with will try to make a living hell for the lady. Think about all of that and check your own actions as a husband too.

[notime4haterz 0]

If you don't trust her anymore...and if all what you said is true, you shouldn't trust her... Then I don't know how you can have a marriage with someone you don't trust. Every single time she goes out or talks on the phone you're going to think it's her ex or another man. You said the house is dirty. She doesn't do anything all day. Doesn't work. You said she threatens you and had a man living with her when you were away. Only the two of you know which is the true story. But if you are telling the truth then I don't think you can fix this marriage. Just finish it peacefully and move on with your life. Just because you weren't happy with her doesn't mean you can't be happy with someone else. If you're innocent and telling the truth, then Allah will send you a better wife than this one. If you're accusing her falsely, then fear Allah's punishment. Seems to me like you want the women here to show you some pity or compassion, but since most are Americans and were in the same situation as your wife, they are not going to take your side. Sorry, but it's the truth. Some might, but most will not. Other than that, all I can say is Ilee ma yitazowaj min milto bi moot min 3iltoo. You live and learn!

[KandD 1]

I think you have a private matter that i wouldnt be advertising on the internet. You have two choices:

1. Work it out.

or

2. Get out.

The choice is yours to live with. Nobody can help you decide.

[notime4haterz 0]

I think you have a private matter that i wouldnt be advertising on the internet. You have two choices:

1. Work it out.

or

2. Get out.

The choice is yours to live with. Nobody can help you decide.

[ArubaDolphin 0]

I think you have a private matter that i wouldnt be advertising on the internet. You have two choices:

1. Work it out.

or

2. Get out.

The choice is yours to live with. Nobody can help you decide.

:thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs: :thumbs:

[Marzy 1]

You can't do anything about your wife. It's time to kick her in curb, and find a new model(wife) .

Edited February 6, 2009 by S*J