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Family Roles

  

69 members have voted

  1. 1. Where are you among your siblings?

    • Oldest
      31
    • Older
      2
    • Middle
      9
    • Younger
      2
    • Youngest
      15
    • I'm an only child - no siblings.
      10
  2. 2. As an adult, how is your relationship with your siblings?

    • I get along well with all my siblings.
      44
    • I get along with some of my siblings.
      7
    • I don't really get along with any of my siblings.
      8
    • I'm an only child - no siblings.
      10
  3. 3. (Refer to the descriptions below) Which of the following describes your role in your family growing up?

    • "Responsible Child" - "Family Hero"
      28
    • "Acting out child" - "Scapegoat"
      12
    • "Placater" - "Mascot" - "Caretaker"
      18
    • "Adjuster" - "Lost Child"
      11


20 posts in this topic

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Filed: Country: Philippines
Timeline

"Responsible Child" - "Family Hero"

This is the child who is "9 going on 40." This child takes over the parent role at a very young age, becoming very responsible and self-sufficient. They give the family self-worth because they look good on the outside. They are the good students, the sports stars, the prom queens. The parents look to this child to prove that they are good parents and good people. As an adult the Family Hero is rigid, controlling, and extremely judgmental (although perhaps very subtle about it) - of others and secretly of themselves. They achieve "success" on the outside and get lots of positive attention but are cut off from their inner emotional life, from their True Self. They are compulsive and driven as adults because deep inside they feel inadequate and insecure.

The family hero, because of their "success" in conforming to dysfunctional cultural definitions of what constitutes doing life "right", is often the child in the family who as an adult has the hardest time even admitting that there is anything within themselves that needs to be healed.

"Acting out child" - "Scapegoat"

This is the child that the family feels ashamed of - and the most emotionally honest child in the family. He/she acts out the tension and anger the family ignores. This child provides distraction from the real issues in the family. The scapegoat usually has trouble in school because they get attention the only way they know how - which is negatively. They often become pregnant or addicted as teenagers. These children are usually the most sensitive and caring which is why they feel such tremendous hurt. They are romantics who become very cynical and distrustful. They have a lot of self-hatred and can be very self-destructive. This often results in this child becoming the first person in the family to get into some kind of recovery.

"Placater" - "Mascot" - "Caretaker"

This child takes responsibility for the emotional well-being of the family. They become the families 'social director' and/or clown, diverting the family's attention from the pain and anger. This child becomes an adult who is valued for their kind heart, generosity, and ability to listen to others. Their whole self-definition is centered on others and they don't know how to get their own needs met. They become adults who cannot receive love, only give it. They often have case loads rather than friendships - and get involved in abusive relationships in an attempt to "save" the other person. They go into the helping professions and become nurses, and social workers, and therapists. They have very low self-worth and feel a lot of guilt that they work very hard to overcome by being really "nice" (i.e. people pleasing, classically codependent) people.

"Adjuster" - "Lost Child"

This child escapes by attempting to be invisible. They daydream, fantasize, read a lot of books or watch a lot of TV. They deal with reality by withdrawing from it. They deny that they have any feelings and "don't bother getting upset." These children grow up to be adults who find themselves unable to feel and suffer very low self-esteem. They are terrified of intimacy and often have relationship phobia. They are very withdrawn and shy and become socially isolated because that is the only way they know to be safe from being hurt. A lot of actors and writers are 'lost children' who have found a way to express emotions while hiding behind their characters.

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Filed: Country: Jamaica
Timeline

I voted for the acting out/scapgoat only cause there was no better choice.

I was the one who acted out just cause I was a shyt disturber. To this day, I never wanted to be anything but unique.


Life's just a crazy ride on a run away train

You can't go back for what you've missed

So make it count, hold on tight find a way to make it right

You only get one trip

So make it good, make it last 'cause it all flies by so fast

You only get one trip

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middle...

get along with my brother and sister

the chopf##k of the fmaily..that is, acted out


Peace to All creatures great and small............................................

But when we turn to the Hebrew literature, we do not find such jokes about the donkey. Rather the animal is known for its strength and its loyalty to its master (Genesis 49:14; Numbers 22:30).

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Filed: Other Country: India
Timeline

Oldest of 2 girls, get along well, responsible child fits best but my sister was responsible too. We never had to act like the parent though. Those descriptions are a bit screwy.


Married since 9-18-04(All K1 visa & GC details in timeline.)

Ishu tum he mere Prabhu:::Jesus you are my Lord

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Ghana
Timeline

Oldest of 3 girls.

We get along well.

Responsible. That description is off base. I am responsible but not controlling or judgmental. Not the hero either.


Mama to 2 beautiful boys (August 2011 and January 2015)

Click for full timeline

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Brazil
Timeline

oldest of 2

get along

scapegoat




* K1 Timeline *
* 04/07/06: I-129F Sent to NSC
* 10/02/06: Interview date - APPROVED!
* 10/10/06: POE Houston
* 11/25/06: Wedding day!!!

* AOS/EAD/AP Timeline *
*01/05/07: AOS/EAD/AP sent
*02/19/08: AOS approved
*02/27/08: Permanent Resident Card received

* LOC Timeline *
*12/31/09: Applied Lifting of Condition
*01/04/10: NOA
*02/12/10: Biometrics
*03/03/10: LOC approved
*03/11/10: 10 years green card received

* Naturalization Timeline *
*12/17/10: package sent
*12/29/10: NOA date
*01/19/11: biometrics
*04/12/11: interview
*04/15/11: approval letter
*05/13/11: Oath Ceremony - Officially done with Immigration.

Complete Timeline

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Brazil
Timeline

youngest - some - adjuster/lost


* ~ * Charles * ~ *
 

I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy.

 

USE THE REPORT BUTTON INSTEAD OF MESSAGING A MODERATOR!

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Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: England
Timeline

Eldest of 2, can't stand the #######, and none of those.


Naturalization Timeline:

Event

Service Center : Phoenix AZ Lockbox

CIS Office : Saint Louis MO

Date Filed : 2014-06-11

NOA Date : 2014-06-16

Bio. Appt. :

Interview Date :

Approved :

Oath Ceremony :

Comments :

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Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: Hong Kong
Timeline

None of those descriptions fit me or my family...


Scott - So. California, Lai - Hong Kong

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Our timeline:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showuser=1032

Our Photos

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Optimist: "The glass is half full."

Pessimist: "The glass is half empty."

Scott: "I didn't order this!!!"

"Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God." - Ruth 1:16

"Losing faith in Humanity, one person at a time."

"Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save." - Ps 146:3

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Vicky >^..^< She came, she loved, and was loved. 1989-07/07/2007

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