I MISS MY LIFE

[macutelit 0]

ANU MAN KAHINAAN NG ISA DAPAT MAGING KALAKASAN NG ISA din... Do not expect everything will be perfect in a relationship. If there is something wrong be honest,sit down,relax and talk about it, because the reason why you left your family,friends and life because of LOVE. But it doesnt mean you totally left them need to sacrifice for a while while waiting for AP or green card to be with them again(pamilya sa pinas). Beacuse from the moment you say I DO it means a lot... like I do understand why my husband snoring because he cannot stop it,if he can stop it just to make me happy he would. I Do understand why I am here and left my family,friends and life(pinas) because LOVe brought me here.... Anu man kahinaan ng asawa mo sana maging kalaksan mo isipin mo na alng lahat ng pinaghirapan ninyo at pinagsamahan dahil ng unang araw na nakita mo siya at sumakay ng eroplano tinawid na niya ang kalahati ng mundo dahil sa pagmamahal niya sayo

[envy_me 18]

ANU MAN KAHINAAN NG ISA DAPAT MAGING KALAKASAN NG ISA din... Do not expect everything will be perfect in a relationship. If there is something wrong be honest,sit down,relax and talk about it, because the reason why you left your family,friends and life because of LOVE. But it doesnt mean you totally left them need to sacrifice for a while while waiting for AP or green card to be with them again(pamilya sa pinas). Beacuse from the moment you say I DO it means a lot... like I do understand why my husband snoring because he cannot stop it,if he can stop it just to make me happy he would. I Do understand why I am here and left my family,friends and life(pinas) because LOVe brought me here.... Anu man kahinaan ng asawa mo sana maging kalaksan mo isipin mo na alng lahat ng pinaghirapan ninyo at pinagsamahan dahil ng unang araw na nakita mo siya at sumakay ng eroplano tinawid na niya ang kalahati ng mundo dahil sa pagmamahal niya sayo

cris ang lalim!

well isa lang masasabe ko dito sa thread na to..

mga girls.. try to listen to SURVIVOR by DESTINY'S CHILD!

kantahin nyo araw araw yan!

[merijan 0]

Guys, I have a question... What if your husband doesn't want you to work?

he just wants you to stay at the house and be a dedicated housewife?

what are you goin to feel?, do?....

I will start to consider him a control freak and an abusive husband!

Seriously, your husband has no right whatsoever to ask you not to work and to just stay at home and be a dedicated wife. It's more of an economic abuse which may constitute an act of violence against a woman. To work. explore all your possibilities and maximize your potentialities are your basic rights that your husband should respect and which you must protect.

#######?

Economic Abuse?

Constitute act of vioence?

Did you google that answer from someplace? It seems out of line and not related to this thread......

That's based on RA 9262, a Philippine law known as anti-Violence against women and their children act. I don't have to goggle it. I know the law very well and had prosecuted quite a few men who did such form of violence against women.

Your post makes no sense again.

How is your Husband asking you not to work consitute violence against woman or children. Go google some more, but this time try to come up with an answer that matches my question.

She didn't say that the husband simply asked the wife not to work. The hypothetical question was "what if your husband doesn't want you to work?" which I interpreted as more of a demand and which to my OPINION is detrimental to the right of the woman to work if she wanted to. Of course there are women who are okay to being dependent to their husbands. But there are also women who prefer to be financially independent and explore their potentialities to find some source of achievement in her own. If the woman would want that and the husband does things to stop her from pursuing what she likes to achieve, that constitutes an act of violence per OUR LAW. As to whether such is true in YOUR LAW, I can only hope that it is not geared towards curtailing women empowerment.

The point is, regardless of the race or where the wife came from, the decision to work should be more of the wife's than the husband's and I say that under the assumption that the wife is sensible and intelligent enough to know what will be the best for the family. As we say it in the Philippines, the wife must always be the guiding light.

Hmmmm...the English translation sounds beautiful and sweet...THE WIFE IS THE GUIDING LIGHT!

parden me but ive been reading your posts and i would like to know if the husband does NOT want to work is that also ok? Because its so funny that the liberated mind puts the wife down for NOT working, and says its abuse if the husband really wants her to be a stay at home wife and mom. Yet in a drop of the hat you would never say a husband should not work to support his family..

[merijan 0]

I wanted to add one more thing. That I would hope before you choose to get married and come so far from home, one of the many things you discussed would be your living conditions, expectations of marriage etc.. these are so important. I mean dont you already know what his expectations of a wife are? and what ur expectations are? before you got married??????

[mRs StOcKwElL 1]

i just dont understand some filipinas who use vj for whining about their "oh so miserable life" and their abusive husbands..we all went here to the US with our eyes open..we are not forced or cuffed into coming here..yes my husband snores too..why whine about it..

about being abused or mentally intimated well nobody wanted it right..if you cant stand the heat get out of the kitchen..

it might be good to look at all our old posts here in vj when we all declared our undying devotion to our fiances and husbands and look at what we are doing now..

AMEN!!!

Edited December 23, 2008 by Rodge & Ninfa

[DARUMA07 25]

I wanted to add one more thing. That I would hope before you choose to get married and come so far from home, one of the many things you discussed would be your living conditions, expectations of marriage etc.. these are so important. I mean dont you already know what his expectations of a wife are? and what ur expectations are? before you got married??????

...... It's apparent that some women are not mature enough to accept the responsibility of leaving home and taking on a marriage. Sad, so sad........

[maliciant 7]

Yep, people should know before getting married who is expected to work or not... and even if the plan is for one to stay at home things happen and both may have to work. It is a husbands right to ask his wife not to work, but it's still her decision in the end, demanding something is different... but I'd even go so far as to say that you can demand things in a marriage, if the other person doesn't want to meet your demands, then you can end the marriage... before anyone gets too excited about the abuse aspect of demanding something... it may be demanding something like getting counselling, taking care of a medical problem, dealing with alchohalism, there are many serious issues that can arise even after marriage that might cause a situation that has to be dealt with... but yeah, generally demands shouldn't be the norm...

But on to the important part... NOT ALL SNORING IS THE SAME... I lived in a dorm for a few years, about 70 dudes, 4 and 5 to a "room", rooms didn't really have walls, they were more like cubicles with beds and closets (that were about the size of an outhouse and not built into the room.. you could push them around etc)... at one point a very overweight guy was placed in our dorm, his snoring kept people awake, it was incredibly loud, even if we had solid walls, you'd be able to hear him snore through them... but as it was... we didn't, so about 35 of the people in the dorm had to deal with his snoring, a lot of people complained... but eventually you get used to it... when he eventually left the dorm a year or so later... it took some adjusting to get used to NOT hearing the snoring.

[leejoy_and_ron 0]

[leejoy_and_ron 0]

[leejoy_and_ron 0]

[leejoy_and_ron 0]

[rajemr2119 0]

hi lee joy,

ok ka na??

[JoBri 545]

I am representative of the other side of the coin, the husband in waiting, for his wife to be approved to come here. I was just saying at work last night how I am afraid, nervous, about when she arrives. I worry about the things mentioned here above. She has her life so together in the Phils. She is 35 and the principal of a school, she has many friends there she does things with. She is busy always, and loves working. When she gets here everything will come to a standstill for her job wise, at least for awhile. No public transportation in this little town in hte mountains of northeast Tennessee. We have no Filipino American groups here, although I did find a Filipina who works in the deli section of the grocery store who came here 21 years ago when she married her husband who was in the US Air Force. She seems so nice and cheerful all the time and I am hoping she and my wife can become good Christian Filipina friends.

But I get scared... Scared she will regret giving up what she already has. Scared she will become unhappy here. Scared she will wish she never got into this. Scared she will regret. Scared I will earn enough a living for us, that she will be comfortable and happy. She is focused and adjusts to things well, and realistic, not a dreamer like me, not all gushy in feelings like me, so I guess that is all good things for her transition here. But I still get scared. I want her happy. I want her to feel totally and completely loved. I want her to feel the church we attend is home to her too. I want her to feel secure, at peace. I pray that God will help grow me into a husband that is worthy of her.

Anyways... God makes no mistakes even if we make mistakes ourselves. Nothing is out of His control either. And when he joined me and my wife togehter in marriage, he knew long ago that day would come, and he wants it to be forever. And... even if later either of us wonder if we made a mistake, God takes even our mistakes and makes it all right. And I know we can be completely secure in Him... I just pray that I stay totally surrendered to Him so that He is able to do all that he can in me for the good of my wife...

Brian in Tennessee

[JoBri 545]

My gosh... "expectations of an Asian wife???". Come on...! How egotistical, racist, selfish and insane such a notion is. I pity such a one to be married to somebody with that attitude, for sure. .... LOVE... that is what it all pretty much boils down to. Loving the otehr so much that you want ALL that you can do to make them as happy as you can... whether it is to work double shifts every single day to make their life more comfortable, or to let them persue all their dreams such as in a career of their own... Love is about the other, not about your own selfish, self-centered, egotistical ideals... warped ideals, evidently, in some cases. Warpped and insane.

Sorry, just had to spout off about that one there... couldnt help it. hehe. That post made me angry, and to feel pity for the spouse.

Brian in Tennessee

Guys, I have a question... What if your husband doesn't want you to work?

he just wants you to stay at the house and be a dedicated housewife?

what are you goin to feel?, do?....

I will start to consider him a control freak and an abusive husband!

Seriously, your husband has no right whatsoever to ask you not to work and to just stay at home and be a dedicated wife. It's more of an economic abuse which may constitute an act of violence against a woman. To work. explore all your possibilities and maximize your potentialities are your basic rights that your husband should respect and which you must protect.

I think you are setting the cart before the horse here. If the husband wanted to marry an uppity liberated woman, he would have found one here in the US of A. But he didn't, and he deserves the respect he is entitled to. He went through great expense and effort to bring you here, and the least you can do is try to make things work. You have a lifetime to "persuade" your husband to a more equitable relationship. But for now, try to meet his expectations for an Asian wife.

[Rocky_nBullwinkle 6]

My gosh... "expectations of an Asian wife???". Come on...! How egotistical, racist, selfish and insane such a notion is. I pity such a one to be married to somebody with that attitude, for sure. .... LOVE... that is what it all pretty much boils down to. Loving the otehr so much that you want ALL that you can do to make them as happy as you can... whether it is to work double shifts every single day to make their life more comfortable, or to let them persue all their dreams such as in a career of their own... Love is about the other, not about your own selfish, self-centered, egotistical ideals... warped ideals, evidently, in some cases. Warpped and insane.

Sorry, just had to spout off about that one there... couldnt help it. hehe. That post made me angry, and to feel pity for the spouse.

Brian in Tennessee

We all go through life with "expectations". It is our character that determines how realistic those expectations are, and how we deal with the disappointments that follow, as well as accomplishing our goals. You would be misguided to completely disregard the enviroment in which either spouse was raised. Cultural pressures and observed "norms" lead to what some would call, "egotistical, racist, selfish, and insane," notions. Love happens, inspite of all this, and whether it is love, or just self-preservation, we all need to find ways to make our relationships work. Otherwise, one would find oneself left out in the cold, all alone.

So, both spouses need to work constantly to keep things working, and spend a lifetime, getting to know the other, and yes, fullfill the needs of the other. "Ego" is what caused the OP to start this thread, and perhaps a reflection on what "Egos" continue to be present in this thread, just might cause a few to swallow some pride, and look at life for what it is, and not what they "expect" it to be.

Guys, I have a question... What if your husband doesn't want you to work?

he just wants you to stay at the house and be a dedicated housewife?

what are you goin to feel?, do?....

I will start to consider him a control freak and an abusive husband!

Seriously, your husband has no right whatsoever to ask you not to work and to just stay at home and be a dedicated wife. It's more of an economic abuse which may constitute an act of violence against a woman. To work. explore all your possibilities and maximize your potentialities are your basic rights that your husband should respect and which you must protect.

I think you are setting the cart before the horse here. If the husband wanted to marry an uppity liberated woman, he would have found one here in the US of A. But he didn't, and he deserves the respect he is entitled to. He went through great expense and effort to bring you here, and the least you can do is try to make things work. You have a lifetime to "persuade" your husband to a more equitable relationship. But for now, try to meet his expectations for an Asian wife.