I MISS MY LIFE

[Rocky_nBullwinkle 6]

And to the idiot calling the southern states, "whitetrash", it seems to me that a filipina would feel much more at home here wearing flip-flops, spaghetti strap t-shirts and being around other dark skinned people, like mexicans.

I guarantee that a filipina would feel WAY more at home in Texas than Massachusetts....you sir are an idiot.

Surf's up dude! We feel the same way in California. Madami din mga mexicano dito. The south shall rise again!

[-B&T- 1]

hello miga!mingaw diha sa inyong lugar day?bag-o pa man sab ka diria mao na homesick ka siguro pero pila ka bula maka adjust naman ka pareha nako hilak-hilak ko sauna no di jud lalim pero kalooy ni san pedro ok naman unya naa nako anak sab 5 months mao busy na ko pirmi dili nako sge hinoktok.kaya lagi nimo na day ayaw lang dibdiba pag ayo ug kung ugaling gina abuso ka diha sa imong bana kabalo naman ka kung unsa imo tawagan na numero diba.Taga Dabaw man ko pod sa matina ikaw asa man ka dapit diay sa atoa.

[nick-maricel 0]

homesick and being alone:

whew!!... i just finished reading this topic and all the replies, there's so much about it. Well, Everybody who came here in the US gets homesick, it's natural and I think even if you've been here for how many years already, you will still feel it, it's just a matter of how you handle it and also with the help of your husband. It was really a big adjustment for me, I'm a very outgoing person, never sleeps, always out, having fun and working in the morning and work even on weekends, always busy - it's like I don't own my time - and my husband knew me that way from the start) I remember how I sad I was last nov and dec (I arrived here Oct 2008), I don't have friends here in my area, I was crying every now and then, pitied myself of just always staying at home and doing nothing. Natauhan ako nun umiyak ang asawa ko sa harap ko at tinanong nya ko kung hindi ba ako masaya na kasama sya, na nagsisisi ba ako sa naging desisyon ko na maging asawa nya, na ginagawa nman nya lahat pra pasayahin ako, I didn't know that I hurt him for that, I became so insensitive while he, is trying his hard to make me happy even if he's tired from work and always busy, I forgot to appreciate the things he did for me because I was busy of crying and feeling miserable, I forgot that I should be grateful that finally after waiting for the visa and all that, we're together now. Everybody is right, it's really hard at first, but you have all the time now, I always call my family in PI, I get myself busy, I offered to do all the AOS stuff instead of hiring a lawyer again and since my husband is always busy, I never stop on searching friends on my area on the internet, never stop smiling and saying hi to people that looks like Filipino who Ive seen at the mall, resto and store, I'm proud that because of my husband, I know now how to cook, I re-decorated our house and plan to do some re-paintings and renovations, uh! I've got so much stuff on my "to do list now" I don't even know what to start sa dami but I'm so much happier now and I discovered that there's a lot of Pinays here in my area, I'm now making friends with them

working or plain housewife:

it's still your life and have the right to be treated as a woman and as a human, for me, being married doesn't give each other the right to own the other, it's two lives sharing together. it's also a matter of having a good communication. don't be afraid to express how you feel since we are in a liberated country. my husband asked me what do i want to do and I said I want to work and drive, I dont want to always rely on him whenever I want to buy something for myself, for him or for our house. And try to think of it, even if you are in the PI and let's say you have a Pinoy husband instead of a foreigner, you will still work, do the household chores and take care of the house and the kids, and much worse, your Pinoy husband will just cheat on you and will not appreciate you and sometimes they don't have jobs but still manage to go out with friends and drink (ooppss! I'm not referring to all guys in PI ha, hehe) My husband always tells me how much I make him happy and how much he appreciates me even if I don't make him lunch (it's hard for me to wake up early hehe..) I said sorry for that and he said it's ok, he's been doing that eversince and it's just easy to make and besides I'm doing all the other household chores. If your husband wants you to just stay at home but you want to work, try to tell him that you want to try and should not be worried because you will still take care of the house and him and still be a good wife. If you can't handle it properly then stop working, it's your choice. It's also your choice and it's in your hands of how your husband will treat you. WORKING OR JUST BEING A PLAIN HOUSEWIFE IS EVERY COUPLE'S CHOICE AND IT DEPENDS ON EVERY COUPLE'S SITUATIONS, IT DOESN'T HAVE TO DO WITH WHERE YOU CAME FROM.

Try to realize that you're not the only, it's not the end of the world, it's just the beginning of everything, new chapter of our lives. just take one step at a time and be patient. we're all the same whether we have a very sweet and expressive husbands or not, we all feel homesick. But thanks to the internet and telephone and to VJ of course..

Cheer up! Be an independent woman/wife!

[rockhouse 1]

homesick and being alone:

whew!!... i just finished reading this topic and all the replies, there's so much about it. Well, Everybody who came here in the US gets homesick, it's natural and I think even if you've been here for how many years already, you will still feel it, it's just a matter of how you handle it and also with the help of your husband. It was really a big adjustment for me, I'm a very outgoing person, never sleeps, always out, having fun and working in the morning and work even on weekends, always busy - it's like I don't own my time - and my husband knew me that way from the start) I remember how I sad I was last nov and dec (I arrived here Oct 2008), I don't have friends here in my area, I was crying every now and then, pitied myself of just always staying at home and doing nothing. Natauhan ako nun umiyak ang asawa ko sa harap ko at tinanong nya ko kung hindi ba ako masaya na kasama sya, na nagsisisi ba ako sa naging desisyon ko na maging asawa nya, na ginagawa nman nya lahat pra pasayahin ako, I didn't know that I hurt him for that, I became so insensitive while he, is trying his hard to make me happy even if he's tired from work and always busy, I forgot to appreciate the things he did for me because I was busy of crying and feeling miserable, I forgot that I should be grateful that finally after waiting for the visa and all that, we're together now. Everybody is right, it's really hard at first, but you have all the time now, I always call my family in PI, I get myself busy, I offered to do all the AOS stuff instead of hiring a lawyer again and since my husband is always busy, I never stop on searching friends on my area on the internet, never stop smiling and saying hi to people that looks like Filipino who Ive seen at the mall, resto and store, I'm proud that because of my husband, I know now how to cook, I re-decorated our house and plan to do some re-paintings and renovations, uh! I've got so much stuff on my "to do list now" I don't even know what to start sa dami but I'm so much happier now and I discovered that there's a lot of Pinays here in my area, I'm now making friends with them

working or plain housewife:

it's still your life and have the right to be treated as a woman and as a human, for me, being married doesn't give each other the right to own the other, it's two lives sharing together. it's also a matter of having a good communication. don't be afraid to express how you feel since we are in a liberated country. my husband asked me what do i want to do and I said I want to work and drive, I dont want to always rely on him whenever I want to buy something for myself, for him or for our house. And try to think of it, even if you are in the PI and let's say you have a Pinoy husband instead of a foreigner, you will still work, do the household chores and take care of the house and the kids, and much worse, your Pinoy husband will just cheat on you and will not appreciate you and sometimes they don't have jobs but still manage to go out with friends and drink (ooppss! I'm not referring to all guys in PI ha, hehe) My husband always tells me how much I make him happy and how much he appreciates me even if I don't make him lunch (it's hard for me to wake up early hehe..) I said sorry for that and he said it's ok, he's been doing that eversince and it's just easy to make and besides I'm doing all the other household chores. If your husband wants you to just stay at home but you want to work, try to tell him that you want to try and should not be worried because you will still take care of the house and him and still be a good wife. If you can't handle it properly then stop working, it's your choice. It's also your choice and it's in your hands of how your husband will treat you. WORKING OR JUST BEING A PLAIN HOUSEWIFE IS EVERY COUPLE'S CHOICE AND IT DEPENDS ON EVERY COUPLE'S SITUATIONS, IT DOESN'T HAVE TO DO WITH WHERE YOU CAME FROM.

Try to realize that you're not the only, it's not the end of the world, it's just the beginning of everything, new chapter of our lives. just take one step at a time and be patient. we're all the same whether we have a very sweet and expressive husbands or not, we all feel homesick. But thanks to the internet and telephone and to VJ of course..

Cheer up! Be an independent woman/wife!

Great reply!

Edited January 9, 2009 by rockhouse

[kawawa 0]

i miss my family my friend...i miss home.....i miss being me.....

i miss my family back in PI too,

but plis dont forget, when you say I DO, it means youll do everything!!!

Goodluck on your marriage life

[TinTin and Samby 11]

Guys, I have a question... What if your husband doesn't want you to work?

he just wants you to stay at the house and be a dedicated housewife?

what are you goin to feel?, do?....

I will start to consider him a control freak and an abusive husband!

Seriously, your husband has no right whatsoever to ask you not to work and to just stay at home and be a dedicated wife. It's more of an economic abuse which may constitute an act of violence against a woman. To work. explore all your possibilities and maximize your potentialities are your basic rights that your husband should respect and which you must protect.

#######?

Economic Abuse?

Constitute act of vioence?

Did you google that answer from someplace? It seems out of line and not related to this thread......

That's based on RA 9262, a Philippine law known as anti-Violence against women and their children act. I don't have to goggle it. I know the law very well and had prosecuted quite a few men who did such form of violence against women.

Oh give me a break........Carumba!

[nick-maricel 0]

I will terribly miss her when she works and me travelling alone but I love my wife and there is nothing in this world I wouldn't do to make her happy. If she will be happy working, then be it. Her future earnings is OURS, and will be saved for our future travels and retirement. In our relationship there is no hers and mine, it is always OURS.

very well said... MARRIAGE is YOU + ME = US

[kawawa 0]

homesick and being alone:

whew!!... i just finished reading this topic and all the replies, there's so much about it. Well, Everybody who came here in the US gets homesick, it's natural and I think even if you've been here for how many years already, you will still feel it, it's just a matter of how you handle it and also with the help of your husband. It was really a big adjustment for me, I'm a very outgoing person, never sleeps, always out, having fun and working in the morning and work even on weekends, always busy - it's like I don't own my time - and my husband knew me that way from the start) I remember how I sad I was last nov and dec (I arrived here Oct 2008), I don't have friends here in my area, I was crying every now and then, pitied myself of just always staying at home and doing nothing. Natauhan ako nun umiyak ang asawa ko sa harap ko at tinanong nya ko kung hindi ba ako masaya na kasama sya, na nagsisisi ba ako sa naging desisyon ko na maging asawa nya, na ginagawa nman nya lahat pra pasayahin ako, I didn't know that I hurt him for that, I became so insensitive while he, is trying his hard to make me happy even if he's tired from work and always busy, I forgot to appreciate the things he did for me because I was busy of crying and feeling miserable, I forgot that I should be grateful that finally after waiting for the visa and all that, we're together now. Everybody is right, it's really hard at first, but you have all the time now, I always call my family in PI, I get myself busy, I offered to do all the AOS stuff instead of hiring a lawyer again and since my husband is always busy, I never stop on searching friends on my area on the internet, never stop smiling and saying hi to people that looks like Filipino who Ive seen at the mall, resto and store, I'm proud that because of my husband, I know now how to cook, I re-decorated our house and plan to do some re-paintings and renovations, uh! I've got so much stuff on my "to do list now" I don't even know what to start sa dami but I'm so much happier now and I discovered that there's a lot of Pinays here in my area, I'm now making friends with them

working or plain housewife:

it's still your life and have the right to be treated as a woman and as a human, for me, being married doesn't give each other the right to own the other, it's two lives sharing together. it's also a matter of having a good communication. don't be afraid to express how you feel since we are in a liberated country. my husband asked me what do i want to do and I said I want to work and drive, I dont want to always rely on him whenever I want to buy something for myself, for him or for our house. And try to think of it, even if you are in the PI and let's say you have a Pinoy husband instead of a foreigner, you will still work, do the household chores and take care of the house and the kids, and much worse, your Pinoy husband will just cheat on you and will not appreciate you and sometimes they don't have jobs but still manage to go out with friends and drink (ooppss! I'm not referring to all guys in PI ha, hehe) My husband always tells me how much I make him happy and how much he appreciates me even if I don't make him lunch (it's hard for me to wake up early hehe..) I said sorry for that and he said it's ok, he's been doing that eversince and it's just easy to make and besides I'm doing all the other household chores. If your husband wants you to just stay at home but you want to work, try to tell him that you want to try and should not be worried because you will still take care of the house and him and still be a good wife. If you can't handle it properly then stop working, it's your choice. It's also your choice and it's in your hands of how your husband will treat you. WORKING OR JUST BEING A PLAIN HOUSEWIFE IS EVERY COUPLE'S CHOICE AND IT DEPENDS ON EVERY COUPLE'S SITUATIONS, IT DOESN'T HAVE TO DO WITH WHERE YOU CAME FROM.

Try to realize that you're not the only, it's not the end of the world, it's just the beginning of everything, new chapter of our lives. just take one step at a time and be patient. we're all the same whether we have a very sweet and expressive husbands or not, we all feel homesick. But thanks to the internet and telephone and to VJ of course..

Cheer up! Be an independent woman/wife!

okey, alright, you nail it girl,

Nasa VJ ang awa, nasa tao ang gawa!!!

Dont wait the apple fall on your mouth ( banana will do )

Go get what-they-called-LIFE!!!

Edited January 10, 2009 by kawawa

[tallcoolone 102]

Whoever married "Nick of Time" is in for a rude awakening!

Ain't that the truth.

[Gumbolette 58]

Oh... I had a great time reading all these mature responses from a question that I started.

As what Joms said,

Her future earnings is OURS, and will be saved for our future travels and retirement. In our relationship there is no hers and mine, it is always OURS.

For me, I can see two kinds of couple:

#1- Is a young couple ( ranging the age of 23-30 yrs old) Couples who got married just around this age has more tendency that both have to work,esp if those who belong to middle family.(American setting) regardless of how much the husband makes. Why? A couple starting to build a family has to deal with a lot of things (e.g. Getting a house, having kids, paying education, bills, food, gas, etc.) If the husband will only be the one who'll work, I think its like a big truck load in his shoulder. Yes, working for the is of course vital. But If the wife can at least help out. I can say that there is also a truck load of comfortability when both retires. Here we can insert that in Marriage, whatever is yours is mine, and whatever is mine, is yours.

#2 - A couple who got married at late age ( ranging the age of 35-45 +) A couple like this has more tendency of just setting a certain focus in their lives that will only concentrate into one thing by not needing the wife, or the husband to work a little more of what he is suppose to be. Especially if both of them just live alone all their lives not until they got married. Both have savings already,esp if both are willing to set it conjugally, they don't need to worry about their lives financially. Though having a kid will not be a problem as well, since most of the aspects are somewhat secured. Here, money is not the problem anymore, But how they'll make every day as joyful, happy as it is.

This is just my own humble opinion.

[B&Gie 0]

Wow such hatred for nickoftime! It's not like she is attacking your marriage personally. I know exactly what she is talking aobut and she is correct. I've seen it. Not allowing a wife to work CAN BE a form of abuse. Note, I said can be, not is always, or often is. I would love too let my future wife stay at home and raise our children. Heck I'd love to stay at home with her and raise our family if only I had that kind of cash. If you have a loving marriage where everything is shared and you want the wife to stay home, great. It's a good, healthy choice.

However, not everyone has such a relationship. The problem arises when you have an old geezer, a very traditional, religious guy, or a nutjob who gets himself a nice young submissive asian wife. Sometimes that young submissive asian wife isn't so submissive and traditional as he thought. Sometimes she is just really, really desperate. Sometimes she regrets making such a big sacrifice to try to support her family and secure a better life for her children. Maybe she even regrets marrying him. Now this is where the working thing comes in. Some of these guy keep her trapped at home, penniless, and ignorant of how the country she now lives in works. He has all the money, and all the power. If her family has an emergency, she has no money and has to ask/beg him to send money. If she needs anything, anything at all, she has to ask him for it. If she refuses him anything then he reuses to send her family any money, and yells at her about how much money he has spent to bring her here and how much she owes him. If she wants birth control she can't get it and he won't. She can't even divorce him or go home to the Philippines because she wouldn't know how and doesn't have the money. She is basically a slave. It's a form of human trafficking. Peonage or debt bondage. Now I'm in no way implying that this is the norm for stay at home wives. It isn't. but you have to realize that it IS a problem, and there are lots of women in this situation. Certainly they are a small percentage, but a small percentage of a lot is still a lot. That's why they have those laws. It's not to attack the institution of marriage, or force women to work. It's to protect the minority of women who really need that protection. Don't let your successful, healthy relationship blind you to the reality that not everyone is so fortunate, and some few even need some help and protection from abuse.

[Mykuls Merry Ann 4]

Wow such hatred for nickoftime! It's not like she is attacking your marriage personally. I know exactly what she is talking aobut and she is correct. I've seen it. Not allowing a wife to work CAN BE a form of abuse. Note, I said can be, not is always, or often is. I would love too let my future wife stay at home and raise our children. Heck I'd love to stay at home with her and raise our family if only I had that kind of cash. If you have a loving marriage where everything is shared and you want the wife to stay home, great. It's a good, healthy choice.

However, not everyone has such a relationship. The problem arises when you have an old geezer, a very traditional, religious guy, or a nutjob who gets himself a nice young submissive asian wife. Sometimes that young submissive asian wife isn't so submissive and traditional as he thought. Sometimes she is just really, really desperate. Sometimes she regrets making such a big sacrifice to try to support her family and secure a better life for her children. Maybe she even regrets marrying him. Now this is where the working thing comes in. Some of these guy keep her trapped at home, penniless, and ignorant of how the country she now lives in works. He has all the money, and all the power. If her family has an emergency, she has no money and has to ask/beg him to send money. If she needs anything, anything at all, she has to ask him for it. If she refuses him anything then he reuses to send her family any money, and yells at her about how much money he has spent to bring her here and how much she owes him. If she wants birth control she can't get it and he won't. She can't even divorce him or go home to the Philippines because she wouldn't know how and doesn't have the money. She is basically a slave. It's a form of human trafficking. Peonage or debt bondage. Now I'm in no way implying that this is the norm for stay at home wives. It isn't. but you have to realize that it IS a problem, and there are lots of women in this situation. Certainly they are a small percentage, but a small percentage of a lot is still a lot. That's why they have those laws. It's not to attack the institution of marriage, or force women to work. It's to protect the minority of women who really need that protection. Don't let your successful, healthy relationship blind you to the reality that not everyone is so fortunate, and some few even need some help and protection from abuse.

Problem is that none of these women on this thread are in the case you describe. On on the flip side of your coin here is the opposite of women who use their husband for their own selfish independent needs. Like a greencard. That is fraud correct?

[Rocky_nBullwinkle 6]

Wow such hatred for nickoftime! It's not like she is attacking your marriage personally. I know exactly what she is talking aobut and she is correct. I've seen it. Not allowing a wife to work CAN BE a form of abuse. Note, I said can be, not is always, or often is. I would love too let my future wife stay at home and raise our children. Heck I'd love to stay at home with her and raise our family if only I had that kind of cash. If you have a loving marriage where everything is shared and you want the wife to stay home, great. It's a good, healthy choice.

However, not everyone has such a relationship. The problem arises when you have an old geezer, a very traditional, religious guy, or a nutjob who gets himself a nice young submissive asian wife. Sometimes that young submissive asian wife isn't so submissive and traditional as he thought. Sometimes she is just really, really desperate. Sometimes she regrets making such a big sacrifice to try to support her family and secure a better life for her children. Maybe she even regrets marrying him. Now this is where the working thing comes in. Some of these guy keep her trapped at home, penniless, and ignorant of how the country she now lives in works. He has all the money, and all the power. If her family has an emergency, she has no money and has to ask/beg him to send money. If she needs anything, anything at all, she has to ask him for it. If she refuses him anything then he reuses to send her family any money, and yells at her about how much money he has spent to bring her here and how much she owes him. If she wants birth control she can't get it and he won't. She can't even divorce him or go home to the Philippines because she wouldn't know how and doesn't have the money. She is basically a slave. It's a form of human trafficking. Peonage or debt bondage. Now I'm in no way implying that this is the norm for stay at home wives. It isn't. but you have to realize that it IS a problem, and there are lots of women in this situation. Certainly they are a small percentage, but a small percentage of a lot is still a lot. That's why they have those laws. It's not to attack the institution of marriage, or force women to work. It's to protect the minority of women who really need that protection. Don't let your successful, healthy relationship blind you to the reality that not everyone is so fortunate, and some few even need some help and protection from abuse.

You need to fill out your profile so we can pick on you properly. . Welcome to VJ. -- Rocky

[EWRI6884 0]

Whoever married "Nick of Time" is in for a rude awakening!

I agree!

[B&Gie 0]

Problem is that none of these women on this thread are in the case you describe.

I hope this is true, but neither you nor I can say with any certainty. There are many shades of gray here, and even in the more clear cut cases of abuse often no one, especially the one being abused wants to admit it. They don't want to admit that they are being abused and they don't want to admit that they entered a relationship they knew, or even suspected wouldn't work.

On on the flip side of your coin here is the opposite of women who use their husband for their own selfish independent needs. Like a greencard. That is fraud correct?

Absolutely the flip side of the coin is a problem too, and one that should be dealt with as best we can. I'd even bet it's a more common problem. There are plenty of air-headed, gold-digger girls who just want to go to America, hang around doing nothing, and have some guy support them and buy them stuff. However, I tend to think slavery is a much more serious offense than visa fraud. I also think that a relatively wealthy guy who wants a hot wife has a lot more power, and with it moral responsibility, than does a dirt poor girl who is trying make sure her siblings have enough rice to eat and can see a doctor in an emergency.

It seems to me that a lot of people here have been very hostile to some fairly reasonable and justifiable protections on the basis that their wives don't need those protections, and that some girls deserve it. It's like saying that there should be no laws against murder because it's insulting that the government would even imply that I might kill someone, and besides some people deserve to be killed.