I quit my job! Co-sponsor enough??

[Madwoman 2]

So I need some help/advice.....

For the past 4 months since I left my fiancee in Uganda I have been working as a child, adolescent and family counselor--a position that has been mentally and emotionally very challenging for me. It would be a difficult job, without the added stress of missing my SO VERY much, but with him so far away, it has been very hard to feel emotionally available for my clients, I felt like I was doing them a disservice, and draining myself in the process. Working 50 hr weeks didn't help.

For a while I tried to stick it out, it was HARD to admit that I just wasn't in the right place mentally for this job right now. I kept telling myself it would get better, but it got worse, and I started feeling worse. After a couple weeks of absolute hell, I decided to turn in my resignation today...I was honest when I talked to my supervisor, who knows the whole situation with my fiancee, and she actually understood. I believe she said "It's hard to do this work when your heart is somewhere else." I'll be working until October which will be enough time to transition well with all of my clients. I feel like a large weight has been lifted off my shoulders!

Now I want to go back to Uganda and live over there while my fiancee waits for his visa. I hate the phone calls, the constantly getting cut off because of bad reception, having to wait until the weekends to be able to talk to him for any length of time (because of both our jobs), the poor, slow internet over there, the little miscommunications that creep in because you are so distant from one-another. I'm sure many of you know what I am talking about!

I LOVE my fiancee so much and it is killing me that the distance is affecting our relationship--and my own sanity!

But....I also don't want my lack of a job/income to affect the visa processing! My parents will be co-sponsoring, and they have quite a bit of money. But me...not so much right now. I have a bit saved up, enough to get me through until he gets his visa and we get married (I think--I'm hoping Feb, March at the LATEST)

So..... do you think it was a mistake to quit my job? Do I need to be employed at a well-paying job for my fiancee to get his visa, or is the co-sponsor enough? I can find another, more mundane job to get me through until December at least--but at that point I would love to just stay in Uganda until the whole process is over and we can come back together, visa in hand. Is this possible???

I hate how immigration procedures force us to make decisions about love and relationships that make NO sense

Thanks so much!

[Zee Bee 61]

As long as your cosponsor meets the poverty guidelines you should have no problems.

[reeses16 8]

I think you made a good decision. You clearly weren't happy with the position. You co-sponsors will be enough to get your fiance through his visa interview and AOS.

Be sure to look at the impact of a decision to spend your time in Uganda waiting out the visa. When your fiance comes to the US, it will be a while before he is eligible to work/and finds a position. With or without a degree it is often times very difficult to find employment (even less skilled positions). I think it would help to if you stayed in the US, worked and built up your savings. When your so arrives your expenses will go up and it will be a few months at least before he can contribute financially. Do you best to prepare for that transition period.

Best of luck in whatever you decide,

-Dodie

[ninaetmilo 0]

Hi Madwoman--I am so glad you asked this question. I have been debating about this same issue for the past few weeks, although i am actually ok at my job. I just want to be with my husband, and wait with him during this process. I too have spoken with my parents about co-sponsoring, and they are fine with it. I have also built good savings that i do not expect to touch until he arrives even if i decide to stay in the US or go to be with my husband. My husband already has a job waiting for him once he arrives (his company wants him to continue working for them with a satellite company in the US). So, i feel confident that I should be able to go and wait out with him. Can anybody please offer me their opinion/expertise?

[jmmr 0]

Hello-

I had that same though go through my head earlier in this process. I thought about quiting my job to stay down in Mexico with him. I have to say that I am glad I decided to stay here and work while I wait. Even though it is very tough, sticking it out was the best plan for me. In your situation, sounds like you will be fine. If you would have asked prior to submitting your resignation, I would have told you not to quit, to keep up. I wish you the best of luck I just thought you might want to hear a different opinion.

Overall- i think you will do ok because of your co-sponsor. I hope your journey doesn't take much longer.

For me, though, it is important to feel in control and be able to have a set income for emergencies. I am very paranoid about what the worst scenario might be, so I always try to block it by going over the top and covering my butt. For me, it is important to have had something entertaining me and making money while i waited. I am glad... We're thinking my fiance will be back next weekend and i have enough money to cover that. I feel "safe." I hope that makes sense. I would have chosen to have stuck it out.... it is very tough when you are depressed. Perhaps looking for another type of a job could have been an alternative. I always think about the long run...what about when he/she comes to the US? Are you going to be ok financially?

Edited September 3, 2008 by jmmr

[Madwoman 2]

Hello-

I had that same though go through my head earlier in this process. I thought about quiting my job to stay down in Mexico with him. I have to say that I am glad I decided to stay here and work while I wait. Even though it is very tough, sticking it out was the best plan for me. In your situation, sounds like you will be fine. If you would have asked prior to submitting your resignation, I would have told you not to quit, to keep up. I wish you the best of luck I just thought you might want to hear a different opinion.

Overall- i think you will do ok because of your co-sponsor. I hope your journey doesn't take much longer.

For me, though, it is important to feel in control and be able to have a set income for emergencies. I am very paranoid about what the worst scenario might be, so I always try to block it by going over the top and covering my butt. For me, it is important to have had something entertaining me and making money while i waited. I am glad... We're thinking my fiance will be back next weekend and i have enough money to cover that. I feel "safe." I hope that makes sense. I would have chosen to have stuck it out.... it is very tough when you are depressed. Perhaps looking for another type of a job could have been an alternative. I always think about the long run...what about when he/she comes to the US? Are you going to be ok financially?

That's ok, I understand your point of view, and would agree with you if I wasn't so miserable...something had to give.

I appreciate all the different opinions--thanks so much! Looks like a good co-sponsor will eliminate problems with the visa--that is good to know!!!! I am also thinking about other ways to save money for when we are in the US together....I am considering the possibility of working in Uganda while I am there. My fiancee works at an international school and they might be hiring in the winter. It's definitely cheaper to live in Uganda than Boston! I think the price difference might offset the price of my ticket! I guess it all depends on how long the visa takes...ugh.

I still have a lot of thinking to do and talking with my fiancee about the best possible solutions...

On a positive note: My supervisor offered me a position if I ever want to come back after we get married! Not sure about that.... But I do know that in my area, there is never a shortage of counselors/therapists...

[kk_mine 0]

Well Im glad you were able to go over.. I have not been to Nigeria yet! But I know the feeling! Just reading your words brings tears to my eyes. I always tell my fiance I dislike his network as I lose $ calling him when we are cut off. But when I call (my papa) his father I norm. don't have the issues he and I have with connection. My fiance will have several bars on his phone but we still have problms. I tell him its like torture to my heart being without him!! I cry a lot.

I can only imagine the feeling when you came back, and back to norm life without your SO! I am having the same issues (without the visit like you had). My mom is worried about me as I stay very sad (I have my moments), & stressed out as well with work but more then that not having my SO here with me.

Hang in there as we All are doing! If you are ok with not having the job then you made the right decision for you! I want to move to Nigeria & I have talked to my SO about it. But we decided to live in the states in the long run. Being apart is a lot of heartache!!! But you will be together soon! Be strong as we all must be!! I wish you both the best!

Edited September 22, 2008 by kk_mine

[DGAB2008 3]

I completely know what you're going through. There are times when I feel so emotionally drained by this process (and insecure about our distance). But to answer your question (laugh):

Form I-864 Instructions state that to determine if you meet the income requirements, first determine your household size, which will include yourself, dependents and person being sponsored.

Next, look at the federal poverty guidelines. To qualify as a sponsor, you must demonstrate that your income is at least 125 percent of the current Federal poverty guidelines for your household. The following is the 2008 Poverty Guidelines.

Family Size 1 PG = $10,400 125% = $13,000

Family Size 2 PG = $14,000 125% = $17,500

Family Size 3 PG = $17,600 125% = $22,000

Family Size 4 PG = $22,000 125% = $26,500

So if it's just you and your fiance, you will need to show that you made $17,500 in 2008. You show this by producing a copy of your 2008 income taxes, if your fiance's interview is in 2009. If your interview is this year, look up the 2007 Poverty Guidelines and produce your 2007 income taxes for your fiance's interview.

Remember, the point is to show your fiance won't become a public charge. So I'm pretty sure they will ask your fiance if you're currently employed or at least, what you do for a living, (even if you meet the income requirements for the year). However, you can also submit the value of your assets if you believe that will foster your case.

Say you only made $14,000 this year. You will subtract that from the $17,500, which will equal $3,000. Now the guidelines say, your assets must equal at least 5 times the difference between your income and the poverty guidelines. So $3,000 x 5 = $15,000. So even if your income is not enough, you can qualify if you show your income and that you also have $15,000 of assets.

If you use a co-sponsor, they would have to show the same thing. Considering that your parents have the assets and income, I'm not an expert but Bon Voyage. I say have a safe and wonderful trip to. Just bring all your documents with you. Bring any and everything you think they may ask for that might be difficult to obtain once you're in your hubby's country.

Also, trust me, every woman going through this feels what you are going through. Men and women are built differently so we don't communicate the same way, and the distance intensifies this. There are definitely miscommunications that arise and as a woman, we're constantly looking for validation and affection to assure us that we're loved and that everything will be okay. So, I have you in my prayers.

[jean&chard 0]

I completely know what you're going through. There are times when I feel so emotionally drained by this process (and insecure about our distance). But to answer your question (laugh):

Form I-864 Instructions state that to determine if you meet the income requirements, first determine your household size, which will include yourself, dependents and person being sponsored.

Next, look at the federal poverty guidelines. To qualify as a sponsor, you must demonstrate that your income is at least 125 percent of the current Federal poverty guidelines for your household. The following is the 2008 Poverty Guidelines.

Family Size 1 PG = $10,400 125% = $13,000

Family Size 2 PG = $14,000 125% = $17,500

Family Size 3 PG = $17,600 125% = $22,000

Family Size 4 PG = $22,000 125% = $26,500

So if it's just you and your fiance, you will need to show that you made $17,500 in 2008. You show this by producing a copy of your 2008 income taxes, if your fiance's interview is in 2009. If your interview is this year, look up the 2007 Poverty Guidelines and produce your 2007 income taxes for your fiance's interview.

Remember, the point is to show your fiance won't become a public charge. So I'm pretty sure they will ask your fiance if you're currently employed or at least, what you do for a living, (even if you meet the income requirements for the year). However, you can also submit the value of your assets if you believe that will foster your case.

Say you only made $14,000 this year. You will subtract that from the $17,500, which will equal $3,000. Now the guidelines say, your assets must equal at least 5 times the difference between your income and the poverty guidelines. So $3,000 x 5 = $15,000. So even if your income is not enough, you can qualify if you show your income and that you also have $15,000 of assets.

If you use a co-sponsor, they would have to show the same thing. Considering that your parents have the assets and income, I'm not an expert but Bon Voyage. I say have a safe and wonderful trip to. Just bring all your documents with you. Bring any and everything you think they may ask for that might be difficult to obtain once you're in your hubby's country.

Also, trust me, every woman going through this feels what you are going through. Men and women are built differently so we don't communicate the same way, and the distance intensifies this. There are definitely miscommunications that arise and as a woman, we're constantly looking for validation and affection to assure us that we're loved and that everything will be okay. So, I have you in my prayers.

one quick question.

your co -sponsor doesn't really have to be the petitioner's parents right? or relative? it could be anyone??

out of curiosity...

thanks

[Carlawarla 1]

I completely know what you're going through. There are times when I feel so emotionally drained by this process (and insecure about our distance). But to answer your question (laugh):

Form I-864 Instructions state that to determine if you meet the income requirements, first determine your household size, which will include yourself, dependents and person being sponsored.

Next, look at the federal poverty guidelines. To qualify as a sponsor, you must demonstrate that your income is at least 125 percent of the current Federal poverty guidelines for your household. The following is the 2008 Poverty Guidelines.

Family Size 1 PG = $10,400 125% = $13,000

Family Size 2 PG = $14,000 125% = $17,500

Family Size 3 PG = $17,600 125% = $22,000

Family Size 4 PG = $22,000 125% = $26,500

So if it's just you and your fiance, you will need to show that you made $17,500 in 2008. You show this by producing a copy of your 2008 income taxes, if your fiance's interview is in 2009. If your interview is this year, look up the 2007 Poverty Guidelines and produce your 2007 income taxes for your fiance's interview.

Remember, the point is to show your fiance won't become a public charge. So I'm pretty sure they will ask your fiance if you're currently employed or at least, what you do for a living, (even if you meet the income requirements for the year). However, you can also submit the value of your assets if you believe that will foster your case.

Say you only made $14,000 this year. You will subtract that from the $17,500, which will equal $3,000. Now the guidelines say, your assets must equal at least 5 times the difference between your income and the poverty guidelines. So $3,000 x 5 = $15,000. So even if your income is not enough, you can qualify if you show your income and that you also have $15,000 of assets.

If you use a co-sponsor, they would have to show the same thing. Considering that your parents have the assets and income, I'm not an expert but Bon Voyage. I say have a safe and wonderful trip to. Just bring all your documents with you. Bring any and everything you think they may ask for that might be difficult to obtain once you're in your hubby's country.

Also, trust me, every woman going through this feels what you are going through. Men and women are built differently so we don't communicate the same way, and the distance intensifies this. There are definitely miscommunications that arise and as a woman, we're constantly looking for validation and affection to assure us that we're loved and that everything will be okay. So, I have you in my prayers.

one quick question.

your co -sponsor doesn't really have to be the petitioner's parents right? or relative? it could be anyone??

out of curiosity...

thanks

Your co-sponsor can be friend or family. Yes, it could be anyone.

[Madwoman 2]

Wow, this was so helpful! THANK YOU so much for the advice and kind words It sounds like I will be alright.

It is good to know that there are others in the same boat--and you're right, I need to remember that men and women communicate differently and not blow things out of proportion just because of the distance. (It's true all my emotions and doubts are amplified!! When I read your post, I thought you were reading my mind!)

Even so...this is my last day at work and I am so happy! I really was not happy there for a number of reasons...Then wrap some loose ends up, pack and store things with the family and then....off to Kampala

Hopefully I'll be able to go to Nairobi with him during his interview. I know I can't go in, but it will be nice to be there for moral support.

Thanks everyone...I thought I was going insane, but I am glad to learn that it's perfectly normal to be an emotional nutcase right now

I completely know what you're going through. There are times when I feel so emotionally drained by this process (and insecure about our distance). But to answer your question (laugh):

Form I-864 Instructions state that to determine if you meet the income requirements, first determine your household size, which will include yourself, dependents and person being sponsored.

Next, look at the federal poverty guidelines. To qualify as a sponsor, you must demonstrate that your income is at least 125 percent of the current Federal poverty guidelines for your household. The following is the 2008 Poverty Guidelines.

Family Size 1 PG = $10,400 125% = $13,000

Family Size 2 PG = $14,000 125% = $17,500

Family Size 3 PG = $17,600 125% = $22,000

Family Size 4 PG = $22,000 125% = $26,500

So if it's just you and your fiance, you will need to show that you made $17,500 in 2008. You show this by producing a copy of your 2008 income taxes, if your fiance's interview is in 2009. If your interview is this year, look up the 2007 Poverty Guidelines and produce your 2007 income taxes for your fiance's interview.

Remember, the point is to show your fiance won't become a public charge. So I'm pretty sure they will ask your fiance if you're currently employed or at least, what you do for a living, (even if you meet the income requirements for the year). However, you can also submit the value of your assets if you believe that will foster your case.

Say you only made $14,000 this year. You will subtract that from the $17,500, which will equal $3,000. Now the guidelines say, your assets must equal at least 5 times the difference between your income and the poverty guidelines. So $3,000 x 5 = $15,000. So even if your income is not enough, you can qualify if you show your income and that you also have $15,000 of assets.

If you use a co-sponsor, they would have to show the same thing. Considering that your parents have the assets and income, I'm not an expert but Bon Voyage. I say have a safe and wonderful trip to. Just bring all your documents with you. Bring any and everything you think they may ask for that might be difficult to obtain once you're in your hubby's country.

Also, trust me, every woman going through this feels what you are going through. Men and women are built differently so we don't communicate the same way, and the distance intensifies this. There are definitely miscommunications that arise and as a woman, we're constantly looking for validation and affection to assure us that we're loved and that everything will be okay. So, I have you in my prayers.