Hubby not coping with US culture !!

[kazuki 0]

I totally understand your husband's situation. I am facing the exactly the same. I got here about two months ago. And now I live with my mother in law and my fiance. Oh my god. it is crazy. I cannot stand it. I speak English, but not perfectly even though I got a degree in the US.

Just being around his family is annoying to me because they are so insensitive to me. My mother in law asks me money which is crazy. I hate it so much and she always complains that she has no money, so we all should keep living together.

I am having a hard time adjusting!

[merijan 0]

Lots of good advices........... whwre do you suggest we wd find more good people........... we are at Ohio ....... wd NY , Calif and west coast be better towards foreigners than Ohio ?? and how is work place environment ......... are they toleraant towards foreigners ?/

I dnt know how to cope up with his neighbor intermingling concept ........ is that available anywhere in usa ? i dnt think so...

Calfornia, NY, even Atlanta Georgia has alot of Indians, Pakis, etc. Even Houston Texas has alot now.

[catrocks 0]

Dayton is..... well it's not the nicest place to live in the world but I believe that it is what you make of it. I haven't come across many immigrants here, but there does seem to be quite a large (for Ohio) Indian population south of the city.

We go to an Indian supermarket in Centerville, I can't remember what it's called but I will try to find out and let you know. It's on SR725 in the same strip mall as Goodwill and Diamonds the strip club (gotta love Dayton!). Anyways, when we go we're the only non-Indian people there, and they always have fliers and info about events going on for Indians. Might be worth checking out, if just to talk to some other Indians and find out about goings on in the community.

I'll try and think of the name and let you know. There are also a number of Indian restaurants in the area, maybe you guys could go for a meal and he could ask if they know of any Indian meetup groups or events going on.

[KaiserD 12]

I understand where he is coming from, it's a big adjustment!

I live in a black area, and it took me a long time to get used to all the stares...they weren't "she's white what's SHE doing here" stares, it was just...well I always tell people it's like when you see a really obese person, your eyes notice it and then you realize it's rude to look and carry on about your business. Peoples eyes will naturally fall on something that stands out.

The first time was when I went to my sister-in-law's fashion show at her school, I was the only light skinned person in the audience and before the lights were switched off for it to begin I felt like I had a neon sign pointing down on me or something! Then even when we went shopping to the bigger malls where there was a more mix of people, as soon as I opened my mouth my accent gave me away.

I enjoy being an individual but when you move somewhere, you just want to mix in and work on trying to settle down. People aren't rude but it makes you feel very vulnerable anyway, even though (for me) British culture is probably as close as to American culture as you can get you would think I would find it easy! So, it must be very frustrating and upsetting for your husband.

It really irks me that I can't walk anywhere either, I lived in Runcorn for a while before moving to the US and loved having the freedom to do all my business with public transport or walking. Even if I could walk all the way to Kroger, my family wouldn't let me because it's not the safest place in the world.

So yeah, many, many changes! I'm assuming he will be learning to drive at some point, I am learning right now (got delayed because of SS number problems, can't get provisional license without one) and it really helps. Lack of independence just makes the whole home sick cycle worse...been here over a year and a half so I'm slower at getting on my feet than a lot of people here, but I feel much better about living here. I'm sure if you go through old pages of this forum, you'll see the same sort of story all over. I think I posted a home-sickness thread when I moved here too.

I hope your husband finds it easier to settle down soon

[daboyz 36]

I totally understand your husband's situation. I am facing the exactly the same. I got here about two months ago. And now I live with my mother in law and my fiance. Oh my god. it is crazy. I cannot stand it. I speak English, but not perfectly even though I got a degree in the US.

Just being around his family is annoying to me because they are so insensitive to me. My mother in law asks me money which is crazy. I hate it so much and she always complains that she has no money, so we all should keep living together.

I am having a hard time adjusting!

Sorry to hear that. That is strange your mother in law asking you for money. Tell her to ask your spouse. Hope things get better.

[ginger1981 0]

Dayton is..... well it's not the nicest place to live in the world but I believe that it is what you make of it. I haven't come across many immigrants here, but there does seem to be quite a large (for Ohio) Indian population south of the city.

We go to an Indian supermarket in Centerville, I can't remember what it's called but I will try to find out and let you know. It's on SR725 in the same strip mall as Goodwill and Diamonds the strip club (gotta love Dayton!). Anyways, when we go we're the only non-Indian people there, and they always have fliers and info about events going on for Indians. Might be worth checking out, if just to talk to some other Indians and find out about goings on in the community.

I'll try and think of the name and let you know. There are also a number of Indian restaurants in the area, maybe you guys could go for a meal and he could ask if they know of any Indian meetup groups or events going on.

I wanted to ask you...have you been to Jungle Jim's yet outside of Cincinatti?

[Sandrila 1]

Having lived in India myself, I can surely understand his life there and his new transition here.

I, however, live near a big city so the population is very culturally diverse....maybe you live in a smaller area where there are not any indian communities, and that is a shame. Here, we have all these little sub neighborhoods of chinese, indian, i think some arabic communities, etc. I have never sensed that people "treated" indians any differently and quite frankly, why should they?? I mean we are very used to having them here in our country.

In India it is quite different and I can see where people dont take the time to listen and really understand what foreignors are saying. some people you encounter will be very prejudiced and harsh to foreignors but most just accept them and learn to communicate accordingly. It does amaze me how ignorant and narrow minded alot of people can really be. What a unique, colorful and welcoming culture he comes from.... GOOD LUCK TO HIM and like any other transition in life we face, it just takes time. It may be a matter of his confidence but he should be proud to be where he is from.

[christera22 8]

so many lovely responses ................. i know dayton is a dying city and we want to move as soon as he gets his ead and starts working.We were doing a research where to move .the site bestplaces is really helping us. Now where are more or less less expensive, populated but safe cities in usa where we can find more indian and asian population.

Heres is a list that the VJers suggested us :

Fremont-CA

Queens-NY

Silicon Valley

Chicago,IL

Atlanta

Houston-TX

I am concerned about the safety in these places and thats why i am asking for your views.Becasue I have heard of harlems & ghetoes in the big cities ..... whats ur views !!!

tHANKS A LOT !!!

[ginger1981 0]

so many lovely responses ................. i know dayton is a dying city and we want to move as soon as he gets his ead and starts working.We were doing a research where to move .the site bestplaces is really helping us. Now where are more or less less expensive, populated but safe cities in usa where we can find more indian and asian population.

Heres is a list that the VJers suggested us :

Fremont-CA

Queens-NY

Silicon Valley

Chicago,IL

Atlanta

Houston-TX

I am concerned about the safety in these places and thats why i am asking for your views.Becasue I have heard of harlems & ghetoes in the big cities ..... whats ur views !!!

tHANKS A LOT !!!

I can tell you about Chicago. I live in the neighborhood that is basically the heart of the Indian/Paki community...it's very safe. The cost of living in this area is also cheaper than the rest of the North Side of Chicago. It's also extremely diverse...religiously, ethnically, socio-economically etc. You would have neighbors that are Hispanic, Hasidic Jews, college students, African-American, GLTB and yuppies. Socio-economically the area is very mixed, but there isn't really a bad area per se except near the Howard Red Line stop (which is on the opposite end of the neighborhood). The neighborhood is gradually gentrifying and it seems like instead of a bad area or even a bad block you have a bad building.

More Info on Roger's Park

Devon Avenue is where a lot of Indian businesses are located. There are temples too...one is actually practically in my backyard.

[aidan80 9]

Hi all,

I dnt know where to post.My hubby is an Indian and I am an american lady. Now he is facing some problems here and nopt liking here at all. He has not started to work here and thinks that american professional life will be the same.

As you Indians are not as fare as us and thus whereever he goes he faces this problem that people look at him in a strange way. He says he doesnt get any life , welcome or recognition in the way people look at him and he says this is not the case in india . He also misses neighbors and says there are like family there........ as u know we hardly interact with neighbors. Neither can he walk on the roads , and has to travel in my car. So he says he feels highly unfriendly and unsafe here.

He has a british straight accent and thus most people here cannot understand his english in one stance.They have to ask again & again. He doesnt break his words into syllebles and makes them into one sylleble.Thus he is afraid he will also face these unfrieundly, racial stuff on roads, office and problem in communication everywhere and thus it will be very painful for him to live here.

I really dont know what to say here........... we are at dayton,ohio ......we can move to some more friendly places ( though i dnt know where that wd be ! ) but i dnt think that wd change the basic american culture.

What does the VJers say on this ?? any advice !! has anyone faced anything like this ???

I understand a lot of what he's saying.. I'm obviously Irish but.. back home I didn't even have a driving license.. I didn't really need one. We normally had for front door unlocked, people would stop in and say hello and come in have a seat and enjoy the craic. I walked everywhere.. we knew all our neighbours even if we didn't want to and they knew us. Almost all of the essentials where within walking distance.

It was a big shock for me as well over here, didn't and couldn't really talk to your neighbours, no one walks in this area and having a car is a requirement. I couldn't get a job without making an agreement to get a drivers license even though there was no requirement for me to drive while at work? Luckily being quite pale I didn't stand out in the crowd.. unless I talked then some people look and are

It's a big adjustment, time helps make the adjustment. Although I've been here over 2 and a half years and I still have to remind myself that certain things are not done or need to be done e.g. lock doors, your neighbour is not your friend, your boss is not your friend.. don't arrive late! etc.. He can and might in time be able to adjust how he talks so the Americans will better understand him but, I've managed to slowdown while talking but that's about it I still get people even my wife from time to time that look at me and they have to be thinking.. ####### did you just say

[ginger1981 0]

Hi all,

I dnt know where to post.My hubby is an Indian and I am an american lady. Now he is facing some problems here and nopt liking here at all. He has not started to work here and thinks that american professional life will be the same.

As you Indians are not as fare as us and thus whereever he goes he faces this problem that people look at him in a strange way. He says he doesnt get any life , welcome or recognition in the way people look at him and he says this is not the case in india . He also misses neighbors and says there are like family there........ as u know we hardly interact with neighbors. Neither can he walk on the roads , and has to travel in my car. So he says he feels highly unfriendly and unsafe here.

He has a british straight accent and thus most people here cannot understand his english in one stance.They have to ask again & again. He doesnt break his words into syllebles and makes them into one sylleble.Thus he is afraid he will also face these unfrieundly, racial stuff on roads, office and problem in communication everywhere and thus it will be very painful for him to live here.

I really dont know what to say here........... we are at dayton,ohio ......we can move to some more friendly places ( though i dnt know where that wd be ! ) but i dnt think that wd change the basic american culture.

What does the VJers say on this ?? any advice !! has anyone faced anything like this ???

I understand a lot of what he's saying.. I'm obviously Irish but.. back home I didn't even have a driving license.. I didn't really need one. We normally had for front door unlocked, people would stop in and say hello and come in have a seat and enjoy the craic. I walked everywhere.. we knew all our neighbours even if we didn't want to and they knew us. Almost all of the essentials where within walking distance.

It was a big shock for me as well over here, didn't and couldn't really talk to your neighbours, no one walks in this area and having a car is a requirement. I couldn't get a job without making an agreement to get a drivers license even though there was no requirement for me to drive while at work? Luckily being quite pale I didn't stand out in the crowd.. unless I talked then some people look and are

It's a big adjustment, time helps make the adjustment. Although I've been here over 2 and a half years and I still have to remind myself that certain things are not done or need to be done e.g. lock doors, your neighbour is not your friend, your boss is not your friend.. don't arrive late! etc.. He can and might in time be able to adjust how he talks so the Americans will better understand him but, I've managed to slowdown while talking but that's about it I still get people even my wife from time to time that look at me and they have to be thinking.. ####### did you just say

For what it's worth I've actually had people ask me if I came over from Ireland. Apparently I fit the stereotype pretty well...and a O'___ last name I guess some people just automatically assume. But it is still really weird people say that since I don't think I really sound or come off as being from Eire.

Of course most of my Irish ancestry came over during the famine....so yeah, #######???

[DanielParul 50]

Hi all,

I dnt know where to post.My hubby is an Indian and I am an american lady. Now he is facing some problems here and nopt liking here at all. He has not started to work here and thinks that american professional life will be the same.

As you Indians are not as fare as us and thus whereever he goes he faces this problem that people look at him in a strange way. He says he doesnt get any life , welcome or recognition in the way people look at him and he says this is not the case in india . He also misses neighbors and says there are like family there........ as u know we hardly interact with neighbors. Neither can he walk on the roads , and has to travel in my car. So he says he feels highly unfriendly and unsafe here.

He has a british straight accent and thus most people here cannot understand his english in one stance.They have to ask again & again. He doesnt break his words into syllebles and makes them into one sylleble.Thus he is afraid he will also face these unfrieundly, racial stuff on roads, office and problem in communication everywhere and thus it will be very painful for him to live here.

I really dont know what to say here........... we are at dayton,ohio ......we can move to some more friendly places ( though i dnt know where that wd be ! ) but i dnt think that wd change the basic american culture.

What does the VJers say on this ?? any advice !! has anyone faced anything like this ???

I can understand. I was in the UK for a long time so picked up that accent and felt that people would not be able to understand me.

Adjustment has a lot to do with one's own frame of mind and the urgency, Daniel and I have been married for 5.5 months and he's been away for 2 months already because of his deployment. We knew when I came here that I will get very short adjustment period as far as Daniel being here to help me with it. So we both had to become mentally prepared for it. That helped. I am taking care of the house, bills, dogs and am pregnant myself.

Also, if your hubby is conscious and nervous when he talks to people because of whatever reason, people pick it up and get uncomfortable too. Its a cycle that he will need to break. I just started talking to people randomly at stores, bank, post office and realised that people do not think too much into my color, race, accent as much as we tend to think.

Americans, in general, are a lot easier and friendly people and just a little openness on his part should make things easier for him

[Tunisia216 2]

I am sorry to hear that the adjustment is going rough.. But it takes time and in time things will get better! Wishing and hoping for the best for you both!!! Hang in there like Jomo said and the improvements will come!!

[aidan80 9]

For what it's worth I've actually had people ask me if I came over from Ireland. Apparently I fit the stereotype pretty well...and a O'___ last name I guess some people just automatically assume. But it is still really weird people say that since I don't think I really sound or come off as being from Eire.

Of course most of my Irish ancestry came over during the famine....so yeah, #######???

I understand, I've had a couple of people ask me if I'm either Scottish (which is very close) or Australian (which isn't quite so close?) I don't know if I fit a stereotype or not but if you've an authentic name and the blood in ye then you can't deny what you are?

Now what I've found weird is the few people I've encountered that couldn't believe I was actually Irish as in from Ireland, not some other state or anything

[catrocks 0]

Dayton is..... well it's not the nicest place to live in the world but I believe that it is what you make of it. I haven't come across many immigrants here, but there does seem to be quite a large (for Ohio) Indian population south of the city.

We go to an Indian supermarket in Centerville, I can't remember what it's called but I will try to find out and let you know. It's on SR725 in the same strip mall as Goodwill and Diamonds the strip club (gotta love Dayton!). Anyways, when we go we're the only non-Indian people there, and they always have fliers and info about events going on for Indians. Might be worth checking out, if just to talk to some other Indians and find out about goings on in the community.

I'll try and think of the name and let you know. There are also a number of Indian restaurants in the area, maybe you guys could go for a meal and he could ask if they know of any Indian meetup groups or events going on.

I wanted to ask you...have you been to Jungle Jim's yet outside of Cincinatti?

Yes, many times - got to stock up on marmite, pickle and various Indian/Thai/German foods! I try not to go too often though as I inevitably end up spending way too much $...