Habibi Has Arrived!

[Henia 11]

Congrats on your SO's arrival.

Personally, I think too many people live in the dream, that "Once we are together" ... but when reality sets in ... sometimes it sucks! Life happens. It doesn't stop for moment cos you are finally together.

About the money issues, well something you both need to talk over. He will have to come to the realisation in the US you have work and everything is going downhill. Not the gold paved street they all think it is!

About smoking, again something you should have talked about. But surely after a few weeks he will come to the realisation that spending 8$ per pack isn't worth and will quit. I think it is easier to quit in the US, then in MENA. MENA smokes are cheaper and it is all around you. In the US, expensive and becoming if not already is a NO-NO!

So in the end, I would not worry ... have little patience but stand your ground! Enchallah you both get throu this rough patch!

[S and S 12]

Congrats on your SO's arrival.

Personally, I think too many people live in the dream, that "Once we are together" ... but when reality sets in ... sometimes it sucks! Life happens. It doesn't stop for moment cos you are finally together.

About the money issues, well something you both need to talk over. He will have to come to the realisation in the US you have work and everything is going downhill. Not the gold paved street they all think it is!

About smoking, again something you should have talked about. But surely after a few weeks he will come to the realisation that spending 8$ per pack isn't worth and will quit. I think it is easier to quit in the US, then in MENA. MENA smokes are cheaper and it is all around you. In the US, expensive and becoming if not already is a NO-NO!

So in the end, I would not worry ... have little patience but stand your ground! Enchallah you both get throu this rough patch!

Getting my husband to quit will not be as easy based on prices. You can find cigerettes here for under $3 if your not picky about the brand. Even the good brands are just over $3. I smoke too so I'm hoping we can try to quit together. I know if I quit now and then see him smoking then it will not last. I tried not to smoke when I went to see him and then he was smoking so much I couldn't handle not having one. My father is staying with me now too and he smokes. I don't think I'll ever get my father to quit. One thing that cuts back on the smoking is not allowing it in the house. I sit on the computer for hours and totall forget about it until I get up.

Edited July 26, 2008 by S and S

[Henia 11]

Well even $3 a pack is alot if you smoke alot! I hope if you really want him to quit ... that he will for your sake!

[S and S 12]

Well even $3 a pack is alot if you smoke alot! I hope if you really want him to quit ... that he will for your sake!

I asked him yesterday how much he was smoking and he said 1 pack a day. Thats what I got my father down to also (since he has to go outside, lol). Hopefully we can make it work after the initial stress of him coming is over.

[AlHayatZween 2]

I think it is easier to quit in the US, then in MENA. MENA smokes are cheaper and it is all around you. In the US, expensive and becoming if not already is a NO-NO!

Absolutely, i agree! To his credit, he is smoking a lot less than when he was working in the souk in Rabat! And at least now, in NYC, you are not allowed to smoke anywhere anymore... he's definitely aware of the difference.

S and S, where do you live that smokes are only $3 a pack?!!

[AlHayatZween 2]

My husband is sorry for not taking out the garbage. The problem is that I can not adjust to living in the US anymore. I just don't have the stamina to keep up this life.

It sucks... i can totally relate. After having lived somewhere where the pace of life was just different, the quality of food fresher and better, it is hard to re-adjust to living here.

About your constant fatigue, maybe you should get some bloodwork done? Thyroid check, iron check... any slight imbalance could throw your whole body into to limbo. Fatigue, weight-loss, weight-gain... might be worth it to get it checked out?

[S and S 12]

I think it is easier to quit in the US, then in MENA. MENA smokes are cheaper and it is all around you. In the US, expensive and becoming if not already is a NO-NO!

Absolutely, i agree! To his credit, he is smoking a lot less than when he was working in the souk in Rabat! And at least now, in NYC, you are not allowed to smoke anywhere anymore... he's definitely aware of the difference.

S and S, where do you live that smokes are only $3 a pack?!!

I live in the Nashville area.

[Nasturtium 500]

I think it is easier to quit in the US, then in MENA. MENA smokes are cheaper and it is all around you. In the US, expensive and becoming if not already is a NO-NO!

Absolutely, i agree! To his credit, he is smoking a lot less than when he was working in the souk in Rabat! And at least now, in NYC, you are not allowed to smoke anywhere anymore... he's definitely aware of the difference.

S and S, where do you live that smokes are only $3 a pack?!!

I live in the Nashville area.

I went to undergrad at MTSU.

[S and S 12]

I think it is easier to quit in the US, then in MENA. MENA smokes are cheaper and it is all around you. In the US, expensive and becoming if not already is a NO-NO!

Absolutely, i agree! To his credit, he is smoking a lot less than when he was working in the souk in Rabat! And at least now, in NYC, you are not allowed to smoke anywhere anymore... he's definitely aware of the difference.

S and S, where do you live that smokes are only $3 a pack?!!

I live in the Nashville area.

I went to undergrad at MTSU.

Thats cool!

[AlHayatZween 2]

I think it is easier to quit in the US, then in MENA. MENA smokes are cheaper and it is all around you. In the US, expensive and becoming if not already is a NO-NO!

Absolutely, i agree! To his credit, he is smoking a lot less than when he was working in the souk in Rabat! And at least now, in NYC, you are not allowed to smoke anywhere anymore... he's definitely aware of the difference.

S and S, where do you live that smokes are only $3 a pack?!!

I live in the Nashville area.

Never a better time to take a trip to Nashville than right now!

Where is the "Habibi on a Road Trip Smiley" when you need one?

[polarbear 0]

I think it is easier to quit in the US, then in MENA. MENA smokes are cheaper and it is all around you. In the US, expensive and becoming if not already is a NO-NO!

Absolutely, i agree! To his credit, he is smoking a lot less than when he was working in the souk in Rabat! And at least now, in NYC, you are not allowed to smoke anywhere anymore... he's definitely aware of the difference.

S and S, where do you live that smokes are only $3 a pack?!!

I live in the Nashville area.

My parent's live in Nashville they say it's nice, but I've never been there.

[jade2004 0]

We also had a tough time in the beginning...oh how tough it was...but, eventually things started calming down and getting better.....now it still isn't all roses...but what relationship is??? Also, as others have said....they just left the life they have knows forever and are probably dealing with being homesick, etc.....the only advice I have is to take it easy and pick your battles....Money is always going to be a major problem with relationships so you are not alone....God put you two together for a reason and a purpose just keep him close to you and you will make it through this....

Take care

[*JG* 2]

I really want to say that I think it is wonderful you are talking about these things in public. It's one of my biggest arguments on here is that some try to water it all down. This process is hard before and after someone gets a visa. When I came on here, in my forums, there was all this talk about how wonderful it was when their SO's got here. I brought up some points because we were having some issues and I felt so all alone.....like we were freaks cause no one else was saying they were facing any issues. Turns out, via PM, I got more responses then I bargained for. And, recently, I've seen more and more talking it through in public.

I think it is helpful to not only those going through issues currently; but those who follow us, to talk about these things. They are not always plesant; but they are helpful.

I applaud you for talking about this today. I hope it all works out for you. From someone who has been through 2 years of adjusting, it can be done. Just hang in there and work on it constantly.

[AlHayatZween 2]

[Staashi 371]

I really want to say that I think it is wonderful you are talking about these things in public. It's one of my biggest arguments on here is that some try to water it all down. This process is hard before and after someone gets a visa. When I came on here, in my forums, there was all this talk about how wonderful it was when their SO's got here. I brought up some points because we were having some issues and I felt so all alone.....like we were freaks cause no one else was saying they were facing any issues. Turns out, via PM, I got more responses then I bargained for. And, recently, I've seen more and more talking it through in public.

I think it is helpful to not only those going through issues currently; but those who follow us, to talk about these things. They are not always plesant; but they are helpful.

I applaud you for talking about this today. I hope it all works out for you. From someone who has been through 2 years of adjusting, it can be done. Just hang in there and work on it constantly.

You are right...it really is hard, and no matter how much you would like to think that you're alone, you aren't. Everyone has their rough patches. You hope and pray that everything will be alright when they get here, but inevitably there are some major bumps. It all works out in the end if both parties are amenable, but if they aren't it can be a battle to the finish.

Talking about it, getting advice and opinions from others is the best thing...it helps to know you're not alone, and for those that are waiting for their fiances or spouses take a lesson or write down a few hints and tips - you'll be glad you did.