I think they wore us out

[BarbSami 32]

Belinda, I think it's pretty obvious what's going on here and IMO it's totally unacceptable behavior. I agree w/ whoever said "RUN AND RUN FAST". However, many women have put up w/ far worse, so, clearly it's your decision to put up w/ whatever you decide to put up w/. It's my understanding that he's not even here yet, correct? It's highly unlikely he'll change once he's here. Let him go to Finland..........

If he is hiding things from you now, dont it make you wonder whatelse he is not honest about. I wish I had saw red flags before I married then I would have had the chance to see was it worth it . I know because I have been there and believe me once trust is gone ITS GONE.

At the end of the day the final decision is yours. I hope you resolve your concerns in a manner that make you feel good about you.

Barb

[rachbel 2]

Just need to vent and maybe get some advice from the man side of the house.

For more than two years we have been together, first as friends then as more. I have had some really bad relationships and find it very hard to trust any man, but he seems so good and honest.

I've know all along he has been talking to other people, male and female, on the internet but a few days ago he invited me to join "hi5" and I accepted.

I think the invite was by accident, but I found he has a female friend in Finland (his only friend on the site) he has been conversing with since before Christmas. He did not add me as a friend so I do not show up on the site, he listed himself as looking for friends, wanting to date women, and his relationship status is "ask me". None of the photos on his site show us, they are only of him. It could be he did this since women would not want to be "just friends" with a man who is committed to someone else.

When I sent an invite to her to join as my friend she did not respond. He came online the next day wanting to know why I had invited her and asking me to please not contact her.

Now either I am right on target and he is looking for alternatives, it has been two years since the petition was filed, or else I am just seeing things that are not there.

I have not talked to him in almost a week, he won't come online or respond to me.

So Men, am i just being a woman and overreacting or should I be asking questions?

i am sure that stopping you from contacting his friend from Finland means that he has another relation with her. i think he just want to cross to America. dont permett him a happiness at the expense of ur happiness. he had to tell you about his friends , accounts and evrything , u better cancell ur petition , , it looks u'll burst into tears if u dont.

Hope u find the right person, he is not the one to trust. Good luck.

[Alhamdulillah 0]

Belinda, I think it's pretty obvious what's going on here and IMO it's totally unacceptable behavior. I agree w/ whoever said "RUN AND RUN FAST". However, many women have put up w/ far worse, so, clearly it's your decision to put up w/ whatever you decide to put up w/. It's my understanding that he's not even here yet, correct? It's highly unlikely he'll change once he's here. Let him go to Finland..........

If he is hiding things from you now, dont it make you wonder whatelse he is not honest about. I wish I had saw red flags before I married then I would have had the chance to see was it worth it . I know because I have been there and believe me once trust is gone ITS GONE.

At the end of the day the final decision is yours. I hope you resolve your concerns in a manner that make you feel good about you.

Barb

I agree 100% with Barb. It's not likely to stop when he gets here and you'll only feel worse then.

[BarbSami 32]

Belinda, I think it's pretty obvious what's going on here and IMO it's totally unacceptable behavior. I agree w/ whoever said "RUN AND RUN FAST". However, many women have put up w/ far worse, so, clearly it's your decision to put up w/ whatever you decide to put up w/. It's my understanding that he's not even here yet, correct? It's highly unlikely he'll change once he's here. Let him go to Finland..........

If he is hiding things from you now, dont it make you wonder whatelse he is not honest about. I wish I had saw red flags before I married then I would have had the chance to see was it worth it . I know because I have been there and believe me once trust is gone ITS GONE.

At the end of the day the final decision is yours. I hope you resolve your concerns in a manner that make you feel good about you.

Barb

I agree 100% with Barb. It's not likely to stop when he gets here and you'll only feel worse then.

Luv Suck,

I feel you and the others have given her very good advice.

Barb

[morocco4ever 63]

I don't know what he is going to tell you, but I would insist on knowing ALL of his account names and passwords, then I would log into them quickly before he has a chance to delete. Sorry, but I think he will try to smooth it over, but if he hesitates to give you this info then this will give you a little more insight on his intentions.

My husband and I know each others screen names and passwords for each other. I have nothing to hide, and neither do I, so neither of us had an issue giving each other the info. Not just that but we are constantly asking each other to check each others emails when we are looking for something.

Some like to keep a personal life apart from their spouse, which is their business, but it appears he has crossed the line. You have earned some rights to know here.

[Ban Hammer 12,837]

RED FLAGS... HUGE RED FLAGS... not talking to you for a week??? and he wants to marry you?

so big of a red flag that bulls from all over the world are charging in her direction.

[Alhamdulillah 0]

I don't know what he is going to tell you, but I would insist on knowing ALL of his account names and passwords, then I would log into them quickly before he has a chance to delete. Sorry, but I think he will try to smooth it over, but if he hesitates to give you this info then this will give you a little more insight on his intentions.

My husband and I know each others screen names and passwords for each other. I have nothing to hide, and neither do I, so neither of us had an issue giving each other the info. Not just that but we are constantly asking each other to check each others emails when we are looking for something.

Some like to keep a personal life apart from their spouse, which is their business, but it appears he has crossed the line. You have earned some rights to know here.

He may have already deleted anything he didn't want her to see.... and who's to say he'd give her ALL his accounts anyway?

And what's to prevent him from making new accounts after she has access to these?

[Nutty 2]

If he did not have anything to hide, then why would he ask you not to contact her?

[Nutty 2]

Iranian culture is not accepting of men chatting up women if the man is "attached."

My husband is from Iran and he made it very clear once a man is "engaged or married" he has to respect the woman he is with. This means not developing close ties to other women. He can have polite, restrained relationships with female work colleagues and female neighbors. But nothing more than "how's the weather, hope your family is doing well..."

[SaadBell 0]

If you really want the truth, than bait him, sometimes we need to see the truth right in front of us, in big red colors. Make up a yahoo account or whatever you use to chat with, and go and pick him up online. If you need to know how do it just let me know. I feel so bad for you, I would love to bait him, he would need help if I busted him, and I mean the medical kind of help. Good luck sweetie

[nunyab 0]

My heart goes to you..... I am sorry for what you're feeling right now. My man (in the beginning) had "friends" but we both agreed if he felt uncomfortable with me having "men" friends that he shouldn't have "women" friends. He has deleted them as I have mine.

Trust is so very necessary when we're so far apart. It's easier for us to say what we would do but so hard when it's you haveing to face it. Myself? What would I do? Pray.... there's always a reason for something and we may not know what it is but there is a reason.

Best of thoughts to you...

[tammy2688 1]

Belinda I wish I was a man and could give you some light in this but you know how much I love you and I just cannot not respond. I did not want to see this post from you, not at this time. It made me tear up to think here we are counting each day of AP agony together, saying each month its gonna get better its gonna get better and now i hear this.

Listen to me - this does not sound good in any way, but he could just be doing some innocent chatting - maybe frustrated with the wait or just wanting to get his mind off of the whole. My NO MEANS does he get any excuse for cause you heart ache in this already hard situation, but this been a long together and you were even planning to go see him, I know how hard it is to trust men as I have not yet mastered that - so I hate to see a potentially wonderful relationship go (money and time aside) cause he decided to be friendly online.

Belinda dear you know him better than all of us, 2 years is enough to know a good portion of a person's characteristics. If you know how he is, then what you are thinking is right. But if he is behaving in a foreign manner then yes, something is wrong.

Give him some time to see what he says to you. It may be just an online thing, like many people chat onlinem etc etc, give benefits of doubt until your heart fully says to you, this is not the man I have been suffering for for over 2 years.

Tell him straight that this is not a joke. I believe he loves you and I feel he never feels for another woman as he does you.

Take some time off and see his response. What you decide after that, God has your back all the way.

Love you,

Tammy

[felnfrank 0]

ohhh

[tammy2688 1]

I'm behind ya 100% Belinda. Drop him when the excuses come through once you are confirmed of everything. If he buying time though, to try to make up lies to suger coat this, you will feel it. Then its time to cut him off because you will NOT tolerate this #######.

Tammy

[anitacastillo 0]

Belinda,

So sad to read your post. This is the worst fear of the separation and especially AP.

Lean on your friends and take care of yourself. You are more important than any man.

Anita