Please Help-My Cousin married a U.S. Citizen. She came to U.S. to a Nightmare

[Ban Hammer 12,885]

How did this guy get past IMBRA with a criminal record that long? Have none of his convictions been for abuse?

I have said the same thing on many occasions. I guess they let this one slip through the cracks. I am sure that with the thousands of cases they deal with that they all arent looked at as close as they should be.

so you're saying that the person checking on his criminal record were incompetent? This is an interesting issue.

it could well be he filed prior to imbra taking effect.

[mikeandlani 0]

How did this guy get past IMBRA with a criminal record that long? Have none of his convictions been for abuse?

I have said the same thing on many occasions. I guess they let this one slip through the cracks. I am sure that with the thousands of cases they deal with that they all arent looked at as close as they should be.

so you're saying that the person checking on his criminal record were incompetent? This is an interesting issue.

it could well be he filed prior to imbra taking effect.

...or imbra doesnt apply since they filed for CR1?

to the OP i hope your cousin gets out of that abusive environment soon enough. worry about her immigrant options later, life is far more precious than any piece of paper...Goodluck!

[panamania79 2]

How did this guy get past IMBRA with a criminal record that long? Have none of his convictions been for abuse?

This is what baffles me also.How was he able to sponsor someone with that kind of track-record ?

[AnneiyAndJacky 0]

what a lucky #######! he was able to petition his wife eventhough he has been divorced 4 times and had previous criminal records, and getting only SSI? How could the embassy didnt do something do about it?!.. and now this is how he treats his wife in the U.S?!

Edited February 14, 2008 by AnneiyAndJacky

[lynny 0]

If this person is in so much danger, why have you not kept her at your house (when she has been visiting) and called the police.

You have told us yourself that she is in danger but you are not doing anything to help her,

[franklie 0]

To the OP.

If your wife's cousin truly believes that she is in danger due to either physical, mental or verbal abuse IMMEDIATELY have her remove herself from the situation. If necessary man up and go with her and your wife and file a complaint at the local police station. After the complaint has been filed, apply at the Superior court for a civil protection order for you and your wife and her cousin. If your wife's cousin cannot stay at your house get her into a battered women's shelter. Under your county's social services you should be able to locate the number for the local shelter.

Waste no time getting your wife's cousin out of danger. Abusers normally escalate the abuse over time.

Everything else that has been said on this thread ignore for now. The most important thing is removing your wife's cousin from the danger.

As one who has been in a similar situation, I can say that it is EXTREMELY difficult to leave an abusive relationship. The abuse has a tendency to numb the mind, and destroy the self-esteem. One tortures oneself through fear of leaving and fear of future abuse. It is only with time after leaving the abuse that one can look back with a rational mind and see the situation as it truly was and can only then be in agreement with many of the posts in this thread.

The best of luck to your wife's cousin and don't beat yourself up over the woulda, shoulda, could ofs.

[Cry_Tuff 0]

First off, you as a "friend" should have reported this @$$hole to the police. He definitely needs to have the cops called on him....and also..I'd be talking with his ex wives...do they know how he is treating the children as well? I agree also to the fact that other than her cousin...who does she have? It would be better to return to her home country....and visit her cousin in the US...rather than live with a p*ss poor excuse for a man.

Edited February 23, 2008 by ♥C and P♥

[bombay 0]

Very sorry to hear about this situation.But you know what im really sorry to say that MOST OF ALL i again say most of all NOT ALL of these women from the philipines and some other countries get married to these men mostly to somehow come to the unites states.

Can anyone give any other explaination how can a women just get married to a stranger who is goes on vacation there ????????????

I blame such guys who spoil lives of such women BUT

I ALSO BLAME THESE WOMEN WHO WILL MARRY ANY TOM,####### OR HARRY WITH A US PASSPORT.

Nomatter how old the guy is how ugly he might be they will still marry him in just a few days knowing him.

Like this case if she married this guy and the marriage doesnt work out why is going back not an option?????

And even in a few similar posts when these women think is a divorce and going back they aks so many questions how this would effect their next petition as is they know that there is someone out there only in the united states to whom they are bound to get married to.

I REALLY FEEL SORRY FOR THIS WOMEN THAT IT DIDNT WORK OUT BUT I THINK MARRIAGE SHOULD BE TAKEN A BIT MORE SERIOUSLY.

AND NOT AS A MARRIAGE OF CONVENAINCE.

Forgive me if i offend anyone but everyone knows that there is some truth in what i just said.

God bless you hope thing work out in ur favour.

[tito 1]

It's easy to hop on some bandwagon and become an angry mob when only one side of a story, and a pretty extreme one at that, is being told. But in reality - who is this guy that he can get away with what he did to ride again into the sunset? While the benefit of every doubt ought to be given to the subject of a violent or abusive relationship, (a) there is nothing from the 'victim'; and (B) there is nothing from the one accused of the actions complained of. Are we to string this person up without knowing the other side...? Do we convict based on hearsay and the observations of others?

If all that is said about the guy is true, then yeah - the guy should be subjected to the type of comments raised here. But what if this is an exaggerated story...? What if this is all made up...? What if everything was taken out of context and blown out of proportion...?

Looks like we're awfully quick to judgment here. Again...if the person is like the OP says, then yeah...bombs away. But this just doesn't all add up.

[DanielParul 50]

It's easy to hop on some bandwagon and become an angry mob when only one side of a story, and a pretty extreme one at that, is being told. But in reality - who is this guy that he can get away with what he did to ride again into the sunset? While the benefit of every doubt ought to be given to the subject of a violent or abusive relationship, (a) there is nothing from the 'victim'; and (B) there is nothing from the one accused of the actions complained of. Are we to string this person up without knowing the other side...? Do we convict based on hearsay and the observations of others?

If all that is said about the guy is true, then yeah - the guy should be subjected to the type of comments raised here. But what if this is an exaggerated story...? What if this is all made up...? What if everything was taken out of context and blown out of proportion...?

Looks like we're awfully quick to judgment here. Again...if the person is like the OP says, then yeah...bombs away. But this just doesn't all add up.

If everything we've heard is true then I don't get it... How did he manage to hide it all and get through - USCIS, NVC, DHS & all kinds of security checks.

[ebonyqueen 0]

I'd like to add my $.02 worth. Theres some problems with this story. First off, i have a problem with what the original intentions of the USC and the SO were. Assuming the OP tells a semi accurate story of his "then friend" did he go there to meet a wife, or buy a wife. Cuz you kno that stuff happens alot with the mail order bride stuff going on. Maybe it was really a business deal that went bad! I really mean no disrespect...but so many things just dont make sense. He's this big, bad, guy with a lengthy criminal record for violent crimes, no legitimate income except disability, has medical conditions requiring heavy duty medications, lives in subsidised housing, does not work or pay taxes, yet has trucks, cars, motorcycles, and other expensive toys he is not afraid to flaunt. He sells drugs, in which many people are aware, can afford trips to Phillipines and is a domineering, selfish, egotistical, bonehead with no moral character or integrity whose feeding off everyone elses hard earned money, by scamming the system..Tell me how in the ** was he able to sponser her? How did he prove his income? CR-1's require alot of background work. They are often in AP for long periods of time. If all this is true, he would have been flagged for sure. And then during the whole waiting time...when the OP discovered his so-called friend was a buster...he and the cousin should have made sure she knew everything. He says they pleaded wth the family for her not to marry him...To me thats on her then. If she knew what the possibilites might be, and she still went ahead with it, then it is her problem to get herself out of it. If she was taking a chance, she should have had a plan B. I believe theres way more to this story than is being told. And no one can give an opinion on half-truths, cuz it wont be vaild. I think they all had ulterior motives. Cuz this story sounds too ridiculous.

But to stay with the topic...based on this "story" I would say the OP and wife should take in the cousin. Help her get the help she needs.(talking to a counselor, attorney, USCIS, etc.) Keep her from the husband if thats what she wants.(police report, restraining order etc.) And help her start a new life. If the husband starts #######, then start blowing the whistle on all his scams, and get his azz in trouble.

But my true opinion is that there are 3 sides to every story...Hers, his, and the truth!!!!

And every single person, both USC and SO has to keep in the back of their mind that this might not work out in the end. Especially if you are only spending very little time with the person u are marrying. It goes both ways. There is a business of people buying and scamming their way to the US. People just have to be smarter in there decisions. See the red flags instead of ignoring them. Any immigration fraud situation has both people to blame on some level. And both will usually suffer as well, but moreso the one who has the most to lose! I think the cousin needs to do some self-reflection, and decide if all this is worth trying to stay in an unknown place, with little support. There is always, churches, womens groups, social services, etc. that could help...and these same places could help her get a ticket back home too. It all depends what her intention are and/or were in the first place. Who was using who? Did he want a submissive wife he could order around and control? Did she know of this and still marry just so she could get to the US? Its a very interesting scenerio....with lots of questions unanswered without having all sides of the story!

Peace, Love, and Happiness

[Donna A 4]

me personally from the first post felt he braught the friend purposley to meet the cousin and bring her here. i think there was fraud right from the begining. i agree with bombay...ive seen fillipeano's latch on to any tom, ####### or harry for personal gains.

im not saying all filipenos do but ive seen some. some are truely in genuine relationships of course like gary and luz. u can see love between them.

Edited February 25, 2008 by Donna A

[ED*Riza 0]

me personally from the first post felt he braught the friend purposley to meet the cousin and bring her here. i think there was fraud right from the begining. i agree with bombay...ive seen fillipeano's latch on to any tom, ####### or harry for personal gains.

im not saying all filipenos do but ive seen some. some are truely in genuine relationships of course like gary and luz. u can see love between them.

I agree with you Donna A. It is really sad that sometimes people are like that..

[Caladan 19]

How did this guy get past IMBRA with a criminal record that long? Have none of his convictions been for abuse?

This is what baffles me also.How was he able to sponsor someone with that kind of track-record ?

Very simple. IMBRA doesn't prevent the USC from bringing over a foreign bride.

[bombay 0]

All i can say is this looks like a MARRIAGE OF CONVENIENCE ,

the guy wanted someone who would be like his slave and just stay home and work and clean dishes

the girl accepted the deal for her ticket to the US thinking that would probably be what she would have to do

but in the end it turned out to be that she gambled on the wrong guy and in her early post she is worried about her next petition

and since this didnt work out she will do it again and somehow fulfill her american dream.

It sounds really harsh but if anyone ever goes on yahoo in a chatroom there will be a million messages from such women who are intreasted in you cause ur profile says UNITED STATES and in a few minutes the girl will ask will you marry me .

She has not even seen ur picture for gods sake and wants to get maried in chatting with you for 5 minutes.

Because of such people, the people who are actually in love have to suffer the long wait and have to produce so much paperwork cause there are thousands of applications where love has nothing to do with their marriage.

once again im sorry for saying all this but it is the truth. as far as the girl is concerned i really feel sorry for her also that the marriage didnt work out but i think she should be safe and alive away from that guy in this country or go back home and start a new and happy life.

best of luck and god bless.