Being Kind over being right

[♥JP♥ 5]

I have heard this so many times on this forum, that if you put out your personal information you are risking being torn apart. What is this about, why does it have to be this way? We ponder and talk about peace when in fact peace starts with us. I can’t change anyone but myself, and I think that when responding to someone, always try to find a positive points of that person. Sometimes this is a hard task, but after practicing it comes a lot easier.

As you get older and wiser I think you become more tolerant and mellow. You begin to realize that life is too short to fight with everyone over every silly dispute. That’s not to say that you should allow others take advantage of you every day. However, you just don’t have to go out of your way to prove that you are always right. Instead, make an extra effort to find things that you agree with others about, instead of looking for the areas where you disagree. And instead of fighting - use more diplomacy to get things done. And by the way – don’t wait until you are older to mellow out. Start today and you will improve many of your relationships and thus improve your lifestyle. Take off the boxing gloves and start enjoying life more!

You are given many opportunities to choose between being kind and being right. You have chances to point out someone their mistakes, things they could have done differently, and ways they can improve. You have chances to correct people, privately as well as in front of others. With all of these opportunities amount to our chances to make someone else feel bad, and yourself feel bad in the process.

Without getting too psychoanalytical about it, the reason we are tempted to put others down, correct them, or show them how we are right and how they are wrong is that ego mistakenly believes that if we point out how someone else is wrong, we must be right, and then we can feel better. If you pay attention to the way you feel after you put someone down, you will notice that you feel worse than before the put down. Your heart, the compassionate part of you, knows that it is impossible to feel better at the expense of someone else. Luckily the opposite is true when your goal is to build people up, to make them feel better. To share in their joy, you too reap the rewards of their positive feelings. The next time you have the chance to correct somebody, even if their facts are a little off, resist the temptation. Instead ask yourself, what do I really want out of this interaction? Chances are what you want is peaceful interaction where all parties leave feeling good. Each time you resist being right and instead choose kindness, you will notice a peaceful feeling within.

This starts with me, so if I have ever said or done anything to hurt one’s feelings on this forum, I sincerely apologize. I am no better or no worst, and if someone comes and spills their personal life, that does not give me any right to point out their errors. If I can’t say something comforting than maybe I just won’t say anything. I just am putting this out because I see a lot of conflict in this forum. We are all educated well adjusted adults and if we can’t have peace what chance is there for world peace. It starts with me, and I will never say anything negative to anyone on this forum, if I can’t say anything helpful or positive than I will be silent.

people on here are going to give their honest opinion, You started off complaining about airline tickets for an ex fiancee. And you are married to someone else. Writing a bunch of psychoanalytical quotations does not erase the fact that for some people, what you said was kind of odd. This forum will pretty much catch all kinds of people and personalities. No one is going to hold back around here and if you cannot deal with it ( and I sometimes sure as hell cannot cause I am sensitive) dont post stuff like you did. If you read what you wrote, it looks odd ganja...

Wahrania I think you were one of the first to jump down Ganja's throat in this thread. You keep going on and on about old timers being mean to you and I have yet to see what anyone has said to you in this thread. Nothing has been directed at you yet you are making this big fuss. I just don't get it.

By the way you can put 100 pregnancy tickers in your signature but it won't matter because people have the choice of seeing signatures in posts or not. Having a long signature makes the board hard to navigate for others.

[Ban Hammer 12,836]

By the way you can put 100 pregnancy tickers in your signature but it won't matter because people have the choice of seeing signatures in posts or not. Having a long signature makes the board hard to navigate for others.

i have them turned off so pages load faster.

[*JG* 2]

I believe in being kind about the things I think are right. If I disagree with someone, I will make my point as nicely as I can. If I can't agree, I may talk to them in a PM or just walk away.

There really is no point in tearing people up. It solves nothing.

That being said, there are those on this site who seem to intentionally poke at anything you say. If any of those people see me step away, you'll know what I think.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I have heard this so many times on this forum, that if you put out your personal information you are risking being torn apart. What is this about, why does it have to be this way? We ponder and talk about peace when in fact peace starts with us. I can’t change anyone but myself, and I think that when responding to someone, always try to find a positive points of that person. Sometimes this is a hard task, but after practicing it comes a lot easier.

As you get older and wiser I think you become more tolerant and mellow. You begin to realize that life is too short to fight with everyone over every silly dispute. That’s not to say that you should allow others take advantage of you every day. However, you just don’t have to go out of your way to prove that you are always right. Instead, make an extra effort to find things that you agree with others about, instead of looking for the areas where you disagree. And instead of fighting - use more diplomacy to get things done. And by the way – don’t wait until you are older to mellow out. Start today and you will improve many of your relationships and thus improve your lifestyle. Take off the boxing gloves and start enjoying life more!

You are given many opportunities to choose between being kind and being right. You have chances to point out someone their mistakes, things they could have done differently, and ways they can improve. You have chances to correct people, privately as well as in front of others. With all of these opportunities amount to our chances to make someone else feel bad, and yourself feel bad in the process.

Without getting too psychoanalytical about it, the reason we are tempted to put others down, correct them, or show them how we are right and how they are wrong is that ego mistakenly believes that if we point out how someone else is wrong, we must be right, and then we can feel better. If you pay attention to the way you feel after you put someone down, you will notice that you feel worse than before the put down. Your heart, the compassionate part of you, knows that it is impossible to feel better at the expense of someone else. Luckily the opposite is true when your goal is to build people up, to make them feel better. To share in their joy, you too reap the rewards of their positive feelings. The next time you have the chance to correct somebody, even if their facts are a little off, resist the temptation. Instead ask yourself, what do I really want out of this interaction? Chances are what you want is peaceful interaction where all parties leave feeling good. Each time you resist being right and instead choose kindness, you will notice a peaceful feeling within.

This starts with me, so if I have ever said or done anything to hurt one’s feelings on this forum, I sincerely apologize. I am no better or no worst, and if someone comes and spills their personal life, that does not give me any right to point out their errors. If I can’t say something comforting than maybe I just won’t say anything. I just am putting this out because I see a lot of conflict in this forum. We are all educated well adjusted adults and if we can’t have peace what chance is there for world peace. It starts with me, and I will never say anything negative to anyone on this forum, if I can’t say anything helpful or positive than I will be silent.

people on here are going to give their honest opinion, You started off complaining about airline tickets for an ex fiancee. And you are married to someone else. Writing a bunch of psychoanalytical quotations does not erase the fact that for some people, what you said was kind of odd. This forum will pretty much catch all kinds of people and personalities. No one is going to hold back around here and if you cannot deal with it ( and I sometimes sure as hell cannot cause I am sensitive) dont post stuff like you did. If you read what you wrote, it looks odd ganja...

Wahrania I think you were one of the first to jump down Ganja's throat in this thread. You keep going on and on about old timers being mean to you and I have yet to see what anyone has said to you in this thread. Nothing has been directed at you yet you are making this big fuss. I just don't get it.

By the way you can put 100 pregnancy tickers in your signature but it won't matter because people have the choice of seeing signatures in posts or not. Having a long signature makes the board hard to navigate for others.

jp......in the middle of a thread where I was talking about asthma,you tried to incite and bait me into a conversation about a girl I bickered with a month ago....you are as bad as any of the other mud slingers,,,,,I think ganja after really thinking about it and watching this thread evolve will realise she is not alone.

Again most of the worst backstabbing,blackmailing, nastiness and baiting is coming from people who are not EVEN IN THE PROCESS. This is supposed to be a safe place for people IN THE PROCESS to talk and vent. When people who are already done lurk around here just being nasty, it screws up the safe haven for those of us at uscis and nvc. We need the support... and the place to say dumb stuff..

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

Wahrania,

Please remember

#1 - people are not "done" with immigration just because the visa is in hand. There is adjustment of status after the K visas, then removal of conditions on the conditional residence, then naturalization -- lots more fun with USCIS !

#2 - actually anyone is welcome here, whether still in or done with the process. In fact, if they're done, that means they have a lot of experience -- and experience is very valuable ! There are many other issues associated with immigration, MENA, etc. that are discussed on this forum, and input from the veterans is very helpful to many people.

#3 (optional, but recommended) - everyone here understands very well the pain of separation.

-MK

[HLM 1]

I have heard this so many times on this forum, that if you put out your personal information you are risking being torn apart. What is this about, why does it have to be this way? We ponder and talk about peace when in fact peace starts with us. I can’t change anyone but myself, and I think that when responding to someone, always try to find a positive points of that person. Sometimes this is a hard task, but after practicing it comes a lot easier.

As you get older and wiser I think you become more tolerant and mellow. You begin to realize that life is too short to fight with everyone over every silly dispute. That’s not to say that you should allow others take advantage of you every day. However, you just don’t have to go out of your way to prove that you are always right. Instead, make an extra effort to find things that you agree with others about, instead of looking for the areas where you disagree. And instead of fighting - use more diplomacy to get things done. And by the way – don’t wait until you are older to mellow out. Start today and you will improve many of your relationships and thus improve your lifestyle. Take off the boxing gloves and start enjoying life more!

You are given many opportunities to choose between being kind and being right. You have chances to point out someone their mistakes, things they could have done differently, and ways they can improve. You have chances to correct people, privately as well as in front of others. With all of these opportunities amount to our chances to make someone else feel bad, and yourself feel bad in the process.

Without getting too psychoanalytical about it, the reason we are tempted to put others down, correct them, or show them how we are right and how they are wrong is that ego mistakenly believes that if we point out how someone else is wrong, we must be right, and then we can feel better. If you pay attention to the way you feel after you put someone down, you will notice that you feel worse than before the put down. Your heart, the compassionate part of you, knows that it is impossible to feel better at the expense of someone else. Luckily the opposite is true when your goal is to build people up, to make them feel better. To share in their joy, you too reap the rewards of their positive feelings. The next time you have the chance to correct somebody, even if their facts are a little off, resist the temptation. Instead ask yourself, what do I really want out of this interaction? Chances are what you want is peaceful interaction where all parties leave feeling good. Each time you resist being right and instead choose kindness, you will notice a peaceful feeling within.

This starts with me, so if I have ever said or done anything to hurt one’s feelings on this forum, I sincerely apologize. I am no better or no worst, and if someone comes and spills their personal life, that does not give me any right to point out their errors. If I can’t say something comforting than maybe I just won’t say anything. I just am putting this out because I see a lot of conflict in this forum. We are all educated well adjusted adults and if we can’t have peace what chance is there for world peace. It starts with me, and I will never say anything negative to anyone on this forum, if I can’t say anything helpful or positive than I will be silent.

i couldnt agree more thank you so much for this post !!

[RAKASA 0]

Wahrania,

Please remember

#1 - people are not "done" with immigration just because the visa is in hand. There is adjustment of status after the K visas, then removal of conditions on the conditional residence, then naturalization -- lots more fun with USCIS !

#2 - actually anyone is welcome here, whether still in or done with the process. In fact, if they're done, that means they have a lot of experience -- and experience is very valuable ! There are many other issues associated with immigration, MENA, etc. that are discussed on this forum, and input from the veterans is very helpful to many people.

#3 (optional, but recommended) - everyone here understands very well the pain of separation.

-MK

:thumbs:

[monnik 0]

I agree, MK.

There are some great thoughts and beautiful sentiments in many of the posts here.

Thanks for spreading peace.

Ganja, the people here can let you all know that the best thing to do is ignore the people who take jabs at you. I hope you have a peaceful journey here and I hope that we can keep these things in mind.

Edited January 26, 2008 by monnik

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Wahrania,

Please remember

#1 - people are not "done" with immigration just because the visa is in hand. There is adjustment of status after the K visas, then removal of conditions on the conditional residence, then naturalization -- lots more fun with USCIS !

#2 - actually anyone is welcome here, whether still in or done with the process. In fact, if they're done, that means they have a lot of experience -- and experience is very valuable ! There are many other issues associated with immigration, MENA, etc. that are discussed on this forum, and input from the veterans is very helpful to many people.

#3 (optional, but recommended) - everyone here understands very well the pain of separation.

-MK

I agree... some are extremely helpful... but when people who are IN THE PROCESS are leaving the boards in droves, declining to post, which if you read through this thread, this bickering is constant, something needs to be done to create a safe environment for people in the process. I mean I have been stuck on stupid in alot of my posts....but I have really tried to clean up my act and just participate....Some on the other hand have literally been terrorised off the boards ( for stating financial help to so's, or other things) and in order for these boards to remain "viable", special care should be taken with new people coming in to welcome them, to not be up their butt for stupid things,etc. For whatever reason, you do not see the aggressiveness and fighting on any other subsection in visa journey except here..The closed threads have slowed down ( some of the nastiest have been on some kind of self imposed sabatical... )

Why this board has all the drama, I have no idea. But it does. And it is worse than any syrian or egyptian soap opera for flame potential

[Jenn! 918]

I think Sub-Saharan Africa has been giving MENA a run for our money as of late.

Just sayin'...

[monnik 0]

I'll be back.

*grabs soap opera scriptwriting supplies & runs with crowd of paparazzi over to sub-sahara*

[doodlebugg 10]

I'll be back.

*grabs soap opera scriptwriting supplies & runs with crowd of paparazzi over to sub-sahara*

don't forget the popcorn!!!!

[morocco4ever 63]

The ignore feature works wonders.

Also, I agree with others that if you don't want people commenting on what you write then you should limit what you divulge. If you want to discuss private aspects of your life, you'll have to grow a thicker skin and learn to either take what others say with a grain of salt or ignore them. It may not be right but it's just how it is. And this section of VJ is the worst about that.

I remember a time when it wasn't at all like this. I miss those days.

[Aymerlu 3]

The ignore feature works wonders.

Also, I agree with others that if you don't want people commenting on what you write then you should limit what you divulge. If you want to discuss private aspects of your life, you'll have to grow a thicker skin and learn to either take what others say with a grain of salt or ignore them. It may not be right but it's just how it is. And this section of VJ is the worst about that.

I remember a time when it wasn't at all like this. I miss those days.

I agree. Those were definately the days

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

The ignore feature works wonders.

Also, I agree with others that if you don't want people commenting on what you write then you should limit what you divulge. If you want to discuss private aspects of your life, you'll have to grow a thicker skin and learn to either take what others say with a grain of salt or ignore them. It may not be right but it's just how it is. And this section of VJ is the worst about that.

I remember a time when it wasn't at all like this. I miss those days.

I agree. Those were definately the days

Its really only certain posters. some of them are doing something else right now instead of spewing bile everywhere.

The reality is that if someone is happy in their marriage to their "foreign spouse" they would not go out of their way to torment people on the boards. Its my opinion that the nasties around here are not happy and want to make everyone else miserable.

My theory is pretty well founded. I have this cousin of my husband who frankly is a gossipy ####### who no one would marry. She proceeded to gossip about everyone,run down other family members, start lies, make problems between people... you name it.

Well she met this guy she wants to marry and she put on a hijab and stopped talking bad... You know why?Because she doesnt need anyone telling the man she is engaged to about her past. She is skating on thin ice because she has pissed off just about everyone. Now she lives in fear that her husband to be will find out about all her antics.My POINT. Nice people do not want to hurt others. Now if its just opinion and it doesnt agree with you, cool. When the poster is just being a ###### for no reason, chances are she is perhaps in a ####### load of trouble on the homefront and this is her place to take it out on other..

IMHO