Being Kind over being right

[allousa 1]

The ignore feature works wonders.

Also, I agree with others that if you don't want people commenting on what you write then you should limit what you divulge. If you want to discuss private aspects of your life, you'll have to grow a thicker skin and learn to either take what others say with a grain of salt or ignore them. It may not be right but it's just how it is. And this section of VJ is the worst about that.

I remember a time when it wasn't at all like this. I miss those days.

I agree. Those were definately the days

Its really only certain posters. some of them are doing something else right now instead of spewing bile everywhere.

The reality is that if someone is happy in their marriage to their "foreign spouse" they would not go out of their way to torment people on the boards. Its my opinion that the nasties around here are not happy and want to make everyone else miserable.

My theory is pretty well founded. I have this cousin of my husband who frankly is a gossipy ####### who no one would marry. She proceeded to gossip about everyone,run down other family members, start lies, make problems between people... you name it.

Well she met this guy she wants to marry and she put on a hijab and stopped talking bad... You know why?Because she doesnt need anyone telling the man she is engaged to about her past. She is skating on thin ice because she has pissed off just about everyone. Now she lives in fear that her husband to be will find out about all her antics.My POINT. Nice people do not want to hurt others. Now if its just opinion and it doesnt agree with you, cool. When the poster is just being a ###### for no reason, chances are she is perhaps in a ####### load of trouble on the homefront and this is her place to take it out on other..

IMHO

Okay, now this is where "trouble" starts. Unless you have SPECIFIC knowledge of someone's situation, making sweeping generalization's does nothing but incite an argument.

I've had bad days and something someone posted has rubbed me the wrong way and I commented in kind back. I can tell you I'm not in a "####### load of trouble on the homefront"! Other than my husband not being with me at the moment, I have a blessed life.

I'm just trying to give some helpful advice from what I've observed in my time on this board. Not trying to be ugly...just telling you this is why people get upset with your comments.

[Jenn! 918]

The ignore feature works wonders.

Also, I agree with others that if you don't want people commenting on what you write then you should limit what you divulge. If you want to discuss private aspects of your life, you'll have to grow a thicker skin and learn to either take what others say with a grain of salt or ignore them. It may not be right but it's just how it is. And this section of VJ is the worst about that.

I remember a time when it wasn't at all like this. I miss those days.

I agree. Those were definately the days

Its really only certain posters. some of them are doing something else right now instead of spewing bile everywhere.

The reality is that if someone is happy in their marriage to their "foreign spouse" they would not go out of their way to torment people on the boards. Its my opinion that the nasties around here are not happy and want to make everyone else miserable.

My theory is pretty well founded. I have this cousin of my husband who frankly is a gossipy ####### who no one would marry. She proceeded to gossip about everyone,run down other family members, start lies, make problems between people... you name it.

Well she met this guy she wants to marry and she put on a hijab and stopped talking bad... You know why?Because she doesnt need anyone telling the man she is engaged to about her past. She is skating on thin ice because she has pissed off just about everyone. Now she lives in fear that her husband to be will find out about all her antics.My POINT. Nice people do not want to hurt others. Now if its just opinion and it doesnt agree with you, cool. When the poster is just being a ###### for no reason, chances are she is perhaps in a ####### load of trouble on the homefront and this is her place to take it out on other..

IMHO

Okay, now this is where "trouble" starts. Unless you have SPECIFIC knowledge of someone's situation, making sweeping generalization's does nothing but incite an argument.

I've had bad days and something someone posted has rubbed me the wrong way and I commented in kind back. I can tell you I'm not in a "####### load of trouble on the homefront"! Other than my husband not being with me at the moment, I have a blessed life.

I'm just trying to give some helpful advice from what I've observed in my time on this board. Not trying to be ugly...just telling you this is why people get upset with your comments.

[RAKASA 0]

The ignore feature works wonders.

Also, I agree with others that if you don't want people commenting on what you write then you should limit what you divulge. If you want to discuss private aspects of your life, you'll have to grow a thicker skin and learn to either take what others say with a grain of salt or ignore them. It may not be right but it's just how it is. And this section of VJ is the worst about that.

I remember a time when it wasn't at all like this. I miss those days.

I agree. Those were definately the days

Its really only certain posters. some of them are doing something else right now instead of spewing bile everywhere.

The reality is that if someone is happy in their marriage to their "foreign spouse" they would not go out of their way to torment people on the boards. Its my opinion that the nasties around here are not happy and want to make everyone else miserable.

My theory is pretty well founded. I have this cousin of my husband who frankly is a gossipy ####### who no one would marry. She proceeded to gossip about everyone,run down other family members, start lies, make problems between people... you name it.

Well she met this guy she wants to marry and she put on a hijab and stopped talking bad... You know why?Because she doesnt need anyone telling the man she is engaged to about her past. She is skating on thin ice because she has pissed off just about everyone. Now she lives in fear that her husband to be will find out about all her antics.My POINT. Nice people do not want to hurt others. Now if its just opinion and it doesnt agree with you, cool. When the poster is just being a ###### for no reason, chances are she is perhaps in a ####### load of trouble on the homefront and this is her place to take it out on other..

IMHO

Okay, now this is where "trouble" starts. Unless you have SPECIFIC knowledge of someone's situation, making sweeping generalization's does nothing but incite an argument.

I've had bad days and something someone posted has rubbed me the wrong way and I commented in kind back. I can tell you I'm not in a "####### load of trouble on the homefront"! Other than my husband not being with me at the moment, I have a blessed life.

I'm just trying to give some helpful advice from what I've observed in my time on this board. Not trying to be ugly...just telling you this is why people get upset with your comments.

:thumbs:

[♥JP♥ 5]

I have heard this so many times on this forum, that if you put out your personal information you are risking being torn apart. What is this about, why does it have to be this way? We ponder and talk about peace when in fact peace starts with us. I can’t change anyone but myself, and I think that when responding to someone, always try to find a positive points of that person. Sometimes this is a hard task, but after practicing it comes a lot easier.

As you get older and wiser I think you become more tolerant and mellow. You begin to realize that life is too short to fight with everyone over every silly dispute. That’s not to say that you should allow others take advantage of you every day. However, you just don’t have to go out of your way to prove that you are always right. Instead, make an extra effort to find things that you agree with others about, instead of looking for the areas where you disagree. And instead of fighting - use more diplomacy to get things done. And by the way – don’t wait until you are older to mellow out. Start today and you will improve many of your relationships and thus improve your lifestyle. Take off the boxing gloves and start enjoying life more!

You are given many opportunities to choose between being kind and being right. You have chances to point out someone their mistakes, things they could have done differently, and ways they can improve. You have chances to correct people, privately as well as in front of others. With all of these opportunities amount to our chances to make someone else feel bad, and yourself feel bad in the process.

Without getting too psychoanalytical about it, the reason we are tempted to put others down, correct them, or show them how we are right and how they are wrong is that ego mistakenly believes that if we point out how someone else is wrong, we must be right, and then we can feel better. If you pay attention to the way you feel after you put someone down, you will notice that you feel worse than before the put down. Your heart, the compassionate part of you, knows that it is impossible to feel better at the expense of someone else. Luckily the opposite is true when your goal is to build people up, to make them feel better. To share in their joy, you too reap the rewards of their positive feelings. The next time you have the chance to correct somebody, even if their facts are a little off, resist the temptation. Instead ask yourself, what do I really want out of this interaction? Chances are what you want is peaceful interaction where all parties leave feeling good. Each time you resist being right and instead choose kindness, you will notice a peaceful feeling within.

This starts with me, so if I have ever said or done anything to hurt one’s feelings on this forum, I sincerely apologize. I am no better or no worst, and if someone comes and spills their personal life, that does not give me any right to point out their errors. If I can’t say something comforting than maybe I just won’t say anything. I just am putting this out because I see a lot of conflict in this forum. We are all educated well adjusted adults and if we can’t have peace what chance is there for world peace. It starts with me, and I will never say anything negative to anyone on this forum, if I can’t say anything helpful or positive than I will be silent.

people on here are going to give their honest opinion, You started off complaining about airline tickets for an ex fiancee. And you are married to someone else. Writing a bunch of psychoanalytical quotations does not erase the fact that for some people, what you said was kind of odd. This forum will pretty much catch all kinds of people and personalities. No one is going to hold back around here and if you cannot deal with it ( and I sometimes sure as hell cannot cause I am sensitive) dont post stuff like you did. If you read what you wrote, it looks odd ganja...

Wahrania I think you were one of the first to jump down Ganja's throat in this thread. You keep going on and on about old timers being mean to you and I have yet to see what anyone has said to you in this thread. Nothing has been directed at you yet you are making this big fuss. I just don't get it.

By the way you can put 100 pregnancy tickers in your signature but it won't matter because people have the choice of seeing signatures in posts or not. Having a long signature makes the board hard to navigate for others.

jp......in the middle of a thread where I was talking about asthma,you tried to incite and bait me into a conversation about a girl I bickered with a month ago....you are as bad as any of the other mud slingers,,,,,I think ganja after really thinking about it and watching this thread evolve will realise she is not alone.

Again most of the worst backstabbing,blackmailing, nastiness and baiting is coming from people who are not EVEN IN THE PROCESS. This is supposed to be a safe place for people IN THE PROCESS to talk and vent. When people who are already done lurk around here just being nasty, it screws up the safe haven for those of us at uscis and nvc. We need the support... and the place to say dumb stuff..

That post was my first in this thread. Can you dispute that you attacked her from teh get go and now you are trying to turn this whole thread around to make yourself seem like your a victim? Get over yourself. I am not done with this process, I am only half way through. But if this is how you feel, then I expect right after your husband gets his visa that you won't be coming back to VJ? I highly doubt that. You are just as nasty as anyone else on this board. You continue to sling mud against the only members that can offer advice in this forum because they have gone through the process, you are no better than anyone else.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I have heard this so many times on this forum, that if you put out your personal information you are risking being torn apart. What is this about, why does it have to be this way? We ponder and talk about peace when in fact peace starts with us. I can’t change anyone but myself, and I think that when responding to someone, always try to find a positive points of that person. Sometimes this is a hard task, but after practicing it comes a lot easier.

As you get older and wiser I think you become more tolerant and mellow. You begin to realize that life is too short to fight with everyone over every silly dispute. That’s not to say that you should allow others take advantage of you every day. However, you just don’t have to go out of your way to prove that you are always right. Instead, make an extra effort to find things that you agree with others about, instead of looking for the areas where you disagree. And instead of fighting - use more diplomacy to get things done. And by the way – don’t wait until you are older to mellow out. Start today and you will improve many of your relationships and thus improve your lifestyle. Take off the boxing gloves and start enjoying life more!

You are given many opportunities to choose between being kind and being right. You have chances to point out someone their mistakes, things they could have done differently, and ways they can improve. You have chances to correct people, privately as well as in front of others. With all of these opportunities amount to our chances to make someone else feel bad, and yourself feel bad in the process.

Without getting too psychoanalytical about it, the reason we are tempted to put others down, correct them, or show them how we are right and how they are wrong is that ego mistakenly believes that if we point out how someone else is wrong, we must be right, and then we can feel better. If you pay attention to the way you feel after you put someone down, you will notice that you feel worse than before the put down. Your heart, the compassionate part of you, knows that it is impossible to feel better at the expense of someone else. Luckily the opposite is true when your goal is to build people up, to make them feel better. To share in their joy, you too reap the rewards of their positive feelings. The next time you have the chance to correct somebody, even if their facts are a little off, resist the temptation. Instead ask yourself, what do I really want out of this interaction? Chances are what you want is peaceful interaction where all parties leave feeling good. Each time you resist being right and instead choose kindness, you will notice a peaceful feeling within.

This starts with me, so if I have ever said or done anything to hurt one’s feelings on this forum, I sincerely apologize. I am no better or no worst, and if someone comes and spills their personal life, that does not give me any right to point out their errors. If I can’t say something comforting than maybe I just won’t say anything. I just am putting this out because I see a lot of conflict in this forum. We are all educated well adjusted adults and if we can’t have peace what chance is there for world peace. It starts with me, and I will never say anything negative to anyone on this forum, if I can’t say anything helpful or positive than I will be silent.

people on here are going to give their honest opinion, You started off complaining about airline tickets for an ex fiancee. And you are married to someone else. Writing a bunch of psychoanalytical quotations does not erase the fact that for some people, what you said was kind of odd. This forum will pretty much catch all kinds of people and personalities. No one is going to hold back around here and if you cannot deal with it ( and I sometimes sure as hell cannot cause I am sensitive) dont post stuff like you did. If you read what you wrote, it looks odd ganja...

Wahrania I think you were one of the first to jump down Ganja's throat in this thread. You keep going on and on about old timers being mean to you and I have yet to see what anyone has said to you in this thread. Nothing has been directed at you yet you are making this big fuss. I just don't get it.

By the way you can put 100 pregnancy tickers in your signature but it won't matter because people have the choice of seeing signatures in posts or not. Having a long signature makes the board hard to navigate for others.

jp......in the middle of a thread where I was talking about asthma,you tried to incite and bait me into a conversation about a girl I bickered with a month ago....you are as bad as any of the other mud slingers,,,,,I think ganja after really thinking about it and watching this thread evolve will realise she is not alone.

Again most of the worst backstabbing,blackmailing, nastiness and baiting is coming from people who are not EVEN IN THE PROCESS. This is supposed to be a safe place for people IN THE PROCESS to talk and vent. When people who are already done lurk around here just being nasty, it screws up the safe haven for those of us at uscis and nvc. We need the support... and the place to say dumb stuff..

That post was my first in this thread. Can you dispute that you attacked her from teh get go and now you are trying to turn this whole thread around to make yourself seem like your a victim? Get over yourself. I am not done with this process, I am only half way through. But if this is how you feel, then I expect right after your husband gets his visa that you won't be coming back to VJ? I highly doubt that. You are just as nasty as anyone else on this board. You continue to sling mud against the only members that can offer advice in this forum because they have gone through the process, you are no better than anyone else.

listen. You were on another thread accusing me and sarah aziz of being the same person. I have no particular problem with you and I certainly do not think you are the worst offender around here whatsover. And frankly, I was not nasty about anything at the outset, but you need to take a look back at what you did on a thread that I was talking about being sick. You sauntered in there saying that me and sarah were the same person trying to incite things that just were not there.

Personally, I do not think I would have much to offer the boards when he is here other than help maybe someone who was married or engaged to someone from Algeria. Algeria's consulate is completely different that Morocco or Egypt in they do not have that many applicants and hellish aps . I have visited Tunisia 4 times and got married there and have been to their consulate 2 times and have alot of knowledge about getting married there and the hassles involved and what you need and dont need and a pretty good understanding of their system, so for someone going through Tunisia or Algeria, I would think my advice would be invaluable. Whether or not I want to deal with all the pettiness around here remains to be seen. As far as being a victim? Oh hell no JP. I think after a year at USCIS, one failed petition, now being pregnant WITHOUT MY HUSBAND HERE LET ME EMPHASISE THAT cause its a hell of alot different than being with someone and still facing months at NVC and all the other ####### I have been through, I totally give a rat's #### what you think. Truly. After what you did when I got out of the hospital, and the ####### you have said to me, I dont care what you think. I post and talk to people that like me and want to talk to me. You obviously do not so... oh well... put me on ignore and lets just say I died.

I have absolutely had enough of the snottiness and as long as no one is snotty with me, I wont be snotty with them. But I will be damned if I put up with any of the hogwash that I have seen over the last couple of months. If someone doesnt like me, they can ignore me. If anyone needs help with Algeria or Tunisia, I may be the only person that can help them being that every one else married here went through DIRECT CONSULAR FILING and I do not see but maybe one or 2 in the history of VJ that have i130d through Algiers and none since all the new rules. If I hang around and read sometimes, it will be for them. I certainly have gotten alot of encouragement from some of the dcfs and the k1s going through algiers.

But mark my words JP, I did not have any feelings about you whatsover.But with all the stuff I went through from the 15th to the 17th, you are the last mouth I want to hear from . I have too much real ####### going on to be in pissing contests with people and refuse to be. Who ever likes me and wants to talk to me can. Who ever doesnt, make me disappear. IGNORE BUTTON.. use it.... IGNORE ME

[doodlebugg 10]

listen. You were on another thread accusing me and sarah aziz of being the same person. I have no particular problem with you and I certainly do not think you are the worst offender around here whatsover. And frankly, I was not nasty about anything at the outset, but you need to take a look back at what you did on a thread that I was talking about being sick. You sauntered in there saying that me and sarah were the same person trying to incite things that just were not there.

wahrania I really think you're jumping to conclusions here and maybe you should take a deep breath and read threads a second time before overreacting. JP did not state that she thought both you and sarah aziz were the same person, she pointed out that you both were gone for around the same time frame and isn't it odd that when you pop up she pops up. I noticed it too and so have others. Does that mean I think you and her are the same person? NO. I just assumed it meant that you both dont' get along and that she was retaliating to your earlier comments on her not being Algerian. JP never said what you think she did and I think maybe you're too stressed out to realize this at the moment.

I'll be the first to admit that hormones rule my world one week out of everymonth and God help you all when I get pregnant but all the more reason to perhaps hold back before accusations start flying ok? Same with me n him....she didn't mean what she wrote to chastise you in any way...she was merely suggesting that you should have put this all in the same thread. The mods lately have been merging like topics so it wasn't totally out of line for her to suggest this and unfortunately you took it a different way.

It's hard to converse via a message board when we're NOT sick and NOT hormonal since you cannot hear tone of voice and see facial expressions so KNOWING that you are sick AND hormonal maybe it's time to count to ten and re-read before responding.

I hope you and your son are feeling better and that baby is doing fine.

[♥JP♥ 5]

listen. You were on another thread accusing me and sarah aziz of being the same person. I have no particular problem with you and I certainly do not think you are the worst offender around here whatsover. And frankly, I was not nasty about anything at the outset, but you need to take a look back at what you did on a thread that I was talking about being sick. You sauntered in there saying that me and sarah were the same person trying to incite things that just were not there.

Maybe you need to go back and re-read that thread but I never accused you of that. When I initially made that post it was in your DEFENSE. Its becoming more clear to me that you have your own way of seeing things which has absoulutly NOTHING to do with what people actually post.

You are sick of hearing from me? Great you can use the ignore button too. I realize you went through alot of personal ####### but you are assuming you are the only one here with personal problems. Just because you are going through a hard time doesnt give you the right to constantly put down members on this forum. I have sat by and watched you call us a slew of nasty names. If you don't remember what they are, I don't have any problems reminding you of what they were.

[Ban Hammer 12,837]

do i need to dig out the ice cream, kitten pics, and donuts?

[polarbear 0]

do i need to dig out the ice cream, kitten pics, and donuts?

I want some

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

listen. You were on another thread accusing me and sarah aziz of being the same person. I have no particular problem with you and I certainly do not think you are the worst offender around here whatsover. And frankly, I was not nasty about anything at the outset, but you need to take a look back at what you did on a thread that I was talking about being sick. You sauntered in there saying that me and sarah were the same person trying to incite things that just were not there.

wahrania I really think you're jumping to conclusions here and maybe you should take a deep breath and read threads a second time before overreacting. JP did not state that she thought both you and sarah aziz were the same person, she pointed out that you both were gone for around the same time frame and isn't it odd that when you pop up she pops up. I noticed it too and so have others. Does that mean I think you and her are the same person? NO. I just assumed it meant that you both dont' get along and that she was retaliating to your earlier comments on her not being Algerian. JP never said what you think she did and I think maybe you're too stressed out to realize this at the moment.

I'll be the first to admit that hormones rule my world one week out of everymonth and God help you all when I get pregnant but all the more reason to perhaps hold back before accusations start flying ok? Same with me n him....she didn't mean what she wrote to chastise you in any way...she was merely suggesting that you should have put this all in the same thread. The mods lately have been merging like topics so it wasn't totally out of line for her to suggest this and unfortunately you took it a different way.

It's hard to converse via a message board when we're NOT sick and NOT hormonal since you cannot hear tone of voice and see facial expressions so KNOWING that you are sick AND hormonal maybe it's time to count to ten and re-read before responding.

I hope you and your son are feeling better and that baby is doing fine.

Um Bridget aka Doodle bug

No

I am NOT overreacting in general... Are you in some kind of amnesia about what you went through about a month ago? Um.

I am not. I remember VIVIDLY. The reality is that frankly they do

fish

and

bait

and a ton of other things and it gets old....

And to charles and nessa

yes bring on the ice cream

although frankly I want brussel sprouts

[morocco4ever 63]

do i need to dig out the ice cream, kitten pics, and donuts?

Looks like we need some too.

I think we are just reading things into statements that fit our mood. God knows I am guilty of it! Lets all just chill. Not everyone here agrees on everything, but it doesn't mean that everyone here is out to hurt people either.

Hug and make up please.

[sara535 15]

Wahrania I am not trying to jump on you, but in all fairness you are the only person I have seen ON THIS PARTICULAR THREAD who is bringing up old negative #######. This thread is about being kind.

Lets face it, no one in this world can control anyone else's behaviour but their own. so if you dont like something thats happening around here dont become part of the problem

Wahrania you need to be thinking and feeling good things for your baby and for your own health. Just let this stuff go.... quit dwelling on it......

[morocco4ever 63]

Wahrania I am not trying to jump on you, but in all fairness you are the only person I have seen ON THIS PARTICULAR THREAD who is bringing up old negative #######. This thread is about being kind.

Lets face it, no one in this world can control anyone else's behaviour but their own. so if you dont like something thats happening around here dont become part of the problem

Wahrania you need to be thinking and feeling good things for your baby and for your own health. Just let this stuff go.... quit dwelling on it......

OMG your baby is beautiful!

[sara535 15]

thanks so much. we are pretty in love with her !

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Wahrania I am not trying to jump on you, but in all fairness you are the only person I have seen ON THIS PARTICULAR THREAD who is bringing up old negative #######. This thread is about being kind.

Lets face it, no one in this world can control anyone else's behaviour but their own. so if you dont like something thats happening around here dont become part of the problem

Wahrania you need to be thinking and feeling good things for your baby and for your own health. Just let this stuff go.... quit dwelling on it......

she is super cute.. she has the nicest head pretty eyes..gorgeous