Good Husband even the woman doesnt realize

[SteveLaura 0]

It sounded like I have no say so in the house, and she has gotten into a habit of telling me to shut up lately. It just made her sound really shallow and way different from the person I trusted her to be. She says the only way I can keep her from divorcing or fighting with me is if I will always agree 100% with all that she says and does.

I think you need to sit down and have a chat about a few things: expectations of marriage, compromise, realistic financial situation, etc. I think you both need to be on the same page over these things, and from the sound of things, you're not seeing eye-to-eye right now.

[Amby 490]

She says the only way I can keep her from divorcing or fighting with me is if I will always agree 100% with all that she says and does.

That is just not right

I always tell Neil he has to agree with me on stuff even if he doesn't just so I shut up. I would never divorce him though That is so not right!

[irene 0]

thats all i want is mutual respect. I dont want to fight with her, but for her to expect me to agree on 100% of the things is a little unrealistic.

[*JG* 2]

taking control of the budget is not really an option to me. I know my wife wants to be in charge of it so I dont have problem with it. The thing that really bothered me is that I wont buy anything for myself no matter how big or how small, because I am the type to sacrifice myself for those I love. I guess it just took me by surprise cuz the way my wife phrased the question "if I want to buy something would u ask me any question or just let me do whatever I want". It sounded like I have no say so in the house, and she has gotten into a habit of telling me to shut up lately. It just made her sound really shallow and way different from the person I trusted her to be. She says the only way I can keep her from divorcing or fighting with me is if I will always agree 100% with all that she says and does.

That is a power struggle going on there. You two need to sit down and talk about it. Threats don't get anyone anywhere.

[*JG* 2]

thats all i want is mutual respect. I dont want to fight with her, but for her to expect me to agree on 100% of the things is a little unrealistic.

Well, from having been where you are..........I just looked at your timeline. She hasn't been there very long so you are definately in the learning curve.

My own husband always had these ideas in his head of what the US was like. He found I really don't have a money tree in my back yard, nor does it flow out of my a$$. He's learned how hard and often I work for my paychecks, that I expect the same of him, and that a word he barely heard before....bills....is a horribly nasty word. He's had to deal with gently and sometimes forcefully telling all his friends and relatives we have no money to spare.

On a few occassions, he's thrown a bit of a hissy fit when he wanted to buy something relatively small and it's not been in the budget. And, he's learned to save for the bigger ticket items we've wanted. In the end, he's learned that if he has patience, we eventually do get everything on our lists.

That learning curve is not instantaneous nor is it really ever ending. It also has lots of little trips and falls along the way. I see what your wife is currently doing as trying to assert some control over the situation. Maybe she is overwhelmed by the whole situation and is dealing the best she can figure out at the time.

Again, I think you need to sit down and figure how what is really going on.

[Marilyn. 340]

my hubby is the USC and he has no idea what a budget is

he tries to set one up but they are usually totally unrealistic...

[mawilson 2,133]

If I buy anything yes, but I never buy anything. Again the issue is not the money, as all my money goes to them already. Its the fact that I am not allowed to have a voice in the house.

I dunno, it just seems to me that you want a "veto power" rather than a "voice".

She says the only way I can keep her from divorcing or fighting with me is if I will always agree 100% with all that she says and does.

Well that's just wrong.

[eau_xplain 2]

I think that this can only be resolved between you and your wife. There might be some communication problems here. Remember, even if you think that your wife speaks good English, she is still translating things in her head when she speaks in a language that's not her own. She might be meaning something else when she says something.

I hope that you will find a way to present your concerns to your wife and that you'll be able to work out a good solution for your dilemma.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

taking control of the budget is not really an option to me. I know my wife wants to be in charge of it so I dont have problem with it. The thing that really bothered me is that I wont buy anything for myself no matter how big or how small, because I am the type to sacrifice myself for those I love. I guess it just took me by surprise cuz the way my wife phrased the question "if I want to buy something would u ask me any question or just let me do whatever I want". It sounded like I have no say so in the house, and she has gotten into a habit of telling me to shut up lately. It just made her sound really shallow and way different from the person I trusted her to be. She says the only way I can keep her from divorcing or fighting with me is if I will always agree 100% with all that she says and does.

Whoa, you've got bigger issues than money. Get some counseling ASAP! Seriously.

[JVKn'CVO 11]

I'm of the idea of daily expenses/small things are ok, and consult each other on anything bigger/ unussual. Both spouses agreeing on a budget, and working towards common financial goals

Saludos,

Caro

Edited January 25, 2008 by JVKn'CVO

[mawilson 2,133]

I'm of the idea of daily expenses/small things are ok, and consult each other on anything bigger/ unussual. Both spouses agreeing on a budget, and working towards common financial goals

Regardless of each spouse's contribution to the budget?

Let's say you make $250k and your wife makes $50k vis-à-vis equal contributions ($150k & 150k)?

[Minya's wife 24]

I'm of the idea of daily expenses/small things are ok, and consult each other on anything bigger/ unussual. Both spouses agreeing on a budget, and working towards common financial goals

Regardless of each spouse's contribution to the budget?

Let's say you make $250k and your wife makes $50k vis-à-vis equal contributions ($150k & 150k)?

"To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part."

Edited January 25, 2008 by Paula&Minya

[JVKn'CVO 11]

I'm of the idea of daily expenses/small things are ok, and consult each other on anything bigger/ unussual. Both spouses agreeing on a budget, and working towards common financial goals

Regardless of each spouse's contribution to the budget?

Let's say you make $250k and your wife makes $50k vis-à-vis equal contributions ($150k & 150k)?

yeap nothing is "mine" or "yours" anymore, it's "ours"

Saludos,

Caro

Edited January 25, 2008 by JVKn'CVO

[Ban Hammer 12,840]

The reason I opened this poll is because my and I are having a misunderstanding. She asked me what would I do if she wanted to buy something, would I just let her buy whatever she wants without question or would I ask her for more information. I answered, if its for material goods then I should be able to ask you about it. I said cuz if were short on budget, then it would not make since to buy $200 shoes. She got upset and now she saying that she will not spend any of my money. She also saying that she cant put her trust in me now, she doesn’t realize the fact that I was shocked because she said I don’t have the right to say anything.

I already put her in total control of the finances, because I know this would make her happy. She has 3 kids and Im doing my best to support us and give us all a comfortable life on the salary I make. I was kinda shocked that she asked me a question like that because I trust that she is mature and dependable. I never spend money on myself, because I would feel guilty and like I was taking away from the family as a whole. I would always ask her before I buy something for myself. I also tried to explain that material goods should not be important because if u spend 200 on shoes or dress 6 months later that 200 is going to be forgotten

no vote as the option i'd vote for isn't there.

you got bigger problems than who controls the budget. best wishes for resolving them.

[mawilson 2,133]

I'm of the idea of daily expenses/small things are ok, and consult each other on anything bigger/ unussual. Both spouses agreeing on a budget, and working towards common financial goals

Regardless of each spouse's contribution to the budget?

Let's say you make $250k and your wife makes $50k vis-à-vis equal contributions ($150k & 150k)?

yeap nothing is "mine" or "yours" anymore, it's "ours"

1) Married doesn't mean you have to lose your own identity and make all decisions by committee.

2) "He who pays the piper calls the tune."