Dear Joyce

[Ban Hammer 12,845]

What do you suggest I do to increase my sex appeal?

don't spit...........

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

What do you suggest I do to increase my sex appeal?

don't spit...........

!!!!!!

Charles!!!!!!!! LOL

[Amby 490]

lol

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Thank you so much for your help Joyce! You are so beautiful!

Amen to that.

She must be related to Sarah Jessica Parker. I definitely see a resemblance.

Dear Mr. Fancypants:

We're not related (goodness, I wish we were! such talent!), sadly. However, I think that this photo is a bit more flattering!

Love,

Joyce

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce

Thank you so much for offering this service for free. You are helping so many people who otherwise would be distraught for answers I am sure. And the cool whip thing, you are a godsend

Now on to my question...My husband of 2 years just recently had a conversation with me in which he expressed that he would like our marriage to be "open", and I am pretty sure he wasn't talking about communication. Honestly though Joyce, I have no idea what that could mean and I was just to embarrassed to ask him. Could you explain what it means to have an "open marriage" if it isn't communication?

Thanks so much!

Dear Yardiewife:

Thanks for writing! And goodness, the irony! Your marriage isn't open enough for you to ask him what an open relationship is! Now that's something else, boy howdy!

Rest assured, I can help. These are modern times, and open relationships are more common--or, dare I say it, at least more open. What is an open relationship? Well, it means that you and your husband can buy each other's clothes.

I know it sounds unconventional, but it can really add spice to a relationship! Your husband comes home with a beautiful pleated polyester skirt that you never would have considered, and the following week, you present him with a great pair of dancing loafers! Such things really enhance a relationship, take it from me.

Now, sit your husband down and tell him you're ready for an open marriage!

Love,

Joyce

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

Dear Yardiewife:

Thanks for writing! And goodness, the irony! Your marriage isn't open enough for you to ask him what an open relationship is! Now that's something else, boy howdy!

Rest assured, I can help. These are modern times, and open relationships are more common--or, dare I say it, at least more open. What is an open relationship? Well, it means that you and your husband can buy each other's clothes.

I know it sounds unconventional, but it can really add spice to a relationship! Your husband comes home with a beautiful pleated polyester skirt that you never would have considered, and the following week, you present him with a great pair of dancing loafers! Such things really enhance a relationship, take it from me.

Now, sit your husband down and tell him you're ready for an open marriage!

Love,

Joyce

Boy howdy!

[Yaads 0]

Dear Yardiewife:

Thanks for writing! And goodness, the irony! Your marriage isn't open enough for you to ask him what an open relationship is! Now that's something else, boy howdy!

Rest assured, I can help. These are modern times, and open relationships are more common--or, dare I say it, at least more open. What is an open relationship? Well, it means that you and your husband can buy each other's clothes.

I know it sounds unconventional, but it can really add spice to a relationship! Your husband comes home with a beautiful pleated polyester skirt that you never would have considered, and the following week, you present him with a great pair of dancing loafers! Such things really enhance a relationship, take it from me.

Now, sit your husband down and tell him you're ready for an open marriage!

Love,

Joyce

Wow Joyce I never could have guessed. Thank you so much for clearing that up for me. The look on his face when I told him I would love to have open marriage with him was priceless. He seemed so thrilled and immediately started calling some of his friends to invite them over. Such a social guy he is...no wonder I love him so much! He did have a look of bewilderment when I presented him with his new fashionable platformm shoes, but I am just chalking that up to him getting used to this whole open marriage thing.

Thanks again for your wonderful advice. I got your mailing address from your label and will be sending over cool whip as my thanks. Enjoy

[Welshcookie 17]

Dear Joyce....Dear Deirdre could kick your a$$.

Edited December 20, 2007 by thanksforthefish

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

Dear Joyce....Dear Deirdre could kick your ###.

Be nice to Joyce!!!!!

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

I have attached a photo of myself. As you can see I have curly hair like yours. What do you suggest I do to increase my sex appeal?

Dear Amber:

Thanks for writing! And goodness, you're a lovely girl! Such potential! My suggestions:

(1) You do have a head start with the curls. However, if you ultimately want the Joyce Look that's sweeping the nation, you'll have to consider a triple perm, available at most reputable salons. This is an all day affair, but you can pass the time by listening to my album on an 8-track player, or perhaps reading about the art of interior decorating using shag carpeting. To preserve the much-sought-after helmet look, take a trip to your hardware store, then stop by the beauty supply store. I admit to being a bit selfish and don't want to divulge my secret, but you'll have fun making your own helmet preservative. You'll want to focus on adhesives and glues.

(2) I believe that a pair of large glasses will enhance your sex appeal. The ratio I use is to go for lenses that are no smaller than 1/3 of the diameter of your face. Tinted lenses a plus. You want to add the element of mystery!

(3) Read up on synthetic fabrics. Few things are more comely than a paisley rayon top that hugs your curves! But be careful! It melts at high temperatures! (Don't worry, that was a joke!)

Good luck, Amber! You can do it!

Love,

Joyce

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Dear Joyce,

I have attached a photo of myself. As you can see I have curly hair like yours. What do you suggest I do to increase my sex appeal?

You got plenty, sister. Nice!

[Welshcookie 17]

Dear Joyce....Dear Deirdre could kick your ###.

Be nice to Joyce!!!!!

[*julez* 124]

Dear Joyce,

I noticed that you recommended tinted lenses, however I'm not sure tinting is practical in all settings. Do you think transitional lenses would be a good substitute?

Also, on an unrelated note, do you think spanking amongst spouses is ever appropriate?

Just Curious

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

I noticed that you recommended tinted lenses, however I'm not sure tinting is practical in all settings. Do you think transitional lenses would be a good substitute?

Also, on an unrelated note, do you think spanking amongst spouses is ever appropriate?

Just Curious

Dear Just Curious:

Thanks for writing! To be honest with you, I've never found tinted lenses to be impractical. I often wear them in the shower, truth be told. But I realize that not everyone is Joyce Drake, try as they might!

Now, back to business. I've lost sleep over the years regarding whether I should take the plunge and try out transitions lenses, just to let people know that I'm not a fuddy-duddy who's incapable of changing with the times. I like new technologies as much as the next person (Ms Pac Man anyone?). But sometimes you just have to stick with the oldies but goodies.

Regarding spanking, I assume that you're referring to the more common definition, "to move quickly, dashingly, or spiritedly." Now, I think that most married couples would appreciate that, no matter what the activity! (Ifyaknowwhatimean, risque Joyce, I know!) Mowing the lawn dashingly, maybe? Taking out the trash quickly? By all means, spank away, Just Curious! And tell your spouse that Joyce said it's OK!

Love,

Joyce

[Nessa 23]

Dear Joyce,

What can I do for this day not to drag and be 1400 soon?

Thanks

Mrs. #######