Dear Joyce

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce, my wife is having great difficulties applying a condom with her mouth, it keeps getting stuck in the back of her throat. We would like to incorporate this act into our sex-play but damned if all that gagging does'nt distract us from such a pleasurable act. Please help!

All choked-up.

Dear CarolsMarc:

My goodness, that sounds like a sticky situation! First off, I hope you have a pair of tongs so that you can retrieve that condom before it causes further trouble!

I say, practice makes perfect! Perhaps your wife could practice on, say, a shoe horn. And you should practice too! I'm a liberated woman, and this separate spheres talk is old fashioned! You never know, you may find that you're better at it than your wife is!

Once you're both comfortable with your skill, why not treat yourselves to some cheese fondue?

Good luck!

Love,

Joyce

Dear Joyce, my wife is having great difficulties applying a condom with her mouth, it keeps getting stuck in the back of her throat. We would like to incorporate this act into our sex-play but damned if all that gagging does'nt distract us from such a pleasurable act. Please help!

All choked-up.

Dear Charles:

Are you having similar trouble? Don't be shy!

Love,

Joyce

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

I've noticed there tends to be a lot of drama in VJ's Off Topic forum and yet somehow you always manage to remain cool during these flare ups. What is your secret?

Julez

Dear Julez:

Well, I don't want to give away all my secrets, but I find that listening to Dave "Baby" Cortez really puts me in a good mood!

Love,

Joyce

[Ban Hammer 12,829]

Dear Joyce, my wife is having great difficulties applying a condom with her mouth, it keeps getting stuck in the back of her throat. We would like to incorporate this act into our sex-play but damned if all that gagging does'nt distract us from such a pleasurable act. Please help!

All choked-up.

Dear Charles:

Are you having similar trouble? Don't be shy!

Love,

Joyce

i was expecting the easy answer - don't use condoms

[Peikko 1,575]

Dear Joyce

I am on my way to the grocery store as we speak, Cool Whip it is.

I have another concern and it's a trifle embarrassing. I don't wear glasses. I don't even wear contacts. How can I still achieve that special look with this serious impediment?

Yours hiding behind a large chiller

Mrs Holding.

[Amby 490]

Dear Joyce,

In celebration of national orgasm day I wondered if you had any tips for me on how to achieve multiple orgasms.

Yours Truly,

Desparate for Multiples

[Ban Hammer 12,829]

this one should be good

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

Dear Joyce,

First let me say I was so thrilled to see your post here, I'm in need of some advice.

I'm planning a very romantic weekend with my boyfriend (he's flying in tomorrow night!) and I want to surprise him with something fun and kinky but I don't have a very vivid imagination!

Can you give me some suggestions on how to give my man an all-night extravaganza of sexual delights? I want it to be unique.

Thanks!

Signed,

Preparing for pleasure

P.S. Your album cover says 50cents! I'd pay WAY more for it than that!!!!

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

In celebration of national orgasm day I wondered if you had any tips for me on how to achieve multiple orgasms.

Yours Truly,

Desparate for Multiples

Dear Desperate for Multiples:

Goodness, there are some interesting holidays these days! You may wish to refer to an earlier post from Mr. Fancypants, who asks about The Sting, who is full of hooey, in my opinion.

You don't want to be desperate because that's not becoming. The important thing is, believe in yourself, and don't let anyone tell you that you look frumpy in a pantsuit! Now, just so no one gets the wrong idea, I have nothing against skirts. In fact, I've been known to wear skirts for fancy occasions, such as the PolyesterFest convention in Las Vegas, and maybe a special event such as a retirement party or anniversary shindig.

Don't forget about matching accessories. For a while, I carried a handbag that resembled a horse saddle. Giddyup! It certainly was fashionable, but a bit unwieldy. You don't want to sacrifice fashion for utility, I have to say!

Good luck with your holiday!

Love,

Joyce

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Dear Joyce,

First let me say I was so thrilled to see your post here, I'm in need of some advice.

I'm planning a very romantic weekend with my boyfriend (he's flying in tomorrow night!) and I want to surprise him with something fun and kinky but I don't have a very vivid imagination!

Can you give me some suggestions on how to give my man an all-night extravaganza of sexual delights? I want it to be unique.

Thanks!

Signed,

Preparing for pleasure

P.S. Your album cover says 50cents! I'd pay WAY more for it than that!!!!

Dear Preparing for pleasure:

Well, you've written to the right person, because I'm all about having fun!

You may not think that you're very imaginative, but everyone has a creative center. When I was a bit younger, I never would have dreamed that I'd have such success as a famous singer and fashion trendsetter. But look at me now! You can do it!

Just to get you started, how about having a look in your hall closet? Do you have a vacuum with attachments? How about a dustbuster? A rainhat? Or, if the kitchen is more your style, how about a pancake turner? Let your fantasies run wild! Let your man know how much you care by making sure there's plenty of Cool Whip! (I bet you saw that coming!)

Enjoy!

And thank you for the album compliment! The 50-cent sticker is really a private joke between me and the album designer. He really is a hoot!

Love,

Joyce

[Amby 490]

Thank you so much for your help Joyce! You are so beautiful!

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

Joyce!

I never thought of incorporating everyday household tasks into the mix!

I'm sure this will work like a charm because my man loves food!!!

Happy Holidays Joyce

Keep on rocking on!!!!

~Laura

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Thank you so much for your help Joyce! You are so beautiful!

Amen to that.

She must be related to Sarah Jessica Parker. I definitely see a resemblance.

[Amby 490]

Thank you so much for your help Joyce! You are so beautiful!

Amen to that.

She must be related to Sarah Jessica Parker. I definitely see a resemblance.

lol

[Yaads 0]

Dear Joyce

Thank you so much for offering this service for free. You are helping so many people who otherwise would be distraught for answers I am sure. And the cool whip thing, you are a godsend

Now on to my question...My husband of 2 years just recently had a conversation with me in which he expressed that he would like our marriage to be "open", and I am pretty sure he wasn't talking about communication. Honestly though Joyce, I have no idea what that could mean and I was just to embarrassed to ask him. Could you explain what it means to have an "open marriage" if it isn't communication?

Thanks so much!

[Amby 490]

Dear Joyce,

I have attached a photo of myself. As you can see I have curly hair like yours. What do you suggest I do to increase my sex appeal?