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Derrickrose1989

Problems on marriage before removing the conditions

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Hello everyone. Me and my American citizen wife have been together for four years and we have been married for one and half years. I had my Green Card permanent resident card on March 2014 and we are waiting for applying to 10 years Green Card after two years is up. The only problem so far is , our marriage is not going very well recently. She wants to have a baby with me but I think we are not ready for a baby yet because her lifestlye makes me scared to have a baby with her. I love her so much and want to have her baby one day but she has a drinking and partying problem. She goes out with her sisters and cousins on weekend and most of the times she dont even come home. We have been to counselor many times but she doesnt accept that she has that kind of problem.Other day, she told me she wants to be separated because of our problems and the baby thing. She said since I'm in the Green Card process, she will wait for divorcing till I have my second green card. Now we still live in the same house like we have always did but do not sleep in same bed and she sometimes spends the night at her sisters house. We are having like a roommate relationship with each other even though i love her and try to save my marriage, she is willing to keep the things in that way till i changed my mind about having baby. We haven't separated yet because we both know it would be so hard for both of us because we really love each other.my questions are :

1) The issues we have been going through in our marriage right now would be the problem for removing my conditions on my green card next year ?

2) Even though we agree on waiting for divorce till i get my ten years gc, living in the same house would be a good idea for the next interview ? (We still see each other most of the times and still have joint accounts and bills.)

3) Also even if i get my ten years green card and then divorce, would i lose my chance to apply for a citizenship ?

I'm in very stressful situation at the moment. I want to stay in USA and I love my wife. I just don't feel that it is the right time to have a baby she is not willing to be with me no more but she promises that she wont let me go through anything bad. I have nobody to tell my situation. I need all of your advises for my situation please. Thank you very much.

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****** Moving from AOS to Effects of Major Changes forum ******


Bye: Penguin

Me: Irish/ Swiss citizen, and now naturalised US citizen. Husband: USC; twin babies born Feb 08 in Ireland and a daughter in Feb 2010 in Arkansas who are all joint Irish/ USC. Did DCF (IR1) in 6 weeks via the Dublin, Ireland embassy and now living in Arkansas.

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You cannot change someone else. She is who she is and you need to decide if you want to stay.

1) staying together just for ROC doesn't seem like a healthy relationship for either of you. You can file a divorce waiver.

2)not everyone gets an interview for ROC. Most dont of they have a genuine marriage.

3)no you can apply at 5 years.


You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.  - Dr. Seuss

 

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Thank you for your answers. We have decided to stay together. We still have lease together. We do not want to file a divorce just yet. My wife still wants to make sure that I will be able to get my 10 years green card before we get divorced. Do you guys think it is a big risk to stay together right now when we have major problems in our marriage ? We do not want to do anything illegal in the other hand. We did not have anything setup in our marriage so far, we have been to marriage couselor to solve our problems but it really did not work out. She is not willing to divorce yet neither i am. So if they ever call us to an interview, do you think we would be in trouble for staying together ? Also what are the chances for them to call us for an interview ?

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You'd need to have ongoing evidence of a bona fide relationship throughout this "marriage."


06-04-2007 = TSC stamps postal return-receipt for I-129f.

06-11-2007 = NOA1 date (unknown to me).

07-20-2007 = Phoned Immigration Officer; got WAC#; where's NOA1?

09-25-2007 = Touch (first-ever).

09-28-2007 = NOA1, 23 days after their 45-day promise to send it (grrrr).

10-20 & 11-14-2007 = Phoned ImmOffs; "still pending."

12-11-2007 = 180 days; file is "between workstations, may be early Jan."; touches 12/11 & 12/12.

12-18-2007 = Call; file is with Division 9 ofcr. (bckgrnd check); e-prompt to shake it; touch.

12-19-2007 = NOA2 by e-mail & web, dated 12-18-07 (187 days; 201 per VJ); in mail 12/24/07.

01-09-2008 = File from USCIS to NVC, 1-4-08; NVC creates file, 1/15/08; to consulate 1/16/08.

01-23-2008 = Consulate gets file; outdated Packet 4 mailed to fiancee 1/27/08; rec'd 3/3/08.

04-29-2008 = Fiancee's 4-min. consular interview, 8:30 a.m.; much evidence brought but not allowed to be presented (consul: "More proof! Second interview! Bring your fiance!").

05-05-2008 = Infuriating $12 call to non-English-speaking consulate appointment-setter.

05-06-2008 = Better $12 call to English-speaker; "joint" interview date 6/30/08 (my selection).

06-30-2008 = Stokes Interrogations w/Ecuadorian (not USC); "wait 2 weeks; we'll mail her."

07-2008 = Daily calls to DOS: "currently processing"; 8/05 = Phoned consulate, got Section Chief; wrote him.

08-07-08 = E-mail from consulate, promising to issue visa "as soon as we get her passport" (on 8/12, per DHL).

08-27-08 = Phoned consulate (they "couldn't find" our file); visa DHL'd 8/28; in hand 9/1; through POE on 10/9 with NO hassles(!).

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Well as an evidence : we have lease, joint bank account, health insurance, car insurance and joint club memberships...i dont know if that would be enough evidence. Her drinking is a big problem and she still likes partying on the weekends. Im from different culture and i would like to know if i am right or wrong to not want to have baby with her. I am scared to use divorce waiver because i heard that i might end it up with deportation. I cannot go back to my country because i have mandotory military service and i havent finished my school in US. I also work as a restaurant manager and make relible money. So i would not like to get deported if i ever use divorce waiver. I am just too scared for that.

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I love her so much and want to have her baby one day but she has a drinking and partying problem. She goes out with her sisters and cousins on weekend and most of the times she dont even come home.

This is the deal breaker, I promise you she is spending time with her lover or lovers.

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i would be very worried about bringing a baby into the world with someone who drinks and parties

you need to be mature to make a baby not use a baby to make you mature

I can not imagine a happy child in these conditions

and really, things probably will not change in the future with your marriage

actually, these problems usually get worse especially if you ever experience any money issues which drinking and partying along with normal life expenses

I wish you luck but be careful

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From what you have related to us is, even if you have a child with this woman, what kind of mother would she be.

And would she change her "ways of drinking and going out on weekends" that is what only you can decide.

As if it was me, I would run from her tomorrow, and do as other members have suggested, about the divorce, as I am not qualified, to advise you about such things as "divorce waivers."

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I disagree with other posters. I think it would be wise to stay together until you get your green card.

Most I-751's are approved without an interview. USCIS is not going to come and see if you are sleeping in the same bed. It sounds like you have most of the usual evidence of a bona fide marriage, and you haven't separated your finances.

Why look for trouble if she's willing to stay together - although remember, the process could easily take another year. Why give USCIS a red flag, an excuse to probe deeper? You aren't required to write love letters to each other with your I-751 or to renew your marriage vows.

It's true that you can probably get approved with a divorce waiver, but it doesn't sound like either of you is making life particularly difficult for the other, except for the tragedy of a failed marriage. If you can both accept that the marriage is gone and live under the same roof without driving each other crazy, why not? Why take the chance?

You can apply for citizenship three years after receiving your green card if you are still "living in marital union" with the spouse who sponsored you. Otherwise 5 years. So it's possible you will have to delay citizenship but it's not a big deal. Once you get the 10-year green card you are pretty much safe, unless you do something to make yourself deportable like commit a crime or leave the USA for too long.

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divorce isn't a red flag, it requires a waiver that's it and many with waivers are approved without interview.

I see zero, i repeat ZERO reason to stay with someone just for a green card then divorce.


You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.  - Dr. Seuss

 

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