Juliet and Steve

1) Economics. This is a multi-pronged subject. Filipinas have a cultural mandate to be a bastion of support for the family. A woman over the age of 25-30 in RP (Philippines) is considered "old" related to finding/keeping a job. This blatant age discrimination in RP affects men too, but perhaps not to the same extent. Even for Filipinas under the age of 25 job opportunities are rare. Thus the mandate to be able to support the family is difficult. Foreign lands offer less age discrimination. Foreign men, especially those who can travel to RP offer economic support. These men are also likely to be able to keep their career intact with no or little age discrimination.
2) At the risk of drawing the ire of some, Filipino males have an undesirable (broadly speaking--of course there are exceptions) set of mores. Mores are cultural/moral values. The machismo attitude runs deep in RP culture. It likely comes from RP's Spanish heritage. It is common for males to woo young females, impregnate them, and then dump them as now being worthless. Philippine men cheat. Again, though there are exceptions, the cultural mores come into play. A male who has the resources to me married and have children and who decides to maintain a second household with a kabit (mistress) is not looked down upon. Though not openly admired, most even within the family will tolerate this, and some will even clandestinely admire the male. Filipina's on the other hand rarely cheat. The book "Lust in Translation" tells that only Tibet and Ghana has women with this level of fidelity. We can ignore Ghana as a male who finds his wife cheating might kill her--a good reason to be faithful. This leaves RP's women very desirable in the eyes of many Westerners who find the mores of Western women with their "Sex in the City" attitude and their lack of fidelity undesirable.
3) Filipinas want white! It is utterly ironic that most Western women admire and try to emulate through tanning the skin color of many Filipinas. Western men enjoy women who are not pasty white--we like all shades of Filipina. Filipinas want their babies to be white and they are smart enough to know how to attain this.
4) Many Americans are culturally adaptable and most are polite and considerate (and indeed, there are exceptions). This runs in opposition to other nationalities such as the Koreans and Chinese. I apologize to those of Korean and Chinese heritage who might be here and realize again, there are exceptions--but having traveled a bit the Koreans and Chinese unless you are friends with one seem by and large simply rude and inconsiderate.
5) Filipinas crave stability. Young men, worldwide do not offer the type of stability--but older men do. (same 'ol caveat--a generalization) Filipinas are age-difference tolerant. In 1972 I remember reading an article that said that the average American woman desired a male partner 2-10 years older than them. Today if that article would be re-written the statistics would likely indicate that American women now want male partners 2-10 years younger than them. This creates a situation where RP offers what American men want, and had until the feminist movement changed things. I, at my age, am, generally speaking, not what American women want and they, especially from their attitudes/morels/mores are not what I want. And I, at my age, value a woman who wants a lifetime relationship and have found one.
6) As others have pointed out: America is a melting pot. Everyone can fit in. America has its share of problems these days, but it's still a wonderful country to move to.
7) American men want sumbissive women. Oops...who wrote that--not me, where is the erase button.
Indeed, this is a loaded subject and all too often misunderstood. To some "submissive" means that a Filipina might become a sort of slave, or second class citizen, kept barefoot and penniless down on the farm and be subjected to the sexual whims of the dominant male. Yet I believe that though this concept might exist--it is rather rare, and really not what most American men desire.
I prefer to remove the word "submissive," and as another poster here has done--interject the word "feminine."
Back in the '60's most women in America stayed home and raised kids while the husband worked. The husband made the decisions. This is far from the case today, in America most women work--indeed most have to work--such is the economics of today. But what it's really about is that the women of the sixties at least seemed happy to have a nice home, a loving husband and happy children. Women of today in America, at least to me, all too many have become "independent," or rather beyond independent. They don't need a husband--in fact millions are better off with no husband to worry about. America's nanny state gives a single mom quite a lot. Subsidized or free housing; free medical; free education (college) and oftentimes even assist the single mom in buying a car. In my opinion America's changed to where marriage is a negative thing and as girls become women in their fatherless environment--the need for keeping a husband around has taken on less importance. For me the close family values that the Philippines espouse is a treasure. That a Filipina is more likely to be happy with the basic necessities of life is a refreshing alternative to the last two American women who I dated about 5 years ago. Both, after a nice dinner, as I walked them to their car said exactly the same thing: Smiling each said: "Oh, which is your car?" I responded: "the older blue Honda Accord." Both reacted the same--there appeared an odd look on their face that might have had a bit of disgust in it. Neither asked: "Why do you drive such an old car?" (Note: It looks nice to me and runs quite nicely, but it is 11 years old) Had either asked, my answer would have been: "I don't place much status value on having to have a new car--I'd rather not have $400 a month car payments (or $800 a month with two cars) and I prefer to pay off the mortgage on my house or use the money for investing. Though I had a nice time with both of them--neither responded to further calls or emails. Sadly--if you don't have a new car in America, a large percentage of women will write you off. It's a terrible thing too as so many men become so stretched out on debt to maintain the supposed status of the new car and big "dollhouse," (a big fancy house) that eventually it is this very economic loop of debt that destroys their lives and their relationships. Filipinas tend not to be particularly materialistic. They seem to be happy with a nice house and a car that runs. I like that.
8) Filipinas don't smoke and don't like smoking. This is not the case of way too many American women.
9) We American males are astounded at how beautiful all the Filipinas are.

The K-1 visa is a one entry visa used for the express purpose of getting married within 90 days of the beneficiary's arrival in the US--i.e. before the I-94 expires. You have done that. End of your obligations using the K-1 visa. However, the beneficiary cannot legally work or travel outside the US and return without the employment authorization document (EAD) or advance parole (AP) or the green card (GC). The only way to get those documents is to file for adjustment of status (AOS) with the I-485 form. When do you have to do that. It is not specified. Most people do it ASAP after getting married so they can begin the process of becoming a lawful permanent t resident (LPR) and begin the clock towards becoming a US citizen (USC).
Once the I-94 expires the beneficiary begins to accrue over-stay days which are forgiven for the spouse of a USC. You have no legal status proof so if you happen upon a CBP check point near one of the borders, the beneficiary can be detained and hauled in front of an immigration judge. The IJ will see that the beneficiary is in fact married to a USC and eligible for filing AOS. The IJ will release you and tell you to file the AOS. The IJ may even give you a court order that you have until X date to file by. Miss that date and the beneficiary will be placed in deportation proceedings. All that is highly unlikely. Wait too long to file the AOS and you will have to pay to have a new medical done. Wait past the 180 days after the I-94 expires and there is a debate whether you can use the AP so why bother filing for it. Wait for 2 years after marriage and you become eligible for the 10 year GC instead of the conditional 2 year GC, but the K-1 MUST receive the 2 year conditional GC per the CFR (code of federal regulations) so it is suggested you file the I-130 with the I-485 to overcome this catch-22.
File as soon as you have the money and the documents in order so your spouse can begin their life in the US as a LPR.
Good luck,
Dave

More than praying, everyone should also prepare and not just leave it all to God.

Stock up on food and water. Charge all cellphones and get batteries for flashlights etc. Be prepared to evacuate if necessary and don't be stubborn about it.

Congrats Juliet and Steve!
Thanks keane15! Yep, it will be issued soon. And i also read my horoscope, good news regarding immigration and/or travel lol
Fingers crossed

If you believe USCIS lost your petition, contact your senator or congress person. Even USCIS Ombudsman office.

You have to bear in mind the country of origin, in this case the Philippines. It's highly unlikely a young adult with few ties to the Philippines is going to be granted a tourist visa. In saying that, all they have to lose is the application fee.

Interesting post Pamala but harsh indeed!
Would you have this couple attempt to forcibly return the child somehow?
The children are here—it’s a done deal and the OP is caught in a bind that millions of other American’s (and other nationalities see):
http://au.ibtimes.com/articles/515323/20131021/japan-celibacy-syndrome-sex-relation-survey.htm
The above article is instructive and mentions how American’s such as you (Pamala) are putting off having children. It is a problem. I wonder too, that America is largely becoming populated by children whose parents don’t bother to even consider support, parents who are often on the dole, when another mouth to feed simply means a bigger TANIF check (TANIF) is a form of welfare.
But back to the OP’s issue.
I do agree with Pamela and others that postpartum depression is a real possibility here and suggest that the couple attempt to deal with the possibility medically.
OP says that she cannot find a job.
Frankly, I find this difficult to believe. I’ll assume (which might be wrong) that she has a fair amount of English ability. Well, there are so many jobs that so many will not do—CNA/LNA (Certified Nurse’s Assistant) (and many places will train in house), hospital laundry, grocery store late night shelf stocking, security guard. It may be that she is depressed and that is the real issue—or not.
As for sending the children back to RP, I’m not at all surprised to see Americanized responses for essentially what is a Filipino issue.
The idea of sending a child away from mom and dad in America is anathema. What horrid parents would ever do such a thing? Well, that is understandable for most but look at where the children will go.
They will go back to grandparents who will likely love to have them. They won’t have mom or dad but were we (Juliet and I) to do this someday, I realize that they’d have about four dads and multiple moms because that’s the way it works in RP. Juliet’s brothers and sisters would, even without thinking step in to these roles—that’s the way family life is in RP. It is not that way in America.
To an American such a scenario (sending the children to RP) seems horrible. Yet millions of Filipino parents work overseas (either one parent or both) and leave their children to be cared for by relatives. Research often indicates that this is a bad thing, but most of the research is that done by and about industrialized countries--not—about RP. The fact is that there is no substantial research that indicates that children in RP suffer if they have loving caretakers other than mom/dad.
And let us not consider the negative effects upon children of any age being raised by stressed out mom and dads—unable to even avail themselves of what everyone else in America can—and routinely does: WIC (Women/Infants/Children), SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (Food Stamps) (which considers M&M’s and potato chips nutritious)) and other social supports. An immigrant’s petitioner is forbidden to use such programs—or will be billed for them—another can of worms.
When in Bohol or in Cebu I am constantly amazed by children who have so little and yet who are always happy. Their schools may be impoverished—but many learn and do well.
In America I am constantly amazed by the foul language, the arrogance and rudeness, and surliness of the many children that pass my house. Not all mind you, but many. I worry too seeing children in America with so much in the way of toys (electric scooters, iPhones, iPads) and cringe to see them constantly glued to some electronic device. Many are fat—yet I do not remember seeing one child in Bohol who was fat.
Putting this all together I’ll say to OP that considering RP’s cultural norm where children being raised by relatives will likely be happy and may turn out much better being raised in RP than in America—go for it.
Consider too people—we have Skype and the new ability to maintain contact at a distance.
OP you are not alone—this issue is one that millions of Americans and others face. These are difficult times and please ignore the advice of those who don’t know or have made no effort to understand how RP’s culture differs from American culture.
Good luck

Interesting post Pamala but harsh indeed!
Would you have this couple attempt to forcibly return the child somehow?
The children are here—it’s a done deal and the OP is caught in a bind that millions of other American’s (and other nationalities see):
http://au.ibtimes.com/articles/515323/20131021/japan-celibacy-syndrome-sex-relation-survey.htm
The above article is instructive and mentions how American’s such as you (Pamala) are putting off having children. It is a problem. I wonder too, that America is largely becoming populated by children whose parents don’t bother to even consider support, parents who are often on the dole, when another mouth to feed simply means a bigger TANIF check (TANIF) is a form of welfare.
But back to the OP’s issue.
I do agree with Pamela and others that postpartum depression is a real possibility here and suggest that the couple attempt to deal with the possibility medically.
OP says that she cannot find a job.
Frankly, I find this difficult to believe. I’ll assume (which might be wrong) that she has a fair amount of English ability. Well, there are so many jobs that so many will not do—CNA/LNA (Certified Nurse’s Assistant) (and many places will train in house), hospital laundry, grocery store late night shelf stocking, security guard. It may be that she is depressed and that is the real issue—or not.
As for sending the children back to RP, I’m not at all surprised to see Americanized responses for essentially what is a Filipino issue.
The idea of sending a child away from mom and dad in America is anathema. What horrid parents would ever do such a thing? Well, that is understandable for most but look at where the children will go.
They will go back to grandparents who will likely love to have them. They won’t have mom or dad but were we (Juliet and I) to do this someday, I realize that they’d have about four dads and multiple moms because that’s the way it works in RP. Juliet’s brothers and sisters would, even without thinking step in to these roles—that’s the way family life is in RP. It is not that way in America.
To an American such a scenario (sending the children to RP) seems horrible. Yet millions of Filipino parents work overseas (either one parent or both) and leave their children to be cared for by relatives. Research often indicates that this is a bad thing, but most of the research is that done by and about industrialized countries--not—about RP. The fact is that there is no substantial research that indicates that children in RP suffer if they have loving caretakers other than mom/dad.
And let us not consider the negative effects upon children of any age being raised by stressed out mom and dads—unable to even avail themselves of what everyone else in America can—and routinely does: WIC (Women/Infants/Children), SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (Food Stamps) (which considers M&M’s and potato chips nutritious)) and other social supports. An immigrant’s petitioner is forbidden to use such programs—or will be billed for them—another can of worms.
When in Bohol or in Cebu I am constantly amazed by children who have so little and yet who are always happy. Their schools may be impoverished—but many learn and do well.
In America I am constantly amazed by the foul language, the arrogance and rudeness, and surliness of the many children that pass my house. Not all mind you, but many. I worry too seeing children in America with so much in the way of toys (electric scooters, iPhones, iPads) and cringe to see them constantly glued to some electronic device. Many are fat—yet I do not remember seeing one child in Bohol who was fat.
Putting this all together I’ll say to OP that considering RP’s cultural norm where children being raised by relatives will likely be happy and may turn out much better being raised in RP than in America—go for it.
Consider too people—we have Skype and the new ability to maintain contact at a distance.
OP you are not alone—this issue is one that millions of Americans and others face. These are difficult times and please ignore the advice of those who don’t know or have made no effort to understand how RP’s culture differs from American culture.
Good luck

Yep, he’s a loser for sure!
Along with the other 11,300,000 unemployed losers (ww.bls.gov/news.release/pdf/empsit.pdf) or oops, I forgot—we can’t really trust what the government tells us. CNN puts the number at 86,000,000 losers.
(See: http://money.cnn.com/2012/05/03/news/economy/unemployment-rate/)
In America when a person is unemployed the person collects unemployment benefits. If the person is not eligible (perhaps they had not had the job long enough) voila—they are magically “employed” (statistically). Once a person has exhausted his or her unemployment benefits—again,like magic—they become employed (according to statistics).
In short, America is absolutely full of unemployed persons who over time become more and more discouraged. He is one of them.
To say this fella is a loser is cruel. There is no other word.
We don’t know his story. Perhaps he had a job and lost it. Perhaps he was like me (I’m unemployed) and optimistic—a year or two ago. But optimism does not create jobs.
My guess is that the problem can be summed up in one word: depression. I’ll bet that he’s worn down and depressed. This occurred by the millions during the Great Depression of the 1920-1930’s. Men abandoned families frequently rather than face the bleak reality that there were NO jobs anywhere. Now, it’s not that bad today—but it is bad for some.
My advice to her would depend largely upon her skills. If she speaks English poorly, and does not have an education equivalent to high school, it will be a hard road for her. If she speaks English well and has high school skills—she’s been here long enough to be able to work. (If not, perhaps discussing this as an option will lead to her being able to work in the US)
So my advice would be to go and get a job at McD’s or equivalent. They are always desperate for employees—or stocking grocery shelves, or working independently as a cleaning service. Anything is fine--$7/hour or $8 per hour is fine—it’s a start. Find a nursing home and obtain work as a CNA (Nurses Assistant) here in NH there are many large places who will train a person for free—here wages rise quickly to $12-$14. Use that as a jumping stone and become an LPN (nurse) and voila wages rise to $17=hour—use that as a jumping point to an RN—voila! Now she’s making $24+/hour. (If she's not yet empowered to work maybe telling him that she is willing to do so will keep the relationship together until she can work.)
She’s here—she’s empowered to start earning so consider trying that. Living with mom does not need to be a negative thing it reduces the bills. As a matter of fact, culturally she is less likely to mind that than he.
This will not fix things totally but it may offer him hope and it may give him time to find a job—anything, part-time is ok.
There is a syndrome that afflicts America and it goes like this:
You’re unemployed—that’s ok.
You’re unemployed for more than a year—that’s not ok, now you’re a loser. (He is likely in this category)
I’m not being facetious here. Many, many temp agencies will simply not hire a person if they have been out of the labor force for more than one year. This leads to a plethora of “no job available for you” responses. Often this affects men more than women as women are often more willing to find/learn new skills. Often men faced with finding that no temp agency (often the only good source of jobs) will hire them become depressed and drop out.
The answer is simple. The man must work at some job—any job—part time or full time for six months to be able to go back to a temp agency (about the only place where there are full time jobs) who will now hire them. This may be his only option, and her working earning some income could be the catalyst that gets him back on his feet (along with the relationship).
A couple is a team so I’d suggest that she act like part of a team and try to figure out how to create some cash flow—any will likely improve things.
It would be a terrible thing for her culturally to have to go back to the Philippines and probably terrible to divorce (divorce is unacceptable to most Filipinas).
It’s a difficult situation but one that literally affecting millions of couples since finances is the number one source of contention within marriages.
(See: http://www.dailyjournal.net/view/local_story/Study-Money-is-top-source-of-c_1369177022/)
Nah, he’s not a loser—he’s just depressed and she, like myself, and like millions of other Americans are in the same boat.
Note: Every community has GED (General Education Degree) courses—they are generally free and usually they include English tutoring if necessary.

The employer/employee situation is not likely going to count for much. It seems hard to imagine that you can’t leave for 10-14 days. An employee is not an indentured servant. This being said perhaps there is some reason why a temp agency could not find a person that has the unique skills that you have—if this is the case be sure to explain and carefully document that.
I also find it very difficult to see the impossibility of taking 10-14 days off from visiting your friend. Your friend is diabetic, has had several strokes of unknown effects and has end stage kidney disease. Your friend is undoubtedly in a skilled nursing facility. You do not appear to be a caregiver; much less a primary caregiver and I would presume that all her needs are met by the LNAs and RNs (+doctors) at the nursing home.
You offer her emotional as well as financial assistance/support but it will be difficult to understand how your friend who appears to still be verbal would have difficulty being without your visits for 10-14 days. I presume that she still has verbal capacity and it seems that you could have another person act as an intermediary and keep in touch via phone or internet each day in case something comes up. If she suffers from anxiety I’m sure a discussion with her doctor would lead to appropriate anxiolytic medication relieving her of anxiety.
You say she is at the end stages of kidney failure yet you do not mention that she’s on dialysis. Even if she were on dialysis, well, that’s fairly routine. Yes diabetics often have feet or partial leg amputation yet you make no mention of an impending operation. Were one pending you could delay travel until a week or two after to help your friend grieve her loss.
I do not understand at all the Court and some sort of debt that you discuss so I cannot comment on that.
A notarized letter from an RN would be inappropriate—I’m surprised that you can get one. Such a letter in effect acts as a form of diagnosis which is outside of the scope of practice allowed by any state board of nursing that I have ever heard of, a note from a doctor would me more appropriate and hold more weight.
Good luck.

The employer/employee situation is not likely going to count for much. It seems hard to imagine that you can’t leave for 10-14 days. An employee is not an indentured servant. This being said perhaps there is some reason why a temp agency could not find a person that has the unique skills that you have—if this is the case be sure to explain and carefully document that.
I also find it very difficult to see the impossibility of taking 10-14 days off from visiting your friend. Your friend is diabetic, has had several strokes of unknown effects and has end stage kidney disease. Your friend is undoubtedly in a skilled nursing facility. You do not appear to be a caregiver; much less a primary caregiver and I would presume that all her needs are met by the LNAs and RNs (+doctors) at the nursing home.
You offer her emotional as well as financial assistance/support but it will be difficult to understand how your friend who appears to still be verbal would have difficulty being without your visits for 10-14 days. I presume that she still has verbal capacity and it seems that you could have another person act as an intermediary and keep in touch via phone or internet each day in case something comes up. If she suffers from anxiety I’m sure a discussion with her doctor would lead to appropriate anxiolytic medication relieving her of anxiety.
You say she is at the end stages of kidney failure yet you do not mention that she’s on dialysis. Even if she were on dialysis, well, that’s fairly routine. Yes diabetics often have feet or partial leg amputation yet you make no mention of an impending operation. Were one pending you could delay travel until a week or two after to help your friend grieve her loss.
I do not understand at all the Court and some sort of debt that you discuss so I cannot comment on that.
A notarized letter from an RN would be inappropriate—I’m surprised that you can get one. Such a letter in effect acts as a form of diagnosis which is outside of the scope of practice allowed by any state board of nursing that I have ever heard of, a note from a doctor would me more appropriate and hold more weight.
Good luck.

The employer/employee situation is not likely going to count for much. It seems hard to imagine that you can’t leave for 10-14 days. An employee is not an indentured servant. This being said perhaps there is some reason why a temp agency could not find a person that has the unique skills that you have—if this is the case be sure to explain and carefully document that.
I also find it very difficult to see the impossibility of taking 10-14 days off from visiting your friend. Your friend is diabetic, has had several strokes of unknown effects and has end stage kidney disease. Your friend is undoubtedly in a skilled nursing facility. You do not appear to be a caregiver; much less a primary caregiver and I would presume that all her needs are met by the LNAs and RNs (+doctors) at the nursing home.
You offer her emotional as well as financial assistance/support but it will be difficult to understand how your friend who appears to still be verbal would have difficulty being without your visits for 10-14 days. I presume that she still has verbal capacity and it seems that you could have another person act as an intermediary and keep in touch via phone or internet each day in case something comes up. If she suffers from anxiety I’m sure a discussion with her doctor would lead to appropriate anxiolytic medication relieving her of anxiety.
You say she is at the end stages of kidney failure yet you do not mention that she’s on dialysis. Even if she were on dialysis, well, that’s fairly routine. Yes diabetics often have feet or partial leg amputation yet you make no mention of an impending operation. Were one pending you could delay travel until a week or two after to help your friend grieve her loss.
I do not understand at all the Court and some sort of debt that you discuss so I cannot comment on that.
A notarized letter from an RN would be inappropriate—I’m surprised that you can get one. Such a letter in effect acts as a form of diagnosis which is outside of the scope of practice allowed by any state board of nursing that I have ever heard of, a note from a doctor would me more appropriate and hold more weight.
Good luck.

The difficulty of obtaining a passport won't help much, as the CIS will not see it as an indefinite restriction which is out of your control. In their view, you can always travel once the balance is below $2,500. Unfortunately, the USCIS does not care if you're ineligible to be meet now, if it is likely you will be in a year or two. The hardship waiver is for situations in which you are unable to travel, indefinitely, for extraordinary reasons beyond your control, and that you cannot change.
Again, being the primary caregiver and legal guardian for a very ill patient is your best bet. Your friend's illness should be explained in great detail. If what you explained here was in the initial I-129f package, and notarized by a healthcare professional, you may have a shot.
Keep in mind that it must be established that your friend would face extraordinary, extreme hardship if you should be gone even for a week or two. I can only speculate here, but seeing as she is taken care of in a nursing home, I do not think the CIS will grant the waiver. You do not only have a 2 year meeting requirement to overcome, but the inherent red flag that comes with an engaged couple who have never met in person. African consulates are notoriously difficult to satisfy of anything, and even if your petition does slip past the USCIS, the embassy will not issue any visa until they're satisfied that a bona fida, ongoing relationship exists - A very difficult endeavor for an applicant in Africa who has never met his/her fiancee in person.
I'd also like to add that the CIS will look at other possibilities before issuing a waiver. For example, you live in Texas, is there a reason you cannot meet in Mexico? If he is eligible for a tourist visa to Mexico, the CIS would rather tell you to get a passport and meet in Mexico. The $4,040 debt is not indefinite, and not beyond your control in the eyes of the CIS.
I'm not saying this to be mean, but the reality is that you will be much better off if you could find a way to meet in person. Keep in mind that you do not just have to get your petition through the USCIS, your fiance has to get his K-1 visa application through the Department of State, and while a possible waiver could waive the two year meeting requirement, it does not take away assumption of fraud.

Yep, he’s a loser for sure!
Along with the other 11,300,000 unemployed losers (ww.bls.gov/news.release/pdf/empsit.pdf) or oops, I forgot—we can’t really trust what the government tells us. CNN puts the number at 86,000,000 losers.
(See: http://money.cnn.com/2012/05/03/news/economy/unemployment-rate/)
In America when a person is unemployed the person collects unemployment benefits. If the person is not eligible (perhaps they had not had the job long enough) voila—they are magically “employed” (statistically). Once a person has exhausted his or her unemployment benefits—again,like magic—they become employed (according to statistics).
In short, America is absolutely full of unemployed persons who over time become more and more discouraged. He is one of them.
To say this fella is a loser is cruel. There is no other word.
We don’t know his story. Perhaps he had a job and lost it. Perhaps he was like me (I’m unemployed) and optimistic—a year or two ago. But optimism does not create jobs.
My guess is that the problem can be summed up in one word: depression. I’ll bet that he’s worn down and depressed. This occurred by the millions during the Great Depression of the 1920-1930’s. Men abandoned families frequently rather than face the bleak reality that there were NO jobs anywhere. Now, it’s not that bad today—but it is bad for some.
My advice to her would depend largely upon her skills. If she speaks English poorly, and does not have an education equivalent to high school, it will be a hard road for her. If she speaks English well and has high school skills—she’s been here long enough to be able to work. (If not, perhaps discussing this as an option will lead to her being able to work in the US)
So my advice would be to go and get a job at McD’s or equivalent. They are always desperate for employees—or stocking grocery shelves, or working independently as a cleaning service. Anything is fine--$7/hour or $8 per hour is fine—it’s a start. Find a nursing home and obtain work as a CNA (Nurses Assistant) here in NH there are many large places who will train a person for free—here wages rise quickly to $12-$14. Use that as a jumping stone and become an LPN (nurse) and voila wages rise to $17=hour—use that as a jumping point to an RN—voila! Now she’s making $24+/hour. (If she's not yet empowered to work maybe telling him that she is willing to do so will keep the relationship together until she can work.)
She’s here—she’s empowered to start earning so consider trying that. Living with mom does not need to be a negative thing it reduces the bills. As a matter of fact, culturally she is less likely to mind that than he.
This will not fix things totally but it may offer him hope and it may give him time to find a job—anything, part-time is ok.
There is a syndrome that afflicts America and it goes like this:
You’re unemployed—that’s ok.
You’re unemployed for more than a year—that’s not ok, now you’re a loser. (He is likely in this category)
I’m not being facetious here. Many, many temp agencies will simply not hire a person if they have been out of the labor force for more than one year. This leads to a plethora of “no job available for you” responses. Often this affects men more than women as women are often more willing to find/learn new skills. Often men faced with finding that no temp agency (often the only good source of jobs) will hire them become depressed and drop out.
The answer is simple. The man must work at some job—any job—part time or full time for six months to be able to go back to a temp agency (about the only place where there are full time jobs) who will now hire them. This may be his only option, and her working earning some income could be the catalyst that gets him back on his feet (along with the relationship).
A couple is a team so I’d suggest that she act like part of a team and try to figure out how to create some cash flow—any will likely improve things.
It would be a terrible thing for her culturally to have to go back to the Philippines and probably terrible to divorce (divorce is unacceptable to most Filipinas).
It’s a difficult situation but one that literally affecting millions of couples since finances is the number one source of contention within marriages.
(See: http://www.dailyjournal.net/view/local_story/Study-Money-is-top-source-of-c_1369177022/)
Nah, he’s not a loser—he’s just depressed and she, like myself, and like millions of other Americans are in the same boat.
Note: Every community has GED (General Education Degree) courses—they are generally free and usually they include English tutoring if necessary.

Uh..try re-reading my post please.
The impression that I got from the posts immediately after the OP was that he was being considered a loser because he was waffling--due to his inability to find a job. If I misread--I apologize.
The post did not "hurt me" as an "unemployed person." Though still unemployed I have a tentative job offer that's on the table which is upwards of $35/hour. That's typical wages for what an RN makes in my area.
I had not read about his lying where he lives, and I am not "taking his side."
I was simply pointing out that it's unfair to call him a loser because of job economics in today's society, and that she has an opportunity to be a change agent herself.
If he lied about where he is living, well--that's a different story. Even if he felt that living with mom was temporary he had an obligation to share this with his fiancee. So I'll agree with you on that point.

I left home, on my bicycle at age 15 and never returned.
I never finished my Senior year of high school.
These are patterns of behavior.
It would seem, according to your rules of prediction that I would never graduate with a college degree.
Yet I did, not once, but three times, all Cum Laud.
Not what you would have predicted--I'm sure.

Thank you for this response.
VJers are sometimes too quick to jump to conclusions.

I left home, on my bicycle at age 15 and never returned.
I never finished my Senior year of high school.
These are patterns of behavior.
It would seem, according to your rules of prediction that I would never graduate with a college degree.
Yet I did, not once, but three times, all Cum Laud.
Not what you would have predicted--I'm sure.

hi to ur friend.. she should relax her mind and not thinking about paper works in immigration since they just got married cause for me they are still in adjusting their marriage.if the husband is not really that abusive person tell to the husband that they can still work it i mean there are still lots of time to think how to save some money so they can applied for whatever they need to..they should talk heart to heart as a husband and wife so that they would know what is the real inside of them i mean the feelings of how they truly feels for each other thats how they can work things out.. forget about paper work for now i mean you can file whenever your ready not in a hurry because that will made him feels like you only worried about ur papers..you have ur social security number right then if its saying that valid for work only then maybe u can ask ur husband if its ok for him that u can find a job so that in the future when ur both ready to file the papers u need then u can do it.. but if the relationship is not working then dont be scared to left him.. just because u need him for filing legally papers in us doest mean he can do whatever he wants to and make u suffer..

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
Both tend to be disappointed.

Yep, he’s a loser for sure!
Along with the other 11,300,000 unemployed losers (ww.bls.gov/news.release/pdf/empsit.pdf) or oops, I forgot—we can’t really trust what the government tells us. CNN puts the number at 86,000,000 losers.
(See: http://money.cnn.com/2012/05/03/news/economy/unemployment-rate/)
In America when a person is unemployed the person collects unemployment benefits. If the person is not eligible (perhaps they had not had the job long enough) voila—they are magically “employed” (statistically). Once a person has exhausted his or her unemployment benefits—again,like magic—they become employed (according to statistics).
In short, America is absolutely full of unemployed persons who over time become more and more discouraged. He is one of them.
To say this fella is a loser is cruel. There is no other word.
We don’t know his story. Perhaps he had a job and lost it. Perhaps he was like me (I’m unemployed) and optimistic—a year or two ago. But optimism does not create jobs.
My guess is that the problem can be summed up in one word: depression. I’ll bet that he’s worn down and depressed. This occurred by the millions during the Great Depression of the 1920-1930’s. Men abandoned families frequently rather than face the bleak reality that there were NO jobs anywhere. Now, it’s not that bad today—but it is bad for some.
My advice to her would depend largely upon her skills. If she speaks English poorly, and does not have an education equivalent to high school, it will be a hard road for her. If she speaks English well and has high school skills—she’s been here long enough to be able to work. (If not, perhaps discussing this as an option will lead to her being able to work in the US)
So my advice would be to go and get a job at McD’s or equivalent. They are always desperate for employees—or stocking grocery shelves, or working independently as a cleaning service. Anything is fine--$7/hour or $8 per hour is fine—it’s a start. Find a nursing home and obtain work as a CNA (Nurses Assistant) here in NH there are many large places who will train a person for free—here wages rise quickly to $12-$14. Use that as a jumping stone and become an LPN (nurse) and voila wages rise to $17=hour—use that as a jumping point to an RN—voila! Now she’s making $24+/hour. (If she's not yet empowered to work maybe telling him that she is willing to do so will keep the relationship together until she can work.)
She’s here—she’s empowered to start earning so consider trying that. Living with mom does not need to be a negative thing it reduces the bills. As a matter of fact, culturally she is less likely to mind that than he.
This will not fix things totally but it may offer him hope and it may give him time to find a job—anything, part-time is ok.
There is a syndrome that afflicts America and it goes like this:
You’re unemployed—that’s ok.
You’re unemployed for more than a year—that’s not ok, now you’re a loser. (He is likely in this category)
I’m not being facetious here. Many, many temp agencies will simply not hire a person if they have been out of the labor force for more than one year. This leads to a plethora of “no job available for you” responses. Often this affects men more than women as women are often more willing to find/learn new skills. Often men faced with finding that no temp agency (often the only good source of jobs) will hire them become depressed and drop out.
The answer is simple. The man must work at some job—any job—part time or full time for six months to be able to go back to a temp agency (about the only place where there are full time jobs) who will now hire them. This may be his only option, and her working earning some income could be the catalyst that gets him back on his feet (along with the relationship).
A couple is a team so I’d suggest that she act like part of a team and try to figure out how to create some cash flow—any will likely improve things.
It would be a terrible thing for her culturally to have to go back to the Philippines and probably terrible to divorce (divorce is unacceptable to most Filipinas).
It’s a difficult situation but one that literally affecting millions of couples since finances is the number one source of contention within marriages.
(See: http://www.dailyjournal.net/view/local_story/Study-Money-is-top-source-of-c_1369177022/)
Nah, he’s not a loser—he’s just depressed and she, like myself, and like millions of other Americans are in the same boat.
Note: Every community has GED (General Education Degree) courses—they are generally free and usually they include English tutoring if necessary.

What love is there to fight for when he refuses to give her legal status in the US by adjusting her and wanting to send her back home?
Since her husband doesn't want her, what is the love that she is fighting for?
If she want to stay here legally, her only choice is to show that he abused here. Refusing to adjust her and wanting to send her home by themselves is not abuse.

I agree with Pamela Lycos. At the time of Juliet's interview I am unemployed essentially earning zero though I do collect some unemployment benefits--but these are disregarded. I've been unemployed for 8 months.
At the interview earnings and being unemployed was simply not discussed. We did get a 221g but for divorce documents.
But my 2012 1040 is well over double required, and I did include a summary of assets, though we don't think that they were really considered.
Therefore if his last year 1040 is above the minimum, I suspect, temporary or not, that you're ok.

Wow, really not judging here, but how can you guys not be aware of the drug testing at the physical??? There are many discussions of this topic on here almost weekly, you should have had knowledge of this and warned him of the tests... Sorry to hear about this happening to you both... I hope you get through this quick as possible, 12 months will seem like a long time, but the rewards are coming!!!!!

Convicted sex offenders face an uphill battle, usually for life.
If the offense involved a significantly older person and a child it seems unlikely that he has any recourse.
However, there are cases where one person is 19 and the other 17, where both parties agreed to a sexual activity. Depending on state law, this can result in a conviction in one state where it becomes something less, or nothing at all in another state. So there are varying degrees, in my opinion, that can result in the same conviction.
It seems to me that the real question was: “was force involved,” and also: “age disparity.” These two elements may define severity.
In his case his state law rules. See:
http://www.criminaldefenselawyer.com/resources/criminal-defense/expungement/seal-criminal-records.htm
So it would be best to hire a lawyer competent in sex offender convictions and annulment (or pardon/sealing of records—depending upon state law) and make sure that lawyer is in his state of conviction.
See avvo.com to ask legal questions. Surprisingly avvo.com often gets good, high quality free answers.
Considering the length of time, if the offense was marginal, as one listed above “might” be considered, annulment/pardon/sealing might be allowed.
Additionally, as mentioned above, under the Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act of 2006, any person convicted of a felony sex crime involving children is ineligible to petition a foreigner to immigrate to the United States, including on a K-1 visa. The Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security can issue a waiver of this Act at his or her sole discretion.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K-1_visa