JimVaPhuong

Does Marc Ellis still work in Vietnam? Does he still use Mr. Nam for document and interview prep services? We hired him back in 2009. My wife was sweating bullets about the interview. Mr. Nam's sessions helped her feel more confident. He also gave her homework to study, which kept her busy, and also helped her feel like she was doing something productive to prepare rather than just worrying and waiting. In the end, her interview was very easy - only four questions. She really didn't need the interview prep, but it cut her stress substantially. From a psychological perspective, it was well worth the money. They also organized our documents so everything was nicely labeled and organized into appropriate sets to turn in or use at the consulate.

http://marcellislaw.com/contact.html

Marc is a member of this forum with the username "ellis-island". I notice he hasn't logged in since November of 2013, so I doubt it would be useful to send him a PM.

Here's for the people who have a family member that's been waiting many years or even decades to migrate to the U.S.

https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/fix-immigration-system-stop-prioritizing-illegal-immigrants-and-promote-legal-immigration/NsRN14G1

The delays aren't a matter of bureacratic bumbling, backlog, or executive discretion. They exist because of the annual numerical limits Congress placed on each immigrant visa category, in addition to the per country limits in the law. The President can't circumvent these limits with executive action.

You should also understand the President's executive action didn't change the priority for anyone. He's not granting legal status to anyone. He's allowing them to apply for deferred action, which is nothing more than a promise that DHS won't try to deport them solely for being unlawfully present. That promise is for a limited amount of time. This doesn't change their immigration status - the President doesn't have the authority to do that. It only offers temporary protection from deportation.

There are only two ways to significantly reduce the waiting time for family based legal immigrants. First, Congress could increase the numerical limits in each of the immigrant visa categories, which would make the line move faster. Second, fewer people could apply for immigrant visas, which would make the line shorter. There isn't anything the President could do (within the framework of the law) without Congress changing the law.

I have no idea as to whether he would be eligible for U etc, I was just mentioning it as a general comment on K1.

He currently is a K1 admitted with an overstay.

I have put forward one option, if it works for someone with no status to get into a status to adjust why not a K1.

If it actually worked then DACA program participants could also use it to overcome illegal entry and unlawful presence. That would create a loophole as big as a barn door, and there would be many thousands of DACA program participants doing this. I searched and couldn't find a single one.

What you're suggesting is that using advance parole effectively wipes the slate clean. It doesn't. As I pointed out, parole does not create a new class of admission. It allows someone to briefly leave the US and return without losing their class of admission or abandoning their AOS application. A hard rule for adjustment of status is that the applicant must be eligible to adjust both when the application is submitted AND when the application is approved. If parole changed their class of admission then every K1 who used advance parole would ultimately have to be denied AOS because they checked box "C" in section 2 of the I-485, and that application type would no longer be valid after they returned. I've heard of many people who have been denied AOS because USCIS concluded they weren't eligible for the application type they selected, but I've never heard of a K1 being denied because using AP changed their admission class.

If AP doesn't change the admission class of a K1 who complied with the terms of their visa then it also doesn't change the admission class of a K1 who didn't comply. In order to escape the conditions of the K1 they would need to leave and be admitted, not paroled, with a different admission class.

One possible option, there are others, but why he needs to speak to a good lawyer.

Wife files I 130 and I 485 including AP.

He uses AP. So now back on parole not admitted on K1.

Goes to adjustment interview, might be adjused but say not as his original basis for filing may not be considered valid even through he is now a Parolee rather than K1 admitted.

If that is the case then files another I 485 based on the approved I 130 and his current parolee presence.

As he technically never left he never triggered a ban getting back in.

Not ideal but this is the situation he is in and certainly worthy of consideration.

From the I-131 form instructions:

A person who has been "paroled" has not been admitted to the United States and remains an "applicant for admission" even while paroled.

The most recent "admission" to the US would still be the K1 visa.

That's entirely possible. She did come here as a child, so DACA is possible. Are now-adult DACA individuals at risk of deportation? (Curious why deportation would have been brought up at all if she were safe-guarded the entire time.) Something about the entire situation just does not make sense to me. Then again, I went through all the paperwork and filing for my husband and THAT didn't make sense to me either!

If she was approved for DACA then she would be protected from being deported solely because of her lack of immigration status. However, she could still be deported if she commited any crime that would make her inadmissible to the US. The protection lasts for two years, though Obama's latest executive action will extend it to three years. She would also be able to apply to renew that protection as long as the program remains in effect. An eligible person CAN submit a DACA application while they are in removal proceedings, provided they are not currently in immigration detention, but the application won't be approved if the basis for the removal was something more serious than simple immigration status.

Not everyone who entered the US as a child is eligible to apply for DACA. They must have entered before they were 16. They must be under the age of 31 (as of June 15, 2012). They must have continuously resided in the US since June 15, 2007. They must not be a high school dropout (with some exceptions). They must not have committed a crime that would make them inadmissible to the US (i.e., deportable).

Anyway, this is all just supposition. Your original question has been answered about as well as it can be answered, given that we don't have all of the facts. I guess you'll find out if they let her back in when her vacation is over.

If one person asks the other to marry, and the other says yes, then they are engaged. No ceremony is relevant.....I've actually never heard of an engagement ceremony before reading your post (tho the existence of such things doesn't surprise me.)

Just remember, that once you begin the K1 Visa path, if you get married before the visa is granted, then you'll have to start all over again with a CR-1 visa. I mention this because you say something about an engagement ceremony and then you mention a wedding ceremony.

You will need pictures of you and your fiancee together, of course...

It's a centuries old tradition in most east Asian countries. It's usually quite formal, involves members of both families, offerings of traditional gifts from the groom's family, and traditional wardrobes. My avatar photo was taken just after our engagement ceremony. Our ceremony took place at a Buddhist temple (though most usually involve a procession to the bride's home where the ceremony takes place). There were probably 30 people in attendance at the ceremony, and was overseen by a "Su Thuc", which is sort of the Buddhist equivalent of a bishop. The ceremony usually takes place in the morning, followed by an afternoon party that might include a hundred or more people. The betrothed usually wear formal wedding attire at the party.

Again, this is a very old cultural tradition. Many modern Vietnamese people don't do it anymore, especially in the big cities. However, it's still very common in the smaller towns and rural villages. Arranged marriages are also still somewhat common in those places.

I don't know if the CO's in Saigon have relaxed a bit about the Dam Hoi since my wife's interview. There have always been people who were approved without one, but there have also been many who were denied, and the lack of a Dam Hoi was specifically cited on the denial sheet. I think the totality of the evidence is more important than any single piece of evidence. For example, if you say you met on the internet, and three months later made your first and only trip to Vietnam, stayed only one week during which you became engaged, and filed the petition as soon as you returned to the US, then I don't think a quickly organized and informal engagement ceremony during that week is going to help your case much. On the other hand, if your evidence is reasonably solid, but there are some red flags you're having difficulty overcoming, then a traditional Dam Hoi that obviously took some time to plan for might shift the balance in your favor.

In other words, nobody can tell you for certain that you'll be denied or approved with or without a Dam Hoi. I will say that not having a Dam Hoi appears to have been a problem for some people, but I've never known of a case where having a Dam Hoi caused any problems.

My wife got a K1, so this info isn't from personal experience...

According to the consulate website instructions, your wife is supposed to see the panel physician and have the medical exam BEFORE getting the vaccinations. She won't get the vaccinations at the medical exam. She'll need to go to the Quarantine Service for those. The instructions indicate she should bring any vaccination records with her, but you say she's never had any vaccinations before so she wouldn't have vaccination records.

http://hochiminh.usconsulate.gov/iv/medical-examination/vaccination.html

In this case, I would defer to the consulate instructions, even though they differ slightly from the NVC instructions. At this point, you're dealing with the consulate and not the NVC.

I think you have to be careful with the "indentured slavery" wording.

That comment was meant to be tongue-in-cheek. I didn't mean they are literally indentured slaves. I was referring to the fact that the two most common jobs for VN girls who don't speak English very well are working in a nail salon, and working as a babysitter for a VN family. In both cases they usually work from early in the morning until late in the evening, leaving very little personal time. What's worse, they're usually not paid for all of that time. Babysitters are usually paid a fixed monthly salary, and manicurists are usually paid commission. The net pay per hour usually ends up being a lot less than minimum wage. My wife has done it. Her sister has done it. Several of her cousins have done it. Not having strong English skills doesn't leave them many options, and the few options they do have are comparable to slavery in terms of hours and pay.

@skyking02 - You having an argument with yourself?

FYI

The United States of America DOES NOT have an official language.

True, but English is still necessary to function outside of a community of immigrants. In addition, a mastery of English is required in order to become a naturalized US citizen.

Personally, I don't mind that we don't have an official language. I kind of like the fact that businesses and government can cater to their target audience in their native language. I don't mind seeing Chinese billboards in China Town, or Spanish billboards in east L.A., or Vietnamese billboards in Little Saigon. I think it's cool that you can go to the DMV in California and take the written drivers license test in any one of 32 languages.

What I would really hate is for the US to become like Canada with official bilingualism, and everything has to be in both English and French. It may have sounded like a good idea when the country was almost exclusively English and French, but at their current rate of immigration they may someday end up with a province where both English and French are minority languages, and some other language like Hindi, Arabic, or even Spanish is the majority language. What will they do then?

I would wait and bring her home, Linh had to go back for some small item but it caused a one week delay, they lost copies of something and had to get from her. Plane tickets are expensive and vacation is hard to schedule. Also allow 3 hours from point of entry and following connecting flight... don't try to bring in "bird nests" hehe. don't ask me why I know LOL.

Good point. A lot of people think they won't be able to get this sort of stuff in the US. If they're going to live in California, Texas, Nevada, or Washington state then there's a supermarket chain called "99 Ranch" that has most of this stuff, including a variety of "birds nest" drinks. There's also many US based importers that sell this stuff on the internet. Just do a Google search for what you're looking for.

Now to the OP's question...

When my wife had her interview in December of 2009 they were not allowing petitioners to attend the interview, but I went anyway. I waited across the street with a couple of other Americans, one of whom was also a VJ member. At that time it was taking about a week between the interview and the finished passport, so we went back to Hue city so my wife could pack her stuff, say goodbye to her friends and family, officially quit her job, and tie up other loose ends. Two of my step kids also got K2's at the same time. We all flew back to the US together.

Suggestion: You may not know exactly when the passport will be ready. Best to buy a ticket for yourself with an open return date. If you decide to take a chance and buy your SO's ticket before you get the passport back then be sure to buy a ticket that allows you to change the travel date. Otherwise, you could be out the full cost of the ticket if the passport isn't ready in time.

Navigating the airport for transit isn't difficult, at least not in Taipei. Most of the people on the flight from Vietnam will be Vietnamese, and most of them aren't staying in Taipei (or other transit country), so there are plenty of people who speak Vietnamese who can show them where to go and what to do. Some of those people will undoubtedly be travelling through to the US, hopefully to the same airport as your SO. The only potentially difficult parts are filling out the customs declaration, and getting through immigration and potentially customs inspection. Getting through the airport is usually pretty easy. You just follow everyone else. Everyone who lands in the US has to go through immigration, even if they're transiting to another international flight.

If you have to choose between being there for the interview or travelling to the US with your SO then I recommend travelling together.

We obtained one for the sister and had no issues. I wrote a separate letter to the embassy stating I would return her to China as well as her separate application. g

I haven't looked at the embassy website in China (at least not in a long time), but the consulate website in HCMC specifically says:

Invitation letters, financial documents or employment documents are never required, and a visa will never be issued based solely on their presence. Nevertheless, many applicants believe they need to present documents about their finances or employment. Officers will often not examine these documents, either because they show facts the officer already understands, or because the information does not change the applicants basic situation already shown on the application form.

Even so, the immigration lawyers in San Jose that primarily serve the VN community pretty much all say to submit these documents. I think they need to update their bullet lists.

Hey guys I hope you remember me. Jim, Curtis, Scott I hope you guys are doing well. I havent posted in the longest of time. My wife and I are having a baby daughter, Sophia, in just a few weeks. I cant wait! I decided to come back here because I was on the web doing research for getting a tourist visa for my wifes mother to come to the states and it made me remember this place. Tourist visa? Yeah...good luck with that right? LoL I know but we will try and see what happens.

Wow! Major congrats on the baby!

A tourist visa is definitely possible. My wife's mom got one, much to my surprise. She's here in the US now making the rounds between the six gazillion relatives that live in Northern California. My wife's sister went to an immigration lawyer's office for help getting the tourist visa for mom. I told them it wasn't necessary. The lawyer's office told her she needed to submit an invitation letter. I told them it wasn't necessary, and in fact the consular officer wouldn't even look at it (says so on the consulate website). They did it anyway. The lawyer's office told them they'd need proof of financial support, and asked for tax returns. I said it wasn't necessary - again, says so on the consulate web site. They did it anyway. The lawyer's office insisted mom be "prepped" for the interview by their associates in HCMC. I said it wasn't necessary. They did it anyway.

I still don't know if the CO actually looked at the invitation letter or financial documents, or if the "prep" work helped at all. Nobody will give me a straight answer about it. They just say "Don't worry about it. She got the visa." Hmmm....

In order to get an "education" in America, one needs to be sufficient in the spoken language. So here's the 64K question to the OP: "How's your English?"

What you want is one thing, can you achieve your goal with what you have in your hands is another.

Yep. Without solid English skills the best they can usually get is a job working for other VN people. I don't mean to denigrate VN people in any way, but they tend to be not very generous to their own people unless they're family. That means long hours and short pay. In the SF Bay Area that usually means babysitting for a VN couple while they go to work, or working in a nail salon in a contract job. You need a license to work in a nail salon, but all of the manicure schools here have VN staff and conduct classes in Vietnamese, and the state even administers the test in Vietnamese for those who prefer it. It's tough to go to ESL classes when you're working 12 hours a day. The nail salon gig at least has the side benefit that you'll be interacting with English speaking people during the day, so you get a chance to practice English.

The traditional American thinking would be to work part time and go to school part time, but most of the jobs they could get without English skills aren't part time. They're more like some form of indentured slavery.

The ideal situation is if their new American family can afford to support them while they acquire English skills and then go on to learn a trade or get a degree. Even then, they'll often insist on working, even if it's a crappy job, because they feel guilty if they're not contributing. This is especially true if they're getting flak from their VN family members here about being a burden on their family when they're expected to be not only helping to support themselves, but also sending some cash to the family back home. It's a thorny issue that really needs to be discussed with them.

My dad and moms family is in hue and my wife is from hue. Thuan an beach is where they live

My wife's family is also from Thuan An. When I met my wife she owned a house on the outskirts of Hue, but pretty much all of her family still lives in Thuan An. The beach there is pretty nice. Lots of little cabanas where you can sit and watch the ocean. Lots of locals going up and down the beach with baskets of snacks and drinks to sell. It's also usually pretty deserted. I'm surprised more of the tourists that come to Hue city insist on going all the way to Lang Co or Da Nang to spend time on the beach when there's a nice beach only minutes away.

That's interesting that you can pre-nup out of the 864. That never occurred to me. The documentation is very clear, simple divorce does not end responsibility.

Divorce doesn't end the contract. However, while the I-864 says that the immigrant has the right to sue the sponsor to seek enforcement of the contract, it doesn't say that the immigrant cannot waive that right. A pre-nup could effectively end the immigrant's right to seek enforcement of the I-864 without affecting the government's right to seek reimbursement, but enforcement action by the government is rare.

The most well known action by a government agency to enforce the I-864 was when the Connecticut Department of Social Services tried to collect reimbursement from approximately 300 sponsors in 2007. The state's Attorney General stopped that action. A 2004 lawsuit against the L.A. County Department of Health Services sought to force the department to enforce I-864's against an unspecified number of sponsors, but the judge dismissed the lawsuit because the plaintiffs - an organization of taxpayers called the Friends of Immigration Law Enforcement - didn't have standing to bring the suit to court.

Government agencies are reluctant to enforce the I-864 because sponsors are often low income or immigrants themselves, and the agencies usually want to avoid the adverse publicity that would come with enforcement.

Australia started out as a land of criminals.

And I knew of an Australian immigrant who stole a car at 18, He was convicted and went on with life with a green card. When he was 40 he was arrested for shoplifting. The previous conviction at 18 came to light, and as it was a felony, he was deported to Australia. He came to America with his parents when he was 1 year old. The law sending him back was an administrative one, not a criminal one, so there was no grandfathering.

What will this law do? Some of the immigrants wil go underground. This is a very easy country in which to vanish, just stay out of contact with anyone in authority and live a quiet life.

I'm all for removing those who are violent criminals. They say that 3% of the people in prisons are there because they are evil. The rest are people who made a dumb mistake and got caught. Our prisons are overflowing with people who will not harm anyone. A waste.

In the news recently an immigrant in Chicago was absolved of a crime, his explanation was "Cultural Divide." Yep, he successfully argued that the culture of the USA and the home country differ too much to simply change right away. And won.

For those of you who simply say, "Yup, they broke the law, send them up the river, families be damned," well I hope you never experience anyone you know ever breaking the law anywhere. You may find out the hard way that heartless is not always the right thing to do.

The conviction would have also prevented your Australian example from obtaining US citizenship. The "good moral character" requirement has been part of US naturalization law since 1790, though if he would have applied for citizenship before 1996 he wouldn't have been automatically deported. He would only have been denied naturalization. As of now, any contact with authorities can result in a permanent resident being deported if they have ever committed or admit to having committed a deportable offense, which includes most felonies.

FWIW, US immigration law does not consider deportation to be a "penalty". Deportation is considered corrective active. The problem: the person being deported shouldn't be here. The correction action: send them back to the country where they came from. If a person was born in Australia then US law does not and should not consider returning there to be a "penalty". There are exceptions, such as when the alien's home country is embroiled in war, or when the alien would face persecution if they returned, or if their US citizen relatives would face severe hardship if they were forced to leave. Those people might be eligible for asylum or cancelation of removal. Otherwise, the US generally doesn't roll out the welcome mat for criminals, or continue to accomodate those who become criminals in the US.

Additionally, a permanent resident convicted of a crime in Australia is also subject to deportation. If the minister uses section 501 of the Migration Act then the alien doesn't even have a right to appeal the decision. They are detained until removed.

Late to reply, but I don't check in very often so sue me!

I made a total of five trips before my wife got her visa. Before I made my first trip we had been communicating regularly, but had made no commitments yet so there were no plans for an engagement ceremony. That first trip was short, but it was enough to know that we both wanted to continue with the relationship. I came back the following month, leaving the US the day after Christmas. I stayed longer this time. Before returning to the US I asked her if she wanted a Dam Hoi, which is pretty much how I proposed. She happily said yes. We planned for me to return in the spring for the engagement ceremony, which gave us plenty of time to plan everything, invite everyone, and for me to save enough to pay for everything. I paid for my sister and her husband to join me on the third trip, and for them to represent my family at the engagement ceremony. Of course, I can't prove it but I think seeing an American couple in my family group helped at the consulate interview. She was approved after only a few questions.

The fourth trip was at the end of the summer, and we took her family to some tourist destinations around Vietnam. The fifth trip was when she had her interview. I kept my return flight open. We picked up the passports at the consulate when the visas were ready, and she came back to the US with me and two of her kids. That was before the consulate began allowing petitioners to accompany beneficiaries to the interview, but she had my passport with her which the CO definitely saw, so he knew I was outside waiting across the street.

Everyone has their opinion about what helps and what doesn't. I frontloaded the petition package with lots of evidence, especially for the engagement ceremony. We had a few of the circumstances that were believed to be "red flags", such as being originally introduced by a member of her family. I addressed those red flags with evidence in the petition package. I personally believe that made the biggest difference in our case. I told my wife that the CO would probably make a decision based on the petition package and the documents she submitted, and that decision would be made before the interview began. I told her the best proof of that would be either a blue or pink paper on the stack of papers in front of the CO during the interview. My wife was too nervous to notice, but my step daughter said the pink slip was on top of the stack when they approached the window. It was all filled out except for the CO's signature.

Bear in mind that all of this took place nearly five years ago. Some things are likely to be different now, and there are certainly different CO's working there now. Also, the rule change allowing petitioners to attend the interview with the beneficiary is a double edged sword. While it may give the petitioner a chance to make their case that their relationship is genuine, it can also be an opportunity for the CO to discover things that would not otherwise be obvious. For example, it's possible for a couple to love each other deeply even though they have to resort to Google Translate for all but the most mundane of conversations. To the CO, lack of a common language can be a big sign that the relationship is probably a sham.

I'm living in VN outside of HCMC in Binh Duong where all the recent protest problems occurred.

Wow! I've got to check in here more often! This is really news to me! This is a really radical life change, and I'm curious what prompted it. Phuong and I always talked about maintaining two residences after I retire, one in the US and one in Vietnam, but neither of us has ever really suggested permanently living there.

Too bad this is an old post. I am in Hue right now, it is beautiful but very hot.

Yes, but it's not usually insufferably hot. Being further north and closer to the ocean, I find Hue is usually a lot more comfortable than Saigon. Walking out of Tan Son Nhat airport any time of year is kind of like walking into a blast furnace. It makes me look forward to getting on that domestic flight and getting up to Hue. The city itself is a little gritty, but it has it's own charm, especially around the Citadel. What I really like is the surrounding countryside.

She could qualify for insurance but she will not qualify for Medicare as she has never paid into the system and she can't get Medicaid because she has not been and LPR for at least five years. Even if she did get Medicaid the sponsor could be sued by the government to pay back Medicaid for what it spent on her.

She is certainly welcome to obtain insurance either through the ACA or privately or through an employer. To obtain insurance through ACA she must have a green card.

That depends on the state. In California almost everyone who meets the income criteria can apply for Medi-Cal, the California version of Medicaid. This includes new immigrants (there is no five year bar), as well as those who are unlawfully present. They can also apply through Covered California, the state's Obamacare exchange. However, applicants who are unlawfully present are not eligible for any health plan sold through the exchange - they can only use the exchange to apply for Medi-Cal if they're eligible.

I'm reading more on internet and if aos is denied and if she was unlawfully employed, then the time pending aos counts towards unlawful presence.

You probably read that time spent waiting for a decision on the AOS will be counted as unlawful presence if the AOS application is denied because it wasn't filed in a timely manner (i.e., while the alien still had lawful status), or if the filing was frivolous, or if the alien had been unlawfully employed. This is true, but only if one of these reasons is the basis for denying the AOS. This won't happen to someone who is applying for AOS as the spouse of a US citizen because of INA 245(c )(2). Under that section of the law, someone applying for AOS as the spouse of a US citizen isn't required to have maintained their lawful non-immigrant status, nor are they probited from adjustment because of unlawful employment. In other words, their AOS can't be denied for those reasons, so the AOS application time won't be added to their unlawful presence. The unlawful presence clock stops when the AOS application is accepted. The clock disappears if the AOS is approved. The clock resumes running if the AOS is denied.

Heroin addiction is very hard to hide from someone you sleep with. She'll have injection marks, usually in places that her clothing would hide. Heroin addicts also hide drug paraphernalia, mostly hyperdermic syringes, in various places around the house. They'll put them in places you normally wouldn't casually look, like inside a vase on a shelf or behind books you rarely remove from the bookshelf. Heroin addicts are not as particular about where they toss their used packaging. Powder heroin usually comes in very small zip lock bags. (Crack and crystal meth also come in these bags). Tar heroin, more common and less expensive, is usually wrapped in a piece of plastic or aluminum foil. A three inch shred from a plastic grocery bag would be a common wrapper. You'll notice the black tar-like residue inside the wrapper. You might find these in the kitchen or bathroom trash can, though she might try to bury them under the top layer of trash.

Crack and meth are a little tougher to pin down. Look for those miniature zip lock bags in the trash with a small amount of powder residue. A crack addict will have at least one pipe, usually glass but sometimes metal, which they usually keep on them, but if she's got more than one then you might find the others. Look for copper wool scrubbing pads called "Chore Boy". They use these as a substrate to melt the crack or meth crystals while they inhale the vapors. Finding a Chore Boy pad in a place not usually used for storing cleaning supplies is a tell tale sign, especially if it's obvious that small shreds of copper wool have been torn from the pad. Finding those small shreds, especially if they're dark and burnt, is a dead giveaway.

Take a little investigative tour around your home when she's not around. If she's an addict you should have no trouble finding some evidence. Save whatever you find and confront her with it. She'll deny it, of course, but you must confront her so that she'll know that you know.

I've lived with addicts before. I was even married to one at one time. They're sneaky in that they won't leave the evidence out in the open, but they don't waste too much time trying to hide it either. It's usually not too difficult to find with a little effort.

Just a bit of personal advice - even if she wanted to reform herself, the long term reform rate for addicts is extremely low - well under 5%. To make matters worse, when they start slipping then they grab onto anyone around them and take them down with them. What I mean by this is she'll steal your rent money or pawn your most precious belongings in order to buy drugs. She'll take out a cash advance on that credit card. If she can't get a cash advance then she'll use the card to buy something new, and then immediately flip it at a pawn shop for half the price. You take a substantial risk if you choose to try to help them. It's better to cut ties and get away. Don't try to help them if they fall on severely hard times. Sometimes that's the only wake-up call that will save their life. Sometimes it won't. I saw a 26 year old man come out of a six month resident program. He was happy, healthy, strong, and sober. He fell off the wagon two days later, and then deteriorated rapidly. Within a week he was homeless. Within two weeks he was dead from a multiple drug overdose.

Just get out. For your own good.

Do you honestly think that one comment on a public message board back then would have saved OP from current turmoil ?

What do you mean too late ? What makes you think OP would have dropped everything and done it your way because of what you

posted ? (rest of post removed as response to posted comment already removed - VJ Moderation)

D.Q. has been trolling this board for several years. It's ironic he would claim credit for predicting Clay's situation when practically every comment he has ever made on this board has involved a similar negative stereotyping of someone's Vietnamese fiancee or spouse. If nothing else, he is proof that if you always play the same number on the roulette board you'll eventually win. D.Q.'s posts are routinely deleted because his comments are rarely constructive or helpful, and are usually derogatory about the poster and/or the poster's Vietnamese S.O. To him, every dog is a wolf, so nobody listens when he cries wolf.

(Moderator's comments added: Dau Que is a banned former member of Visa Journey who habitually starts new accounts for the sole purpose of trolling this site. All duplicate accounts, once identified, are banned. As Jim states, please do not respond to any comments made by a new member that 'aim for the throat' about Vietnamese fiances or spouses, and report them to the Moderation Team using the Report button on the post. Thank you. )