rlogan

Fatima first of all get your stuff and go to a shelter for victims of domestic violence and DO NOT TELL TO YOUR SCUMBAG HUSBAND about the shelter. Do not answer his phone calls anymore! Do not talk to ANY member of his family or with any of his friend .Do not post anything on Facebook where are you staying.
The shelter for victims of DV they have social workers and they can tell you how to get a pro bono attorney to represent you. You have a big problem ahead than finding a job now,if you are convicted of a felony,in your case DV, you will be deported ,then focus now how to be away from your husband, find a shelter and then later on think about a job. The shelter will provide you shelter, food, counseling and some information about what you have to do regarding the criminal charges.

Boy, you are an inspiration for those whose determination is flagging.
The insanity and unfairness of our system defies belief. The president is rolling out the red carpet for people entering illegally, putting them on public services, and granting them amnesty. Yet others trying to do it legally like you are being put through hell.

Leaving the house open like that is ideal for encouraging affairs.

I met this girl who was robbing an old lady and beating her senseless. She asked me if I wanted to kick the old lady in the teeth and share some of the loot. I said no, I am a man of such high moral and legal character that I wasn't going to rob and murder this old lady with her.
But she seemed like just the kind of girl you would want to marry so I dated her for a couple of years until she stole my car to knock over a liquor store. That car was given to me by my parents. So despite being such a wonderful girl I just couldn't conscience her stealing something my parents gave me.
This is hard for me because she seemed so promising when I first met her, and it is only now that I have begun to doubt her character. Have I been too hasty here?

I met this girl who was robbing an old lady and beating her senseless. She asked me if I wanted to kick the old lady in the teeth and share some of the loot. I said no, I am a man of such high moral and legal character that I wasn't going to rob and murder this old lady with her.
But she seemed like just the kind of girl you would want to marry so I dated her for a couple of years until she stole my car to knock over a liquor store. That car was given to me by my parents. So despite being such a wonderful girl I just couldn't conscience her stealing something my parents gave me.
This is hard for me because she seemed so promising when I first met her, and it is only now that I have begun to doubt her character. Have I been too hasty here?

Boy, you are an inspiration for those whose determination is flagging.
The insanity and unfairness of our system defies belief. The president is rolling out the red carpet for people entering illegally, putting them on public services, and granting them amnesty. Yet others trying to do it legally like you are being put through hell.

I am married to a Middle Eastern man and I am 20 years older, we do not have these problems. This has nothing to do with age and everything to do with the fact that he married a low life.

Fortunately for us all the type of people who think that chicksontheritght and the American News Network are valuable and quality sources of information are rare.

Is this "final solution" going to be similar to Hitler's final solution for the Jews?

I met this girl who was robbing an old lady and beating her senseless. She asked me if I wanted to kick the old lady in the teeth and share some of the loot. I said no, I am a man of such high moral and legal character that I wasn't going to rob and murder this old lady with her.
But she seemed like just the kind of girl you would want to marry so I dated her for a couple of years until she stole my car to knock over a liquor store. That car was given to me by my parents. So despite being such a wonderful girl I just couldn't conscience her stealing something my parents gave me.
This is hard for me because she seemed so promising when I first met her, and it is only now that I have begun to doubt her character. Have I been too hasty here?

I met this girl who was robbing an old lady and beating her senseless. She asked me if I wanted to kick the old lady in the teeth and share some of the loot. I said no, I am a man of such high moral and legal character that I wasn't going to rob and murder this old lady with her.
But she seemed like just the kind of girl you would want to marry so I dated her for a couple of years until she stole my car to knock over a liquor store. That car was given to me by my parents. So despite being such a wonderful girl I just couldn't conscience her stealing something my parents gave me.
This is hard for me because she seemed so promising when I first met her, and it is only now that I have begun to doubt her character. Have I been too hasty here?

I met this girl who was robbing an old lady and beating her senseless. She asked me if I wanted to kick the old lady in the teeth and share some of the loot. I said no, I am a man of such high moral and legal character that I wasn't going to rob and murder this old lady with her.
But she seemed like just the kind of girl you would want to marry so I dated her for a couple of years until she stole my car to knock over a liquor store. That car was given to me by my parents. So despite being such a wonderful girl I just couldn't conscience her stealing something my parents gave me.
This is hard for me because she seemed so promising when I first met her, and it is only now that I have begun to doubt her character. Have I been too hasty here?

I met this girl who was robbing an old lady and beating her senseless. She asked me if I wanted to kick the old lady in the teeth and share some of the loot. I said no, I am a man of such high moral and legal character that I wasn't going to rob and murder this old lady with her.
But she seemed like just the kind of girl you would want to marry so I dated her for a couple of years until she stole my car to knock over a liquor store. That car was given to me by my parents. So despite being such a wonderful girl I just couldn't conscience her stealing something my parents gave me.
This is hard for me because she seemed so promising when I first met her, and it is only now that I have begun to doubt her character. Have I been too hasty here?

Actually, no - I do quite a bit of study on this as a personal hobby, stemming from my interest in personality/character disorders. It is the psychology of empathy.
It is our duty as parents to inculcate empathy, and it has a great deal to do with how people act later as adults. Our culture also has quite a bit to do with it too. It isn't strictly "nurture" of course, as sociopaths also come from backgrounds where these things were nurtured. There are lots of articles on this, most of which I read in the peer reviewed literature because I have access through the University.
But lots in the popular literature too, like this:
http://www.parentingscience.com/teaching-empathy-tips.html
Children learn empathy. That's how easy it is. The statement about the "average thinking about the average" is circular. But I couldn't agree more that we use similar experiences to develop empathy for others. Understanding love between gays does not require that you be gay. I don't have to like onions to understand that other people do.
The OP is concerned people cannot apparently empathize with the fact she has a relationship. It does not require having a long distance relationship yourself in order to empathize with her having a relationship. The people she is concerned about have relationships themselves. So it is an utterly trivial thing to understand.
What is very common though is that people try to invalidate our relationship for very different reasons than not understanding it. Guys who want to get into jamyestrellas pants. She expressed the most disdain for that, and it is pretty easy to understand that their motivation is in their trousers, not that they are incapable of understanding. But it is also snooty people who just want to put her down. Bigotry. Jealousy. Envy. Spite. These are very different matters from not having empathy. They actually do understand, and dislike her relationship for selfish reasons.
And that is why this comes down the vast majority of the time to character. People with character do not try to seduce married women. They do not take cheap shots at people out of jealousy, envy, or spite. They are not bigoted. Etc.
And that is why it is worthless trying to convince a horny male that is trying to get down your pants that your relationship is real. He already knows. He just has no qualms about bedding married women and would be happy to bed a married woman in a domestic relationship too if he thought he could get away with it. He is a man with bad character, and what you do is avoid him instead of meeting for coffee or a beer to try proving your relationship is real.

I met this girl who was robbing an old lady and beating her senseless. She asked me if I wanted to kick the old lady in the teeth and share some of the loot. I said no, I am a man of such high moral and legal character that I wasn't going to rob and murder this old lady with her.
But she seemed like just the kind of girl you would want to marry so I dated her for a couple of years until she stole my car to knock over a liquor store. That car was given to me by my parents. So despite being such a wonderful girl I just couldn't conscience her stealing something my parents gave me.
This is hard for me because she seemed so promising when I first met her, and it is only now that I have begun to doubt her character. Have I been too hasty here?

I met this girl who was robbing an old lady and beating her senseless. She asked me if I wanted to kick the old lady in the teeth and share some of the loot. I said no, I am a man of such high moral and legal character that I wasn't going to rob and murder this old lady with her.
But she seemed like just the kind of girl you would want to marry so I dated her for a couple of years until she stole my car to knock over a liquor store. That car was given to me by my parents. So despite being such a wonderful girl I just couldn't conscience her stealing something my parents gave me.
This is hard for me because she seemed so promising when I first met her, and it is only now that I have begun to doubt her character. Have I been too hasty here?

why would you continue to stay in a relationship with a woman who was in it for a green card from the very beginning? That's the biggest question. Not sure why you would even ask these questions when it is very clear what she was after.

And lots of people don't understand why gay people are attracted to their own gender, or how anyone could love an obese person, or a black or a Muslim, etc. Or YOU, for that matter. Icky - how could anyone love YOU?! lol.
But the rest of us don't hear about a relationship problem and throw our pet bigotry out there - was he black? Was he fat? Was he Muslim? And get up on our soap box to rant about it.
Personally, I don't know why anyone would marry a Filipina. All they want is a green card. You don't love your husband, and he doesn't love you. How could he? How could anyone? Saying such things does not reflect upon Filipinas. It reflects upon the speaker: that they lack character to say such things.
Words like "just" and "only are called minimizers. When people want to make a molehill out of a mountain they do this. So when we tell a black person to stick with his "own kind" so that he can be loved like he wants to, and insinuating he got what he deserved for his white wife leaving him, then we say this. Oh, I'm "Just Saying". As if that makes a nasty, bigoted comment somehow less nasty and bigoted.
This is a simple case of bigotry, not a manipulative person. This was a case of seeing an opportunity to rant about couples with age differences. The previous poster - holy cow. Every sentence is manipulative, and very poorly camouflaged.
Bigots come right out and say nasty things - nothing sneaky about it. They think it is perfectly normal to despise blacks, gays, fat people, or whatever their particular bigotry is. They are amazed that anyone could think what they say is wrong. A manipulative person on the other hand, knows exactly what they are doing and that it is wrong. They just have no scruples about it. But it is delivered in an underhanded, sneaky fashion.

A few things to note about manipulative people here: when they see someone else suffering from a manipulator, they like to join in on the fun and blame the victim by saying you are over-reacting. That's exactly what the wife is doing to the OP, and this person enjoys using the same tactic too.
While he is at it, he is minimizing the behavior of the cheater: Saying it's "not that great" instead of "It's wrong". See, it really is good behavior, just not great behavior.
The best of all though is attacking you for "snooping". See, if you catch someone screwing your best friend, but you hid in the closet to catch them, then you are just as much to blame. This is one of the most important tactics in the tool kit of manipulative people: blame-shifting. Sure, I was robbing the bank - but you had a hidden camera so it's your fault. lol.
While we are busy blaming the victim, let's also say she is cheating because he is older. Yeah, that's a great excuse, and boy it's a "large part" of her cheating too. No way we can have even a teensy-weensy bit of blame on her for having bad character. Everyone knows that a good wife is out there chasing other men and destroying his home, his career, and his life. If she is a lot younger, then you deserved it.
Now, a manipulative person also conceals his attack with a smile and a wish for "good luck" while he is busy twisting the knife in your back. He's really a great friend doing his best to lift up your spirits by saying you are over-reacting, she isn't doing anything wrong, but it is your fault she is doing something wrong.
I recommend for just about everyone that they read a book called "In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People". It is a quick read and identifies all of the tactics manipulative people use by name. They really aren't very smart people - they just have no conscience about hurting others. It's kind of a sport to them. They learn these tactics at very young ages - children try to manipulate us and we have to teach them to have a conscience. But these people don't develop a conscience and instead keep getting more and more practice at manipulating. They learn a small number of tactics can be applied to innumerable situations. When you see a person using these tactics - you know everything you need to know about them. Avoid them. Because this is all they know. People are objects they use for their own ends.
In long distance relationships, manipulative people find good cover because it is harder to keep an eye on them and a lot about their past can be concealed from you. They have an easier time molding a persona that you want to see instead of revealing who they really are. It is something to be aware of on both sides: the immigrant and the sponsor. But wow, if you do some reading it is amazing how easy it is to spot these people because they all use the same tactics. Just like the fellow above. He's child's play. I have seen the best of them, and this one is just garden variety, no challenge at all.

A few things to note about manipulative people here: when they see someone else suffering from a manipulator, they like to join in on the fun and blame the victim by saying you are over-reacting. That's exactly what the wife is doing to the OP, and this person enjoys using the same tactic too.
While he is at it, he is minimizing the behavior of the cheater: Saying it's "not that great" instead of "It's wrong". See, it really is good behavior, just not great behavior.
The best of all though is attacking you for "snooping". See, if you catch someone screwing your best friend, but you hid in the closet to catch them, then you are just as much to blame. This is one of the most important tactics in the tool kit of manipulative people: blame-shifting. Sure, I was robbing the bank - but you had a hidden camera so it's your fault. lol.
While we are busy blaming the victim, let's also say she is cheating because he is older. Yeah, that's a great excuse, and boy it's a "large part" of her cheating too. No way we can have even a teensy-weensy bit of blame on her for having bad character. Everyone knows that a good wife is out there chasing other men and destroying his home, his career, and his life. If she is a lot younger, then you deserved it.
Now, a manipulative person also conceals his attack with a smile and a wish for "good luck" while he is busy twisting the knife in your back. He's really a great friend doing his best to lift up your spirits by saying you are over-reacting, she isn't doing anything wrong, but it is your fault she is doing something wrong.
I recommend for just about everyone that they read a book called "In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People". It is a quick read and identifies all of the tactics manipulative people use by name. They really aren't very smart people - they just have no conscience about hurting others. It's kind of a sport to them. They learn these tactics at very young ages - children try to manipulate us and we have to teach them to have a conscience. But these people don't develop a conscience and instead keep getting more and more practice at manipulating. They learn a small number of tactics can be applied to innumerable situations. When you see a person using these tactics - you know everything you need to know about them. Avoid them. Because this is all they know. People are objects they use for their own ends.
In long distance relationships, manipulative people find good cover because it is harder to keep an eye on them and a lot about their past can be concealed from you. They have an easier time molding a persona that you want to see instead of revealing who they really are. It is something to be aware of on both sides: the immigrant and the sponsor. But wow, if you do some reading it is amazing how easy it is to spot these people because they all use the same tactics. Just like the fellow above. He's child's play. I have seen the best of them, and this one is just garden variety, no challenge at all.

That's easy! They do exactly what your wife is doing.
It is called an "emotional affair" when they aren't screwing anyone yet, but there isn't much difference as far as the damage to the relationship. The fact you are suffering and she doesn't care is enough to start exacting some consequences here.
They call it the "180" in relationship jargon where you stop moaning, whining, and arguing with them and instead get your mind right that they have already left the relationship and you now ready yourself for a life without her. Here is the list, and when you review them you will see what the gist is:
http://www.network54.com/Forum/90639/thread/1264072246/last-1278790080/180+-+Handy+Reminder
Instead of begging them, arguing that their behavior is wrong, following them around, asking everyone else to help you, etc. - you busy yourself as you would had you already decided to get divorced. Most especially, stop losing your temper and even caring about what she is up to. Because manipulative people control you best when you are not in control of your emotions. What she is doing is unacceptable regardless of whether she is having sex with someone else. The most damaging things to relationships is the manipulative lying, the guilt-tripping, shaming, playing the servant role (I am concealing my bad behavior for your own good), feigning anger and indignation, gaslighting (making you out to be crazy for questioning their actions) - every cheater uses the same playbook and it is extreme emotional abuse.

Right. That is generally consistent with people who have checked out of the relationship and are manipulating the other person to their own ends instead of being a loving spouse. Having you in a weakened state is very important to them. This is why it is so important to detach yourself from their manipulative tactics and focus on protecting yourself.
You are sleeping with the enemy, and this is not something having to do with Filipino culture. If a spouse loves you, and something they are doing upsets you like this then they are beside themselves to rush to your aide and fix what is wrong instead of kicking you, scratching your eyes out, and stomping all over your heart.
It is important to understand that the 180 is not a bunch of manipulative tricks to make your spouse love you again. This is literally about healing yourself, making you stronger, and preparing for the inevitable. Wayward spouses notice big time it is happening, but what they do is try to put their affairs deeper underground, use false flattery and etc. to get you back under their control where they can have their cake and eat it too. It is only under the case of complete and unconditional surrender - proof beyond any doubt that she accepts her behavior was wrong, complete cut-off of communications with her affair partners, 100% transparency in cell phone, computer, and social relations etc. that you even consider a future with her.

A few things to note about manipulative people here: when they see someone else suffering from a manipulator, they like to join in on the fun and blame the victim by saying you are over-reacting. That's exactly what the wife is doing to the OP, and this person enjoys using the same tactic too.
While he is at it, he is minimizing the behavior of the cheater: Saying it's "not that great" instead of "It's wrong". See, it really is good behavior, just not great behavior.
The best of all though is attacking you for "snooping". See, if you catch someone screwing your best friend, but you hid in the closet to catch them, then you are just as much to blame. This is one of the most important tactics in the tool kit of manipulative people: blame-shifting. Sure, I was robbing the bank - but you had a hidden camera so it's your fault. lol.
While we are busy blaming the victim, let's also say she is cheating because he is older. Yeah, that's a great excuse, and boy it's a "large part" of her cheating too. No way we can have even a teensy-weensy bit of blame on her for having bad character. Everyone knows that a good wife is out there chasing other men and destroying his home, his career, and his life. If she is a lot younger, then you deserved it.
Now, a manipulative person also conceals his attack with a smile and a wish for "good luck" while he is busy twisting the knife in your back. He's really a great friend doing his best to lift up your spirits by saying you are over-reacting, she isn't doing anything wrong, but it is your fault she is doing something wrong.
I recommend for just about everyone that they read a book called "In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People". It is a quick read and identifies all of the tactics manipulative people use by name. They really aren't very smart people - they just have no conscience about hurting others. It's kind of a sport to them. They learn these tactics at very young ages - children try to manipulate us and we have to teach them to have a conscience. But these people don't develop a conscience and instead keep getting more and more practice at manipulating. They learn a small number of tactics can be applied to innumerable situations. When you see a person using these tactics - you know everything you need to know about them. Avoid them. Because this is all they know. People are objects they use for their own ends.
In long distance relationships, manipulative people find good cover because it is harder to keep an eye on them and a lot about their past can be concealed from you. They have an easier time molding a persona that you want to see instead of revealing who they really are. It is something to be aware of on both sides: the immigrant and the sponsor. But wow, if you do some reading it is amazing how easy it is to spot these people because they all use the same tactics. Just like the fellow above. He's child's play. I have seen the best of them, and this one is just garden variety, no challenge at all.

A few things to note about manipulative people here: when they see someone else suffering from a manipulator, they like to join in on the fun and blame the victim by saying you are over-reacting. That's exactly what the wife is doing to the OP, and this person enjoys using the same tactic too.
While he is at it, he is minimizing the behavior of the cheater: Saying it's "not that great" instead of "It's wrong". See, it really is good behavior, just not great behavior.
The best of all though is attacking you for "snooping". See, if you catch someone screwing your best friend, but you hid in the closet to catch them, then you are just as much to blame. This is one of the most important tactics in the tool kit of manipulative people: blame-shifting. Sure, I was robbing the bank - but you had a hidden camera so it's your fault. lol.
While we are busy blaming the victim, let's also say she is cheating because he is older. Yeah, that's a great excuse, and boy it's a "large part" of her cheating too. No way we can have even a teensy-weensy bit of blame on her for having bad character. Everyone knows that a good wife is out there chasing other men and destroying his home, his career, and his life. If she is a lot younger, then you deserved it.
Now, a manipulative person also conceals his attack with a smile and a wish for "good luck" while he is busy twisting the knife in your back. He's really a great friend doing his best to lift up your spirits by saying you are over-reacting, she isn't doing anything wrong, but it is your fault she is doing something wrong.
I recommend for just about everyone that they read a book called "In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People". It is a quick read and identifies all of the tactics manipulative people use by name. They really aren't very smart people - they just have no conscience about hurting others. It's kind of a sport to them. They learn these tactics at very young ages - children try to manipulate us and we have to teach them to have a conscience. But these people don't develop a conscience and instead keep getting more and more practice at manipulating. They learn a small number of tactics can be applied to innumerable situations. When you see a person using these tactics - you know everything you need to know about them. Avoid them. Because this is all they know. People are objects they use for their own ends.
In long distance relationships, manipulative people find good cover because it is harder to keep an eye on them and a lot about their past can be concealed from you. They have an easier time molding a persona that you want to see instead of revealing who they really are. It is something to be aware of on both sides: the immigrant and the sponsor. But wow, if you do some reading it is amazing how easy it is to spot these people because they all use the same tactics. Just like the fellow above. He's child's play. I have seen the best of them, and this one is just garden variety, no challenge at all.

That's easy! They do exactly what your wife is doing.
It is called an "emotional affair" when they aren't screwing anyone yet, but there isn't much difference as far as the damage to the relationship. The fact you are suffering and she doesn't care is enough to start exacting some consequences here.
They call it the "180" in relationship jargon where you stop moaning, whining, and arguing with them and instead get your mind right that they have already left the relationship and you now ready yourself for a life without her. Here is the list, and when you review them you will see what the gist is:
http://www.network54.com/Forum/90639/thread/1264072246/last-1278790080/180+-+Handy+Reminder
Instead of begging them, arguing that their behavior is wrong, following them around, asking everyone else to help you, etc. - you busy yourself as you would had you already decided to get divorced. Most especially, stop losing your temper and even caring about what she is up to. Because manipulative people control you best when you are not in control of your emotions. What she is doing is unacceptable regardless of whether she is having sex with someone else. The most damaging things to relationships is the manipulative lying, the guilt-tripping, shaming, playing the servant role (I am concealing my bad behavior for your own good), feigning anger and indignation, gaslighting (making you out to be crazy for questioning their actions) - every cheater uses the same playbook and it is extreme emotional abuse.

Right. That is generally consistent with people who have checked out of the relationship and are manipulating the other person to their own ends instead of being a loving spouse. Having you in a weakened state is very important to them. This is why it is so important to detach yourself from their manipulative tactics and focus on protecting yourself.
You are sleeping with the enemy, and this is not something having to do with Filipino culture. If a spouse loves you, and something they are doing upsets you like this then they are beside themselves to rush to your aide and fix what is wrong instead of kicking you, scratching your eyes out, and stomping all over your heart.
It is important to understand that the 180 is not a bunch of manipulative tricks to make your spouse love you again. This is literally about healing yourself, making you stronger, and preparing for the inevitable. Wayward spouses notice big time it is happening, but what they do is try to put their affairs deeper underground, use false flattery and etc. to get you back under their control where they can have their cake and eat it too. It is only under the case of complete and unconditional surrender - proof beyond any doubt that she accepts her behavior was wrong, complete cut-off of communications with her affair partners, 100% transparency in cell phone, computer, and social relations etc. that you even consider a future with her.

That's easy! They do exactly what your wife is doing.
It is called an "emotional affair" when they aren't screwing anyone yet, but there isn't much difference as far as the damage to the relationship. The fact you are suffering and she doesn't care is enough to start exacting some consequences here.
They call it the "180" in relationship jargon where you stop moaning, whining, and arguing with them and instead get your mind right that they have already left the relationship and you now ready yourself for a life without her. Here is the list, and when you review them you will see what the gist is:
http://www.network54.com/Forum/90639/thread/1264072246/last-1278790080/180+-+Handy+Reminder
Instead of begging them, arguing that their behavior is wrong, following them around, asking everyone else to help you, etc. - you busy yourself as you would had you already decided to get divorced. Most especially, stop losing your temper and even caring about what she is up to. Because manipulative people control you best when you are not in control of your emotions. What she is doing is unacceptable regardless of whether she is having sex with someone else. The most damaging things to relationships is the manipulative lying, the guilt-tripping, shaming, playing the servant role (I am concealing my bad behavior for your own good), feigning anger and indignation, gaslighting (making you out to be crazy for questioning their actions) - every cheater uses the same playbook and it is extreme emotional abuse.

Right. That is generally consistent with people who have checked out of the relationship and are manipulating the other person to their own ends instead of being a loving spouse. Having you in a weakened state is very important to them. This is why it is so important to detach yourself from their manipulative tactics and focus on protecting yourself.
You are sleeping with the enemy, and this is not something having to do with Filipino culture. If a spouse loves you, and something they are doing upsets you like this then they are beside themselves to rush to your aide and fix what is wrong instead of kicking you, scratching your eyes out, and stomping all over your heart.
It is important to understand that the 180 is not a bunch of manipulative tricks to make your spouse love you again. This is literally about healing yourself, making you stronger, and preparing for the inevitable. Wayward spouses notice big time it is happening, but what they do is try to put their affairs deeper underground, use false flattery and etc. to get you back under their control where they can have their cake and eat it too. It is only under the case of complete and unconditional surrender - proof beyond any doubt that she accepts her behavior was wrong, complete cut-off of communications with her affair partners, 100% transparency in cell phone, computer, and social relations etc. that you even consider a future with her.