Marilyn.

You can't understand something that doesn't make any logical sense. You've have entered the Gary Zone, a place where guns and having relations with a hot RUB woman is the answer to everything.

I'm just curious what social chaos gay marriage could possibly cause. Are other countries collapsing once they legalize it?
I sometimes wonder if people are aware of their surroundings.
This is America. Where you can marry for money, marry for fame, marry on a drunk night in Vegas, compete on television to marry someone you don't even know, AND ... the legit marriages? Half of those fail.
And yet when someone mentions gay people having the right to marry, we're suddenly concerned for this country's morals and social structure and the negative impact gay marriage will surely have on the institution of marriage.

Ok, I love that carrier.
I tipped my carrier on it's side and lowered him in from the top. He wasn't a happy camper, but he got over it.
Here he is, plotting my demise.

statistics? where?

Come on Smiley! Get your story in here!

Back to post whoring!

Why bother doing it here? Kids can just use guns to stand up for themselves.

There are only a few special people who can take a story about soda and make it about guns.

No, not Old Spice.
*pukes*

I agree with the others Steve. The trip is very important to her. You've obviously made your stance on excessively "helping" her family and she gets it. Now you need to suck it up a little and go on the trip to support your wife and show her you're still by her side. You'll be stronger in the end if you do. Relationships are compromise and collaboration. On both sides.

Glad you got the answer you needed to hear. Not quit being insecure! Go start building back to the happy times between you and Tiff. For that answer, maybe she deserves some flowers or a single red rose?

I am, too. Let's just pretend like we don't do it. Usually I say something without realizing it's probably something personal, and then feel like a moron afterwards.
Steve, I would definitely take a step back and a deep breath. I know how this looks from your end of things, but if you love her like you seem to, it's worth taking some time to calm down. Many times my husband has gotten angry about something, and in the heat of the moment said hurtful things that he later regretted very much, mostly because they can't be undone and although I love him very much, I won't (can't) forget them. And, if I'm being honest, if my husband got into an argument with me a few days before my first trip home in 12 years, and asked me if I would skip it for him, I can't say that I would. Personally, I think it's a little unfair to ask that - she hasn't seen her family in TWELVE YEARS. I think it's pretty obvious who she chose. Don't take this the wrong way - I'm not trying to make you out to be the bad guy, at ALL, especially since you know I agree that giving your SIL that money would've been ridiculous - but since she has agreed to not give it away, why continue the argument? She's not going to change how she feels overnight. And, you know, maybe a trip home for her would be a learning experience, where she could see for herself just how much her siblings have changed in the time she's been gone.
All I know is, if I were in the same situation, I would feel betrayed by my husband for even considering not going home with me after so long, just like you feel betrayed by Tiff not wanting to give it up for you. It's a catch 22 situation, and somebody is going to have to be a little more understanding if it's going to work out. I hope you guys can patch things up.

Blood is thicker than water.. No matter how a loving husband you are, she still needs her own family that she could fall back on, should anything happens (backup plan)
You can't expect her to just cut off her family / kinship ties in Malaysia.
I feel that you should still accompany your wife & kid back to Malaysia. Be prepared for snide remarks being hurled at you or even your wife.
Let your wife sees the truth for herself in person that her family members are not what she thinks or used to be anymore.

You said the trip or you. Ultimatum questions rarely come out well, as the other person often thinks #######, he/she loved me, he/she would know how important this is to me.

I agree with some of the comments. However I feel he does need to speak his own language with his country men. It will help to reduce his feeling of isolation and homesickness.
When I came to America, having contact with people from my homeland would have helped me so much but that didn't happen. The lack of that increased my loneliness.
Learning English is important... Joining an English class and speaking English as much as possible is important... However speaking his language is important too. Perhaps you can have 'Spanish' days at home and 'English' days.
Good luck!
Redflame!

Steve, maybe ask tiff if there is something her sister needs? Does the house work? Is there mold or something else that makes the house uninhabitable? Ask her if you too need to renovate your own home or would doing so be a want item? Maybe ask her if she feels guilty about saying no after saying yes? Maybe its as small pride thing for her? Maybe she could help out but just not so much? Ask her what would she do without you if let's say you died? Could she pay the bills? Make sure her daughter was okay? Or would she still be sending money off when someone asks? She needs to know its okay to be a little selfish. You have to take care of yourself before anyone else. It's why on planes they say to put your own oxygen mask on first, even before your child's. Also I think if you need to talk, get in the car go for a drive and go talk. Don't argue in front of your daughter or where her sister can chime in. Above all else she also needs to know you always love her, and her generous nature. You feel like you're protecting her from people taking advantage which is what a MAN would do. You provide and protect, how each man chooses to do those things for their spouse is individual. She needs to figure out its not you vs her family in Malaysia but that you're on her side, even she doesn't know it.

Super Walmarts sell fresh fruits and veggies, whole wheat pasta, organic milk, no HFCS bread plus a lot of other healthy things...

Squeee!!! Congratulations!!!

well, I guess I can join this thread. We found out I was pregnant last weekend. It was a shock to us because we were kind of putting it on hold til after we move at the end of this month.
It isn't official because I haven't seen the doctor yet but I figured 3 pregnancy tests wouldn't lie to me..

Congrats Marilyn!
No luck on my end... still trying!

Oh how wonderful Marilyn I wish you a Happy & healthy 9 months

well, I guess I can join this thread. We found out I was pregnant last weekend. It was a shock to us because we were kind of putting it on hold til after we move at the end of this month.
It isn't official because I haven't seen the doctor yet but I figured 3 pregnancy tests wouldn't lie to me..

There are a few possibilities, really.
1) He realizes how offensive and ridiculous he is, but doesn't care.
2) He genuinely does not understand how offensive and ridiculous he is.
3) He's trolling.

Danno, are you even on a visa journey? Have you not come to the realization that you are on a site full of multi-cultural and multi-racial people? I can't even wrap my head around this. Do you even realize how completely and utterly ludicrous your statements are?

I actually don't believe that is true at all. There are many dance forms that have originated in Europe and among white people outside Europe, which white people are quite good at.