Reputation from Nearly there

Nearly there reacted to Lotts in Everything is terrible and I am desperate for help November 4, 2019

This is a very good question.
Okay, so, from day one, everyone I spoke to (his friends, some of his family, I would get messages from his ex's on social media) said I need to "watch him". Some called him a liar, abusive, some said "a thief", a cheater, and a drug addict. I heard multiple other stories. When I asked him, he would tell me that this was all untrue, crazy ex's, "people just jealous of [him] I am and want to tarnish [him]". He would have other "friends" to back up claims and his stories. Since being here, I find out the "friends" are no longer friends and they told me that they made things up so he could do what he was doing. I've been cheated on SO many times! And I was brainwashed by the pretty, 'love' filled messages from him and other people so I backed him up to others who were sending me warnings of his behaviour.

He would tell people here that I was 'hard work', 'maniplulative', 'high-maintenance'... They would always act really surprised when they met me and would say, "you're actually really lovely!" Not say why until the friendships broke down and they told me everything.

I would take him gifts. Well thought out, things of his interests, not exactly cheap things.
"Oh. Thanks." in the dullest tone you've ever heard. But that's because he has trouble expressing and channelling emotions, apparently. Says he has some kind of autism.
(He doesn't. Confirmed by parents later down the line.)

I came to visit once. I asked to go explore. See DC and/or Baltimore. He refused. Didn't want to take me out. Wanted me all to himself. When we did go out, I paid for most things. Mainly dinners and entry fees to places. He would just buy snacks.

I paid for everything to be here in the USA. Absolutely everything. I would be up from 530am and not get home from work until 1045pm to earn £ to put away. I asked for him to help. He would outright refuse and give me a tonne of excuses. One being, "I'm saving for a home when you get here." and all the sweetness of how our home would be.
There were no savings. Nothing.
He had no job and refused to get one as "unemployment gave more money". He only got a job because I found one for him and everyone he asked to be my sponsor refused.

He's lived in a basement since 2015. No efforts to get out of it and get his life straight.
I'm in his aunt's basement. I left my house, a management job of nearly 6 years... I'm thinking he has a home lined up with all the savings. Nope. Basement.

He's also never had a job for longer than 2 years. A lot he was "let go" for. Won't give me a straight answer for. Apparently, Maryland law allows an employer to fire staff for no real reason. I've never really looked into that. 🤔

Whilst being in a long distance relationship, I would often send him money. Lots of stories about how he wasn't making the hours at work and couldn't afford insulin, food etc.. I would send money because I love this man. Diabetes is a serious illness and I know it gets him bad. That money was spent on flying another girl to him from another state. Or it would go on drink, molly etc.. (the ex friends verified this)
I ask for help, I never got it. He sent me £10 once so I could eat and made a huge deal about getting it back. That's his cling on when ever the help argument comes up.

He came to visit me twice. Our 4 year, long distance relationship, he only came to me twice within the first year and a half. There was always an excuse after that. I would visit him twice a year! I paid for it all.i had no help getting tickets to see him. He bought new cars etc instead.

If I confronted him about his behaviour, how he addressed me or treated me, he would just terminate the relationship. Knowing how emotionally invested I was into the relative, he knew he had control over me and that I would do anything to keep it going. "If you don't do this, I am going to..." Lots of putting me down so he could have his own way. I was always in the wrong. He would argue black is blue and I would doubt myself and just do anything to keep the relationship going. "If you do this, I'll consider getting back with you..." Kind of stuff.
I find out that he was sleeping with others when he would have arguments with me/break up etc.. Has his friends as an alibi to say he was with them etc.. would "start from scratch" when he wanted.
He got very desperate and would go through my friends when I said no to getting back together. He wormed his way back into my head through my friends. My friends have no time for him and don't want to know about him as they saw everything that was going on, saw my heart break so many times, and just gave up. I don't talk to them about him. It just makes everything easier.

He would (and still is) always on his phone. Very quick to change screens, didn't have notifications pop up so anyone could see he got a text or anything. That phone is glued to his hand. "I'm buying you a present" or excuses like that. Would quickly close screens if I was in eye shot etc.. I recently find out he's got tonnes of nudes from ex's and younger girls on Facebook, some disturbing cartoons, messages from other girls trying to hook up days within me landing with my K1, texts to try and purchase drugs. I've seen everything. He denies it and tells me I'm in the wrong for "not letting the past be the past".

I was in the wrong for a lot of things. I was blamed for a lot of things. I still am. Gets very angry when I stick up for myself. Because he cannot hide behind a screen anymore, the insults start, or the dangerous driving if we're in the car, he will deny me food and etc..

No one ever really jumps up to help him. "Oh, they all have stuff going on"... Okay, but family also. No one ever calls him up to go out...
This bloke has zero friends. Just some that call him up when they need their cars fixed.

Stories never added up. If he was blaming me for something he could and still cannot give me examples of what I've done wrong or things that are supposed to have happened.
"You know my memory is terrible. Stop using it against me!" "You're gaslighting me" etc..

Everything he's ever done, I've not once heard a sorry. Like, ever.

I'm reading this. I'm crying and I'm SO angry at myself for getting myself into this situation. There was SO much there to warn me off.
Cheating on me within 2 weeks of seeing him for the first time (I didn't know this at the time) then he comes to see me 3 months after.
I had messages from these girls (and they are practically girls!) telling me what happened.
He told me that they were just crazies linked to his ex.

I'm so mad at myself for being manipulated, believing the lies, coming all this way to be spoken to and treated the way I am. The year before I came here, things seemed to be okay. Well, from what I read on a screen. What was actually happening, I didn't really know about.

I don't want to file for WAVA or what ever it is. I want to go home. I want to be with my friends and loved ones. I don't want to be here on my own where he can mess me up some more somehow. I don't want to be illegal here or a burden to the system. I want to be in my home country, have access to healthcare again, see my friends when I want to, be able to work, have my own home again. Get my life back.
I came here for him. I entered this marriage in good faith. I don't need to be here permanently.

I need that memory eraser from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I need a time machine to tell me to make a cake or do something else that isn't sit on a laptop at that particular moment so I could avoid all this.

I'm so sad. I just want to go home and hug my friends, my nephews, my sister... Just pull myself back together again.

Nearly there reacted to Lotts in June 2017 I-129F Filers, Part IV May 21, 2019

Hello. I just got a notification in my email.
I'm still here. I'm just about to go to bed so I'll fill you guys in on what's happened and what's going on
Thank you for thinking of me. That's really lovely and brought some well needed smiles. 💜

Nearly there reacted to KBA in June 2017 I-129F Filers, Part IV May 16, 2019

Finally NOA2!! 🎉 I know most of you have moved on but thought I’d share the good news!

Nearly there reacted to LydiaP in June 2017 I-129F Filers, Part IV July 13, 2018

Our status changed to ISSUED today! Now trying to find a reasonable ticket to purchase the moment Alex has that visa in his hands.

Nearly there reacted to Martin3517 in June 2017 I-129F Filers, Part IV July 13, 2018

Visa approved on Jun2 29th!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nearly there reacted to Jessica829 in June 2017 I-129F Filers, Part IV July 13, 2018

I realize that most Junies are posting wedding pics, but Bulent had his POE at LAX today. Finally. 😊

Nearly there reacted to MaSi in June 2017 I-129F Filers, Part IV July 13, 2018

Want to share our photo too! We are incredibly happy❤️

Nearly there reacted to Thelucybelle in June 2017 I-129F Filers, Part IV July 13, 2018

So much JOY!!!!! Look at you two!!!! This post makes me ridiculously happy!