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Lotts last won the day on December 18 2017

Lotts had the most liked content!

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About Lotts

  • Rank
    Gold Member
  • Birthday September 15
  • Member # 277034

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  • Immigration Status
    K-1 Visa
  • Place benefits filed at
    California Service Center
  • Local Office
    Baltimore MD
  • Country
    United Kingdom

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  1. "What do you want now?" Can you explain why you're being rude? I've asked questions out of desperation, clouded views, and not knowing what is going on. I've also asked questions to see what options are available to me. Several people have mentioned different things to me. VAWA is something I clearly don't know much about and obviously want more information about. Maybe this could be helpful to someone that is in a similar situation and could use this thread as a point of reference. Someone that cannot post questions in fear of being caught or has just has terribly low confidence and doesn't want to feel ridiculed by someone for asking a question. Is that a problem for you, Boiler?
  2. See, I'm really annoyed here. Some abusers are pretty smart and they don't leave a paper trail. Everything that happens to me is verbal. He never messages me anymore, his phone is on lockdown, and if there are any messages or anything, he deletes them. I have 45mins of 'sleep talk' audio of him blaming me for him having to purchase these drugs illegally and other crappy things he's said. He's smart and won't put anything in writing as he knows that will get shown to someone and bite him in the derriere. This thread has left me more confused than when I started. ☹️
  3. Okay, I have a lot of investigation work to do. Think about options etc.. Thanks everyone.
  4. Well, I came to rant after everything I uncovered. In the middle of red hot anger looking for some clearance. So, with my situation then, how the hell am I supposed to show what's going on? I have people I live with that have seen what's going on. I have friends and their kids here I want to come back and see. People have said about filing for VAWA so I can have the bar waved. I don't want that monster shutting down any more of my life and preventing me from my full freedom. Oooh, just got an email to say my new passport will be with me by Friday. Woot.
  5. Hello. Okay, so, a few updates. I've had to install a sleep talk app to I could record all the things that have been going on; the abuse, stuff behind my back etc.. So, I found out that he has been continuing to contact and arrange to meet some girl he was (trying to be) secretly in and out of bed with since I've been here, even though he swore blind he wasn't. After all the being so skint and living on hot pockets and cheap noodles... Spent the money his mum gave us for my AoS TWICE, tells everyone that he can't get my green card etc., because bills, food etc., I found out today that since march 19th, he's spend around $1500 illegally obtaining Adderall, "powder" and crystal meth. All behind my back, sneaking out at weekends, staying behind after work, making me walk around a Walmart in an area I wasnt comfortable with whilst he "fixed his steering wheel"... But picked up drugs. Taking them, selling them to his cousins etc. I have everything on audio. I took photos of the texts between him and this woman selling him her prescription and asking for money in general. The deals are going on in his place of work!!! A Christian mechanic auto shop!!!! Yet, I cannot get some conditioner. πŸ˜’ Some decent food or nutritional drinks. All I got from the confrontation was a shrug, "sure", "what ever you think", "what ever you say". My new passport is currently being mailed back to me. I've told him I want out, I want this divorce badly and I'm going to speak to his mother because she needs to know. She things I'm the bad person. So, as usual, I've been threatened with the repercussions, I'll be on the street, ICE, etc and I should not say anything... Gave me the whole I'm a bad wife, if I was a wife he wouldn't have to do these things etc.. all that BS. Classic him turn around move. I'm absolutely fuming. He's done NOTHING but lie to me and mugged everyone else off. I cannot wait to get my passport. I'm out of here. I've married a pathological liar, a cheater, a dealer, a deadbeat, an abusive a-hole. I am SO mad at myself. So, so mad. I just need to sort out Ed, I've basically packed all my stuff apart from clothes I've been wearing... I need to go home back to a place of love, support, positivity, and kindness. Not this prison cell of a basement with this controlling sociopath. So, a couple of questions, where does all of this stand with VAWA/WAVA(?) What would you do with all of this evidence? The audio, photos of texts etc.. Does anyone know where I can find a money tree so I can get out of here πŸ˜† Thank you for letting me rant. I appreciate you all.
  6. Aaahhh, hello. πŸ’œ Things are quietly in motion. I have applied for a renewed passport. Tracked and signed for delivery. Turns out it was quicker and cheaper to do that in the long run rather than wait for the embassy. Once I have that in my hands, I can get started on sorting out my belongings and Ed, my cat. I have a place to go sorted as well as someone willing to come out to get me, fly back with me from PHL or JFK, and take some of my luggage as theirs to save with extra luggage costs. All that is cheaper than getting a one way ticket from my local airport! 😐
  7. Hello. Quick update. The silence is due to having to be discreet about things so I don't get any further aggravation from him. I managed to get some help to renew my passport. Works out cheaper in the long run. The first step is under way. More planning can happen once I have my passport back as I need photo id to book my cat's travel and my belongings being shipped back.
  8. He was quick enough to get me to sign tax forms so he could get a larger chunk back. That money was supposed to go on the AoS. That money was spent by him on I don't know what. πŸ™„πŸ˜’ But I'm in the wrong and all the names under the sun when I ask why etc.. Didn't want to sort out the damn AoS quickly though. πŸ˜’ Honestly, I just want to go home now. I don't want to file the VAWA thing. I don't have the money nor do I have the supporting evidence. I might see if someone in this household will vouch for me, but I'm unsure as they are his family. I don't have any financial support, I don't have much of a support system or any places to go here or in the UK. It is cheaper to get a passport than it is to get an emergency travel document! I'm not really entitled to help from the embassy as I am in no danger, no police reports have been made, I have a sponsor, and the passport renewal would be quicker and easier. I don't have a reason to stay. I came here for him and that went pear... No... Gourd shaped! I don't want to be a burden to the system, for it to be awkward with the family here, or to get progressively more sick. I want to go home and just do everything from there. Get myself set up again, maybe file the VAWA so I can have the 10 year travel ban lifted with the evidence of mental health therapy (I honestly think I'm going to need it!) and leaving the country due to the poor treatment.
  9. This is a very good question. Okay, so, from day one, everyone I spoke to (his friends, some of his family, I would get messages from his ex's on social media) said I need to "watch him". Some called him a liar, abusive, some said "a thief", a cheater, and a drug addict. I heard multiple other stories. When I asked him, he would tell me that this was all untrue, crazy ex's, "people just jealous of [him] I am and want to tarnish [him]". He would have other "friends" to back up claims and his stories. Since being here, I find out the "friends" are no longer friends and they told me that they made things up so he could do what he was doing. I've been cheated on SO many times! And I was brainwashed by the pretty, 'love' filled messages from him and other people so I backed him up to others who were sending me warnings of his behaviour. He would tell people here that I was 'hard work', 'maniplulative', 'high-maintenance'... They would always act really surprised when they met me and would say, "you're actually really lovely!" Not say why until the friendships broke down and they told me everything. I would take him gifts. Well thought out, things of his interests, not exactly cheap things. "Oh. Thanks." in the dullest tone you've ever heard. But that's because he has trouble expressing and channelling emotions, apparently. Says he has some kind of autism. (He doesn't. Confirmed by parents later down the line.) I came to visit once. I asked to go explore. See DC and/or Baltimore. He refused. Didn't want to take me out. Wanted me all to himself. When we did go out, I paid for most things. Mainly dinners and entry fees to places. He would just buy snacks. I paid for everything to be here in the USA. Absolutely everything. I would be up from 530am and not get home from work until 1045pm to earn Β£ to put away. I asked for him to help. He would outright refuse and give me a tonne of excuses. One being, "I'm saving for a home when you get here." and all the sweetness of how our home would be. There were no savings. Nothing. He had no job and refused to get one as "unemployment gave more money". He only got a job because I found one for him and everyone he asked to be my sponsor refused. He's lived in a basement since 2015. No efforts to get out of it and get his life straight. I'm in his aunt's basement. I left my house, a management job of nearly 6 years... I'm thinking he has a home lined up with all the savings. Nope. Basement. He's also never had a job for longer than 2 years. A lot he was "let go" for. Won't give me a straight answer for. Apparently, Maryland law allows an employer to fire staff for no real reason. I've never really looked into that. πŸ€” Whilst being in a long distance relationship, I would often send him money. Lots of stories about how he wasn't making the hours at work and couldn't afford insulin, food etc.. I would send money because I love this man. Diabetes is a serious illness and I know it gets him bad. That money was spent on flying another girl to him from another state. Or it would go on drink, molly etc.. (the ex friends verified this) I ask for help, I never got it. He sent me Β£10 once so I could eat and made a huge deal about getting it back. That's his cling on when ever the help argument comes up. He came to visit me twice. Our 4 year, long distance relationship, he only came to me twice within the first year and a half. There was always an excuse after that. I would visit him twice a year! I paid for it all.i had no help getting tickets to see him. He bought new cars etc instead. If I confronted him about his behaviour, how he addressed me or treated me, he would just terminate the relationship. Knowing how emotionally invested I was into the relative, he knew he had control over me and that I would do anything to keep it going. "If you don't do this, I am going to..." Lots of putting me down so he could have his own way. I was always in the wrong. He would argue black is blue and I would doubt myself and just do anything to keep the relationship going. "If you do this, I'll consider getting back with you..." Kind of stuff. I find out that he was sleeping with others when he would have arguments with me/break up etc.. Has his friends as an alibi to say he was with them etc.. would "start from scratch" when he wanted. He got very desperate and would go through my friends when I said no to getting back together. He wormed his way back into my head through my friends. My friends have no time for him and don't want to know about him as they saw everything that was going on, saw my heart break so many times, and just gave up. I don't talk to them about him. It just makes everything easier. He would (and still is) always on his phone. Very quick to change screens, didn't have notifications pop up so anyone could see he got a text or anything. That phone is glued to his hand. "I'm buying you a present" or excuses like that. Would quickly close screens if I was in eye shot etc.. I recently find out he's got tonnes of nudes from ex's and younger girls on Facebook, some disturbing cartoons, messages from other girls trying to hook up days within me landing with my K1, texts to try and purchase drugs. I've seen everything. He denies it and tells me I'm in the wrong for "not letting the past be the past". I was in the wrong for a lot of things. I was blamed for a lot of things. I still am. Gets very angry when I stick up for myself. Because he cannot hide behind a screen anymore, the insults start, or the dangerous driving if we're in the car, he will deny me food and etc.. No one ever really jumps up to help him. "Oh, they all have stuff going on"... Okay, but family also. No one ever calls him up to go out... This bloke has zero friends. Just some that call him up when they need their cars fixed. Stories never added up. If he was blaming me for something he could and still cannot give me examples of what I've done wrong or things that are supposed to have happened. "You know my memory is terrible. Stop using it against me!" "You're gaslighting me" etc.. Everything he's ever done, I've not once heard a sorry. Like, ever. I'm reading this. I'm crying and I'm SO angry at myself for getting myself into this situation. There was SO much there to warn me off. Cheating on me within 2 weeks of seeing him for the first time (I didn't know this at the time) then he comes to see me 3 months after. I had messages from these girls (and they are practically girls!) telling me what happened. He told me that they were just crazies linked to his ex. I'm so mad at myself for being manipulated, believing the lies, coming all this way to be spoken to and treated the way I am. The year before I came here, things seemed to be okay. Well, from what I read on a screen. What was actually happening, I didn't really know about. I don't want to file for WAVA or what ever it is. I want to go home. I want to be with my friends and loved ones. I don't want to be here on my own where he can mess me up some more somehow. I don't want to be illegal here or a burden to the system. I want to be in my home country, have access to healthcare again, see my friends when I want to, be able to work, have my own home again. Get my life back. I came here for him. I entered this marriage in good faith. I don't need to be here permanently. I need that memory eraser from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I need a time machine to tell me to make a cake or do something else that isn't sit on a laptop at that particular moment so I could avoid all this. I'm so sad. I just want to go home and hug my friends, my nephews, my sister... Just pull myself back together again.
  10. I cannot stop thinking about the freedom. And this is why I'm here. To see what help is out there, what my options are, and how to get rid of the shambles that is/was our marriage. I cannot thank you enough for the links and advice so far. I've set an alarm to call the embassy once he has gone to work.
  11. No, and it is very simple to read. I get that. But I have no idea of how to do things or where to start with my zero funds and such. Being in the middle of it all, I honestly have no idea where to start or how to go about anything without drama and having to rely on him for anything. I can guarantee he will not do or contribute anything to "get rid of" me. I want to leave, I want a divorce, and I just want my life back.
  12. I understand what you're saying... I literally don't leave the house. I would LOVE to see more of this beautiful country. I barely make it out of this 20 mile radius. I'm unable to get to a store to get tampons on my own or without fuss! Everything has to go through him and is always when he feels like it. I've not got access to money and he gets angry if I get some $ through eBay, friends as a birthday gift/help with food, or those play games for gift cards asking why I don't give it to him (I buy myself essentials from Amazon). I'm unable to have a job, I cannot drive, I'm unable to go out with friends here without him giving me grief... If I want to do anything, there is an argument and all the reasons as to why my existence is useless, how everyone hates me and doesn't want me here. And that's what I mean by him taking my freedom away.
  13. Oh, definitely. I'm just struggling with the passport side of things to start. I have somewhere to live lined up. I just don't want him to completely ruin my life by taking away my freedom... Which it appears he has. 😞
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