Harmonia

I don't know why there is so much advice about sticking with the K1 and then filing the CR1 later. I would cancel the K1 since you aren't planning on staying here anyway. Get whatever you need in order to come visit but when you come visit for your wedding come early enough to make sure you can get across the border in time, don't bring more stuff than necessary and have evidence showing your ties to going back home after your visit. Return flights, lease agreement, job? etc etc
That's my opinion.
Plenty of people get married in the U.S. while visiting and then go home. Even people who aren't marrying an American do that

To play devil's advocate, the government doesn't want to support an immigrant that you promised to maintain. You signed a contract. No one forced you to sign it. I truly feel for you and all others who've been conned, but look at it from the government's side. Why should they support someone you agreed to be responsible for?

My husband and I dated for a short time before marriage but even we discussed children, financial expenses and savings, family and obligations, immigration in BOTH directions, and pretty much everything before getting married. There have been a few surprises over time but nothing we couldn't work out.
I totally agree with you.

You said you lived in Thailand for six years, was this with your now wife? Did you support her and her family during the relationship in Thailand, and with that I don't just mean cash in hand, support can also be buying a new couch, paying for medication or helping around the house?!
I have quite a few friends and colleagues from Asia, mainly Thailand, India, Pakistan and the Philippines, and culturally, families there are suppose to help and support each other. It's a much stronger cultural "demand" than what we're used to in most Western countries. And if your wife doesn't work right now, obviously, that expectation of support falls on the husband.
No offence OP but stories like yours are quite common, Western men marrying foreign women without understanding their culture and cultural expectations, then there's this clash and all of the sudden, the woman's accused of just being in it for the green card. I have a former Danish colleague who moved to the US years ago, everything was peachy until she got there and she wanted to continue her career and the American husband was expecting her to be a stay-at-home mum once they had kids. Their relationship ended six months later and all his family and friends went on and on about how she had only been after a green card, of course he wasn't at fault at all .
Honestly, I don't understand how things like these don't come up during the relationship and before the marriage. Like fundamental discussions about what you both want for the future, how you want to live, what are the expectations, how do you both look on finances, what does the foreign spouse want to do once he/she has moved to the US, where do you both want to live... Aren't these normal topics that come up in a relationship?!

I am always surprised at people who are willing to jump on a foreign spouse for fraud when a US spouse comes here to complain. We hear one snippet of a conversation (heated argument most likely) obviously angled to garner sympathy and wham, the other person must have alternative motives from the get go. Sigh...

What's amazing to me is that people get married before even "knowing" their partners. Things like family support should have been discussed long before any thoughts of marriage.

Having a USC child wouldn't stop a deportation. Anchor baby myth. It'd just push her down the list a little.Are you saying you basically committed fraud?

I'm sorry, but this implies that her deceit should be forgiven because she comes from a poor country. This is wrong. This sort of thing certainly happens far too often in Vietnam, but it's the exception rather than the rule. Most women in Vietnam would not engage in fraud on this level in order to snare a visa to a first world country, just as most women wouldn't prostitute themselves regardless of how poor they were. Broadly speaking, they are decent and moral people, though there are bad apples, to be sure.
It's true that Vietnam is a poor country, but it's not the sort of miserable poverty you see on Child Fund commercials. Many houses may consist of little more than a concrete bunker with a tin roof, a wooden box for a family altar, and a woven bamboo mat for a bed. But it's rare to find people starving. Most people, even the most poor, wear relatively decent clean clothing. Nearly everyone has a cell phone. Most homes have at least one gas powered scooter. Families take responsibility for each other, and there is a strong sense of charity. Many people are poor, but most are relatively happy in spite of it. When someone is desperate to escape Vietnam it's usually because they have aspirations of achieving wealth, and not because they're strangling under the weight of poverty.
Can we judge her behavior in spite of the fact that we haven't experienced life in her country? Yes, absolutely. Her own people would judge her harshly.

I think she could make an excellent attempt at VAWA - married two years and not allowed to adjust? I am sorry, but that IS abuse, unless it is something they both agreed on for some reason (like save money, and apply for the 10 years green card). And on top of that, trying to deport a mother and separate her from her very young child - such actions make the husband come across as a controlling jerk.

Is annulment even an option? Unless the marriage was on its face invalid, say because of bigamy, or incapacity, I don't see how annulment applies here. Even in cases where the marriage was claimed invalid because of fraud, if the couple had a substantial relationship, that is to say lived as man and wife for a period of years, annulment would probably not be granted.

Family court don't care about legal status unless a person is in custody. Immigration is not within it's jurisdiction.

Looks like he is on the East Coast, NY basics, I am sure reality is more complicated. He may be in another State with different rules.
He can hardly say he married her because she was pregnant with his child as that was a historical issue.
So he would be saying he wanted an annulment because she got pregnant before they married and said it was his and was not and somehow this induced him to get married?
And where is the evidence?
Annulment gets thrown around a lot on here, from what I gather it is in the real world a relatively rare event.

She's done something horrible to you. And if you don't apply for her green card then she will be here illegally and may be deported.
She's not shown the best judgement so far but apart from that has she been a good mother to the child you have together? How strong is the bond between them? Are you going to allow her to maintain a relationship with her child if you have custody? How will your child feel now and in the future if she is unable to see her mother?
Some things I hope you are thinking about for the sake of your child.

You've been married for 3 years. She will get a 10 year green card, not a 2 year conditional one.
Most states don't even have a process for annulment unless the marriage was illegal when it happened (example, you were married to someone else, or you were siblings or a minor). Its not a "thing", it doesn't happen for regret, especially after a 3 year marriage and a child in common. Otherwise every divorce would be an annulment.
I've had close family members suffer depression and they acted the same way. Sitting around all the time, in the dark, not working, not studying, not doing anything except blaming me for not making them food after I worked all day. It sucked. But its the mental illness.
It seems like the mental illness is complicating your marriage. I don't blame you if you divorce, but as you've pointed out, you have a child in common. She isn't going to flee out of the country. It sounds like she can hardly get off the couch, and she can't bring your son out of the country without your permission. Anything she says is an empty, uniformed threat.
If I were you, I'd finish the immigration case and keep trying to get her help. Maybe try a different counselor or different meds. It can be really hard to get the medications correct. Many have side effects like lethargy, or mess with your appetite. You're her husband, and I hope she put you down as someone her doctor can speak with. Call the doctor who medicated her and describe your concerns. I suspect different medication could make a drastic difference.
I also think YOU need to get counseling to help deal with this situation. You said she didn't tell you she was bipolar. Maybe she didn't know, or if she did, its VERY common for bipolar individuals to go off meds because they feel better. The medication levels them out, they think they're cured, and they go off meds only to relapse. Counseling would help you understand you aren't the only one who's been there and figure out strategies for you to cope.
Frankly, I don't see, at all, how your marriage was "just for a green card", and I suggest you let that go to focus on the difficult situation at hand (having a spouse and mother of your child with severe mental illness that's preventing her from participating in life). It sounds like you both had unprotected sex, leading to a child, and you both were responsible and tried to give your child a 2 parent household. Now things aren't working out, as true of any marriage. Plenty of US citizens have been in your situation, too. Just keep that in mind. Marriage is hard enough work, and immigration adds another level of stress and complexity that few understand unless they've been there-but that doesn't mean it was "all for a green card" or fraud, when things don't work out.

You've been married for 3 years. She will get a 10 year green card, not a 2 year conditional one.
Most states don't even have a process for annulment unless the marriage was illegal when it happened (example, you were married to someone else, or you were siblings or a minor). Its not a "thing", it doesn't happen for regret, especially after a 3 year marriage and a child in common. Otherwise every divorce would be an annulment.
I've had close family members suffer depression and they acted the same way. Sitting around all the time, in the dark, not working, not studying, not doing anything except blaming me for not making them food after I worked all day. It sucked. But its the mental illness.
It seems like the mental illness is complicating your marriage. I don't blame you if you divorce, but as you've pointed out, you have a child in common. She isn't going to flee out of the country. It sounds like she can hardly get off the couch, and she can't bring your son out of the country without your permission. Anything she says is an empty, uniformed threat.
If I were you, I'd finish the immigration case and keep trying to get her help. Maybe try a different counselor or different meds. It can be really hard to get the medications correct. Many have side effects like lethargy, or mess with your appetite. You're her husband, and I hope she put you down as someone her doctor can speak with. Call the doctor who medicated her and describe your concerns. I suspect different medication could make a drastic difference.
I also think YOU need to get counseling to help deal with this situation. You said she didn't tell you she was bipolar. Maybe she didn't know, or if she did, its VERY common for bipolar individuals to go off meds because they feel better. The medication levels them out, they think they're cured, and they go off meds only to relapse. Counseling would help you understand you aren't the only one who's been there and figure out strategies for you to cope.
Frankly, I don't see, at all, how your marriage was "just for a green card", and I suggest you let that go to focus on the difficult situation at hand (having a spouse and mother of your child with severe mental illness that's preventing her from participating in life). It sounds like you both had unprotected sex, leading to a child, and you both were responsible and tried to give your child a 2 parent household. Now things aren't working out, as true of any marriage. Plenty of US citizens have been in your situation, too. Just keep that in mind. Marriage is hard enough work, and immigration adds another level of stress and complexity that few understand unless they've been there-but that doesn't mean it was "all for a green card" or fraud, when things don't work out.

This times an million. This woman left behind everything she's ever known. She likely needs medication and it proper therapy individually and as a couple. The only truly weak mind is a closed one.

I also agree that if you have never been clinically depressed or bi-polar you really can't understand what's she going through. Combine that with homesickness that everyone feels once they immigrate away from friends and family, and you have someone who needs professional help, love, understanding, and time.

They won't acknowledge it because they don't ask you to send ongoing evidence. You have to update your address, but you don't need to send additional evidence unless they RFE you. Imagine what a backlog it would cause if everyone send updated information each month.

There's so many uneducated and unemployed people, good that he is motivated to work and study. Just divorce and keep things civil for your child. Its his child too. A working father who's studying is a good role model for any child, even if your marriage didn't work out.

Plenty of red flags, but also legal. Think of 2 US Citizens getting drunk and married in Vegas. Is the marriage "real" based on a relationship of mutual trust, goals, and time invested in the relationship? No. Is it "fraud"? No, not really, because its legally a marriage. Consenting adults can do whatever they want. No authorities will investigate what 2 consenting adults decide to do.
Is it a good idea? Of course not.
You sound like a good friend. She's lucky to have you! I hope you can encourage her to have her eyes wide open and perhaps read some online forums. You could say you want her to learn about the culture to better understand her soon-to-be husband, and if you slip in some forums with warnings about quickie marriages...all the better.

Plenty of red flags, but also legal. Think of 2 US Citizens getting drunk and married in Vegas. Is the marriage "real" based on a relationship of mutual trust, goals, and time invested in the relationship? No. Is it "fraud"? No, not really, because its legally a marriage. Consenting adults can do whatever they want. No authorities will investigate what 2 consenting adults decide to do.
Is it a good idea? Of course not.
You sound like a good friend. She's lucky to have you! I hope you can encourage her to have her eyes wide open and perhaps read some online forums. You could say you want her to learn about the culture to better understand her soon-to-be husband, and if you slip in some forums with warnings about quickie marriages...all the better.

The "I want him to get deported" people scare me. Imagine if you had to move to another country and learn a new language. The immigrant left everything behind, quit their job, probably sold their house or left their apartment, chose their spouse over their family ties in their home country. Now to just want them gone, where do they have to go? Maybe they don't have a home to return to.
Its especially scary if you have a child together! How can you claim you were fooled and its all a scam? You obviously cared enough about the person at some point to have a child with them. And wanting to separate a child from their parent for no good reason, when there's no abuse etc, its disturbing. Can you imagine telling your child when they're older "oh I had mommy or daddy deported"! Maybe the kid would worry they're next.

That wouldn't even make sense as you don't need to have a valid visa to stay legally in the US. Anyway, no "security" at airports has any clue about immigration law, though they could call over CBP, in which case they would see that there is no problem.

You realize millions of tourists have to take domestic flights in the USA and use their passport, right? Non issue.

The "I want him to get deported" people scare me. Imagine if you had to move to another country and learn a new language. The immigrant left everything behind, quit their job, probably sold their house or left their apartment, chose their spouse over their family ties in their home country. Now to just want them gone, where do they have to go? Maybe they don't have a home to return to.
Its especially scary if you have a child together! How can you claim you were fooled and its all a scam? You obviously cared enough about the person at some point to have a child with them. And wanting to separate a child from their parent for no good reason, when there's no abuse etc, its disturbing. Can you imagine telling your child when they're older "oh I had mommy or daddy deported"! Maybe the kid would worry they're next.