Shane and Lovely

Ok I have gone back and forth trying to decide if I should get involved in this conversation. I have decided it's to harmful for me not to. I spent 16 years in a loveless, neglected, practically ignored relationship trying to *SAVE* my spouse and give her a better life. We were both USC and both grew up in the same town. You have a many fold problem. One, you didn't make the decision to marry, your parents did. You asked him to take you as his wife on your parents urging. He obviously didn't want a marriage as he has completely neglected and ignored you.. *THIS IS MENTAL ABUSE* You are guilt tripped at every corner by your parents and by him. You stated that he quit his job because of too little pay. *so his pride wouldn't allow him to work for less yet he it does allow him to depend on you?* Marriage is a partnership based on love trust and respect. You have none of these. You also are doubting your own worth and are depressed by how he is treating you... *not what he's doing but what he is not doing* Neglect is an abuse. You are worried about having children. You say he loves children. Trust me this would make it worse. You would see him give all the time and love to the children he would never give you and you would be even more lost than you are now. *personal experience*
You want the cheapest solution, cut the ties now so it won't cost you more * your sanity and your finances**
Ok in other posts you have asked maybe you should just let him come and divorce him here, because you don't want to hurt his future. I can't help believe that this is fraud. If you bring him here with the sole purpose of giving him a better life before you divorce him then you are committing fraud with the VISA he receives in which you state that you have a true relationship. If you are looking for the perfect time to do this .... Trust me there is no perfect time, you just have to have the courage and do it. You will never be happy, he will not change, and in the end this will cost you so much more than the money you spent. Forget the airline tickets. Look at it as an investment in your happy future. Move on and let go the anchor that is pulling you down. Listen to your own heart for once. Do as others have said, call the appropriate people and cancel the VISA and file for divorce and move on with your life. Don't look at the this as you time in the past is wasted on him, look at it as you don't want to waste the rest of your live, your future. Give yourself a chance to be happy, you are worth it.
In all I wish you the best and I will pray for your strength and happiness.

Maybe I'm just being naive, but I really don't see this problem with Love. She's incredibly smart and attentive. Also, I am super meticulous and detailed in my explanations and am extremely patient in anything I am trying to explain to her. Driving in the US is more about following rules than anything else. If you hold to the rules all is fine. Obey the law, obey distances, obey precautions and know action and reaction (AKA Defensive Driving Protocol). She has tons of common sense and in many ways I believe she is an over all better and more intelligent person than I am. I have been driving since I was 13 and my only problems were in my hot headed teenage years. She's a grown woman, I know she's got this in the bag.

My fiancee's appt was at 6:30am and she got there at 6:30am ...( she's always running behind ) anyway, she was home by 11:30am

Ok I have gone back and forth trying to decide if I should get involved in this conversation. I have decided it's to harmful for me not to. I spent 16 years in a loveless, neglected, practically ignored relationship trying to *SAVE* my spouse and give her a better life. We were both USC and both grew up in the same town. You have a many fold problem. One, you didn't make the decision to marry, your parents did. You asked him to take you as his wife on your parents urging. He obviously didn't want a marriage as he has completely neglected and ignored you.. *THIS IS MENTAL ABUSE* You are guilt tripped at every corner by your parents and by him. You stated that he quit his job because of too little pay. *so his pride wouldn't allow him to work for less yet he it does allow him to depend on you?* Marriage is a partnership based on love trust and respect. You have none of these. You also are doubting your own worth and are depressed by how he is treating you... *not what he's doing but what he is not doing* Neglect is an abuse. You are worried about having children. You say he loves children. Trust me this would make it worse. You would see him give all the time and love to the children he would never give you and you would be even more lost than you are now. *personal experience*
You want the cheapest solution, cut the ties now so it won't cost you more * your sanity and your finances**
Ok in other posts you have asked maybe you should just let him come and divorce him here, because you don't want to hurt his future. I can't help believe that this is fraud. If you bring him here with the sole purpose of giving him a better life before you divorce him then you are committing fraud with the VISA he receives in which you state that you have a true relationship. If you are looking for the perfect time to do this .... Trust me there is no perfect time, you just have to have the courage and do it. You will never be happy, he will not change, and in the end this will cost you so much more than the money you spent. Forget the airline tickets. Look at it as an investment in your happy future. Move on and let go the anchor that is pulling you down. Listen to your own heart for once. Do as others have said, call the appropriate people and cancel the VISA and file for divorce and move on with your life. Don't look at the this as you time in the past is wasted on him, look at it as you don't want to waste the rest of your live, your future. Give yourself a chance to be happy, you are worth it.
In all I wish you the best and I will pray for your strength and happiness.

What are people congratulating the OP for? For having someone uproot their entire life for them, meanwhile having doubts that they even WANTED to be with the person?
People who don't take this process seriously boggle my mind. This isn't a process so you can have someone come to the US and try them out for a little while. If you aren't 100% sure you want to marry this person, don't file the petition. And definitely don't wait until the beneficiary has moved EVERYTHING to say "hm, maybe this isn't a good idea."
I by no means condone the guy for the "sexting" nonsense, but let's be real, nobody here deserves a congratulations.
So you expected/wanted HIM to be honorable and 'think this through' ... but you admit you had doubts for MONTHS and let him move anyway. Where's your responsibility in this? Or do you get a free pass because he turned out to be a 'dog'? Honorable. Please.

I can't believe what kind of replies are being posted in this thread. Congratulations? Really?
I'm sorry OP, but what you did was morally very wrong and you should feel guilty irrespective of the final outcome.
And NO. The fiance visa is NOT there for yanking someone out of their lives just to play with their hearts for 90 days and then go about "deciding" whether you want to go through with it or not. Genuine fiance visa candidates likely migrate to the US by completely burning their boats once ashore. They leave their jobs, their loved ones behind. Likely sell all of their property and even their homes when moving to the US. They do that in hopes of creating a new life with their significant others and not because they want to be told it just "doesn't feel right" three days later.
This isn't a child's game that you up and quit. Any reservations and doubts you have about your significant other, clear them out BEFORE starting the application process. Those 90 days are there so the couple has ample time to obtain a marriage license and easily complete the legal procedures required in order to obtain a marriage certificate. They are NOT there to play 20 questions and deciding whether or not you want to "go through with this."
The decision to "go through with it" was made the moment you filed that petition!

This, so very much.
If you go through all these hoops and procedures, could you at least have the decency to be sure about it before you start it, or at least before you finish it off? Cases like this make life harder for all the rest of us who are trying to get to where we can actually have the person we love with us.

You didn't know he was sexting with anyone until you confronted him about your own feelings. I am sure you knew you were having feelings of doubt long before he got here. And people wonder why the system is broken?

This is not what the fiance visa is about, you are required to get married within 90 days if the beneficiary's entrance into the US. Not 90 days to get to know each other, that is why letters of intent by both parties are sent with the application. I don't agree with others who are"happy" for this couple that they found out they weren't made for each other before it was too late. This process is very long and tedious. We are made to jump through hoops to get our SO to this country, as well should be the case. BUT one of the reasons it is so difficult for the rest of us is because of cases like this. My husband and I love each other and we will do whatever it takes to get him here. And if others would stop playing the system perhaps it wouldn't be so difficult for those of us who are truly committed to each other.

This is exactly why people are supposed to really know each other and be truly committed to each other. I see the failure as a two direction failure. There are some who will do anything to get to America including trying to think they're in love, while there are many Americans that seem to fall in love with the idea of being in love. No one on either side should enter into this process unless they really know the other person and are truly committed. People are not shoes you try on for a while, particularly when you have them giving up their lives in their home country to be with you. Also Americans are not a meal ticket and free pass to a better life. In both cases they are human beings, not tools to get something you want. These type of situations are exactly why they make it hard to get through this process. I just don't understand why people go into it so lightly. I guess I should be glad he was a dog, and she can dump him guilty free. But now we have another dog running around in America, who probably didn't deserve to get here. Another dark stain on the process, and another reason while some will try to make it even harder on the people with real intentions of making a working marriage. To those that seem to think the 90 days is a trial period, what did that letter mean you both wrote and signed saying you intended to marry? Do you often sign things you don't believe are true?

We will see. We did everything on our own. Let see how it goes after her driven test. It is scheduled for late May. I will post her result. We opt not not hire an instructor because we believe it is not such a complicated task for a couple to complete successfully .

You need to pay the Visa fee before scheduling the Interview date.

I would confront him about the girl, definitely, and see how it goes. You might be more easily able to decide once you talk about it.

Hello everyone! i hope you are all well,here is my story of my interview yesterday at the
US embassy,manila...May 7th booked hotel in ermita,so i can be there early,i woke up at 2am
get ready,just before i left at the hotel i check my documents and make sure i have everything i need,i Prayed for guidance and called my honey.
Exactly 3:15am i arrived at the US embassy,
there was people already waiting at the foot bridge,i thought i will be the first one lol...
they got there 2am wow!!!so i sit and waited,there's a vendors selling food and telling you
if you have gadgets you can leave it with them for a fee of 150pesos.then around 4 something
the vendors told us to fall inline,i been standing for 2 hours
Girls,if your wearing heels better bring flip flops but only if somebody with you so,
you can leave it when you go inside embassy.then about 6 something the guard told us to fall
inline there first priority are senior citizen and family with kids.then,the staff wearing
blue shirt will asked you of your Appointment confirmation(1st page)2 copy of DS156,DS157
1 copy DS156k,Passport they will give you a plastic to put you passport.they will asked
you what ST lukes gave you.then we go in security check our belongings
and again,any gadgets is not allowed even USB,food and water is not allowed,
But they are selling food inside,then we got in and again fall inline for that window will
give you your priority number,once you are inside the Building the first thing is you will
drop your papers at window 39,(this are the papers were the staff wearing blue shirt outside
arranged it for you before you get in).once you drop your papers watch the queuing board
Numbers changed randomly,base on my experienced i was interviewed first by filipino consul
at window 49,he asked for my Birth certificate,cenomar,NBI,Passport,as he is encoding some data he asked me question who is my petitioner,when and where did we met,how many times he
visited me,then,he asked my fiance's I134,W2,ITR,then again he ask if we have
chat's,email so i show him my huge paper of YM Chats,Emails,Skype Chat logs he said wow!
ok ok i believed you...lol he didn't bother to check it but it's really better to have more
than enough,then he asked our pictures together then asked me when are we going to marry
i told him June 16,and that my fiance's parents book the venue for us.he write down everything particularly my answer.he told me that everything is good that i can take a sit
and wait,i told him i haven't done my finger scan yet so he said,oh ok ok...then again my
number flash on the queuing board for window 40 finger scan,the american lady in that
window is nice and friendly.Girls,always greet the consul and wear your best smile
i was done in 7a.m for pre-interview,finger scan so i sit and waited for my final interview with the US consul. i keep on praying...actually,the US consul window open at 8a.m. but my
number never called til like 9 something so i was setting for 2hrs, waiting...
then the moment came,my number flash on the board window 64,she's like chinese she is
really nice,she asked my name,my fiance's name,when and where did we met,how many times
he visited me,if we are married before,she saw my previous work on DS156k in kuwait if i
commit any crime,i said no.and asked me when did he proposed to me,
and when are we planning to get married,she interview me in less
than 5 minutes,that was really fast.and the last thing i heard from her was your paper looks
good and that i'm approving your Visa,Congratulations!!! i was in tears when i heard that
it's a tears of joy!...God did answer my prayers...i say Thank you to her many times...
so again i sit and waited at the last window 71,the filipino who is in that window ask my name and check my papers then told me where i want my visa to be delivered
i told him for pick up in SM center...and he give me back my appoinment confirmation
with a stamp BIO F/P DONE and dated it.so i walk out US embassy with a big smile on my face Thank GOD!!! thank you guys for all the support and prayers!!!
sorry guys if this really long i just want to detailed my experienced in my interview and
share it with you all...like what i said in my previous post "Prayers bring Miracles"...
keep on praying and believed that you deserve this,apply that law of attraction what
you are attracting to your life is definitely will be yours...stay positive...
and always seek God's guidance...Thank you all! Good luck to us...and God Bless us always!

My way of thinking too. I didn't have any issue with my wife. As a matter of fact, it is kind of fun teaching her how to drive. The way she asks me questions about rules and things like that. So far she is doing great. We already scheduled her driven test
It is a away to get to know each other in another level. Since both need to be in the same peaceful and relax state of mind.
I really don't why some people make a big deal out of it. I just don't get it.

Agree to this 100%!!! Hahaha. Same reasonings, I heard from my husband, esp when I have to be a breadwinner and he has to be a student. I didn't feel bad for him as social morm, man is supposedly a breadwinner.

Does it make him less than a man of what you think you are because he married someone better than his self? I don't think she needs to tolerate his shortfall because I am pretty sure that she accepted him for who he is because she loves him.
You got a lot of machismo there. LoL.

I am astounded that people here are actually encouraging her to do things illegally. "Desperate times call for desperate measures????" I know she needs to eat. That is what charities are in place for. Talk to your local church, I am sure they can give you some support. Contact the embassy, that is what they are there for. Under no circumstance do anything that is illegal or you will risk being sent out and never allowed to return. Don't waste your future on a circumstance. Help is out there seek it.
Also you never answered why he was arrested. People in this country don't just get thrown in jail without a chance to get out, unless it is something very very serious. You have other great LEGAL advice here. Follow it. There are many people who will be willing to help, if your actually taking the high road. If you start doing shady things it will only lead to much deeper hole and a lot more trouble.

The point here is that you can't advise someone to do something illegal, no matter what reasons you give behind it. Your post will be deleted, rightfully so, so you're wasting your time defending such ridiculousness.

I am astounded that people here are actually encouraging her to do things illegally. "Desperate times call for desperate measures????" I know she needs to eat. That is what charities are in place for. Talk to your local church, I am sure they can give you some support. Contact the embassy, that is what they are there for. Under no circumstance do anything that is illegal or you will risk being sent out and never allowed to return. Don't waste your future on a circumstance. Help is out there seek it.
Also you never answered why he was arrested. People in this country don't just get thrown in jail without a chance to get out, unless it is something very very serious. You have other great LEGAL advice here. Follow it. There are many people who will be willing to help, if your actually taking the high road. If you start doing shady things it will only lead to much deeper hole and a lot more trouble.

Besides contacting your embassy for help, see if there is a Catholic Charities in your area. http://www.catholiccharitiesusa.org/page.aspx?pid=292
They may be able to help with your needing food and other basics at the moment, and possibly could help you with filling out your AOS forms. It could not hurt to try.

Darnell will be along with the proper procedures to follow but just to let you know, I think she is scamming you and just used you as a ticket to the US. Don't marry her and she will be out of status when her I-94 expires (usually 90 days after arrival). There only way she can adjust status from a K-1 visa is marriage to you. Do not marry her if she has treated you in this manner already, she has made it plain she has no interest in being with you.
Once she realizes she cannot legally stay in the US any other way she may come crawling to you with excuses for her behavior and promises that she has no intention of keeping just to marry you. Then either she will leave when she has her green card (she doesn't need you after that) or if you marry and don't file her adjustment of status she may try to file a VAWA (violence against women act) petition by claiming you abused her.

I actually just figure it out from reading previous post. So for me its better to attend the seminar before the actual interview.
Thats a big help for us.. Thank you!! :-) If shes able to do it in the seminar, Im sure she can do it better in the interview at the Embassy too.. Good luck for her.. God bless :-)

Having friends from all around the world I would say NO!! the US is not universally loved or desired as a place to be. My fiancee never even wished to visit here till she met me, and many of my friends started with very negative views. They believe our country to be snobbish and the people here have a very self inflated view of ourselves. I do tend to see their point when I view it from their standpoint. My fiancee is a Dr. of Dentistry, but it's not good enough for the US, instead she must return to school here for two years before she can even test to practice. In the meantime the level that she can practice is even par with someone who has practically no schooling whatsoever. It's not a favorable situation, but the main thing is love will make you do things that aren't always the best choice for you. Is the US a great country with a lot of freedom and choices other countries do not have? .. YES .... Is is the best and all people want to come here? ... a resounding NO. I do love the fact that we are charitable and help others, but as a whole I feel the US people have a you owe me respect, and a impatient attitude just because they are born here. Just my two cents

As I visited my wife's homeland, I witnessed first hand "Ugly Americans." I saw US citizens living in or visiting a foreign country, yet they complained constantly about how bad everything was there, nothing was as good as it was in the US. I made sure that I never acted like that; I just learned to accept differences. I appreciated the things that are better in the US, and I took note of things that are better elsewhere.
While it is a person's right to come to the US, and this site, and complain about how awful everything is in this country; it is still just as ugly.