I'm American, married to a Colombian since 2012. We live in the US. We have a very happy marriage. And I am REALLY stressing out right now.
On June 10 my wife's mom, sister and brother all came to visit, which is a lot for our tiny little house, and a lot for me to deal with. For a couple weeks, okay that would be great, but they are staying two months, which is just absurd to me. In the past they have never stayed more than 10 days or so. I do like them and want my wife to be happy, but this is VERY difficult for me.
In latin culture it can be normal to have several people packed in a small living area, but for me...the complete lack of privacy and peace and quiet is very hard to deal with. Not to mention how much extra money we are spending. (Plus i'm the only one who drives.) So more or less all of our routines and our life in general is completely upside down right now. Everything from planning meals to going to the grocery store is a major project.
So last night a bomb drops, my wife tells me that her mom and sister keep asking if we can "help them move" here...i guess at some point in the next couple years. In the past 10 years there's never been ANY talk of them wanting to leave Colombia. Ever.
This would involve them "living with us for a while." Until the sister has a job and apartment.
The mom is 60, has zero money, and hasn't worked in years. I've never understood this, but apparently older people in Colombia just don't work. The sister currently has a really good job, and lives with and pays for the mother. Her work medical insurance even covers her mother.
I briefly tried to explain how much different, and more expensive things will be for her in the USA. Like how in the USA a 60 year old woman cannot be on her daughter's work insurance. And my wife and i are by no means wealthy and basically live paycheck to paycheck.
Also the sister doesn't drive and her English is pretty bad.
For some context, No matter what we do with them...like planning vacations for example, they never think things through, or make good plans. It's always just a blind leap and hoping they figure it out along the way.
I feel like i could write for hours about all this, but in general it just seems like a terrible idea to me, and i'm terrified about all this. I feel like they have no comprehension of how long it could take for the sister to find a good job and get on her feet, as well as how much more expensive it will be for her to pay for everything for her mother. My wife has this idea that they would only need to stay with us for a couple months. I feel like it could take a year or longer. Who really knows.
I don't even know what i'm thinking. And it's hard to talk about it with my wife. I have to choose every word carefully because obviously this is her mom and sister and she loves them. But i don't think she grasps how this would radically change our life, and i don't think the sister and mom are even remotely thinking about all the details and ramifications.
And for what it's worth, in Colombia they live in a very nice apartment in a beautiful city. It's not like they're in some terrible situation that they need to escape. If that were true i would think differently about all this. But they have a good life down there.
Another important piece in all of this is that the sister has been struggling emotionally for a while. She's been making terrible decisions, she's dated 3 guys who have all had wives or girlfriends, then she gets devastated when they break it off. It's a long story but even my wife admits that everything with her is messy. I feel like telling her she needs to see a therapist and get some things worked out before making any drastic life altering decisions.
I know this is a huge stressful rant, i'm not even sure if i'm looking for advice or what...but has anyone been in a situation like this??? Does this seem like i'm a selfish ####### for having these thoughts? What do i do here? Part of me just wants to ignore it and hope they get back to Colombia and change their minds. I'm just imagining how all these scenarios could play out and it's driving me crazy.