Negativity and Cynicism Rant

[DerekJ 0]

Why is it that people who are not at all privy to the intimate details of your international relationship nonetheless feel qualified to pass judgment on the motivations of your overseas sweetie??!! For example: due to a variety of reasons, my lady and I have been unable to put together time where we can get together. As a result, we are significantly over a year since we last saw each other. I happened to mention in passing to a friend that she has fallen on some hard times financially due to a recent layoff at work and that I would likely have to help her out with a plane ticket to come see me. Today I learn that this friend (who is a bit jaded anyway) is chatting with others on how my sweetie is now asking me for money implying that the "scam" is now beginning. First off, she never asked me for money and secondly, she has ponied up thousands of dollars of her own over the course of our relationship. This is not to mention the myriad other things she has done for me and vice versa. Yet, all I get is negativity. I can't help but think that because she is an Asian woman (Japan), they are especially skeptical of her motives. ARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!

DerekJ

Edited December 4, 2007 by DerekJ

[Amby 490]

That's insane! Your friend is not being very friendly at all. My grandfather liked Neil so much the first time he met him that he thought it was a scam and he wanted to just come to America...INSANITY Neil is from England. I'm afraid some people just don't understand.

[*JG* 2]

Again, my feeling is that people will never really understand until they are in the situation. You'll drive yourself crazy if you think they ever will.

[Nanusia & Lukaszek 0]

It's cause they hear of only scam international relationships on the news and the drama associated with them when they get caught. So when you mention that your sweetie is from a different country the skepticism radar comes on, and when money is mentioned, the radar starts going off in their heads.

I say just ignore ignorant people

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I'd tell that friend to stop gossiping about your personal life.

[trueimage 0]

I'm so sorry that has happened. I'm sure all of us at one point or another have experienced this to some degree. It's a shame that people can't see love where it exists. Everyone wants to assume that our SOs are after the ultimate greencard prize. Are we such awful people that our SOs can't truly just love us? It has been my observation though that most of these people are not in happy relationships themselves and I think that they just refuse to admit that some people really do love each other and are happy. Good luck to you and your fiance. I wish you much happiness and I hope that she will be able to come and visit you. Merry Christmas.

[DerekJ 0]

Thanks for the good thoughts, everyone. My initial reaction was to react but I'm just going to let it slide. I have more important things to do that to deal with minutiae like this.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Thanks for the good thoughts, everyone. My initial reaction was to react but I'm just going to let it slide. I have more important things to do that to deal with minutiae like this.

I agree with that attitude. You can't stop people from thinking the way they think, but you can tell your friends not to talk about your private life behind your back.

[trueimage 0]

Thanks for the good thoughts, everyone. My initial reaction was to react but I'm just going to let it slide. I have more important things to do that to deal with minutiae like this.

Good for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Some people are just unhappy in their own skin. Be blessed that you're above that!!!!!!!!!!!

[JenAlex 0]

That's insane! Your friend is not being very friendly at all. My grandfather liked Neil so much the first time he met him that he thought it was a scam and he wanted to just come to America...INSANITY Neil is from England. I'm afraid some people just don't understand.

My family thought that the first time I told them about Kevin. He has a great job in Scotland and loves it there. We decided that the US just works better for us right now but eventually we want to move back to the UK.

In the beginning I was a bit upset because people would judge our long distance relationship. However, once I realized that 1) it was none of their business and 2) i talk to my hubby more often then they talk to their spouses who live in the same house, that I didn't need to be upset by anyone. It's MY life and I love this man. It's HIS life and he loves me. That's how it is.

Edited December 4, 2007 by JenAlex

[~krakatoa~ 27]

My husband experienced the same thing from his co-workers while we were still engaged. My husband used to eat lunch with them and that's how they came to know about us. They started to become nosy, cautioned him of bad consequences. They even asked him if he was giving me financial help.

As much as I didn't want these false presumptions about me, I couldn't do anything at the time. I was miles away. Though I did understand that their "image" of Asian women is not completely baseless. There are lots of the bad crop out there, perhaps they have met women from these "popular" countries with bad intentions. I can't blame them for that.

The day I arrived in the States, the company my husband works for threw us a sort of welcoming con wedding party. His boss fetched me from the house as a surprise. I later learned that my husband's co-workers were the ones very eager to meet me and perhaps they were hoping I'd confirm their false expectations of me. Well, I earned their respect. In fact, they were a bit disappointed when I turned out okay. And okay means I got their nod of "approval".

Now, they send me gifts through my husband, asking me to join them in company outings. They just never expected I guess that a Filipina too, can be a scientist and work as hard and earn better than my USC husband, modesty aside.

It takes time to build character but eventually these people will stop patronizing themselves.

Edited December 4, 2007 by krakatoa

[StoryAngel 4]

In the beginning I was a bit upset because people would judge our long distance relationship. However, once I realized that 1) it was none of their business and 2) i talk to my hubby more often then they talk to their spouses who live in the same house, that I didn't need to be upset by anyone. It's MY life and I love this man. It's HIS life and he loves me. That's how it is.

Completely agree!! I've gone through the same process, on both counts.

[trailmix 77]

It's cause they hear of only scam international relationships on the news and the drama associated with them when they get caught. So when you mention that your sweetie is from a different country the skepticism radar comes on, and when money is mentioned, the radar starts going off in their heads.

I say just ignore ignorant people

so true

If they only showed the long process that is immigration and lovers being reunited, in the media, he would be saying YOU need to get over to western union and send that lovely lady some money for a visit right now!!

It is ignorance and frankly people who just absorb what is in the media are scary people!

Anyway, you do have a good attitude about it but it is wearing for you no doubt, hang in there

[Alex+R 0]

1. People are a little arrogant about the U.S. A smart scammer would look for a husband in at least Europe these days.

2. People need to learn a little something about Japan. Would the friend be suspicious about a Canadian?

[AnewKINDofFEELIN 0]

I look at it like this, I love my fiancee enough to stay true to her while waiting years on end. I'm in my sexual prime and I have no problem getting "laid." I have had several long relationships.

The thing with Lindsay is, we fell in love with each other before ever being mindlessly controlled by our hormones. I began loving her as a girl that made me happy...and I love making her happy. When I finally met her in person, the physical attraction definitely wasn't lacking, so I asked her to marry me.

Seriously, your love is allowed to fluorish without the pressure and direction of trying to get laid.