used by his fiancee`

[rebeccajo 14]

When people realized they are scammed for the American dream there first response is always revenge by way of taking away their "loved ones" rights to be here. I think when someone makes the decision to make a commitment to bring someone to America they should decide if this is a person that would contribute something to America, your community, and society. If you do not think they would, why would you marry them anyways? Then if you thought she/he would, then let them stay and benefit the rest of us. AH, but all most care about is what do they get out of the deal.

Get some counseling figure out what your lacking emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, that allowed you to fall victim to this type of scam. Stop with the revenge animosity and grow from the experience.

If you have any obligations left regarding the situation, I would tell the truth, but do not waste your time trying to figure ways to get her out. Let the USCIS figure out how to fix your mistake. That is what they get paid for. Spend the time growing, changing, and healing from the situation.

Oh isn't that the truth.

How many times have I read the angry comments, especially those that refer to 'how much it cost' to bring them here.

You know, when somebody moves halfway around the world, a little bit of understanding and compassion towards their adjustment to a new life could go a long way.

I often wonder, when I read posts about a USC being 'scammed' - I sometimes wonder just how much real effort the USC put into the immigrants adjustment and adaptation to America. I sometimes wonder if the foreign born spouse didn't just feel neglected, lost and abandoned, and the marriage subsequently fell apart.

It's funny how you guys can judge when being on the outside of a situation like this and say "well it was your fault because you brought this person here", etc....

Let me tell you guys something NONE of us PLANNED for things to turn out the way they do. If we knew it would, then I'll tell you for a fact I would not have done in bringing my then fiance here to the US. NOBODY here is perfect and to say that we LACKED in something and that is the reason of a failed marriage/relationship on the basis of a few posts here sharing a problem is so PREMATURE.

REBECAJJO - Your attitude twds the victims in a situation like this is just plain nasty, wicked and humiliating. To say that all we care about is to "send your spouses back to their countries because we spent so much money" is so shallow that maybe you need to be put through a situation like this and have your feelings played with. Then we will see what you would come here and say..... Get yourself through a course of "humanity" and then you can come here and hopefully not come on here and type all that garbage just just reflects the attitude of someone that thinks that you are so much better than others that come here to share a problem......

Mystery, what was it about my post that touched a nerve with you?

The money bit? The scammer bit?

I'll tell you what I think about 'victims'. That there are TWO SIDES to the break-up of every marriage and on VJ, we usually only get one side.

If my little comment about how the foreign born spouse adapts to life in the US got you so wound up, that's not my problem.

And I can't humiliate you. You can only do that yourself.

Wanna know why your post hit a nerve??? Because you come to this section read a persons post about their failed marriage to a foreign born spouse and have the nerve to judge the persons feelings in regards to that situation!

Comments such as :"How many times have I read the angry comments, especially those that refer to 'how much it cost' to bring them here."

In my thread in which I wrote about my marital problems which resulted in my wife going to jail, you also clearly came out and made it seem as if the physical abuse that I recieved was not a reason for my anger and my desire to send her back to her country. You asked me if I knew what DEPORTATION really meant!!

You obviously are the foreign born in your relationship. And its understandable on what side you are on. But you know what???? YES I SPENT LOTS OF MONEY. And the guy on this thread also spent alot of money. BUT WE ALSO SPENT ALOT OF TIME. WE SPEN OUR EMOTIONS And our anger and frustration is TOTALLY CALLED FOR.

And for you to come here and actually CRITICIZE our anger and frustration with your critical and judmental comments is just totally uncalled for and very inhumane.

You are right there is TWO sides to every story, I give you that. And we play a big part in helping our partners cope with the transition. But you know what "it takes TWO TO TANGO". You can try all you want, but if the other person does not put out nor improve there is nothing else that can be done. RIGHT???

So who are YOU to be judging?????

Well mystery, now that you've had a few hours to calm down, maybe you'd like to go back and re-read my post. You're making some pretty strong statements and reading an awfully lot into what was a very innocuous and general post directed at no one in particular.

I'd also like you to know that I am NOT the foreign born spouse. I am an American woman who was emotionally battered by an American man for 26 years. Even at that, I didn't divorce him until after he finally decided to pick me up by the shoulders and toss me across the kitchen, and then a few weeks later throw a shovel at me.

I am a USC who has sat on this board for three years and read dozens of posts of failed relationships. Over and over again I read how someone who moved thousands of miles, doesn't speak English as a first language, worships a different God or generally comes from a culture VASTLY different than American just hasn't 'measured up'. And I read about all the time and MONEY the USC has invested in this person. I wouldn't bring up the money if it didn't consistently come up in these equations.

You can rant and rave all you want at me. You can take my post personally when it was not directed at you that way. You can decide I stand in judgment of you and others in your situation - I don't. But I'll tell you something - I've seen the same old story too many times for me to wonder just what parts of it we aren't getting. And I've read enough posts from immigrants in successful relationships, who speak of their adjustments and the challenges they bring, to wear blinders regarding the amount of courage and commitment it takes to leave behind everything you know in the name of love.

I'll bet you twice what you paid to bring your wife to this country that more often than not, a BIG part of failed international relationships is unrealistic and impatient expectations on the part of the USC. You can't plunk somebody down in this country and just expect them to adjust overnight. Sure there are scammers out there. Certainly there are hot-headed men AND women who come to this country and abuse their native born spouse. But there are also plenty of foreign-born spouses who come here, baggage in hand and heart on their sleeve, who get put out on the street.

Two sides, mystery, two sides. Whether you like it or not.

Edited December 5, 2007 by rebeccajo

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Can somebody help me out here please!!! i have a friend who petitioned his fiancee` and got married a wk after the girl arrived in the US. But he found out that the girl really didn't want to have anything to do with him. Basically, she just used him to come over to the US. What do you think he should do? He already filed a complaint with the INS about this incident. It's been 3mos when this happened and i think the girl's visa expired last fri (Nov.11th) What further action does he need to do next? I need some input PLEASE!!! Thank you....

If he is still married, he needs to get a legal annulment, which will have the result of the marriage never having been considered valid. Unlike the Philippines, legal annulments in the U.S. are easier to get.

An annulment will provide less opportunity for the gal to attempt a self-petition based on an "abusive marriage," since the marriage is not considered to have even existed.

Incorrect. An annulment provides no less opportunity for an alien to adjust status based upon an "abusive marriage". Abuse is perfect grounds for an annulment.

There is no "correct" or "incorrect" with an issue like this. USCIS will look upon an annulment differently than a divorce. I can't disagree, however with the responder's suggestion that the alien might still claim an "abusive" marriage when self-petitioning. An annulment, however, is a legal strategy to nullify the marriage, not to legally terminate it.

How so? Provide specifics; everything I've read says that as far as they're concerned, the end of the marriage is the end of the marriage.

I think it possible that USCIS would recognize the annulment as meeting the definition of "legal termination of a marriage," for purposes of meeting the requirements for self-petitioning because of "battery or abuse."

But I've seen a fair number of denial decisions written by USCIS attorneys or adjudication officers which seem to be reflecting a current policy or bias, and which might very well be entirely different a year from now.

Once again I disagree with your assessment of whether an annulment violates conference of eligibility for an alien to receive permanent residency through "marriage". You might want to familiarise yourself with the distinction between marriages that are void ab initio (or void, invalid) and those that are voidable. The simple answer is....as long as the marriage is not void, (in other words that marriage can be voidable), then the marriage may be recognised for immigration purposes.

I think I already capitulated when I responded that the annulment "might" be recognized as a "termination of marriage" for self-petitioning purposes.

I think you need to recognize that identical relationship-failure circumstances might result in an approval one day and a denial the next day.

Relative to the AO's decision? If you are suggesting that there exists discretion at the adjudicating officer level to determine that5 two identical cases should be determined with diametrically opposed oucomes, I'd reply that there shouldn't be if the AO is interpretting the law correctly. Given identical relationship-failure circumstances the approval or denial outcome should be identical.

[JenT 0]

Agree with everything Rebecca said, especially:

... a BIG part of failed international relationships is unrealistic and impatient expectations on the part of the USC. You can't plunk somebody down in this country and just expect them to adjust overnight. Sure there are scammers out there. Certainly there are hot-headed men AND women who come to this country and abuse their native born spouse. But there are also plenty of foreign-born spouses who come here, baggage in hand and heart on their sleeve, who get put out on the street....

[Mrs.J06 4]

Great post Rebecca - thank you!

[AUBGER 0]

Agree with everything Rebecca said, especially:

... a BIG part of failed international relationships is unrealistic and impatient expectations on the part of the USC. You can't plunk somebody down in this country and just expect them to adjust overnight. Sure there are scammers out there. Certainly there are hot-headed men AND women who come to this country and abuse their native born spouse. But there are also plenty of foreign-born spouses who come here, baggage in hand and heart on their sleeve, who get put out on the street....

I agree with that too!!! Greatly

[maya62 7]

That was a great post, Rebeccajo. So true.

Thank you.

Maya

[zqt3344 21]

DEPORT HER! Contact ICE asap!

Can somebody help me out here please!!! i have a friend who petitioned his fiancee` and got married a wk after the girl arrived in the US. But he found out that the girl really didn't want to have anything to do with him. Basically, she just used him to come over to the US. What do you think he should do? He already filed a complaint with the INS about this incident. It's been 3mos when this happened and i think the girl's visa expired last fri (Nov.11th) What further action does he need to do next? I need some input PLEASE!!! Thank you....

[mystery 0]

Rebeccajo,

Are these all your VJ buddies that you asked to come over here to post a reply??? Its funny how none of these people ever posted here and all of a sudden you're getting all these folks posting on how great your post is.....

And here is my reply.....I agree with you. There are two sides of every story. Not everything is a scam. And there ARE many foreign born men and women that come here to the US with the best of intentions..... I never said there wasn't two sides to every story. I never once said none of these things to be true.

You just have a mean and nasty way of just coming on here and posting on these threads where someone is going through a very difficult time with their spouse. And I can smell in your posts your skeptism towards these folks that are posting. As if they are maybe not being truthful and instead of giving out words of encouragement you are the first one to jump up and say well: "Do you know what deportationg means??? How many times have I heard the USC say how much money they've spent....." You even noticed how I had mentioned a different day in my InfoPass and commented "I thought it was Wednesday". Being totally oblivious to how I or anyone else would be feeling and how difficult it is for them to deal with the situation. I sensed it my thread and in this one. Get off your cloud.

You are a bright woman and I can tell you have alot of knowledge in things related to Immigration but be more considerate of others on here, esp in this section.....Its better to give words of encouragement and facts than to judge as you have in our threads.

Edited December 13, 2007 by mystery

[rebeccajo 14]

Rebeccajo,

Are these all your VJ buddies that you asked to come over here to post a reply??? Its funny how none of these people ever posted here and all of a sudden you're getting all these folks posting on how great your post is.....

And here is my reply.....I agree with you. There are two sides of every story. Not everything is a scam. And there ARE many foreign born men and women that come here to the US with the best of intentions..... I never said there wasn't two sides to every story. I never once said none of these things to be true.

You just have a mean and nasty way of just coming on here and posting on these threads where someone is going through a very difficult time with their spouse. And I can smell in your posts your skeptism towards these folks that are posting. As if they are maybe not being truthful and instead of giving out words of encouragement you are the first one to jump up and say well: "Do you know what deportationg means??? How many times have I heard the USC say how much money they've spent....." You even noticed how I had mentioned a different day in my InfoPass and commented "I thought it was Wednesday". Being totally oblivious to how I or anyone else would be feeling and how difficult it is for them to deal with the situation. I sensed it my thread and in this one. Get off your cloud.

You are a bright woman and I can tell you have alot of knowledge in things related to Immigration but be more considerate of others on here, esp in this section.....Its better to give words of encouragement and facts than to judge as you have in our threads.

If the words of encouragement you are looking for is empathy in summarily ending a marriage that is less than one year old, you are looking to the wrong source of comfort. If you are looking for a 'how to' essay on how to deport your spouse, neither you or anyone else will be getting that from me.

I have not judged you one bit. I don't know your story well enough to do that. In this thread particularly I only mused about the difficulties of marriage between people of different cultures. You are the one who read between the lines.

There's a line from Shakespeare that goes something like "me thinks thou dost protest too much". Why are you all bent out of shape about what I think even? I don't pay your bills.

[*JG* 2]

That was a great post, Rebeccajo. So true.

Thank you.

Maya

I think it was a great post too.

BTW....I'm not a friend of RJ's. I read whatever posts strike my fancy on that particular day.

I do want to say that I don't think it's fair to bash someone because they are not in agreement with your posts or the way you forsee something playing out. Not to say anyone is bashing here. But, I kind of see it heading that way. If you put something out in an open forum, there are bound to be some who don't agree with you. It's not bashing....it's helpful criticism that may just make you look at the whole situation differently.

[zqt3344 21]

MYSTERY:

You are right in every thing you write and feel. And you hang in there, you have all the cause for sympathy and you did that immigrant you married a huge favor allowing her to be here with you in the USA, funny thing I notice is, if you are so horrible and the USA is so bad why do those immigrants not go back on a plane or boat promptly to where they came especially if you offered to provide that, yet for some reason they all seem to want to stay and fight deportation, ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm makes me wonder. Best of luck to you, hope it works out, you do not deserve going through this, no one does. Wish someone could offer you advice on what to do and help you.

Rebeccajo,

Are these all your VJ buddies that you asked to come over here to post a reply??? Its funny how none of these people ever posted here and all of a sudden you're getting all these folks posting on how great your post is.....

And here is my reply.....I agree with you. There are two sides of every story. Not everything is a scam. And there ARE many foreign born men and women that come here to the US with the best of intentions..... I never said there wasn't two sides to every story. I never once said none of these things to be true.

You just have a mean and nasty way of just coming on here and posting on these threads where someone is going through a very difficult time with their spouse. And I can smell in your posts your skeptism towards these folks that are posting. As if they are maybe not being truthful and instead of giving out words of encouragement you are the first one to jump up and say well: "Do you know what deportationg means??? How many times have I heard the USC say how much money they've spent....." You even noticed how I had mentioned a different day in my InfoPass and commented "I thought it was Wednesday". Being totally oblivious to how I or anyone else would be feeling and how difficult it is for them to deal with the situation. I sensed it my thread and in this one. Get off your cloud.

You are a bright woman and I can tell you have alot of knowledge in things related to Immigration but be more considerate of others on here, esp in this section.....Its better to give words of encouragement and facts than to judge as you have in our threads.

[rebeccajo 14]

MYSTERY:

You are right in every thing you write and feel. And you hang in there, you have all the cause for sympathy and you did that immigrant you married a huge favor allowing her to be here with you in the USA, funny thing I notice is, if you are so horrible and the USA is so bad why do those immigrants not go back on a plane or boat promptly to where they came especially if you offered to provide that, yet for some reason they all seem to want to stay and fight deportation, ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm makes me wonder. Best of luck to you, hope it works out, you do not deserve going through this, no one does. Wish someone could offer you advice on what to do and help you.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

zqt, you just keep getting more and more hilarious with each passing day.

[Caladan 19]

mystery, have you retained a lawyer?

[Minya's wife 24]

and more, and more delirious (in the out of touch w/ reality kinda way) every day.

[AUBGER 0]

wow...it's like a little war going on in here