Tips and Techniques for Handling "The Wait"

[Together4ever 1]

We're all waiting through some stage of this lovely process and its outcome. We all know TOO WELL how harrowing it can be! I thought it might be kind of cool and helpful for us to share out tricks and techniques for avoiding insanity as the clock ticks away too slowly. Any takers?

[Jasman0717 8]

Work alot, stay drunk, $500 phone bill

[LebaneseMama 1]

Overload yourself.

Throughout this 2 year wait I work full time and go to school full time. I dont even have the time to be depressed. Same for Ali ... he works 10 hours a day. I know it sounds bad .. but it works. Also I don't go out to places where I'll know there will be alot of couples cuz then I will just get even more depressed.

BUT NOW MY BABY IS COMING !!!

[cbd2cai 0]

Work alot, stay drunk, $500 phone bill

The "inexpensive and healthy way to WAIT" . . . take long walks, lift weights, dance, clean house, read, garden, take the dog to the park for a run (if you have a dog, i have cats which are really hard to take to a park for a run) . . . write lists of things to do . . . whatever it is you want to do . . . BUT NOT about trips you want to take with SO.

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

Well like everyone else I never expected the process to take as long as it did (and mine went relatively smoothly.) Sometimes I thought I would go crazy with the wait, as spring turned to summer and then turned to fall but Mahmoud still wasn't here.

I kept myself busy with my crazy job of course, and then for the weekends I made a list of things to finish before my husband arrived -- both major tasks and little chores. It included spring-cleaning and re-organizing to make room for Mahmoud and his things, sprucing up the house with painting, repairs, replacing a couple of appliances, buying a few pieces of new furniture, a little landscaping, and major makeovers in the bedroom and baths with new fixtures, linens, blinds, curtains, etc. I must have trucked 5 loads of stuff to the Goodwill.

Also, I had a list of things for Mahmoud to do ! He can be a big procrastinator sometimes, especially when he is feeling depressed, and the long separation and wait was not helping. I made sure he bought new clothes and shoes, new suitcases, got his drivers' license and passport renewed, got English translations of all his paperwork, and I even sent him to get some items I wanted him to bring me from Palestine.

Anyway, every week, even almost every day, I would get to cross something off that list and it really helped pass the time. I completed major projects on the weekends, so each Sunday night was like a milestone. I didn't quite get every single thing I wanted done (time and money are always the obstacles !) but I came close ! And it made the last week before Mahmoud arrived much less hectic, as most of the big preps were already finished. I showed him the list after he got here... and he was impressed at what I had accomplished.

-MK

[Jenn! 918]

...techniques for avoiding insanity ...

It sounds like you're assuming the wait didn't make me insane!

Too late!

[pax 0]

I worked a lot, too--50-60 hours a week for about nine months during the wait. Not only did it keep me busy, but it helped me build up a nice little nest egg to cover AOS costs and other unexpected expenses during the period when Ewen won't be work-authorized yet.

I also made sure to keep spending time with my friends and family. That's important, too.

[morocco4ever 63]

Work alot, stay drunk, $500 phone bill

Although the wait is hard, I have such a busy life that the time flies by. My husband is a different story. He has decided to learn how to design websites, so it is helping a great deal. We still have our moments though.

[Together4ever 1]

I bury myself in my job. My evenings are spent sitting online with Mohammed. I find that setting little goals here and there and focusing on the steps needed to attain those helps me tremendously.

Every weekend I go and buy one little doodad for our new apartment which I will finally be moving into at the end of this month for sure now. WOOT! Romantic little place with a balcony overlooking the lake.

The other thing I have found to be extremely important for me is to take time out for myself to do something special just for me to unplug and unwind. Treats like a fragrant bath, cuddle up with a good movie or a good book, play with my kids until we're exhausted, go to the mall and act like a teenager... This kind of recharges my overly-drained emotional batteries. If I can accomplish this, I can handle the rest just fine. I have been nurturing a newly found addiction for Bath and Body products and my Blockbuster card. I just wish Wendy's and Taco Bell wasn't so darn close to the Blockbuster.

My next small goal... WEIGHT LOSS.

...techniques for avoiding insanity ...

It sounds like you're assuming the wait didn't make me insane!

Too late!

*Twitches and wipes the drool from the corner of her mouth* Whatever do you mean????

[Bosco 1]

I think I am in the minority here, but the process didn't stress me out much at all. I just let it go and realized it would all happen when it was meant to happen. The only time I really got annoyed was then I felt they were yanking Abderrafie around with trips back and forth to the embassy from Fes.

I talked to Lys (honeyblonde) a lot during the waiting period. I think if Lys is honest she will tell you that she questioned how attached I really was to my relationship because of the lack of emotion/anxiety I showed. Abderrafie even stayed in Morocco two months after his visa was issued -- I think we both felt we were going to have our entire lives to spend together and there was no rush. I just never felt that another month or three months or whatever was going to make a difference in the long run ( but we were processed quickly so maybe this is easy for me to say).

For me, the main thing was continuing to live my life without putting it on hold for when he would get here. I think it is easy to start focusing on "when he is here" and to stop taking pleasure in your normal life. I enjoyed my remaining time of having my daughter alone. In some ways it was sad to say goodbye to that part of my life although I think her life and mine are much richer and fuller with Abderrafie here.

Rebecca

[Cassie 8]

I worked, a LOT.

Spent lots of time with my family.

Took lots of walks at my favourite place (the beach).

Planned my wedding

Talked on the phone with J every day.

Packed up all the stuff I planned on taking with me to the US, and sold or gave away the rest.

You'd be surprised how quick the times flies when you divert yourself away from the visa process.

[jordanianprincess 0]

Hmmm..lemme see...

1. Shopping

2. going out with friends

3. Shopping

4. going to the gym

5. Shopping

6. talking to him alot...............

7. Shopping

8. Visa Journey

9. Shopping

10. taking small mini vacations with friends/family

11. Shopping

12. Spending time with his family

13. Shopping

14. working

15. Shopping

This has been a rough process for me too, and in the beginning i buried myself in work and that only made it worse because there was no light at the end of my tunnel. Once I got back to being me and doing things and not letting my life pass my by, both him and I became happier people. The same goes for him. In the beginning, we were stuck on the pc all day and night, worked alot, and slept. He encourages me to go out and I do the same for him. We communicate alot and it helps fill the void. I hate this wait alot, but you know that old saying..."when life gives you lemons, make lemonade!"

[Jenn! 918]

In all honesty, I was a mess for most of the time. We had to live apart for over a year (with a couple visits in between). About 7 months of it, I was in Italy, he was in Spain, and the rest I was here and he was in Morocco.

I was so busy during that time! I finished up my time in Italy, moved my whole life back here. Found a new apartment, new job (to be followed soon after by another new job). You would think that my hands were too full to be so unhappy.

Somehow keeping myself physically occupied did very little to keep my mind off of things.

I'm so glad that phase is over! For those of you still separated from your loved one, I feel for you. The only consolation is that some day (hopfully very soon) you will be reunited.

[Together4ever 1]

In all honesty, I was a mess for most of the time. We had to live apart for over a year (with a couple visits in between). About 7 months of it, I was in Italy, he was in Spain, and the rest I was here and he was in Morocco.

I was so busy during that time! I finished up my time in Italy, moved my whole life back here. Found a new apartment, new job (to be followed soon after by another new job). You would think that my hands were too full to be so unhappy.

Somehow keeping myself physically occupied did very little to keep my mind off of things.

I'm so glad that phase is over! For those of you still separated from your loved one, I feel for you. The only consolation is that some day (hopfully very soon) you will be reunited.

Wow. This sounds a lot like my life. Being torn from him, having to come back to the US with nothing but my suitcase, nowhere to go, no money, no job and alone. It will be one year ago next month since I've seen him. You would think with the challenges of rebuilding and establishing and preparing for him to come I too would have been way to busy to be miserable. Nope. Utter bone deep misery. I miss the man, but maybe all this other flurry to get my life in order is the glue that has kept me from falling apart, I just didn't realize it.

Just gotta keep those happy thoughts rolling, right?!

[Aymerlu 3]

Work alot, stay drunk, $500 phone bill

LOL....doing that!

Oh yeah....and I've added some Zoloft into my diet!